Tempted & Taboo
by qfd
Summary: Sidney Crosby has a little crush on Mario's new assistant. Ruuts has a thing for the new trainer. Love blooms at the rink I found this story from back in the day when Ruuts played for the Pens and decided to see if I could finish it.
1. Chapter 1

C1

"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me." Army snorts, giving me a playful shove as we walk into Mario's office to find his new assistant standing on tip toe on a footstool, watering one of the plants, her shapely legs poured into black stockings and high heels, her even more shapely ass wiggling in time to a Nickelback cd playing quietly from somewhere.

"Mario said she's dating one of the fielders for the Pirates," I sigh, leaning in the doorway and enjoying the view and not for the first time either.

"Ah poor Sidney, I bet that went over like a lead balloon," Army digs his elbow into my ribs, hard enough that I actually have to gasp for breath which makes her turn around to look, which makes her almost lose her footing on the footstool, leaving her teetering on one high heel.

"Sidney, Colby, is Mario expecting you?" I nod as Army budges his way past me into the office, trying to be the first one to play hero, except Malone's already beaten him to it, and it's his hand that shoots out to guide her off the stool and back onto terra-firma.

"I actually need to see _all _of them Mel," Mario raises his eyebrows at us all and stands aside in his office doorway, like he's the school principal and we're all about to get into trouble for something, and this early in the season, even _I'm_ having a hard time wracking my brain to figure out what we could have done already to get into enough trouble to be summoned to the office like this.

We all troop into the office like proper little soldiers, with Mel following behind us with her clip board and pen, grabbing her reading glasses as she heads past her desk, which makes me just want to groan because she's got enough going on in that tight black pencil skirt and equally tight black sweater without adding those cats' eyes glasses of hers' which just puts the outfit over the top as far as sexy secretary goes.

Each of us grabs a spot on one of the love seats in Mario's office, while she perches on the corner of his desk, winding one diminutive ankle around the other, and it's all I can do to tear my gaze away from her legs and back up to Mario, who's watching me with a certain amount of fatherly indulgence mixed with a healthy dose of impatient irritation.

"I just wanted to go over some appearance schedules," he begins, holding his hand out to Mel who, without any other prompting, pulls three sheets of paper from her clip board and places them in his hand, without so much as looking over at him. I watch her blood-red fingernails trail along the edges of the paper and my imagination doesn't have to go far to think of those fingernails running along my…. "Sid? Is pre-game Saturday going to be okay with you?" I blink myself back into reality and shift uncomfortably on the leather couch, nodding as I stare down at the appearance schedule with all its' colour coated boxes and highlighted addresses. Army gives me another sharp elbow in the ribs as Mario continues going over the different activities he has planned, but all I hear is 'blah blah blah' as I hide my red face behind the sheet of paper and I try and sink deeper into the sofa.

Finally Mario tells Mel to send copies of the schedules to our agents and dismisses us like a bunch of kids, but before I can make my escape, I feel his strong hand on my shoulder, holding me back. Hanging my head, I nod to Colby who just grins and shakes his head at me, before he follows Mel out to her desk, where he and Ryan both jockey for position near the fax machine while she faxes out the sheets they hand her with their signatures. But I don't get time to watch them volley for her attention, because Mario reaches past me and pushes his office door shut.

"I know we're not into regular schedule here yet kiddo, but don't you think it's just about time for you to get your head in the game?" he asks, sliding into his oversized leather chair and watching me over his long, steepled fingers.

"I am, I'm focused," I reply, lying through my teeth, knowing full well that's exactly what he wants to hear and that it's my only hope for getting out of her without another long lecture about how women and sex can screw with your talent if you let it.

"It's a plus, yes, that Melisande is very…attractive," he purses his lips and narrows his eyes at me and I do my best not to show anything but indifference as I face him across the expanse of his desk, "but I didn't hire her for your personal…entertainment," he adds, emphasizing his words with a raised eyebrow. "I don't want to have to remind you that work is work and…."

"During the season there's nothing but work," I sigh, nodding as I roll the schedule up in my hands. "You don't need to tell me."

"Then I don't need to tell you that she works for me and is off limits to you or any of the other players? Perhaps you can pass that along," he finishes, regarding me for a long moment with that 'do you hear me?' look on his face before he dismisses me by returning his attention to the paperwork in front of him.

I take my cue from that and turn and head for the door as quick as I can, pulling it open to find Mel bent over reaching for something in the filing cabinet. Damn, she might be off limits and I might not ever actually get the chance to pursue it, but how is a guy _not_ going to look at _that_?

"Did you need something Sidney?" she asks, without even turning around, her voice giving off only the slightest hint of amusement as she collects the folders in her arms before straightening and turning to me, cocking her head to one side as she regards me, sending a cascade of ebony curls down over her shoulder.

"Just uh…did you fax this already?" I ask, holding out the rolled up schedule towards her like I'm trying to pass a baton in the four by one hundred or something.

"Done," she replies quietly, her ruby red lips twitching as she tries not to smile patronizingly at me, and I know that she must be thinking I'm some dumb kid. Just like, when she's stepping aside to let me by, she makes sure that there's plenty of room and no chance that we're going to even rub elbows. It's been like that ever since she started working for Mario, giving me a wide birth, as if she knows that just touching me would be too much encouragement.

"Thanks," I mutter, heading for the door keeping my eyes down cast, avoiding her kohl rimmed gaze over those wire rhinestone rimmed glasses of hers'. On anyone else they'd look cheap but on her…well, I almost never picture her without them.

* * *

I watch him go, trying to remind myself not to check out the way those jeans of his hug his well muscled ass, biting my lip to stop myself from sighing out loud. It's been like this every time Sid's come to Mario's office, reminding myself that he's no more than a kid, and that he would never even look at someone as old as me, no matter how hard I try to look like a sex kitten when I come to work and no matter how many disapproving looks Mario gives me when Sid and I are in the office together.

Once he's out of sight, I can finally give myself a shake and get back to business, getting some of these appearance contracts typed up before Mario asks for them, again. I glance down at the copy of Sid's latest appearance contract for that sports store and remind myself that hundreds of young girls, teenage girls, will line up for hours just to have him smile at them. Why wouldn't he? All those young, nubile bodies, perky breasts, and energy to burn; what else would a twenty year old want?

Rolling my eyes at my own thoughts I sit down at my computer and bring up my screen saver, which is the same screen saver on every computer in the office; the Pens site, the players, beginning and ending with our very own personal savior, Sidney. Those oh so kissable lips, those unruly dark curls, those big eyes with the long eyelashes…

Down girl! I give myself a shake and bring up my contract forms, and then see my email icon flashing. With a smirk, knowing what it will be, I open the file to see that little animated baseball player hitting one out of the park.

_Hey gorgeous, dinner tonight? Pick you up at eight? X_

_I smile to myself and find myself rolling my eyes again. How can I even be looking at that kid when I've got my very own darkly handsome sports star ready to spend every red cent of his two million dollar contract on little 'ol me? Sure he's only a couple months away from thirty but then again, I'm a hell of a lot closer to thirty than I am to twenty, and besides, sure there's a few girls jealous of me, but at least half the Canadian population isn't taking a hit out on me, like they would with Sid…_

_See you at eight. M_

I close my email screen and open the Pirates website to glance at Xavier's photos, to remind myself of what I have to look forward to.

"What is it with you and those dark brooding types?" I glance behind me to see my friend and co-worker coming through the door.

"I'm a sucker for punishment?" I sigh, shrugging my shoulders.

"So that goes along well with the dating a married man thing?"

"I know," I sigh again, closing the website and going back to filling in the forms. "Believe me, I don't necessarily believe him when he says things aren't going well because she wasn't ready to move from New York."

"God, it's not like it's far," she snorts, moving closer to lean on my shoulder, giving me a little hug. "Still, he's super hot."

"Do you want me to see if he can bring Zach again for you?" I ask, leaning back into her shoulder.

"Well…I've actually got date of my own tonight, so thanks but no thanks," she giggles, stepping back around the desk to keep a wary eye on Mario's office door. I narrow my eyes at her, trying to read her dark eyes as they sparkle with mischief.

"What are you up to?" I ask, leaning my clip board so I can get a better view of the contract to transfer the information.

"Well let's just say you're not the only one who's caught the eye of an otherwise engaged sports personality."

"You're talking mumbo jumbo Trix, what's up?" I ask, glancing at his door myself now.

"Jarkko asked me to dinner tonight," she rolls her eyes towards the ceiling and flicks her long straight ebony hair over her shoulder, which is her version of looking innocent.

"What was that?" I ask, cocking my head to one side as if listening for something. "Is that the sound of your halo hitting the floor around your feet, along with your panties?"

"Maybe," she grins, "but ask me if I care?" I shake my head at her and laugh to myself.

"What a pair we are," I sigh and she giggles and claps her hands. Mario's door begins to creak open and her eyes widen in alarm. "I'll talk to you later." I nod, and watch her disappear, keeping my eyes on the contract in front of me, thinking she's got that right.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"Meow."

The sound of my cat purring next to my ear means it's time to get up. I begin to stretch lazily and then jump up in sudden excitement. It's the first day of testing and training and I'm going to be in that sweaty room with all those hot players. I laugh as I get changed into my work out gear, suddenly excited to get stretching and warming up in my living room. It's suddenly easy to get ready for the day when you have that to look forward to.

When I begin to feel limber I go for my morning jog to get my heart rate going. As I get going I feel another body start to sync with my jogging pace.

"Morning Mel." I get out between breaths as she starts to take off her i-pod buds.

"Morning Trix, you all pumped to meet the guys today?" I laugh as we take a corner and slow our pace down.

"Yeah I guess. It's not like the rookies haven't given me a hard enough time already. You'd think they would get used to a girl being in that locker room of theirs, but nope. Anyway, what about you? You hoping to see the Kid today?" I slyly look over at her and she just gives me her patented nonchalant one shoulder shrug.

"Nope. Not unless Mario has an unplanned meeting. Doubt it though. Anyways, time to split ways. I'll see you later today. Tell me how you do with all that testosterone ." I grin at her as I take another corner and head back to my place to shower. I slip into some more formal clothing since we've got an orientation to attend before the actual training process begins. Packing my gear makes me feel giddy. My first real job out of school and I'm training professional hockey players! What more could a girl ask for?

* * *

"Hey Ruuts!" I smile over at the guys I know as I slip into my work out clothes. Even though it's the first day of training I'm feeling relaxed as I look over at the trainers and then my view is full of this tiny thing bent over one of the benches setting it up. Just then Staalsy wanders into my field of vision and winks at me as he heads towards that cute little ass, hands outstretched like he's going to grab it.

"Hey there, my name's Jordan. How about big ol me giving a tiny thing like you some help with those heavy weights?" I almost see her snort before it happens as she looks up at Jordan and raises one of her eyebrows.

"Trixie, I'm one of the trainers. You might want to stretch out your muscles a bit before doing any weight lifting." She barely spares him another glance as she heads towards Malkin and corrects the way he's stretching out his legs.

"Hey Trixie I'm _all_ ready!" I laugh to myself again as I see her shake her head as Jordan bounces back towards her. Her eyes dart around the room, assessing how everyone else is handling their groups and I see that she's stuck with us. Gee...that's too bad.

"Evgeni? Jarkko? Jordan? And…. Talbot, M?" I stride over towards her as the guys assemble, all leering at her. Surprisingly she seems not to notice, or at least she does a good job of ignoring their predatory glances. I can't help but think better of her every moment that passes.

"I could probably benchpress a thing like her, eh Mad Max?" Jordan nudges Max who just laughs and shakes his head at his young teammate. Trixie looks up and I see that she has these chocolate brown eyes that seem to glitter as she tries not to laugh, even though I can see the corners of her mouth turning up.

"Really? Would you like to make small wager on that Mr. Staal?" Now it's my turn to raise an eyebrow. Surveying her body, she seems barely able to lift 50 pounds let alone her own weight. Staal looks like Christmas has come early as he's grinning like a hyena.

"Sure thing! The wager is, if I win you come out to dinner with me. If I lose… well.. what would you like… Trix?" She looks like she's cringing at that nickname, silently cursing fhim for even saying it out loud. I chuckle and for the first time she turns to look at me. My laugh ceases on my lips as I try and turn around, try to turn my attention to anything but her.

"If I win, I get the respect of the entire locker room. No more leering, no more comments, and no nicknames unless I give you my permission." Jordy shrugs, certain that he'll win and agrees to the deal. They shake hands on it and we all bare witness to yet another stupid move made by one of the boys of the team. I learned a long time ago that if something seems too good to be true, it most certainly is, and no matter how certain I feel that there's no way she can out lift Jordy, I still wouldn't take the bet because she looks just as certain that she will.

"So, what would you like? Free weights or stationary?" He looks over at both and points towards the free weights and I have to laugh. Boys, always trying to make things harder on themselves, thinking that they'll make the competition suffer with them.

* * *

"So, how much do you weigh? 100 pounds? 110?" Jordan looks me up and down again, like I'm something sweet he just wants to lick. I shudder inwardly but plaster a smile on my face and give him the same look, but without all the sexual inuendos behind it.

"Well, since we know that you're a bit on the… _scrawny_ side, how about we start out easy for you. 180 sound fine? Or should we try for 200, if you feel up to it?" I try to keep the smirk off my face as he chokes and splutters, finally looking a little hesitantly towards me."Boys load them up!" I look up at Jarkko again, and he smiles confidently back at me. At least it looks like I have one person in my cheering section. I position myself underneath a bar and see Jordan do the same. Jarkko goes over to him to spot him as Malkin positions himself behind my bar. "Ok, 5 reps at each weight category, increase by 50 pounds each time till someone can't do 5 anymore ok? Start off at 150 just to get his body ready. I wouldn't want Therrien to have my ass for injuring one of his players on the first day."

I can't help but laugh as I glance over at Jordy. He's already turning red and the guys are all starting to laught at him instead of with him. We both start off fine, after 5 reps Jarkko and Evgeni both start adding the 25 pound weights on both sides. As we move up towards 250 though, I can see out of the corner of my eye that Jordan is starting to waiver, his reps aren't as strong and he's struggling with the clean up and down. The guys are all cheering him on, trying to get him to keep it up, but his entire face is red from the exertion, when I'm done my 5th rep he's still on his third.

"Come on Staalsy! She's a _girl!_" I look over at Max as he's urging him on. Evgeni has my weights loaded around and we're onto 300 pounds, I lie back down and complete my 5 as Jordan is trying to get his last rep up onto the bar. As he nears the top Jarkko just grabs it and places it back onto the holder.

"Get up Staal, you're exhausted, I'll finish the bet." Jarkko slides onto the recently vacated bench as Max now takes his place as spotter. This is not a bet I would have made but I'm not about to back down either. It's this, or having to listen to the cat calls and sexual comments until May.

I give him time to catch up to my 300 before I signal Malkin to load mine up to 350. As I start pushing the bar up, I glance over at Jarkko, and he seems to be matching me with ease. In fact, he doesn't even seem to be working hard and I know that my body is starting to wear down. It doesn't help that I'm losing concentration, watching his huge biceps bulging and his wide chest straining against the cotton of his t-shirt. When we reach 400 I know I'm going to give in soon as my arms are screaming at me to rest them. I do my last rep and feel the tell-tale burning and I give in.

"Uncle, I give up, if I knew you guys would tag-team I wouldn't have made that bet." I'm panting on the bench as I try and stretch out the sore muscles. I look over at Jarkko who's being congratulated and he finally makes eye contact with me.

"You did win. _Trixie_. Jordan didn't hold up to his bargain. But, since I _did _beat you, I'm still going to claim the prize, so I guess you'll be having dinner with me." I look up at him warily, knowing he's engaged and feeling wrong about doing that whole idea, but then I start to think about those biceps....

"A deal is a deal." I nod toward him and he smiles and it's like we have this moment that's just us as the rest of the guys all are all talking about how much I can lift and that I probably shouldn't be messed with, which means, even if I do have to go out with an engaged man, it was worth it.

"That was impressive." I smile to myself and shrug, turning my back on him as I get up and start unloading the weights again.

"Thanks but unfortunately that doesn't mean that _everyone _will be impressed," I turn to grab my towel and find his eyes down where my ass just was and feel my cheeks heating up. "Anyways, where are the Kid, Colby and Malone? I've got some testing to do on them." I pretend to look around and make a show of spotting them when a hand reaches out to grab mine. I look down at our connected hands and look up into those unbelievably green eyes and feel myself drowning in them.

"Dinner. Tonight, 7. I'll come pick you up." I can't seem to break the eye contact, even when I feel my face flushing. Not from the exercise, but the intensive look in his eyes. I nod and meekly look away as a rowdy crowd of younger players comes pouring into the room. The next group that I'll have to impress.

"I should go. Those are the guys I've been looking for." I look up to see Jordan pointing at me and the guys l who have just come in stare at me in shock and wonder. I just shake my head and plaster a smile on. This is going to be a _very _long week. At least when I finish up testing I can slip back into some street clothes and head up to see Mel and I can hope that Mario won't be around so that I can tell her about my date with Jarkko.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

All of our dates start out the same. The big black Cadillac or Bentley with a professional driver pulling up to the curb, Xavier in the back looking amazingly debonair in an expensive pin stripe designer label suit, loaded down with champagne and roses, followed by dinner at some expensive restaurant washed down with rich red wine and hundred dollar cognac. All of our dates also end the same. Xavier snoring softly, face down in the pillows, the expanse of his lean well muscled back bare with the sheets draped over his waist, and me, standing at the window, watching the lights of the city blink out as the sun peeks over the horizon.

It's not that the sex isn't good, because it is. The satisfied ache in my bones tells me that. And it's not that I don't have feelings for him, it's just that they don't go beyond 'like' and 'satisfied'. Fortunately I'm not under any illusion that he has feelings for me either. I don't buy the whole 'unhappy marriage' thing. The fact is, he scratches the itch, and if he spoils me rotten while doing it - well that's just a bonus. That, and the fact that I have someone to go to all those 'date required events' with, like weddings, funerals, Christmas parties, well, so much the better.

The thing is, I'm not getting any younger, and yes, I can hear that clock ticking like some kind of demented time bomb inside my head, and no matter how many times I tell myself not to listen when my mother whines about how all her friends' daughters are married, and so-and-so just became a grandmother, and so-and-so's grandson just turned two. I feel it too, the yearning to hear the pad of little feet on my floor. But more than that, I want someone to wake up to, and that someone just isn't Xavier.

Not that he ever spends the night. I guess that's really the way the dates always end. I wake up, he's gone and I just don't mind that much. The problem is, before, I _wanted _to mind, very much. I thought there was something wrong with me, something missing in me that I didn't mind waking up and making my own breakfast. Lately though, I've begun to realize that the reason I don't mind is that he isn't the one that I want, he isn't the one that invades my dreams and he isn't the one that has me waking up like this, needing to clear my head.

The problem with that is the one that I can't stop thinking about, the one who sends chills down my spine whenever he looks at me, the one that makes my tongue feel like it's about ten times its' usual size when I try to speak to him, is the same one that I know is all wrong for me, for so many reasons. None of the usual reasons, like he's another bad boy in a line of successively worse boys. No he's wrong because he's far too young, far too famous and way, _way _out of my league.

Still, even knowing all of that doesn't stop me from waking up in a cold sweat, with the image of Sidney Crosby walking out of the showers in nothing but a small towel haunting me. It doesn't help that I know I could make that particular fantasy come true. The only thing stopping me from doing just that is knowing full well he and the rest of the guys on the team would have a really good laugh when the drool started leaking out of the corners of my mouth.

So instead, I stand, wrapped in my robe, gazing out at the city lights, wondering what he's doing right now, and wishing I wasn't.

* * *

Forty –three, the number of ceiling tiles in my bedroom. Twenty, the number of minutes it takes for my laptop screen to stop showing the screen saver. Sixteen, the number of t-shirts piled on top of my dresser waiting for me to put them away. Two, the number of dreams that I've woken from and wish I hadn't.

The dreams are always the same. Or at least they start the same, with me coming up behind Melisande while she's standing at the copier, wrapping my arm around her waist, sweeping her long ebony waves aside from the back of her neck, pressing my lips to the smooth tanned skin at the base of her neck, hearing her sharp intake of breath, followed by the sound of her deep throaty laugh as she leans back against me, wrapping her hand around mine, the fingers on her other hand working their way around to the back of my head, holding my lips there while she sighs and presses her generous curves against me. Then it's my turn to breathe heavy, wanting her, sure I can take her right there and then…

And then I wake up, usually, just like I have tonight, sweat soaked and feeling like I've been doing wind-sprints instead of sleeping. Sometimes it goes further, but no further than undoing her blouse, or pushing her skirt up over her hips. It's like my imagination can't take it further, or won't. Like my subconscious knows she's off limits and won't let me take my fantasies to the next step.

So instead, I lie awake counting the ceiling tiles, trying to think of excuses to visit the office, just to see her. Then I think she'd laugh if she knew that from the moment I walked into the office the day I was made captain that she's kept me awake at night or that my appetite has died, that I hear her voice in my head even on the ice, that I live to hear her laughter floating down the hall. Of course she'd laugh, everyone does.

The guys laugh at me all the time, calling it puppy love, a crush, a phase. Sure they all talk about her all the time, about her cleavage, about what they'd like to "do" to her, but I never join in, because that's not the way I feel. I hate it when they talk about her that way. It's demeaning. Screw that, it's damn rude and even though I want to do those things too, I don't just think of it, of her, that way. I may not know what it is but I know that it's more than just a school boy crush.

I know, because I used to just dream of the Stanley Cup, of holding it over my head, skating around the arena to the thundering applause of the crowd, seeing the grins of triumph on my team mates faces. Now all I can see in my dreams is hoisting the cup and looking up into the stands to see her cheering me on, her smile bright, blowing me a kiss from her cherry red lips. I wish I didn't, but I do.

* * *

"This is an unexpected pleasure," Xavier purrs, leaning his chin on my shoulder and inhaling the smells of a Full English while wrapping his arms around my waist. "I must have been a very good boy."

"Or all that activity just made me hungry," I reply, flipping the eggs over and trying to remain nonchalant as his hands deftly undo the sash on my robe.

"Then I'll tell you what. You can turn the burner off and reheat that after you've helped me work up an appetite." I feel his teeth sink into the fleshy part of my earlobe and it's all I can do not to moan out loud and give into him.

"I thought you professional athletes were _always_ hungry," I reply quietly, biting back the groan that bubbles towards the surface as his hands skim over my hips, taking my panties with them.

"I think you'll find ball players might have some different appetites than those rink rats you work with," he growls, his goatee rubbing roughly against the skin of my neck, sending a shiver down my spine.

"Oh I don't know about that," I sigh, giving up and flicking off the burners so I can lean into his chest, closing my eyes as the palms of his hands slide under the weight of my breasts bringing them up and together, squeezing my nipples between his fingertips to make me sigh.

"You're not thinking of going to the dark side are you?" he whispers, his voice husky in my ear as he guides me away from the kitchen and down the hall. I feel myself stiffen against him as he lowers me onto the bed, but I tell myself to close my eyes and relax, to not answer, to not bring up any thoughts of hockey, or hockey players. I remind myself to enjoy the feeling of his strong hands holding me down while his lips trail down from neck to circle my nipple and then, when his teeth bite down, I manage to forget everything else, for a while at least.

* * *

"Sidney! Sidney!" A group of young girls calls out to us, waving their pennants, pink penguins t-shirts and ball caps over the barriers as we head towards our vehicles. Some days I'd gladly go sign some, but today I'm not in the mood and it doesn't take more than a glance for Fleur to see it.

"Quoi de neuf?"

"Nothing," I grumble, climbing into the passenger seat and sliding down the leather, grateful that Fleur's in a hurry to get back to his girlfriend and the renos on the house.

"Ta guise," he shrugs, giving me that look that says he doesn't believe me but he'll let it go. Unfortunately for me, the snort coming from the back seat says otherwise.

"Your groin will be fine," Army sighs dramatically, "or at least it should be after that rub down eh? I'm tellin' ya, that Trixie is something!" He grins, giving my chair a shove with his foot.

"If you want to get a taste of Ruuts' knuckle sandwich," I reply, giving him an evil look in the rear view mirror which has the opposite effect I was hoping it would have.

"Oh my god, I can't _believe_ you're _still_ moping over that chick in Mario's office!" Army groans and punches the back of the seat hard enough to make me jump. "Man, we should go out to a bar or something, pick up some hot chicks, see if we can help you forget all about Ms. Chiquita Banana."

"She's only half Hispanic," I correct him, and realize right away it's a mistake.

"Listen to you. What have you been doing? Researching her family tree? Having her DNA tested for genetic defects?"

"No, he's just stalking her on face-book," Fleur glances in the rear view mirror at Army and they both start laughing.

"Sad man, sad," Army cackles and gives my seat a kick before we fall into silence. I watch the city pass by, watch the building begin to shrink as we head towards the 'burbs.

"Do you want me to invite her to the season open party?" Fleur asks, his voice quiet as he glances in the rear view mirror at Army who's singing along to something on the radio, mostly to himself, thank god.

"At your place?" I shrug, and then decide it's a bit late to pretend like I don't give a shit about her, they all know that I do. "Yeah, if you want I mean."

"Veronique can call her, maybe that would be better," he adds, and we both nod in agreement.

"Well your groin will have to get better before you can jump her. I don't think Coach will like it too much if you make it even worse by having monkey sex with Chiquita Banana."

"Will you _stop_ calling her that?" I hiss, turning around to glare at him, but as usual this just puts him into a fit of hysterics.

"Sure, I'll stop calling her that when you get over her and realize it's me she wants."

"Renoncer!" Fleur growls, pulling the SUV over to the side of the road and glaring at both of us, holding me back from climbing into the back seat to beat the grin right off of Army's face. "Mon ami, really, it's not worth fighting over, and you," I watch him level his gaze at Army, a stern look on his face usually reserved for facing down a penalty shot, "so he loves her, leave him be."

Army shrugs, and glances out the window, like nothing has happened. That's the way guys do things, and even though I know this won't be the last time Army bugs me about Mel, I forgive him. So maybe he doesn't understand, I know I sure as hell don't.


	4. Chapter 4

Just a word of warning, I was writing the character of Trixie with a friend of mine in mind and so this bit is kind of kinky but she loved it. So if a little s&m is not your cup of tea, you might want to skip this.

Chapter 4

"Ok, remember to repeat those exercises three times, and I'll come back to see your progress and I know that the rest of the guys are already skating, but you do not get your gear on until _after_ I've ok'd you." I start walking away from the fresh faced teenager trying his best to secure a spot on the roster knowing damn well the minute my back's turned he'll be ignoring what I've just said, but just as I start to exit the training room anyway I hear my name called.

"Trix! Wait, it's the Kid!" I turned to see Sidney, his head lolling forward so that his dark wet curls fall into his forehead, being helped into the room between two of the other trainers. "He pulled a groin. We're going to need someone to help massage it out and word has it, you're the best." I almost groan out loud as I turn around and face Rob who's trying to hide the grin while Joe lowers the Kid into a chair. I look down at him as he winces in pain but have to hide the grin that I can't help but feel pulling at the corners of my mouth. Mel is going to _hate_ me after this.

"Hope onto the bed and tell me exactly where it feels strained. I guess I'll have to massage the area until you can walk properly but you should see a masseuse to get a better job done. But I'll do the best I can." I promise, flexing my fingers even as I hear a few of the guys come in to check on Sid and I'm forced to bite back a growl as the guys start leering and wolf-whistling behind me.

"I'm sure you'll do a great job… Trixie."

"Army, don't even get started if you don't want me hurt him."

"Oh but if I'm really good Trixie do you think I can get a massage after Sid gets his happy ending?"

"How about if you're really good I don't punch you in the back of the head? No matter what you boys seem to think I am not some lecherous cougar that is out to prey on barely pubescent boys. And I do mean `_boys'_ Colby. Now, get out of here so I can actually _help_ your teammate." I hear a grunt of acceptance but not the sound of departing feet, so I turn to find some of the guys are looking at me as if I've grown another head. I raise my eyebrow and give them the `_do I have to hurt you_?' look and suddenly they miraculously all find places they just have to be.

"Sorry about Army, but just so you know, he is just playing. I mean, I'm sure you're all used to that kind of stuff by now. But uh…even if you are still kinda pissed, if you can please start helping anytime you deem that this teenage pubescent boy has behaved well enough to get some relief." He grins up sheepishly at me through all his dripping dark curls and long eyelashes.

I just shake my head as I start to dig into his tense muscles. I hear the moan of satisfaction as his leg starts to loosen up and just hold back the blush at the thought of Mel hearing about this. She'd go crazy, but then again she'd only go crazy in private after I'd told her. I know she's not ready to admit how she _really_ feels about him.

"So what did you do to pull it this time? You know you should slow down a bit Kid, all this wear and tear at such a young age is going to start showing on your body sooner rather than later." He nods as if he's listening, but his eyes are closed and his full pink lips are turned up in a way that gives me the faintest feeling he's wishing I was someone else.

"Ok, I think he's more than relaxed, he can get up now. It's my turn." The deep voice whispering against my earlobe and his heady scent plays games with my mind and quickly sends all of the blood in my body rushing to anywhere but my head; mainly my breasts and lower extremities, causing me to lose my train thought. I manage to turn my head away from him before he can nip at my earlobe, having already dragged his lips gently across it.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think Ruuts wants to have a massage himself. Your leg bothering you again?" Sid grins and hops off the medical bed, whistling as he walks away but I've seen that look on his face, the one that says 'I know what you two are up to' and feel my cheeks heat in response.

"What a bunch of fish wives. You lot are worse than women!" I try not drool as Jarkko eases himself onto the cushioned top of the medical table but I swear as he lies down he does it slowly and methodically just so I have to stand there and watch him but then, as if he needs to remind me, he wiggles his thick athletic calves and looks back at me over his wide shoulders.

I start massaging at the base of his calf, really digging in until I hear the moans of appreciation and then I work my way up to mid thigh before he grabs my hand and moves it to his growing erection instead.

"So Trix, are you as good at pleasuring as you are at massaging? Because if you are, I've got to warn you now, we won't make it to dinner." He gets up and leans into me with my hand still fondling him through the thin shorts. I close my eyes, gritting my teeth against the moan of pleasure that wants to escape as he nibbles down my neck, but just as I'm about to give in and beg for his lips, a small noise in the hallway has me jumping away from him.

"I could get fired Jarkko. I know I promised to go on that date with you, but if management found out all my credibility would be shot. I just can't… I'm sorry." I back away and practically run out of the training room.

* * *

"You know, how do you manage it Ruuts? Seriously? Oh wise one, teach me your ways?" I laugh as Staalsy plops himself down next to me and I just shrug in response.

"What can I say? Girls love the bad boys."

"You're at least a good 8 years older than her. What would she want with an old bag like you?" I try to look angry but it's hard to stay mad, considering that I'm almost a hundred percent sure she was about to give in to me.

"Well, some girls like the older me. And anyways, scrappy doo, it has got everything to do with skill, not age. So take my advice and find some nice girl who isn't some fawning teenager that is only impressed with your job. You need to find a girl who is already going somewhere in life, like Trixie but not Trixie, okay?" I get up and stretch out my stiffening muscles, wondering what happened to the days when I could go straight from the ice out onto a dance floor. I look over at Staalsy and find that he actually looks like he might be listening to me for a change but then he shrugs and shakes his head and I decide that I must have been seeing things.

"Well anyways, have fun tonight Ruuts. Guess you deserve it." I watch him go, shaking my head and remembering well another player trying to take me under his wing and wondering why I listened to Trev and these upstarts won't listen to me.

I grin as I slip a dress shirt on and wrap the tie around my neck, hoping that she's the type who appreciates a guy in something other than hockey gear. I'm just straightening the tie and hoping that she'll actually show when I hear a cough and look up to find Trixie wrapped in a dress that's cut dangerously low and outrageously short at the same time. I grin in appreciation and see her cheeks colour.

"Um, so are you… ready to go?" I see her fiddle with the hem of her skirt and have to smile at how cute she is when she's nervous.

"Yeah sure, just let me get this…" She walks over and finishes straightening out my tie for me and I find myself looking down at her and thinking, '_what am I doing_?' I've got a fiancée at home. I've got a family all ready for me. But this young thing in front of me is like a bowl of ice-cream, delicious and tempting and totally forbidden. Well hot damn, sometimes you just have to treat yourself.

I see her look around at the completely deserted room and am certain that I see an idea flitting behind her dark kohl rimmed eyes and when she tries to dip her head to let her long dark hair hide her eyes from me, I pull her in for a long savory kiss, nipping my way around her bottom lip and gaining entrance into her hot wet mouth. Just thinking along those lines makes me wish for those same soft wet lips, wrapped around my aching cock.

"I think I've got some better plans… ones that involve working up an appetite first." I hear her purr contentedly as I lead her to the workout room.

"Hold on one sec, I'm going to grab something." I rush back to my bag to grab the pair of handcuffs that I have from the last bachelor party I was at. I knew one day these things would come in handy. When I come back around the corner and see her stretched out on the bench press, where I first saw the same hungry look I now see in her eyes, I almost choke on the moan bubbling up in my chest.

"Are you sure nobody….?" I brush my finger across her lips and just shake my head. She closes her eyes and sucks my finger into her mouth and I feel my cock stiffen painfully. I grab a hold of both her wrists and cuff her onto the free weight bar, making sure there are enough weights on both sides that she won't easily get away. I grin when her eyes shoot open in surprise.

"Have I been naughty? I guess you'll have to spank me later, if you get free?" I laugh as I pull the ties holding her dress up and feel myself go faint as her top falls down leaving her breasts perfectly round breasts bare before my own hungry gaze.

"Why did I know you were planning to drag me into your den of sin?" She slowly smiles in the most predatory way, and suddenly I no longer feel like the cat, but more like the mouse, that stupidly walked right into her trap. As I watch, she relaxes back onto the bench, her long legs spread to straddle each side. "Like what you see?"

"Oh fuck…." I follow her gaze down to find that she isn't wearing panties as her dress climbs up over her hips as she slowly wiggles her hips in a hypnotizing motion. I'm not hypnotized for long, her beautiful pink skin calls to me and I cover her mound with my palm and with the pad of my thumb stroke her clit and hear her hiss in pleasure. I slowly dip a finger down and find her hot and wet, just like I imagined. She wiggles her hips to get me to go deeper, but all I do is pull out and look down at her. Her nipples are hard from the cool air and her lips are parted and swollen from the kissing earlier. She's a wanton sex goddess and I can't wait to stumble out of my clothes.

"Take me Jarkko." That's all the encouragement I need as I push her knees up to her chest and feel her calves slide over my shoulders. I slam into her without much foreplay, knowing she's wet and ready and aching to feel myself deep inside her.

"Oh god you're so tight." All I manage are those few words before I'm pounding into her like a wild man, unable to control myself as the heat and soft wetness of her clenches around me. Seeing her breath hitch and her mouth part in a silent 'oh' I feel her muscles spasm around me and her head tilts back and the metal rings between the cuffs clink as she yanks on them as her body bows in pleasure.

I manage to slow my pace as I watch her lithe body relax again beneath mine. I allow myself a moment to enjoy the view and then I pick her up and turn her over, placing her on to the bench with her knees balanced precariously I enter her from behind, loving the feel of the new and different angle.

"Oh god…," I grin at her as I turn her head to kiss me and start picking up the pace again. This time around I know I'm not going to last long so I reach around her to find her clit to make sure she gets off before I do, but when she tightens her muscles around me, all I manage is a few more strokes before I'm banging away erratically and I'm forced to bite down gently on her shoulder to stop from screaming.

As I stand, breathing heavily and enjoying the rush of my own orgasm, I look down at her lily white tush wiggling in front of me and can't help myself. I smack it hard enough to make her squeal and leave a nice red mark on her ass in the perfect shape of my hand. She looks over her shoulder at me with these hooded bedroom eyes and smile languidly. Ah, so she likes to be treated like a naughty girl.

"Maybe this will come in handy," I leave the words hanging as I bend over to pick up my belt. I fold it in half and whip it gently across her ass, testing her pain threshold. She wiggles to move away but just a little, and moans as I do it again. This time though, I move my hand to her clit and press gently against her love button before I send my belt down on her tender pale skin again, harder this time. She gasps out and pushes her ass against my hand, wanting more. I keep smacking me belt down until her cheeks are both red and her juices are running down the inside of her thighs. I move around to the front of the bench and hear her whimper at the loss of contact. I tug her hair to get her attention, my cock at half mast in front of her. "Have you been a bad girl?"

"I've been _so_ bad." She grins as I smack her with my belt again and for a moment her grin disappears replaced with a wince. I pull her hair harder and move my hips forward.

"I think you need to suck my cock as punishment." I see her lick her lips and my cock responds by stiffening slightly. I decide that she doesn't move quick enough and send my belt down on her again, this time she moves her lips over my cock, taking me all the way in, her throat contracting against my head and I have to steady myself before I send the belt down on her ass again. I tangle my hand into her hair, guiding her head to the pace I want. Every once in a while I'll spank her with my belt and elicit a whimper or moan that makes me want to cum. When she moans out as I slam my hips to take most of my cock into her mouth I have to grab a hold of the bar as I feel myself empty into her mouth.

* * *

"Mmmmm," I hum happily as my hands are released from the handcuffs and I sink onto the bench in bliss. He smiles at me as he settles onto the cold floor with his head resting against my hip.

"I think we should have some dinner, I know I've worked up an appetite and then go back to my place for a few more rounds." I look down at him, feeling blissfully drowsy and just try and smile as I reach for my dress.

"Or better yet, how about we just skip dinner altogether and head back to your place, I'm sure if we were _really_ hungry you must have something in your fridge, or we could always order take out." I laugh as he raises his eyebrows at me.

"I like the way you think little tiger. But don't say I didn't try being a gentleman. I do have some manner, I did ask you out to dinner."

"Manners are over-rated. Fucking me silly will get you a better review, a _raving_ review if you have the kind of bed you can tie me down to." I laugh as he hastily throws his clothes on and drags me out the door to his car. Men, all they think about is sex….


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"You have that look on your face," I sigh, studying Trixie's lop sided sleepy grin as she lounges in my office, looking far too pleased with herself for my liking.

"What look is that?" she grins, curling up in one of the overstuffed leather chairs and peering at me mischievously over her coffee mug.

"The '_I've been shagged good and proper'_ look," I reply, leaning on my elbows and glaring at her until she giggles and swings her legs over the arm of the chair, getting good and comfy and ready to tell me all the gossip. "So the date went well?"

"Well, let's put it this way, until they had to leave on the bus for their 'group training boot camp' this morning, I've been staying over at his place," she replies, looking like a contented kitten, like if you rubbed her the right way she'd purr.

"So do you get paid for that time? I mean, considering you are working out with him and all," I grin at her and she giggles in response and turns about six shades of pink. I shake my head and go back to doing up the letters to go out with the players' family tickets.

"I might not have gotten paid overtime for Jarkko but I did get paid to massage the kid's groin." I can hear the challenge in her voice, and then her giggle as my fingers pause above the keyboard.

"You did _what_?" My voice catches in my throat as the image floats through my brain of her bent over with her hand on his….

"Don't worry, it was _purely_ professional," she grins, suddenly hovering over me with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "I swear," she adds, wiggling her perfectly tweezed eyebrows at me. "And just so you know, it didn't move or anything."

I feel my eyes go round and my mouth drop open, but I snap my mouth quickly shut and shake my head. "Whatever, it's just work," I reply quietly, turning my attention back to my task and blinking to try and force the image of him lying on her massage table down to his tightie-whities out of my head.

"Speaking of the kid," she continues, that hint of mischief still in her voice, "are you going to the big shin dig on Friday?"

"Veronique called me yeah," I affirm, nodding my head.

"Yeah, I thought you wouldn't pass up an opportunity to be around the next one under the influence of alcohol."

"I'm not…I wouldn't Trix, and you know I wouldn't," I grumble, putting my fingers back on the keys and trying not to think about him all flushed and stumbling around, needing help to…

"Oh c'mon Mel, it's not like it's illegal or anything. It's okay to have a crush him. He's got a great body and he's really cute. He's also young, really, _really_ young. But cute." I hear her giggle as my fingers remain immobile as I try my best, and fail miserably not to think about him.

"It feels icky," I sigh, finally giving up and putting my head in my hands. "_I_ feel icky thinking about him."

"Do you mean icky in a wet and sort of hungry way or do you mean icky in a sort of pedophilic sort of way?" I clench my jaw as I look up at her and I know I have that '_if looks could kill_' face on, which makes her finally give up and hold her hands up in self defense. "Okay, okay, sorry. I know you can't help it. You like him and that's okay. I mean, no one's going to send you to jail for liking him…except maybe Mario, but you know, that's to be expected."

My only defense is to pick up my stapler and go after her, until all I can hear is her giggle somewhere down the hall as I stand with my stapler in my hand, feeling slightly foolish as Mario walks into his office giving me that 'must be pms' look.

* * *

"Did she _have_ to bring him?" I grumble, glancing furtively towards the door where Melisande has just entered on the arm of that Pirates baseball player, dressed to the nines in a little black dress, her dark hair falling in gentle waves around her shoulders, high red heels, and blood red lips and nails. If it wasn't for that greasy ball player on her arm she'd look positively edible.

"Well you know what I always say," Colby grins, arching his eyebrows and leering in her direction.

"Yeah well, it's not just her goalie keeping me over here," I sigh, returning my gaze to the bottom of my quickly dwindling drink.

"Of all the people to be worried about age," Bugsy shakes his head at me and then pats me on the arm. "C'mon kid, everyone's always told you you're too young and you've always said age is nothin' but a number. Why don't you actually live your words for a damn change? Cuz I'm tellin' you right now, if you don't make a move on her man, I'm seriously going to."

"She's not interested," I shrug, glancing back up at her as she wraps her arms around our new trainer Trixie, her smile widening as Jarkko wraps his arms around them both. I watch them all laugh, and instead of making me smile, it just makes me feel worse.

"I don't know about that. I'm beginning to think _all_ women are interested in you," Colby sighs, giving me a playful shove.

"Yeah, you could have your cougar license anytime, you don't have to wait for _her_ to make a move you know," Malone laughs, giving me another shove that almost sends me off balance.

"She's not cougar old," I reply, steadying my glass as I switch it to my other hand, the one that's farther away from them both before they end up spilling it.

"Then what's the problem?" Malone and Army ask, almost in unison as I try not to look at the way that ball player drapes his arm over her, resting his hand just above her breast, as if she's some kind of cheap whore to be groped in public and it makes my blood boil.

"Just…you know, I've got other things to think about," I shrug, turning my back on them and trying to put her from my mind.

"Well if any guy can think of something else with that hot piece of ass in the room, it's going to be you," Malone sighs, shaking his head at me before he heads into the games room. I watch him go, listening to the laughter of the guys gathered around the foosball table, and part of me wants to join them and forget about her, but the other part of me…well, I just can't seem to tear myself away completely.

* * *

"Yeah, it's pretty loud in there huh?" My eyes pop open at the sound of his voice, and my fingers pause on my temples where I've been trying to rub away a pounding headache that just doesn't seem to want to go away. I feel the heat rush to my cheeks as I realize that I'm alone in the dark in one of the guest rooms with Sidney Crosby. Quickly counting to ten, I take a deep breath before I look up at him.

"I'm not really very good at these kinds of things, I get kind of claustrophobic around this many people," I manage to explain without tripping over my tongue as I get an eyeful of his pectoral muscles straining against his dark coloured t-shirt, which only serves to emphasize his black Irish pale complexion and jet waves.

"So you won't be going to many ballgames then?" he asks, leaning against the door and shutting out the remaining light, plunging us both into utter darkness. "Oh sorry," he sputters, fumbling against the wall, looking for the light switch.

"I actually…the darkness is good for my head," I begin and then immediately wonder if I sound desperate to be in the dark with him and am glad he can't see me wince.

"Oh yeah, sorry," he stops fumbling and then there's just this awkward sort of silence. "So um…Xavier…how long have you two known each other?" I almost groan out loud to think of him wanting me to introduce him to the Pirates' leading batter so they can talk about sports and fame and being adored, but I manage to keep it internal, just.

"A while, a few months I guess," I reply politely instead of screaming and ripping my hair out.

"So which do you like more? Hockey or baseball?" he asks as if he's actually interested in the answer and I can't help thinking how much I hate that about athletes. They're all so competitive, and so interested in all sports.

"Hockey," I reply firmly, "growing up in Vancouver I never watched baseball."

"Vancouver?" he asks, shock clear in his voice. "I thought you were…well, from here."

"Me? No, I'm Canadian born and bred," I reply quietly, surprised at his surprise.

"I just thought…I thought you were Hispanic, I'm sure Mario said…."

"I am, partly. I'm also partly native, partly Scottish too. Kind of a mongrel," I laugh.

"Huh…," is all he has to reply and then we fall back into an uneasy silence that stretches on and on until I'm almost wondering if he's even there, and when I look up, I realize he's gone.


	6. Chapter 6

C6

"So...," I look up at him and blush when I find him grinning down at me.

"So…," he replies with a mischievous grin. Giggling, I start moving towards the relative safety of the other players as they pack up their gear, throwing some extra towels into the already stuffed bag for all the trainers, anything to keep my hands busy and off him. "How are you doing this morning?" he asks, leaning in to sniff at my neck and running his hand over mine. I swat his hand away, trying to hold back a giggle at his attempt to appear all natural, when in reality he's just trying to hold my hand without the other players seeing.

"Jarkko… keep that up and we're going to get caught." I blush even harder as his eyes divert to the free weight bench, the same one that he handcuffed me to; the exact same bench that I can't even look at now without blushing madly.

"Well, I was thinking, we're going away and I wouldn't mind if, you know, we did _that_ again?" He says with another sly look towards the bench, looking all shy and schoolboy which only makes my heart swell just that little bit more. I want to say yes. I want to give in right here, right now. But instead, I put on a grin and sashay away from him. "What? What are you looking at me like that for?"

"Wasn't Staal been gloating about it this morning in practice? I'm coming with you guys to that army boot camp to get in on the team bonding. They've hired me on to be a trainer full time." I can't keep the grin off my face as I proudly declare that I'm with the team for the rest of the season.

"Seriously?! Congrats Trixie! Ah hah! That's even better, you're going to be away with us for two full days… and we'll get some more alone time!" He wraps me in a big bear hug and I can't help but get caught up in his excitement; that is until I see his feral grin and his white teeth aiming to nip at my neck. I wriggle out of his arms and turn away, blushing furiously as I head over to pick up the bags.

"_You_ are supposed to be doing some team bonding Mr. Ruutu." I throw the last bag onto the bus and hop on, sliding into the vacant seat next to Jon and Robert who smile at me like they know something. I try not to, but my eyes naturally seem to follow Jarkko as he walks past me on the bus and looks back longingly towards me before he settles himself next to Max, with Jordy and Sid sitting across from them.

"Does anyone else know about you two?" I know when I look over at Jon who's just smiling and looking for all the world like this is a pleasant conversation, that my eyes are wide and that I'm feeling surprised and just a little scared. So much for thinking that I was keeping this to myself.

"There's nothing between us, we're just… friends. He took me out for dinner and that's _all_." I feel my cheeks colour as I look out the window, not wanting to look back into their knowing faces, especially knowing that it's a lie, that after only one night I'm falling for him.

"Well, all I can say is, friends don't look at other friends like that. I don't know if you've noticed but it's like he can't stop himself. He's always looking around to see if you're still there; like he's worried you're suddenly going to disappear or something. You'd better watch out, I think he's falling for you Trix so if you want to be _just_ friends…."

"He's got a fiancée or wife or whatever he wants to call her. We're _nothing _except friends, maybe with benefits, _maybe_. He doesn't look at me like anything but a good fuck." I try to make myself listen to my own words, to remind myself that I came her to do a job, not a man. But when I look up and see his green eyes turn to me, a big generous smile gracing his face, softening his features, I don't know what comes over me, but I'm suddenly feeling all warm and fuzzy.

"Sure. Keep telling yourself that." I give Jon a playful shove and then it's like I can't stop myself from being near him. I find myself walking over to see the poker game. Jordy let's me look at his cards while Max is busy trying to use some kind of jedi mind tricks to find out what the other guys are holding.

"I'd fold now Jordy, your hand sucks ass." All the guys laugh as Staalsy chucks his cards down and turns to try and lunge at me for calling his bluff. Thankfully Jarkko grabs me into his protective arms and then Jordy just laughs nervously as he settles back into his seat leaving me in Jarkko's warm lap, his erection poking into me, letting me know that if I move it's going to be the end of it for both of us.

* * *

"Get up you lazy bums," I call over my shoulder as I get up off of his lap, blinking away the feeling of his solid body wrapped protectively around mine. "All players are to partake in a mandatory jog. We'll give you 15 minutes to get changed and meet at the track and lucky you, you're going for laps and sprints!" I call out to the rest of the team as they all groan and Jon just laughs at me.

"You should really give them some time to shake off the bus ride."

"Not enough time, they need to bond and get their bodies back into shape. That means you Talbot! Too much beer has given you a gut!" I laugh as a ball is chucked at my head and I duck out of the way. I'm already in my trainers and jogging pants so I lie down on the grass to stretch out my stiff muscles. I liked sitting in my _special_ spot, but trying to be so still has left me aching and I can't wait to get moving again.

Sid comes over to join me but doesn't even make a sound. He just gets on the grass beside me and stares into the distance as he bends over his legs. I have a moment or two to wonder where his mind is at, but then some of the guys start to file out of the dorms so I get up to finish off the stretches.

"Ok, we're going to be doing one ten minute lap and two five minute sprints ok? I'm going to break you up into two teams, one will go with me, the other will go with Jon." I call out the names that will follow me, making sure Jarkko is in my group, then separating the rest of the young guns into two even groups. I drag out a map and show them the route that they will be taking to do the jog and start a clock and head off. I set the pace early making sure that I only start to pick up speed when everyone has fallen into line.

"Ok… Trixie, you're going to _kill _us." I hear Christenson panting behind me as I start to pick up the speed and by the last 3 minutes I'm at a full out sprint and the rest of the guys are trying to catch up. The only one that's even close to me is Jarkko, but even he's starting to pant and I know damn well he's in amazing shape. I'm just thinking that if I speed up just that bit more, push my body a bit further, I'll leave them all in my dust and suddenly Sid's speeding past me.

"What the fuck?" I speed up and push my body to match Sid's, but he's going faster and faster, and I can tell there's something else pushing him. I pull the last corner and see him collapse onto the field.

"Fuck me!" I laugh as I hear him scream to the sky and I collapse next to his body and just chuckle as he grimaces at nothing, or at least nothing I can see.

"Ok stretch it out. Don't let your body seize up." I start to help him stretch out his legs, making sure that he keeps his groin warm so that he doesn't injure it again.

"Everyone pair up and stretch out, don't let your body seize up. All pair's help your partner so nobody gets hurt. Jordy, help Sid here." I walk around, trying to make sure everyone is getting their stretches done properly but my eyes keeping wandering towards Jarkko and I can't help but smile as his lean body is pulled forward, his skater butt taught. I choke back a groan as I remember my nails digging into that firm ass and I have to shake my head to focus. Robert comes over to me and just shakes his head.

"How about I take over the minute sprints and you get ready for paintball?" I nod as I see all the heads perk up.

"She's going to be joining us in paintball? Fuck yeah!" I hear all the cheers and hoots and just shake my head. Oh, I'll be joining them, just _not _the way they think.

* * *

"Ok boys, we're going to some minute sprints. So get in line and get ready." I nod towards the trainer, thinking to myself that if Trix was the one that was leading this I'd have something to run towards. As we get into the line and start sprinting though, there's a slight giggle from the stands. I ignore it as just some fans from the base, some puck bunnies trying to get a look at Sid.

"First up, time this one Jon, Staal, Jordan." I see Jordy start lining up and running, but I guess he's still quite winded from the 10 minute jog as he starts to slow down. Suddenly, I hear a thwack sound from the stands and Jordy screams and picks up the pace, but now with a red paint splatter on his ass.

"Did we forget to mention something? Trix is up in the stands, she'll shoot at anyone who's not keeping up pace. She's got killer aim with that sniper rifle. She's gotten the ok from Therrien, and since you all are going to be shooting at each other anyways, she's allowed to shoot as much as necessary." I hear that giggle again and now the guys are all chuckling nervously.

"She can't have that great of a shot… right?" Max chuckles nervously as he looks around for confirmation but the guys just shake their head. He goes up next and struts to the line like a peacock. As he bends over to take his position though, there are two 'thwacks' and each butt check is a different colour. Max starts swearing loudly in French as he glares up at the stands. Trix comes out of the booth and she's got war paint on her cheeks as she's decked out in fatigues.

"Guess that answers your question eh Max?" the other trainers are having a good laugh at our expense and all I can think of is how good she looks like that, all aggressive and hot.

"Mon dieu, that chic is crazy!" He starts his jog and makes sure that he doesn't let up. I get in line next and try to make sure I run as fast as possible, keeping that damn gun away from me. I come near the first corner and hear the tell tale sign of the gun going off and feel it hit my thigh, next time it hits me on the ass, arm, and finally my chest. But I swear she was aiming for my head, she's evil, and I flip her the bird as I round the last corner, diving into the group of guys so that she can't shoot all of us.

"Fuck you've got a crazy one on your hands dude, glad I'm not tapping that, no matter how great you say the sex is!" I hear Jordy call towards me and another few shots ring out and the next thing I know, Staalsy's on the ground crying for his mommy.

Ok, she may be sick and twisted, but damn does she have good aim.

* * *

"Ok, that was sick. Do you want to see all these bruises that you've given me? And it isn't even the good kind. Well you've heard the saying turn about is fair play. You're going to get a taste of what it feels like to be bruised." I squeal out as he grabs me and throws me onto the bed, jumping in after me.

"Aww poor baby, does it hurt?" He tries to stop the pain from showing but he squints anyway when I stroke one of the welts on his arm.

"No." I giggle as I slowly run my hand down his arm to his chest. He hisses and I grin as my hand travels lower, stroking him to life, or at least a little harder than he was before.

"How about here? Does it hurt here? Or can it be of some use?" He hisses again, but this time in pleasure as he bites down on my neck, marking me.

"More." He grabs my hips, digging his fingers into me, bruising my hips. He nudges my knees apart, pulling them over his shoulders and pushing in slowly. Giving me the false sense of safety, he turns me on to no end, just trying to get me to believe that he's not going to punish me. Suddenly he pulls out and throws me over his legs. Smacking me as hard as he can on the ass I scream out. One hand is smacking me while the other covers my pussy, dipping a finger into me, joining another until I'm squirming trying to find some relief from his teasing hands.

"Jarkko.. I want…." I hear him chuckle as he lies down and pulls me down on top of him, making me ride him backwards cowgirl. He pushes up, thrusting with his powerful hips into me, making me moan out as I fondle my breasts, pinching my nipples between my fingers. I moan out as he thrusts harder finally flipping me over onto the bed and dragging me to the edge of the bed. He's thrusting so hard that I swear the bed is shifting against the wall and everyone will hear and know what we are doing. Even knowing that, I just scream louder, wanting him deeper, feeling him hitting that spot that makes me see stars.

"Oh Trix, you've gotta be up for… round… two," I hear the grunt and finally the stars come and I blank out. When I come to, he's spooned up against me, my leg draped over his legs, entering me from this new angle.

"Jarkko, you've gotta save your energy… but this feels so damn good." I grin as he nips my neck and chuckles.

"You want me to fuck you or not?" I laugh until he flicks my clit, making me groan and gasp as he takes my breath away.

"You're mine." I dig my nails into his hip making the half moons surge blood to the surface.

"Kulta." And I finally just collapse, not knowing when I wake up again until the sun is shining through the windows. My entire body feels sore and tired, but it's the good tired.


	7. Chapter 7

C7

"Your boy looks a little lost out there." Xavier says, passing me the Coke I sent him for. I don't even spare him a glance as I put my hand around the plastic cup and bring the straw to my lips. I'm too busy watching the black jerseys speeding around the ice. "What has he got? One goal this season?"

"Two," I reply quickly, hissing between my teeth as Army is pounded into the boards.

"So you _do_ know who I'm talking about then," he muses, sitting back and sliding his arm around the back of my seat.

"I assumed," I reply without turning around.

"The captaincy is too much responsibility for someone his age," he continues, setting my teeth on edge. I've heard nothing but that argument from the press in the hallways, and it's all that the sports radio guys are saying as well.

"He's actually very mature, and Mario says that he's handling it well," I add, trying to deflect what I feel has been coming all night.

"Well, all I can say is obviously not, he's not the scoring machine he was," Xavier continues, and I can feel the steam starting to escape my ears as I roll my eyes at him.

"The season's not even a month old," I point out quietly.

"Do you _always_ defend him?" he asks suddenly and I have to shut my eyes and clench my jaw to stop from answering, from rising to the bait.

"I don't know what you're talking about, I'm just telling you, it's no different than you not hitting one night and then hitting a grand slam the next," I reply as slowly and as quietly as I can, doing my best to keep my temper in check.

"Yeah but it's not like he's…who's that guy from New York all you hockey freaks talk about all the time?"

"Jagr?"

"No…you know, number ninety-nine?"

"Wayne Gretzky?" I turn and narrow my eyes at him. "Yeah he is kinda like Gretzky actually, if you looked at his stats."

"See, you _are_ defending him," Xavier laughs, but it's not really a laugh, it has a bitter edge to it and when he raises his eyebrow at me, I know that he's just waiting for me to go off on him, but I just shake my head and go back to watching the game. "You're doing it again," he points out after a long silence during which I'd almost thought we were past the argument.

"Doing what?" I sigh, tearing my gaze off of the ice long enough to level my gaze at him, letting him see how annoyed I am at being interrupted during the play, especially a power play.

"You lean forward every time he comes on the ice." The way he says it, like it's just so matter of fact, has me silent. I may not have realized it was that obvious, or even that I was doing it until he pointed it out, but as soon as he does, I know that it's true, but then again, I've had a hard enough time admitting it to myself, so of course the last thing I want is to do is admit it out loud, and least of all, to him.

"I'm just watching the game," I mumble, still hoping we don't have to have this argument, not now, and definitely not here.

"What are you, like, in _love_ with him or something?" I feel my blood freeze in my veins, and I end up gripping the cup so hard it forces the lid off and I end up spilling Coke everywhere. When I turn a blazing glare on Xavier, he just grins back at me, like he's made some kind of big joke. "What? Did I hit a nerve or something?"

"Stop trying to pick a fight Xavier, just because you're going home tomorrow."

"Is that what you think I'm doing?" he asks, his eyebrows raised and a bemused little grin on his darkly handsome face.

"You know what? Go home to your wife and kids, and when you get back, do me a favor, don't bother to look me up." I feel my hands shake as I pick up my purse, and without looking back, head up the stairs and out of the section.

* * *

"Yeah, I'll get it, no problem…yeah, see you at home. Oh and tell Nathalie I won't be late, so don't worry." I click my phone shut and head back into the rink. Sometimes it's great to live rent free, sometimes, like now, it's just an excuse for Mario to use me to fetch and carry for him. I guess I shouldn't mind, but I'm dead tired and right now everything aches and I just want to go home and sleep. Fortunately though this is the perfect excuse to send the guys off to the bar without me and hopefully they'll just forget that I never showed. "Sorry guys, duty calls," I wave my phone at them and they all just roll their eyes at me and wave me off. All except Ruuts, who's leaning against the doors, like he's waiting, and I can just guess for whom. "If I see her, I'll tell Trix you're waiting," I grin at him, and he just nods, pulling his jacket around him and trying not to look bothered. I shake my head and head back into the bowels of the igloo, and up the stairs to the offices.

I could do this blindfolded, I know all the ins and outs of the rabbit warren of this building by heart now, so it's okay that it's dark in most of the hallways I go down. It's kind of cool to be in here at night, it's so quiet, especially after the craziness of a game, when all the crowds have left and all the ushers and vendors have gone home. It's kind of …peaceful.

That is until I near Mario's office, and the door is open, letting the light from inside fall into the hallway, and I realize I can hear voices. It makes me stop in my tracks. I don't mean to eavesdrop, but then again, I wasn't expecting there to be anyone inside.

"I know, I know, and it's not like I care and…I know I shouldn't be upset." I pause, and then press myself against the wall, my heart jumping into my throat when I hear her voice.

"But you _are_ upset, look at you, you're a fucking mess." The other voice I recognize immediately as belonging to the new trainer, Trixie. "And it's not even about Xavier, it's about him realizing that you're…"

"But I'm not, honestly Trix, I'm not."

"Whatever. You wouldn't be this upset otherwise."

"But it's so stupid! It's not like anything is ever going to happen. I mean, first of all, we work together, and you know what they say about that."

"Don't shit where you eat? Don't dip your pen in the company ink?" They both laugh, but it's a nervous sort of laugh, and then I hear Mel sigh. Work with? My mind starts buzzing immediately. Are they talking about one of the other players? Or just someone else on staff? "Mel, I mean…for what it's worth, this thing with me and Ruuts…"

"I thought it wasn't a _thing_?" Somehow it makes me smile to hear the same accusing grin in her voice that all the guys have been using on Jarkko.

"Yeah well…anyway, I'm just saying, it might not be the worst thing in the world to date someone you work with."

"But it's not like he even notices me. I mean he comes in here, and he goes out again. I just work here. I'm just like…I don't know, the furniture, fixtures and fittings."

"Oh I don't know about that. I mean, Whit's definitely noticed you, I overheard him and Army discussing your uh…curves." I can't help but nod when I hear that. We've all discussed her curves and Trixie's for that matter.

"Yeah but…I mean he's not even available, not really. This is his life Trix. Everyone knows he comes here, does his thing and goes home. Half the time when he goes out it's with Lauren and Steph, and even Nathalie's always checking in on him…."

If my heart wasn't already in my throat it would have clawed its' way up there now, and I could definitely feel it, like I couldn't breathe past it. Mario…my Mel is in love with _Mario_….

* * *

"Did you hear that?" I hiss, glancing at the darkened hallway.

"It's probably Ruuts, looking for me," Trixie sighs and climbs off my desk and stretches her long arms over her head before leaning over and pressing her hands to the floor, humming contentedly as she stretches out her long lean muscles. "Are you gonna be okay? I mean alone?"

"Yeah, fuck…I don't know what I'm stressing about, it's not like I'd ever have the courage to tell him…not that there's anything to tell," I sigh, rubbing at my temples.

"You know what you need?" Trix gives me an evil grin and wiggles her arched eyebrows at me.

"I'm afraid to ask, but you're going to tell me anyway," I sigh, bracing myself for one of her outrageous ideas.

"You need to screw Army senseless or something equally meaningless. Just go get laid, get it out of your system."

"What?" I laugh, shaking my head. "Hey I _was_ getting laid, and believe me it didn't get him out of my system _at all_."

"So you do admit, he _is_ in your system," she laughs and stretches her arms over her head again, looking like a contented cat.

"Who's that?"

My heart stops beating and my blood runs cold in my veins as he walks around the corner, his ebony hair still damp from the showers, wearing a dark sweatshirt, and dark, maybe even black jeans. He looks…amazing, and it makes my heart hurt.

"She just broke up with her boyfriend, she's not making any sense right now. You'll just have to forgive her." Trixie says quickly, but with a completely straight face, no sign whatsoever that she's not telling the whole truth. Meanwhile I'm certain that if I put my hand up to my face, there _will_ actually be drool.

"So it's that baseball player you're talking about?" he asks, heading for Mario's office door, but looking directly at me as he does. I open my mouth to answer but Trixie gets there first.

"Yep, the poor thing's just devastated." Trixie sounds so confident and sincere, but there's this look in his eyes as he pushes open the door to Mario's office that tells me he doesn't quite believe her. "What is it they say? Better to have loved and lost?" Trixie comes around my desk and starts to climb back up on it.

"Ruuts is waiting for you downstairs," he says quietly, turning and going into the darkness of Mario's office. Trixie narrows her eyes at him and then looks at me questioningly, but all I can do is shrug.

"You gonna be okay?" she asks again and I nod.

"Fine," I assure her. She nods, gives me a swift hug, and then, with one last questioning look, heads out into the halls. Then it's my turn to watch the door, listening to him rustle around in Mario's office while I try and fix my eyeliner and mascara, all the while taking deep calming breaths.

"So did he abandon you here? Do you need a ride home?" he asks, out of the darkness. My heart begins to pound harder, at the sound of his voice and it makes me wonder how obvious it is that I feel this way about him. I want to say yes, but damn it makes me feel like I'm a giddy sixteen-year old. That, and my car is sitting outside in the parking lot.

"No," I reply quietly, "but thanks."

"I'll walk you to your car then," he says, emerging from the dark, his pale complexion looking more like collected moonbeams as he emerges, his clothing all fading into the shadows. "You never know what kind of crazies are out there."

"I think those girls are more of a threat to you, don't you?" I ask and he smiles, that gentle boy-like smile, those pink bubble gum lips turning up ever so slightly, but it doesn't go all the way to his eyes.

"Well maybe if they see me with you they'll leave me alone," he replies, holding out his arm to me like some kind of old fashioned gentleman. A shiver runs down my spine, and I find myself staring at his arm like it's an extra appendage that's just grown out of his side instead of just an arm, a thickly muscled arm.

* * *

I feel a jolt of electricity run up my arm when she slides hers' through mine, and I think, for just a moment, that she feels it too. But then she just walks beside me in silence, down the halls, down the stairs. For some stupid reason I can't think of anything to say, and I don't want to ask her the one thing that's on the tip of my tongue.

How can she be in love with Mario?

I mean, I know that he's a handsome guy, because I've seen women fawning over him at events and I also know that he's charming and funny and talented, all that stuff. But he's got to be _so_ much older than she is. Not that I don't know she's older than me but she's got to be closer to my age than his. Plus he said she was off limits. But then again, that was for me and all the other players, not him.

But he's married, happily married, I should know, I live there. He's got kids. How could she want to break all that up? What kind of woman would want to do that?

But I don't ask her any of that. I just walk beside her until we get outside, into the empty parking lot behind the igloo, and she takes her keys out of her pocket.

"This is mine," she sighs, pointing her key fob at a black Dodge Charger. The headlights blink on and off and then she slides her arm away from mine. "Thanks for walking me to my car," she adds, glancing at the few remaining girls milling around outside the security fence. "You gonna sign some autographs? Or uh…take someone out dancing?"

"Them?" I glance over at them and shake my head. "Nah, I don't take puck bunnies dancing. Besides, I promised Mario I'd bring him these papers," I add, producing the folder from under my other arm.

"Well, I guess this is good night then," she nods, and turns towards her car. God I want to kiss her so bad. I want to grab her and press her against the side of her car and kiss her until there's none of that cherry red lipstick left, but instead I just nod and watch her get in her car. She glances up at me, smiling as she turns the engine over, and then with a little wave, she pulls the car back and heads for the security gate, then guns it, and squeals the tires as she heads out into the night.

I look over that little group of girls, and I think about being nice and going over and making someone's night. A couple of them even look cute, and maybe if I was Staalsy, that would make a difference. But I yawn and head for my Land Rover. After all, I promised Nathalie I wouldn't be home late.


	8. Chapter 8

C8

"You can't stand there like that Jarkko." I glare at him as I look around; making sure that management and any other prying eyes have finally left the building. I feel the stress seep into my bones as I look around, feeling furtive. I'm not sure if it's just me trying to keep this, whatever _this_ is, on the down low, or seeing him that has my heart beating so hard against my chest, but when I look at him, get a _good_ look at him, I feel the blood rush from my head where I know I should be angry with him, to pool between my legs where I want him to be.

"I'm not doing any harm standing here. I'm just waiting for someone to come out." I groan as he smirks at me, but I don't stop him from gathering me into his muscled arms and I know as he hugs me that I want to be in those arms but I also realize that we're still in public and push him away and try to do what I've been trying to do all day. I try to remind myself that I can't do this and storm towards my car, but before I can open the door he slams it shut again, his long fingers spread across the glass. Standing there, staring at his hand, I try not to think of what those fingers can do to me and it helps to turn and glare up at him.

"You can't do it because _we_ can't be seen together. Remember? Remember the clause where employees of the Pittsburgh Penguins aren't allowed to date? I'm not supposed to have any social contact with any of the players outside of the arena and I'm pretty sure this would definitely be considered fraternization of the worst kind. _We_ can't do this unless you remember to hide it!" I've been practicing this in my head, and that talk with Mel only served to remind me just how perilous this thing between us makes my position with the team. That, along with the way Therrien feels about him would end up with us both out of a job if we aren't more careful. The more I think about it, the harder it is for me to breathe, and then the tears start.

"We _can_ do this Trix," he says quietly, but keeps his distance, like he knows that I'm a feeling like a cornered animal and if he's not careful I'm likely to lash out. "I mean, c'mon. What is so wrong with just confirming what the guys already know?" I look at him and shake my head, swiping at the tears flowing down my cheeks, hating that I'm looking this weak and vulnerable in front of him.

"Because…because…it's not just about that," I close my eyes so I don't have to see the way he's looking at me, so that I can be brave and get the hard part over with." I mean, it's not like you've said you would but you're never going to leave her for me, and I'm never going to leave my man for you because this doesn't mean anything. I mean…it's just sex, right?"

When the silence goes on too long, I open my eyes to find him shaking his head at me, like he's disappointed in me for saying it out loud. But it had to be said and now there isn't any more to say and all I can do is just shrug and slip into my car, hating that we had to have this 'talk' and knowing that in some ways I'm blaming him when I'm just as much to blame and most of all not feeling any less guilty about what I've done to Z. Someone who adores me and would never dream of being unfaithful.

I curl my hands around the steering wheel hard enough to turn my knuckles white and sit there revving the engine of my car, but I don't take it out of park. I really don't want to leave it like this between us, but I know we can't continue this either. I nearly jump out of my skin when Jarkko rips the door open again, pulling me out and pushing me up against the side of my car.

"What do you mean you're never going to leave your man? Who the _hell_ are you talking about?" I laugh because it's the only thing I can do. It's so ridiculous for either one of us to be jealous, as if we have any right to be, but I know exactly how he feels.

"What? Did you actually think I was all alone and you were doing this poor little single girl a favor? That you were the only one entitled to have a fiancée? I mean, you haven't forgotten about her have you?" I watch the hurt sweep through his face and wish that I wasn't grinning so maniacally right now, after all, this _is_ what I wanted, even if getting what I want isn't always a good thing. At least now it's out in the open. At least now I'm being honest, no matter how much it hurts and even though I can see pain and anger swirling in his emerald green eyes, it isn't just his big meaty hands closing around my upper arms that hurts me.

"I haven't forgotten about her, and you don't need to keep reminding me about her either." He looks into my eyes and I see him fighting for control as his full soft lips open and close but no words come out. I can see how hard it is for him to find the right words but I don't try and fill in the empty silence. After all, what more can I do that won't just make things worse than they already are. "Do you want this to end?" He asks finally, glaring at me and the anger in his eyes finally takes over and then I can't help it, the tears cascade down my cheeks.

"It's not what I _want_ Jarkko, it's what I _should_ want." I watch as the corners of his soft lips curl up into the ghost of a smile, and then he pulls me in for a kiss and as he deepens it, I moan into his mouth, loving the way his tongue feels wrapped around mine. Just as my body starts to melt against his, he runs his fingertips down my cheeks and pulls back enough to look at me in this tender way that makes my chest hurt.

"Trixie, right now I can't promise you anything, and I know that it sounds controlling and you have every right to tell me to get fucked, but I want this to continue between us and I don't want you with whoever this other guy is, but I know I can't stop you from being with him either. But I don't think I'm wrong in thinking you still want to be with me too?" I shake my head and I'm not really sure if I'm saying yes or no to him, but I know he's taken it as a yes when his full lips turn up in his very own happy Ruutu sort of grin. "So if we're going to be together, is it really so bad if I tell the guys?" I shake my head as he lets me down. Still grinning he presses his lips to my forehead and pulls open my car door for. Slipping into my car I lock the door before he can open it again. I roll the window down a bit and lean out.

"Okay, tell the team, the guys are fine, but remember Jarkko, it's what management would say that's the problem. My ass is on the line. I can get fired and lose all respect as a trainer for sleeping with you. I'd never get a job anywhere else if it gets around that I sleep my way around the team. I'd lose everything, and with the way you and Therrien get along, you might want to think about your position too."

I start my engine and pull away from him without waiting for him to answer; leaving my heart behind with a man that didn't even know he had it.

* * *

"Fuck!" I glare at the spot where Trixie's car was just moments ago. Unclenching my fists, I look around the mostly empty parking lot and see some of the other guys still filtering out of the building.

"Hey Jaks! Wanna come to the bar with the boys?" I hear Army's voice call out from the dark. With a shrug I stick my hands in my pockets and kick at a pebble on the ground. I guess being alone is probably not a great idea right now. When I look up again, I see concern clear on the faces of my teammates.

"You ok Ruuts? We…uh…saw you and Trix. Have a little lover's tiff?" I glare at Staalsy who's trying to feign ignorance and trying for all the work to look uninterested but I just roll my eyes at him. He can wish all he wants to, as if that boy would ever stand a chance with my Trix. She'd eat him alive.

"She doesn't want anyone to know about us, which is stupid since all you guys already know."

"Kinda hard not to when she's screaming down the house at West Point!" I start to feel a grin grow as Army laughs at me.

"Yeah well, she's fucking passionate that's for sure. But she doesn't want anyone to know, and I all I wanna do is scream it from the rooftops. Chicks, man what the fuck do I do?" I look at each one as they shrug in return, not being in this situation and not knowing how to handle it, and frankly, I don't even know why I'm having this conversation, none of these kids have any experience with actual relationships anyway.

"Ruuts, don't you have a…ummm… fiancée at home?" I look over at Staalsy turning on my best 'I'm going to rip your arms off and beat you with the wet end' look.

"Yeah, so. What of it?"

"What Jordy is _trying_ to say in his backassward sort of way is you've gotta see it from her point of view. She's probably frustrated being the 'other woman' and I gotta say, you don't look like it's nothing. I mean, do you want to scream from the rooftops that this woman is your mistress, and that she is willing to stay that way or do you want to say something else?" I stand there, staring at Talbot and just shake my head.

"I mean, I know we've gotta sneak around, but that shit's all her idea. I'm the one who wants tell everyone." I look at the guys and they all just chuckle at me, shaking their heads.

"Maybe she feels dirty and like she's betraying some women's code. I don't know Ruuts old man, I only know that I want to go out to get fall down drunk, so let's cut this philosophical shit. Now where are we headed?" Army grins, and I know he just doesn't want me to fight with Jordy, so I drop it, for now even though it feels like I can't think of anything else right now.

"Southside. We've gotta pick up some chicks for Jordy and a forget-me-fuck for Jaks." Talbot grins out as he ducks my punch and we all pile into Army's car, leaving our cars secured behind the gates. Maybe a few drinks will clear my head and help me figure this shit out.

* * *

"What a pair we are." I plop down next to Mel on the couch and hand her a carton of her favourite Ben & Jerry's, Phish Food, and watch while she digs in. I know this is bad for my body, but right now, all I can do is shrug and dig into my Gobfather pint. I can always do about a million sit ups later.

"Yeah, what the hell went wrong?" I look over at Mel as she shakes her head and does her best to laugh, but it just sounds hollow.

"I guess that's just what happens when you join the dirty mistress club huh? But, that's the funny thing, _you_ were fine hiding it, and so was Xavier. What is up with Jarkko that he feels like he has to spread it around that he's doing the trainer?" I growl and dig my spoon deeper, digging out more than a mouthful.

"Yeah, you're right, that is kinda fucked up. I mean you know you _should_ be happy that he's happy enough that he wants to share the good news, but then again you don't wanna get fired. Speaking of which, how _are_ you going to avoid that?" I look over at her, see her red-rimmed eyes and feel my own puffy itchy eyes and think how stupid it is that women are always crying over men. I know damn well he's not crying over me right now. Maybe drowning his sorrows, but that's about it. I can only take a little solace in the fact that beer is at least fattening, if not as bad as ice cream.

"Honestly Mel, I don't know. Right now, I don't even know if we're still together anymore. And you know what's so stupid? That's all I'm worried about while I sit here expecting a call from Hank so I can hear how his training's been going so far. Nice huh?"

"How _is_ Z doing? I haven't seen any calls from him lately." I should be grateful to her for taking the bait and changing the subject but it just leave me reaching deeper into my carton which seems to be disappearing quite fast.

"He's been busy what with his training camp and all. I mean we've both been so busy with camp that we've hardly spoken at all. I don't know, they've been telling him that he's captain material, so naturally he's working his butt off. I can't blame him, I guess. Honestly, I don't even know why we're still together. It's not like we're going to see each other that much, especially now that I'll be travelling with the Pens for the entire season. I'm kinda torn."

"Are you torn, or are you just looking for an excuse to break it off with him now?" She raises her eyebrows at me and all I can do is groan out loud, my mouth too full of ice cream to answer, which is probably just as well. I know what my answer is and the little smile on her face tells me she does too.

We eat in silence for a while and then I realize Mel's not eating anymore, she's just staring off into the distance.

"Thinking about Sid?" I ask and she just sighs and shrugs.

"No matter what I'm doing, I can't get him out of my head. I mean, I'm thinking what would he think if he knew Jarkko was doing the trainer? I don't think 'what would Mario think'; I think of Sid, automatically. It sucks."

"Tell me about it," I sigh, putting the lid on my carton and holding my hand out for hers. She puts her half eaten carton in my hand and sighs out loud and shakes her head.

"What a pair we are huh?" We both laugh, but it's that sardonic bitter kind of laugh; the laugh that we've both been doing all night. It's not good. Not good at all.

I watch her head to her room, waiting for her door to close before I log online to see if Henrik is online for a quick chat. Seeing that he isn't I just stash my lap top and tuck in for the night, knowing it's really too early to sleep, but knowing I'm going to have to jog all my frustrations out tomorrow, and the way I'm feeling, it's going to be about ten miles before I feel like I've gotten all that ice cream out of my system . I sigh and shut out the light, close my eyes, and wish for dreams of something _other_ than hockey players.


	9. Chapter 9

C9

"So this is where you are," Army sits on the weight bench next to me and drops his bag on the floor, grabbing my water bottle and levels the spout at me like a threat. "I thought I was picking you up. Can't you just take a cold shower like everyone else?"

"At least I'm not the only one," I grumble, pushing the water bottle away and reaching for the bar again as Army glances over at the only other member of the team to come in this early, Ruuts, who's busy giving some free weights hell, grunting and sweating like a pig.

"God, the two of you just need to get laid," he laughs, watching me lift as he kicks off his street shoes. "Now if you'd come to the bar with us…."

"I hear he went with you. Doesn't look like it did him too much good," I reply matter-of-factly, putting the bar back on the stand and rubbing my now aching biceps.

"Yeah well, at least he gave it a shot," Talbot adds, squirting me with his water bottle as he comes up behind me, leering down at me with that maniacal grin of his. "I mean, yeah, he did puss out in the end, but at least he gave it a shot."

"Yeah, and at least _he_ was getting some before," Army adds, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively and the two of them start laughing like it's some big joke. I wipe the water off my face and shake my head at them. I'm about to give them my two cents worth about waiting for quality not quantity but just as I open my mouth Trixie walks in stops dead, like her ears are burning, like she knows she's being talked about. She looks over at us and then over at Jarkko and her eyes sort of glaze over and just for a moment I wonder if I look like that when I see Mel.

"At least someone's working hard," she barks, sending Talbot and Army scrambling to other weight benches. I watch her and Jarkko exchange looks, but she doesn't go to him, she steps behind my bench and lifts the bar down into my hands. "C'mon captain, I need you to lead by example. Let's do this."

I want to argue that I've already been lifting for an hour and that I don't think I can lift much longer, but the intense look in her eyes tells me that she doesn't want to be fucked with today, so I lift, grunting and swearing as I do five more reps. She counts them off, but her eyes are on Jarkko as he bends over a bench, doing preacher curls. I watch her chew on her bottom lip and can't help but feel sympathetic. It reminds me of me watching Mel water the plants in the office. Army's right though, at least Trix and Ruuts can have sex if they want to. Me, on the other hand, I have another date with a warm washcloth in my future.

* * *

"So if you can just transcribe the minutes of that phone call and get them back to me before you go for lunch that would be great," Mario holds the door open from his office for me as I scribble the remainder of the notes from his call with Gary Bettman and I nod, as I head out of his office, which is why I don't see her standing, leaning on my desk. So when I slide into my chair, and wiggle my mouse, she taps her long nails on my desk to get my attention and when I follow those slender fingers up the equally slender arm, I feel my blood run cold.

"Do you know if Jarkko Ruutu is here today?" she asks, her lips pursed in a thin line. I think about lying, or playing dumb; my loyalties torn between my friend and the fact that the woman standing in front of me actually has a right to know. My brain flies into overdrive trying to come up with some way of stalling the inevitable but the cold stare she's giving me makes it hard to think.

"Why don't I take you to him? I just need to make a very quick call and I'll be right with you." I watch her shoulders droop in resignation as she walks over to the overstuffed leather chairs which practically swallow her sparrow like frame. Then I grab my phone and send an urgent text to Trixie, knowing full well she's likely left her phone in her locker, but hell, at least I can say I've given it a shot.

Sticking my phone in my pocket and taking a deep breath, feeling like a traitor, I give her my most professional grin and stand up, walking around my desk and hooking my thumb towards the doors.

"Ms. Kurkinen, I'll take you down. It's faster than putting together the credentials," I explain, mutely adding that at least that way Trix will have someone to hide behind when this bitch goes to claw her eyes out. She nods, keeping her lips in that same thin line, and falls into step behind me. "So uh…long flight?"

"I have job in New York, so not far," she mumbles, shifting her very expensive Gucci bag from one shoulder to the other as we head towards the elevators.

"Must be amazing, being a model," I add, reaching for the button before folding my hands behind my back to stop myself from fidgeting nervously or reaching for my phone, which I want to check, but haven't felt vibrate.

"Sometimes," she shrugs, glancing up at the numbers and then over at me, like I'm purposely making it slow.

"Is he expecting you?" I ask, feeling the words stick in my throat, trying to think of something, anything, to escape having to do this dirty deed.

"I'm a _little_ early," she replies coolly, and I'm sure the air around us literally gets colder.

"Well I guess he'll be surprised," I grin nervously at her as the doors open and she just shrugs, as if she doesn't care, and walks ahead of me into the elevator. I turn my back on her and press the button to go down to the gym and locker rooms. "Yeah, I bet he'll be surprised alright," I sigh, pulling my phone out to look at it, praying Trixie's been forewarned, but having that sinking feeling that she hasn't.


	10. Chapter 10

_first of all, thank you for all the feed back, it's so encouraging and it makes opening the old inbox more fun! As I said I was writing this for a friend who LOVES Jarkko Ruutu but have faith Sid fans, he will be reappearing soon I promise. _

C10

"Niina." The way he says her name makes me cringe and want to run screaming out of the room, but somehow I manage to stand my ground. Of course it doesn't help that she's staring me down in a way that makes my blood run cold. I can't help but think, '_so this is what a near-death experience feels like_'. But then I think she may kill me yet. If I was in her shoes, I would kill me.

I manage to tear my gaze away from her cold calculated glare to look for Jarkko, and I can feel that I'm giving him the doe in the headlight wide eyes, but he doesn't give me the kind of comforting smile I'm hoping he will. Instead all he does is stare back at me, expressionless.

"Ah hem." I hear her cough and my gaze flies back at her, and I'm sure it's not my imagination that she seems a lot closer then she was a few seconds ago. With a quick glance around, I decide that I'll just move around to the other side of the nearest bench, putting an obstacle in between me and her, for _her_ safety. I hear a chuckle escape Jarkko's lips and turn to glare at him, knowing that the look in my eyes will scream '_how __dare__ you think this is funny_'. But then it occurs to me, of course he does. He's a man, and he has two women about to go to war over him. Of course he's amused, all men love a good hair tugging cat fight and then all I can think of is two can play at _that_ game.

"Hi, my name's Trixie, I'm the new trainer," I say as calmly as I can, holding my hand out to her, trying to be nice. After all, it's just possible that she doesn't know he's been fucking around. But my wishful thinking is short lived as her eyes narrow and she grinds her teeth together, her features contorting to make her look more like a tranny then ever.

She looks me up and down, taking her time in sizing me up, then snorts with derision and turns her back on me, sticking her nose in the air as she walks, no prances, towards Jarkko. It's all I can do to stand where I am and not go after her, yank her hair, stop her from touching him. I make myself wait, watch, not interfere, even when every neuron firing in my brain says otherwise.

"Here. Just like you asked," she sighs, dropping something into his outstretched hand that looks suspiciously small, and shiny, like a ring.

Annoyingly they just stare at one another, and I'm left watching a silent exchange between the two of them, not knowing what to do and not knowing what's going to happen next. I'm fully expecting someone to suddenly jump out of nowhere and say surprise! Or worse, have them suddenly start making out like mad, and having to come to the realization that he was just fucking me for fun. God my head is a dark place.

"You can close your mouth you know." Niina sneers turning to glare at me one more time. I do close my mouth, stopping myself from asking or saying anything and thankfully she just makes a noise that sounds like a steam train starting up. Like she wants to say something else but can't or won't in front of him and then when no one says anything to her, she stomps out of the room like a good supermodel. Tyra would be proud.

When the door swings open to the hallway, I can see the other players that were listening at the door quickly jumping away so the door doesn't slam in their faces. Nice. We have an audience.

"Well?" Suddenly my attention is jerked back to Jarkko who is watching me intently, holding out his open hand. Part of me doesn't want to look, afraid it won't be what I suddenly realize I very much want it to be. It takes a deep breath and a lot of will to make me look down to confirm that it is in fact her engagement ring she'd just returned. "Can we do this now?" I look up into his face and then back down to the ring and then slowly look up to find him smiling at me.

I should be happy about it, I know. Instead I find myself backing up and putting another bench between us. The fact of the matter is that I just don't know what to say or do right now. My head is a storm of emotions. I should be happy. I am happy, but now I'm also terrified and guilty and worried. Now it's all on me.

When I meet his gaze again, his smile seems to falter. That's when I feel the tears welling up behind my eyes and I no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to stop them from falling.

"Oh god… I can't do this right now. You don't understand Jarkko…I just…," I look up at him with tears streaming down my face and I can see the disappointment in his eyes, and that, more than anything else makes me run from him for the second time.

As I push my way out of the door the guys jump away from me, but instead of parting like the red sea like I expect them to, they effectively block my exit.

"Trixie?" In slow motion I watch Crosby reach out to touch my arm and I yank it away shaking my head manically as I begin shoving my way through the crowd. I rush past all of them and head out toward my car throwing myself head first into it.

Fumbling through my pockets, I curse as I drop my keys before I can begin trying to start the engine. As I juggle them in my hands, I jump away from the door as I hear someone knocking on it. I don't even look up, I just reach over and slam the lock down.

"Trixie? Oh god, what happened sweetie? I saw you running out and chased after you, but I guess you didn't hear me calling you." I finally look up when I hear her voice and sigh in relief but I guess the look on my face isn't what Mel was expecting as her eyes go all wide and her hand flies up to cover her mouth and I know I'm going to have to explain, and right now, I definitely need someone to talk to.

My hands shake as I try in vain to unlock the passenger side door. She gives me a '_are you kidding look_?' as I fumble and fail to get the door open. Finally I just shake my head and slide into the passenger side myself, unrolling the window and handing my keys out to her. She walks around the car, getting in the driver's seat and pulling the door shut behind her.

It's kind of a relief when she drives us home and doesn't ask me any questions, which lets me just collapse into the fetal position and cry. Mel pets my head in her lap and says nothing which is more comforting than telling me things she might think I want to hear right now, which is just as well because I have no idea what I'm thinking right now.

She doesn't even press me until we get back to the apartment, which is just as well. I've almost gotten my head around the whole thing by then. Almost.

"He… she.. She gave back the ring. She said that he asked her to give it back! What am I going to do?" I shake my head while Mel chuckles quietly.

"Wow, so he _actually_ had the balls to give her up. Huh, maybe you misunderstood things. She went away like you wanted. Or… is this _really_ what you wanted?" I push myself up into a sitting position and shrug.

"I just thought we were just fucking but now, I mean, he's made it totally obvious that he's going to pursue this and now I don't know how I even feel about that…I never expected this. I mean…I thought she was an issue, but obviously with her out of the way I have to actually… think about this being real."

"Is that so bad? I mean, c'mon Trix, he's offering you something that none of the other guys have ever offered. He's making an _actual_ commitment isn't he? Plus, you know you totally like him. I mean, god Trix, do you know how happy I'd be if Sid would show _any_ kind of interest in me?" I look up at her and smile.

"If it makes you feel any better, it's not like he _doesn't_ pay attention to you. I mean know considering everyone knows that he doesn't date at all, I might actually think there was some spark between the two of you."

"Oh shut up Trix, there's _so_ nothing there. If there _was_ don't you think I'd have picked up on it?" I snort and get the pillow smacked in my face. "Tell you what, get cleaned up, you're going to see him, at the very least talk to him, because eventually you know you're going to need to, even if it's just for work. And stop fucking looking like that, I swear to god, you are so lucky and you don't even know it. Now move."

I grumble as she shoves me down and then frog-marches me into my room. She starts rifling through my closet as she yanks out a dress that I haven't worn in 2 years one that was bought for a date that never happened with Henrik.

"Not that one." I cross my arms and stand my ground and she just glares at me in reply to which I only shrug.

"You'll wear what I pick out. And I mean _whatever_ I pick out." She rifles through my scant closet and finds a nice fitting bustier and some barely there g-strings.

"Are you serious? All this to just '_chat'_?" I stare at her and she just grins back at me.

"Don't you dare make me talk about make up sex when I'm not getting any," she orders, and then tosses the clothes at me and orders me to get changed. When I finish, I look up to see a pair of 4 inch heels and all I can think is that I'm going to tip over. "Smoking hot darling. I'm telling you, absolutely smoking."

All I can do is roll my eyes and pray that I don't trip and break a hip as I slip them on and head to my car.

Twice I think about turning around and heading back home, but both times all I picture is Mel standing there on the front step, glaring at me, so I keep going. Fortunately in the short amount of time I've spent in this city, enough of it has already been spent making this drive and I don't have to think too hard to find my way to his drive way.

But when I do get there, I find myself sitting in my car, staring at his door doing some deep breathing, telling myself over and over that I can get through this. I keep thinking what a big gesture that was to have her return the ring. After all, I didn't give him an ultimatum, he didn't have to do what he did, and I can't help but think that Mel's right, I _am_ lucky, and that thought alone gets me out of the car and walking up his steps, which I manage to do and only trip once. I raise my arm up to knock but he yanks the door open before I even manage to knock a single time.

"Trix." I look up as he stares down my low-cut dress and his smile turns more into a smirk. Then it's my turn to grin as he pulls me into his house without so much as saying hello. In three seconds flat my body is pressed up against the back of his door with my lips tipped up to meet his. I lean into his mouth, opening mine to his probing tongue and sighing into his mouth. "Not that I'm not glad to see you," he whispers against my lips, "but what is _this_?" I pull away long enough to steel my resolve. Or so I think.

"This is us. Together. Publicly. As an official couple," Shaking his head at me, he picks me up off the floor and wraps my legs around his waist as he carries me up to his bed and I don't even bother protesting. The minute he opened the door, something inside of me clenched, and as I look into his eyes now, I wonder what I was thinking when I was running away from him. I want him so badly it hurts.

He kicks the bedroom door open and tosses me onto the king size bed, climbing onto it after me and yanking my dress up past my hips. He groans out loud as he kneels over me, his green eyes roaming over my bustier and g-string. It doesn't seem like the right time to think 'he's so cute' but it's hard not to when he bites down on his bottom lip and curses under his breath in Finnish. I make a mental note to thank Mel later for helping pick out the outfit. He seems to like it.

"Come here big boy." I laugh as he pulls me to the edge of his bed and then unceremoniously flips me over. Hanging my legs over the side of his bed, he pulls my panties aside and slides a finger inside of me, making me moan out loud. Leaning over to bite and nibble my ear, he presses his body against mine, giving me a good long feel of his hard thick erection.

"You're always so wet. Are you wet for me?" I hiss out loud as he growls in my ear, and the next thing I know he plunges into me, digging his fingers into my thighs.

"You…always wet around you." I admit with a moan, digging my fingers into the bedspread and holding on for dear life.

* * *

"More?" I gasp, staring down in disbelief as she brings me attention for what feels like the umpteenth time.

"Jarkko, can I ask you something?" I nod, knowing right now that even as tired as I am, that I'm completely at her mercy and that I would answer anything for her. "Do you think Sidney has a…_thing_ for anyone in particular?" I can't believe she's asking me questions like that while she's sliding herself over me, her athletic body glowing with a fine sheen of sweat as she sheaths my cock with her soft wet heat. I've been completely enjoying myself and her, forgetting about her mystery boyfriend, about how pissed Niina is at me and how badly I feel about her son, but as soon as she mentions the Kid's name, all of those worries flood my mind. It should make me wilt but instead it makes me want to mark my territory, to plant my flag. So instead of pushing her off and asking her what she means, I grab her hips and push up into her hard enough that it makes her gasp for air.

"Why? Fuck, don't tell me you want him too?" I growl out as I slam my hips up against her and she can't even answer me, all she can do is shudder and moan and her eyes roll back in her head as a her back bows as a wave of pleasure envelops us both. Flipping her onto her back , I shove myself into her at a frenzied pace, drilling into her, angry, jealous, and wanting her to forget about anyone but me.

"Oh… oh, Harder Jarkko. Make me scream." I try not to grin, try to remain angry, but when she's screaming down the house, I can't help but be just a little proud.

"Tell…me…why …you…wanna…know…about…Sid…first." I use every stroke for emphasis, and then, waiting for her answer, I pull out, waiting for her to claw at me and complain bitterly at the loss of me inside of her. This is the best way to get an answer out of her. She hates to be teased.

"Are you…_jealous_?" She grins, raising her eyebrow at me as she reaches out to stroke my erection. I grind my teeth, but I can't hold out. I'm not that strong. I give and slam back into her, pumping until she finally screams out my name and her body clenches down on me, milking what little cum is left out of me. I lie, spent, next to her but I haven't forgotten that Sidney damn Crosby has come up during sex.

"I'm not jealous," I mumble, although in truth, I might be. "I want to know why that kid is suddenly the hot topic, while I'm fucking you. You can understand why that might piss me off" She giggles, which makes me roll over to glare at her. But she only holds her hands up to defend herself while she continues to giggle like I've said something hilarious.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry, I guess that wasn't the best time to ask." She reaches for me and I pull her into my arms, feeling comforted by her sweat soaked body nestling into my arms. "I'm not asking for me. I'm asking for my roomie." She stops talking and just lies there waiting for me to clue in. It takes a minute, but I finally put two and two together.

"No fucking way. You're serious? Mel likes the Kid? Damn. Why does have everything handed to him on a silver platter?" I'm shaking my head thinking about how easily everything seems to come to that lucky little fucker so it takes me a minute or two to realize that Trix is studying my face with narrowed eyes.

"You mean_ he_ likes Mel _too_?"

"Noooo," I roll my eyes sarcastically, surprised that she hasn't noticed. "He's just always wandering around like a love sick puppy. C'mon, seriously, you haven't noticed how he watches her all the time? Oh god, this is just going to make his fucking life, he's going to be so unbearable." I lie back down and stare up at the ceiling, laughing just thinking about just _how_ happy this news is going to make him until Trix climbs over me and presses her hands down on my shoulders, shaking her head at me.

"Oh no no no, no you don't. You don't tell him _anything_ Jarkko. You keep your mouth _shut_. If I embarrassed her like that she would _kill_ me."

"I promise, I won't say a thing," I sigh, slightly disappointed that I won't get to see the Kid's eyes light up. "But maybe we could compromise?" I look up hopefully at her and see the light bulb going off.

"We could play matchmaker! Push the two together but make them think it was their idea?" I grin at her and pull her down next to me and wrap her up in my arms.

"I like the way you think," I grin at her, leaning in for a kiss but even as her lips brush mine I feel one hand sliding south while the other twirls in my hair. Groaning out I look down at her incredulously. "Again? Seriously?"

"Yes, again." And all I can manage is a grin as she wraps her hand around me and arches her back to get closer.


	11. Chapter 11

_I promised you Sid fans that your patience would pay off, but if you read my stories, you know I love cliffhangers so enjoy and don't get too frustrated at the end._

C11

"Hey Mel, what's with all the hubbub?" Trix asks, leaning in the doorway of the warm-down room where some of the guys are working out on the bikes, doing their cool downs, but I can still hear the grunts and the clink of weights from the room down the hall. I look up from my clip board and shrug at her.

"Some of the guys have a photo session after practice," I explain, glancing down the hall and listening to see if the showers are running, "I'm here to make sure they're on time."

"They who?" she asks, crossing her arms across her chest and looking more interested than I think she should, but then I remind myself she _is_ dating one of the players now so I guess she has a right to ask.

"Army, Fleur, Jordy, Malone and uh…Sid of course," I bite the inside of my cheek to stop from smiling when I say his name. It's a bad habit, and one I'm trying to break myself of.

"Of course," she nods and rolls her eyes at me, which I take as a sign that I've failed totally at my attempt to hide my smile. "So do you need them in full gear, or what?" I shake my head and tap my pen against the notes from the photographer that are strapped to my clip board.

"It's for RBK and also for the Christmas catalogue for the league store. It's mostly the stuff you can buy in the team store." She nods, as if this explains everything and then glances inside and as she does, moves sideways so I can see that Sid's still giving the bike hell, beads of sweat covering his brow, his dark curls plastered to his head.

"I knew it," I grumble, running my thumb quickly along my bottom lip to make sure my lipstick is straight and running my tongue across my front teeth, hoping to get rid of any remnants of lipstick, or lunch.

"You look great," Trix whispers, and smiles at me in that knowing sort of way.

"Yeah, like I compare to the FHM models they have coming for the shoot," I sigh as I glance over at him. "I am _so_ not looking forward to watching the boys hitting on them."

"FHM? Sluts," Trixie makes a face like she's smelled something foul but then she gets this funny grin on her face. I've seen that look before and that look means trouble. "What time is all this supposed to go down?"

"Eleven," I sigh, glancing back down at the pages on my clip board, "the models should be arriving any time now. Lucky me, I get to introduce them to the boys."

"So they should be here _any time_ now?" she repeats, glancing at her watch and I can only nod my head in agreement.

"Yeah, I guess. As soon as I let the boys know they need to be ready in a half hour, I should be heading to the parkade to meet them."

"You know what? I'm pretty much done here, why don't I help you out," Trixie grins, and I'm left shrugging my shoulders and wondering if she really feels that sorry for me that she feels like I need help to do my job. "I'll go meet the girls, bring them down to the rink while you make sure the guys get ready."

"You don't have to do that Trix," I sigh, but I know when she gets that look in her eyes there's no use arguing.

"Not like I'm doing anything other than supervising," she shrugs and then turns and practically skips down the hallway. I stare after her, wondering what the hell she's really up to, but then decide with the amount of empty offices on a Saturday, there's probably a good chance she'll be meeting Ruuts for a quickie somewhere and decide I shouldn't think too much about it. So, instead, I square my shoulders, and head into the warm down room to get Sid off the bike.

* * *

I hear the click of her heels on the floor and look up to see Mel walking towards me, a clip board hiding her ample chest from view, her long dark hair pulled back into two neat braids, watching me with a nervous smile on her face. I don't know what it is about when she comes down here to pass on some information or paperwork, but she always looks like that, like someone's about to yell at her.

Talbot lets out a long low wolf whistle, which causes her to go the cutest shade of pink and only makes her look more nervous as she shifts that black clip board back down to her hip as she glances nervously over at where Talbot and Malone are both watching her. I shoot them both an evil glance, which only makes both of them laugh, but at least they get the hint, jump off their bikes and head for the showers.

"You'd better join them," she says in that low husky voice of hers' that I hear every night in my dreams. "The photographer is already setting up and the models should be arriving any minute now." She purses her full lips when she says models, like she disapproves, and it wouldn't surprise me if she was one of those women who thinks modeling is a degrading occupation.

"Are you going to stay and watch?" I ask a little too eagerly and wonder how stupid that sounds as soon as it comes out of my mouth.

"Well I _have_ been asked to keep an eye on things," she sighs, shrugging apologetically and looking away quickly.

"To keep on eye on us you mean," I mumble, grabbing my towel. That's just another way of management reminding us that they think we're all so young and out of control that we need babysitters, and the fact that Mario's asked Mel to come in and be the babysitter is only one more reminder from him that she's older than me and out of my league.

"Whatever," she shrugs and gives me that little half smile, as if to say 'what can I do?', "I know you'll all be gentlemen and on your best behavior. You always are with me," she adds, and then glances away, towards the door, and just for a moment I think she's blushing again, but then the hall is suddenly filled with whoops and laughter and I look over her shoulder in time to see Jordy running down the hall, butt naked.

"Looks like you spoke too soon," I groan, climbing off the bike and running a towel through my hair as I head past her and towards the showers, thinking about the many ways I can kill Jordy for reminding her of just what a bunch of college kids we are.

* * *

"Sid and Mel… sitting in a tree… k-i-s-s-i-n-g…." I hum with a giddy smile on my face as I head towards the entrance to the tunnel. I hear the models before I see them. The nauseous sound of women bickering and complaining about how cold the arena in makes me grind my teeth. It's a freaking ice rink, no shit it's going to be cold! Still, I smile sweetly as I see them and frankly, if I can smile at Niina when she wants to rip my head off, I can face a bunch of tame models that are about to go for a very long pointless drive.

"Oh good, they've finally sent someone to actually meet us. Frankly it's disgusting how we've had to walk this far on our own. Here's our bags." I have one tall blonde shove her purse as well as some other stuff into my hands as I'm forced to do my best to reign in my temper.

"_Actually_, I ran down to inform you of the location change. Did your agents not call you? This is the new location." I give them directions to one of the practice rinks we use out in the 'burbs and watch as they bitch and sigh but finally they turn around and that's all that matters. My good deed done for the day, I skip happily back towards the work-out room when I can still hear the grunts and groans, but Mel's no-where to be found.

"You look too happy. What have you done you little minx?" I look up to find Jarkko looking down at me, all sweaty and gorgeous, making me bite the inside of my cheek in utter frustration. I notice the assistant coaches are hanging around and the other trainers are looking over at me so I can't touch him, let alone rip off his clothes like I want to.

"Have you finished your reps and the stretches to relax?" I glance over at Rob and Jon relieved to see them deep in conversation with the coaching staff, probably discussing issues about certain players, a topic which has me constantly worried lately as Ruuts seems to be perpetually in the doghouse with Therrien.

"I haven't done my stretches yet, I needed a partner and the other guys are cleaning up already. Apparently there's going to be a show to watch in a bit." I laugh, shaking my head as he drags me back into the nearly empty room to 'help' him stretch. Watching him bend over and helping him stretch out his thigh muscles has me clenching my legs to stop the tingling sensation from overpowering me.

"Ok, stretch out your arms, and remember to pay special attention to relaxing your shoulders." As he sits down on the bench and pulls an arm across his chest I lean behind him, nipping at his ear lobe. Groaning, he grabs me and pulls me into his arms.

"I thought you didn't want others to see or know." The teasing tone of his voice makes me giggle.

"Do you see anyone else around? How about I massage those sore muscles for you in my rub down room?" I sashay towards my empty office, and when he doesn't follow quickly enough for my taste, I turn around, slowly pulling the zipper on my trainers jacket and shrug it off as he notices I'm not in my usual sports bra, but in a black lacy ensemble. Groaning he shakes his head, but he also gets to his feet and before I know it, he's pulling the door shut behind him and locking it.

"Oh man, you're fucking killing me Trix." I grin as I slide out of my track pants and hop up onto my massage table, spreading my legs and leaning on my elbows. I hear the sound of his clothes hitting the floor immediately and then I feel his body still slippery with sweat from his work out. His arms grip my hips and pull me towards the edge of the table, edging my legs further apart and pulling my panties aside.

"I want you inside me Jarkko, now," I moan as he enters me, slowly, too slowly.

"You feel so hot Trix, god, I don't think I can last long."

"Well then fuck me harder." I look back over my shoulder at him and bit my bottom lip, enjoying the view of him enjoying the view of me. But that doesn't last long, as he slams into me making me need to bite down harder to stifle the scream that wants to come out as he hits that certain spot that makes me see stars.

* * *

"Should we give it another half hour?" I ask, nervously looking down at my watch and then back up at the photographer who's pacing behind his camera like an angry leopard, looking for someone to kill, and considering I've been left in charge, I'm feeling pretty sure that it's going to be me.

"Fucking divas," he snaps, his Quebecoise accent thickening the angrier he gets. "We should just cancel all together," he mumbles, throwing up his hands in dismay.

"They're probably caught in traffic, if they don't know the city…," Sidney offers, and I flash him a grateful smile which he returns with that boyish grin of his, which makes me feel warm right down to my toes.

"Should I give the agency a call?" I offer again, reaching for my cell phone which I've been glancing at optimistically for the past hour, hoping at least one of the models will call and tell me that they're here.

"I don't know why you're even waiting for them," Ruuts offers, from his perch near the door, where some of the other guys and Trixie are sitting, waiting to heckle the boys during the shoot. "You've got two perfectly hot women right here," he adds, giving Trix a little hug and kissing her temple.

"The Fin has a point," Malone grins over at me, and gives me one of those appreciative elevator glances. I feel the horror fill my face, but when I turn hopefully towards the photographer, sure he'll be just as horrified at the idea as I am, I find him actually nodding in approval and giving me the same sort of speculative elevator look.

"Another half hour," I say, hopefully, but the photographer's already shooing the wardrobe and make up people in my direction and the next thing I know, the clipboard is being pried out of my arms and I'm being dragged behind a sheet tied between two light stands while curling irons and hairdryers are being turned on and I feel my hair being pulled and my glasses removed. Trixie just laughs as she's shoved unceremoniously into one of the chairs and much to my chagrin she actually looks pleased with herself as one of the make-up people pulls her hair out of its' usual pony tails and makes a gleeful expression about how long her hair actually is. "What did you do Trix?" I hiss, reaching over to pinch her upper arm.

"Hey, don't bruise me just before we get our pictures taken," she hisses, grinning back at me. "And just say thank you, that's all I ask."

"Thank you? Thank you for what?" I snap as someone comes at me with a sharpened eyeliner pencil.

"For giving you an excuse to hang off of Mr. Crosby like an ornament," she grins at me in the mirror they have leaning against the wall. "And you're welcome."

"What did you _do_ Trix?" I ask again, this time with visions of tall gorgeous models tied to the Zamboni. But she just ignores me, pursing her lips for the make up artist as he applies red shiny lip gloss and gushes over her cheekbones, leaving me rolling my eyes and wondering if she's done something I'm going to get arrested for later.

* * *

There might be a sheet up between us and the girls, but when they turn the lights on and start taking light meter readings, it's as if they've turned the lights on the girls and thrown their silhouettes into high relief on the sheet and the cat calls and wolf whistles start up right away. I hear Trixie yell something about a ten mile run for the next person to make a rude comment, but I can barely hear her or anyone else past the hammering of my own pulse in my ears.

Almost as clear as day, I can make out every curve of Mel's body, and when she steps out of her skirt with a cute little shimmy, I feel my mouth go dry and I'm suddenly very grateful for the length of the jersey I've got on. It's only when Army lets out a long loud blast, his fingers in his mouth, almost breaking my eardrum with the pitch of his whistle, that I manage to rip my attention away from her silhouette.

"I am _so_ tapping that later," Bugsy leers towards the sheet and the next thing I know I've got my hands wrapped around his neck and am trying to choke the life out of him. Suddenly the wolf whistles are replaced by shouts and then there's a dozen hands pulling me off of my friend. I'm dusting myself off and shooting him dirty looks when Mel comes around the sheet in a pink and white half top and bike shorts bearing the Pens logo, shaking her head at us in disapproval.

"C'mon guys, it's not as if I'm not already going to catch heat for this running long; can't you at least _not_ make things worse, _please_?" She turns those big dark eyes on Malone, pleading with him, probably because he's the eldest among us, to behave and then glancing over at me with this half disappointed, half upset look that makes me feel I'm about to get some kind of lecture about acting my age, but she just shrugs instead and tugs self consciously at the bottom of her top. It's such a cute little gesture, but the cute factor is very suddenly over taken by the realization that she's not wearing a bra under that, and that it's damn cold out on the ice and the sight of her nipples pressing against the fabric has me once again shifting uncomfortably.

At least Army does the gentlemanly thing and skates over and helps Trix and Mel onto the ice. Both seem to do an okay job on their own once their skates hit the ice. I swallow hard, and with some difficulty as the photographer insists on Mel standing with her back to the camera, between me and Army, with her hands on our shoulders, showing him the back of her jersey. I glance down at it quickly, not remembering seeing these shirts before, and find myself rolling my eyes when I see that it says 'Crosby's' instead of just my last name.

"Eyes front kiddo," Malone reminds me as my eyes wander down to the way those bike shorts hug her pleasantly round little ass with an eight on one cheek and a seven on the other.

"You too Malone," I remind him, clenching the top of my stick just a little too hard.

* * *

"You _must_ be kidding," Trix sighs dramatically when they hand her a pink bandana with tiny white penguins stamped all over it. "If this is supposed to be a top, I'm going to need two of these, at least," she adds, holding it up to her chest and shaking her head.

"I had no idea that we were doing a Penthouse spread," I mumble looking down unhappily at the black bikini top I've just put on. "Girls are never actually going to wear these are they?" I add, shaking my head at the way the gold coloured C suggestively curls around my nipple that is now, because I'm so cold, so hard that I'm sure I could cut through glass with it.

"You know they will, and probably to the games too," Trixie sighs, turning sideways and making a face as she tries to cover herself with the bandana.

"With a sign saying 'marry me Sidney'," I add, pulling at what little is covering my chest, hoping for at least a little more coverage.

"Yeah well, if they wear this, their tits are smaller than mine," she says, shaking her head and taking the double sided tape offered to her and putting it to good use.

"At least these hockey pants are warm," I add, tugging at the suspenders and laughing.

"Yeah but they make your ass look fat," she adds, giggling when I pull an unhappy face. As if I'm not already terribly self conscious. "Oh c'mon, you're not still mad at me?"

"When I get fired for all this I will be," I sigh, peeking around the sheet to see the boys re-taking their places on the ice, having changed into their warm up gear.

"You won't get fired. You saved the day remember? And besides, you're so much hotter than those models were."

"I knew it!" I moan, turning back to give her an evil look. "What did you do with them Trix? Tie them up? Lock them in the storage room?"

"Nope," she grins, "just told them the shoot was at some other rink, they're probably still looking for it." I roll my eyes at her and shake my head.

"They'll still have to get paid," I groan, tugging at the straps of the bikini top and shaking my head. "I am _so_ getting fired for this."

"Well I'll tell you something. When the Kid gets a look at you in that," she grins at me, "I sincerely doubt you'll care if you get fired."

"Yeah right," I sigh, but feel a little tug at the corners of my lips. I've seen the glances the first few outfits have received from him, and I'm almost ready to believe Trix when she says that. _Almost_, except I already know he's just not interested in me.

* * *

My heart rate doubles when she skates onto the ice this time, and I know that my warm up / track suit isn't going to hide the erection I feel coming on when her abundantly generous breasts sway in the cups of that bikini top. I find myself licking my lips and blinking, breathing heavily and shifting uncomfortably from one skate to the other, holding the shaft of my stick strategically in front of me.

"I want you to pick her up," the photographer says as she steps onto the carpet at center ice with us.

"Me?" Malone asks, a big shit eating grin on his face as he reaches out for her.

"No, the C with the C," the photographer rolls his eyes and makes a 'get together' motion with his hands. Mel looks up at me and shrugs and I feel the heat rise into my face as I hand my stick to Army who's giving me that 'lucky dog' wiggle of his eyebrows. I bend a little and put my arms out and she gingerly lowers herself into them, and then winces.

"What's wrong?" I whisper, immediately, not trying to lift her, half afraid I've hurt her with some stray piece of fabric from my hockey gloves.

"I'm too heavy," she hisses, looking embarrassed and crossing her arms defensively in front of her chest.

"No way," I shake my head. "You'll be fine."

"C'mon Mel he can bench press like three hundred," Trix sighs dramatically. "You won't hurt him, promise."

I nod at her, giving her what I hope is an encouraging smile, but she still looks unsure.

"C'mon people, I haven't got all day," the photographer grumbles and again.

I give Mel what I hope is the 'it's okay, trust me' look. With a sigh, she leans into my arm and lets me lift her. I'm not saying she's light as a feather, but when I shift her weight back against me, there's something about the way she fits in my arms that just feels right. She snakes her arms around my neck and leans into my shoulder and I can hear the camera begin to click, but I don't care about the photos now. I have her, in my arms, and I don't want to let her go. I don't even look at the camera, or at the photographer, I just stare at her and she just stares at me, and I feel my heart jump into my throat when her eyes begin to glimmer with tears.

"You okay?" I whisper, and she just nods, biting at her bottom lip. "Sure?" I ask again, thinking what I'm seeing can't _really_ be what I'm seeing.

"Never more sure," she replies, and her gaze slips to my mouth and then back up to my eyes. I might be a bit of a dunce when it comes to women, but when her pink tongue flicks out to whet her lips, and her lips part, just a little, I suddenly realize that I _am_ seeing what I think I'm seeing, and despite all the people around, I do what comes naturally. I press my lips against hers' and feel her press hers' back against mine.


	12. Chapter 12

C12

"Now _that_ is some very good work," I whisper as I pull Trix into the circle of my arms while we watch the new love birds head off on their own. Her eyes follow them and then she turns her happy grin up to me.

"I do what I can," she says with a shrug, but it's plain on her face that she's proud of herself. "They make a cute couple don't you think?"

"I knew there was a romantic bone hidden away in there somewhere," I tease her, giving her a hug and pressing my lips to the tip of her nose, which makes her scrunch it up and make a face that fails to look anything but adorable.

"I _am_ _not_ romantic," she grumbles but she can't stop smiling, which tells me she's not exactly telling the truth.

"So you don't want to come back to my place and sit in a hot bath filled with rose petals and have me wash your back by candle light?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at her, waiting while she mulls it over, her cheeks turning a gentle pink hue as she carries that thought just a bit further.

"I guess we could do that," she sighs, leaning into my chest and closing her eyes. "But you have to have your nap too, game tonight," she reminds me, yawning as she wraps her arms around my waist.

"Yeah, if I even get to play," I sigh, clenching my teeth as I think about sitting out yet _another_ game.

"Okay, we agreed not to talk about that," she mumbles and then smiles wickedly up at me. "Take me home and let me take your mind off the big mean Coach," she add, sliding her hands up under the back of my sweatshirt and gently dragging her nails down my back, a sense reminder that sends a shiver down my spine.

"You don't need to ask me twice," I whisper, kissing her gently before taking her hand and leading her towards the parking lot.

* * *

I watch him sleep, his body utterly relaxed, as if he doesn't have a care in the world, looking more like an innocent child than a rough and tough hockey player who's never said no to a fight, and is currently dreaming, and not for the first time, that he'd stayed in Vancouver for a little less money.

I brush my fingertips over the scars on his knuckles, white scar tissue skin criss-crossing his fingers like a road map of the fights he's been in, and smile to myself. A little shudder runs though me when I think of how those hands feel on my skin, of just how gentle those hands can be, and how rough.

His emerald green eyes open as I run my fingers further up his arm to caress his bicep and his full lips spread in a contented smile as he reaches out for my hand and curls his bigger one around my smaller one.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," I mumble, feeling my cheeks heat as he catches me mooning over him like some love sick teenager.

"I like waking up with you looking at me like that," he grins, pulling me towards him, and pressing his lips to my fingertips. "In fact, I like waking up with you period."

"Well don't get used to it, I don't want you cuddling up to Mad Max on the road just because you miss me." I grin at him as he pulls me closer, wrapping his anaconda like arms around me and pulling me down for a long soft kiss that curls my toes and makes my insides clench in anticipation.

"I don't think you have to worry about that. His moustache tickles too much," he laughs, but the laughter only reaches his eyes for a moment and then something else leaks in, but whatever it is doesn't take the sparkle from his eyes. If anything, it makes them almost glow.

"What?" I ask, pulling back enough to search his gaze with mine. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I was just thinking how perfect it would be," he begins, rolling me onto my side and then wrapping himself around me so that the entire length of his warm body is pressed against mine and I can feel his breath warm on my cheek as he slowly and gently runs his hand down my arm.

"What?" I ask, not sure what to think as he continues to gaze at me in this warm but considering sort of way. "What? Seriously what?"

"I was just…wondering something," he smiles, running his hand down over my hip and down to cup my ass, pulling me against his growing erection which makes it very difficult for me to think.

"Not fair," I sigh, opening for him, letting him roll me onto my back and nudge his way between my legs as his lips brush gently over mine.

"All's fair in love babes," he smiles, kissing his way down my neck and nipping at the thin skin until I moan and press up against him.

"But you said you were wondering…," I begin but he steals my breath as his hands slide down around my hips to pull me up off the mattress so he can make deeper, longer strokes and then all I can do is wrap my hands around the sheet and hold on as he presses himself into me over and over, his biceps fully flexed, his abs tightening as he pulls me up against him. I open my mouth to ask him again, but he reaches down and presses his thumb against my clit and that sends me screaming over the edge.

By the time I come back to my senses, I find him gazing down at me with that same cat that thinks it's going to get the canary look but now I'm feeling all weak and gelatin like and I just can't argue, so instead, I walk my fingers up his chest and twist his nipple between my fingers, hard.

"Tell me," I snarl as he sucks in a long breath.

"Ouch, damn girl." He winces and reaches towards my nipple with his fingers to do the same but I bat his hand out of the way and reach forward to do the same to his other nipple at which point he pins me to the bed with this sheer size and weight of his body. "Okay, fine, I want you to move in with me, I want to wake up with you all the time."

"What?" I look up, shocked as he lowers himself onto an elbow looking at me, playing with a strand of my hair that's come out of my pony tail.

"Move in with me, live with me, wake up with me." His eyes are gleaming, full with emotion and suddenly my fight or flight response has me scrambling across the bed, tugging the sheets with me, my pulse racing and not in a good way.

"I… don't know if I can. I mean, you know that I live with Mel, who would take care of her? You have no idea, that girl would burn water if she could…." I know I'm rambling as he presses his fingers to my lips, silencing me with a smile.

"Mel's a big girl, and if it works out like I think it will, Sid can take care of her. C'mon Trix, I want you to stay for more than just a morning here or there and not just because you fell asleep and didn't bother to sneak out in the middle of the night. I want you to be here _every_ morning." I know in my head that what he's saying is sweet and romantic, but I feel the same cold panic that engulfed me as when Niina was facing me down in the locker room.

"Jarkko, I know you won't see it like this, but you're asking a lot of me." I roll out of bed and start searching for my clothes, which is just another way of avoiding dealing with the confused look on his face. That's probably why I don't hear him when he moves to put his arms around me, turning me, and forcing me to look into his intense green gaze.

"I don't think I'm asking a lot. I mean c'mon Trix. I've left Niina for you and you've never even told me who this mysterious guy of yours' is but you're in my bed and not his so...how about just showing a little faith here?" I don't want to cry, but I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. I hate being cornered.

"I never asked you to leave her." I watch him wince, as if I've slapped him and not just said something out loud that I probably shouldn't have but it's too late to take it back now.

"Are you scared of commitment or is it just me you don't want?" I shake my head, a bitter laugh escaping my lips.

"You don't know what you're asking. Things are just…complicated." I struggle out of his arms and try and wipe the tears off of my cheeks. I can't decide if I feel embarrassed or angry, maybe a little of both. I was so happy a few minutes ago and now I just feel miserable and I can't stop my hands from shaking. I felt better when he wasn't making me think about things.

"It's not complicated," he calls after me as I grab my bag and head for the door. "You just have to admit that we're having a relationship."

"Yeah, well, I'm in one already with someone else," I mumble, feeling guilt making my stomach clench. "His name is Henrik…. Zetterberg."


	13. Chapter 13

C13

I reach up and touch my cheek, feeling the heat coming off my face still, even though the sarcastic cheers, wolf whistles and clapping were almost completely out of earshot now. Then I give myself a little pinch, just to be sure I'm not dreaming as I strip out of the stupid bikini top and pull my own clothes back on, doing my best to ignore the amused glances of the photographer's crew and the cursing, albeit en Francais, of the photographer as Colby tries to negotiate erasing the last few frames.

I have to get out of here.

Glancing in the mirror, I can't see any signs of the kiss, but I can still feel my lips tingling and it brings a smile to my face. He kissed me, and I feel like I did after my first real kiss, when I was like thirteen, not thirty, and that makes me blush again.

"Ready to get out of here?" I glance behind me to see him walking past all the hair and makeup people like they're not even there, like there's no one else here but we two and having that little half smile of his aimed at me makes my heart skip a beat.

"Yes," I nod, grabbing my bag and jacket and then turning back to him, freezing when I see his hand extended towards me. I stare down at his meaty fingers, my heart hammering hard against my ribs as I put my shaking hand in his and watch his fingers close around mine. Oh hell, now I really _do_ feel like a teenager, sweaty palms and all. Thankfully either he doesn't notice or is at the very least too much of a gentleman to say anything about it. He just guides me past the stragglers and out into the hallway, but not before Whit tries to hand him a fist full of crumpled green bills.

"Fuck off," he mumbles pushing Whit's hand away.

"C'mon man, you earned it. Well, maybe not quite yet, but I've got every confidence you will before the game tonight right Captain?" Ryan insinuates, his pugnacious grin widening.

"Like I said, fuck off," Sid snaps, glancing over at me apologetically as we continue down the hallway, Whit's laughter following us like an unwanted shadow. "That had nothing to do with me, just so you know," he adds, giving my hand a squeeze.

"So I guess this makes us the last to know," I try to laugh but it sounds empty and sarcastic when I it comes out of my mouth.

"I guess," he sighs, shrugging his massive shoulders, "but I didn't know there were actual odds laid."

"From what I've heard you guys are all gamblers, so I guess I'm not surprised, by _that_ at least." I feel my cheeks heating again as he glances over at me with that boyish grin of his and this time my cheeks feel so hot I'm certain he must be able to feel the heat radiating off of me, and just thinking that seems to only make the situation worse, and I can only hope that when we hit the cool Autumn air it will get better, but just as I reach to push the doors to the parking lot open, he stops, and when he turns to me his toothy grin has disappeared, replaced by that all business frown.

"I hate to do this but…," he begins and I nod, understanding the situation immediately.

"I understand. You go first."

"Thanks," he sighs, squaring his shoulders and then leaning in to press his pink lips lightly to mine. "Meet you around the corner towards the on ramp? I'll follow you from there."

"Where _are_ we going? I mean you have the game tonight, and I know you have all these _things_ you need to do…," I begin blathering on which thankfully makes his grin reappear.

"Yeah, I do have some pre game _things_ as you say but uh…maybe I can still do them at your place?" he asks, his eyebrows raising slightly, and I feel my heart stop. Oh god, he can't be asking what I think he's asking…can he?

"Don't you have a nap to take or something?" I ask, my voice going up an octave or two as I struggle to get my voice past my heart that's now leapt into my throat at the thought of all my fantasies actually coming true.

"You've got a bed right?" he grins, giving me a wink, then heads out the doors, leaving me behind struggling to catch my breath.

* * *

Sitting on the edge of her bed, toeing off my shoes, I watch her pace nervously, her heels clicking on the wood floor of her bedroom. I let my eyes wander over her in a way I've never really dared with her this close, openly watching the way her body moves and not trying to hide it like I would normally have to do. When she turns her shy smile on me, I feel my heart skip a beat.

"I was just thinking," she begins, her voice sounding tight and shy, "I have some chicken and some pasta and I can make up some bolognase while you're napping. I mean I know it won't be the same as what Nathalie makes but…," she turns to me, her eyes a little too wide, panicked looking.

"I'm sure it will be fine," I shrug, wondering how I can be so calm about fucking with my pre-game rituals all of a sudden. It must be because I can't think of anything but the fact that I'm in _her_ bedroom, on _her_ bed, waiting for her to join me. "But uh…why don't you come over her first?" I suggest, trying not to look to eager, like a kid in a candy store which is exactly what I feel like right now.

"But…but you have to nap," she stutters, lifting her thumb up to her lips and biting down on the knuckle in nervous gesture that's adorable and suggestive at the same time.

"Yeah, and I _will_ but first, come here," I say, patting the bed beside me and then sliding over and giving one of the pillows a little shove before laying down. She gnaws on her bottom lip for a moment while she stares at the spot I've left for her on the bed and then she just turns and goes to her closet and digs around until she obviously finds what she's looking for, turning around to show me a pair of pj's before she heads for the bathroom.

I can't help but shake my head and smile. Usually by the time I get a girl back to her place, she's half naked and pulling me into bed. Not Mel though. If I didn't think it was a crazy idea, I'd think she'd never done this before but that can't be possible. Not as gorgeous and sexy as she is.

"Ta da," she smiles as she slides back into the room with a pair of black satin and gold Pens pj's on.

"I hope you got a discount on those," I chuckle as she walks towards me, every step she takes doubling my heart beat.

"Yep," she nods, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down at me with those wide dark eyes of hers' and suddenly it's almost impossible to breathe.

"C'mere," I whisper, wrapping her hand in mine and pulling her towards me. Biting her lip, she curls up facing me, her knees to my knees, looking at me like she thinks I'm going to bite, and it occurs to me that I might, except no matter how much I want her, _have_ wanted her, that's not what this is about; at least not yet.

Reaching up, I gently tug her hair out of the pony tail she's pulled it into, and drag my fingers through the long thick waves until they fall over her shoulders, softly framing her face, and then I pull her to me, wrapping my legs around hers' and reaching for her lips with mine.

At first she tenses, her lips soft but her body stiffens in my arms. But then, slowly, I feel her lips move beneath mine, and her body relaxes by inches until her lips part when I sweep my tongue across her bottom lip, and her arms slide around me and up my back. Then, as my tongue explores hers', tangling with and sliding over it, I feel her tightening her grip, not just with her hands on my back as they slide up beneath my shirt, but her legs pull me hard against her and she can't be under any illusions now how much I want her.

"How long do you need to sleep for?" she asks, breathlessly as I kiss my way down to her neck.

"Shhh," I whisper, kissing my way up to her ear, feeling her shudder as I nibble on her earlobe. "Let me worry about that."

"Easy for you to say, I'm the one that's going to get fired when Mario finds out," she whimpers, digging her nails into my shoulder as I undo the top buttons on her pj top and bite down on the porcelain skin of her shoulder.

"He doesn't need to know," I whisper, touching my lips to hers', "for now anyway," I add, sliding my hand into her top, and under the cup of her bra until my fingers find her nipple. She lets out a little gasp and her head tilts back as I roll her nipple between my fingers. I take advantage of her stretched out neck, nibbling my way back down to her collarbone.

I tell myself that I need to stop, that I really _do_ actually need to get some rest, but when her hands slide down my back and she gets a good hard grip on my ass and pushes me down against her, I know that there is no way I'm going to be getting any sleep this afternoon. Still I hesitate as I gently liberate her soft round breast from the satin cup of her bra, knowing that if I stop now, I will definitely need a cold shower before I can sleep. But as I fasten my lips around her nipple and give it an experimental tug between my teeth, her soft cry tells me that I don't want to turn back now. I want her; I've wanted her way too long to turn back now.

* * *

I grab a handful of his succulent skater butt and pull him against me, grinding my pelvis against his rock hard erection and try not to think about getting fired and concentrate instead on the feel of his hard muscular body pressing against mine, which is easy enough considering everything I touch is rock solid ropey muscle.

I lace my fingers through his thick dark hair as he licks his way slowly around my nipple and let out a gasp as he nips at it. I watch his bubblegum pink lips close around the dark blush of my nipple and his burnt caramel coloured eyes roll up to meet mine, and I see the question there. Do we stop now? Or do we continue?

I know the right thing to do is let him rest; after all, I don't want to be the one that causes him to suck out on the ice. Then again, now that my entire body is on fire I know he's the only one that can put out this particular flame, and yet, this inferno's been building for a long time, there' no particular need to rush.

"You should rest," I sigh, biting down on my lip as he tugs on my nipple with his teeth.

"Could you? Now?" he asks, but something in his eyes is almost a plea, like he wants me to put a stop to this because he can't or at least he doesn't want to. God knows I don't want to stop either, and just the feel of him pressed against me has me slick with need but still....

"We can always finish this, later, if you want," I offer, hating it, but knowing it's the right thing to do. With a groan he rolls away and turns his back to me.

"You're right," he moans. "I know you're right but…_damn_."

"Believe me, I know," I sigh, curling into his back and pressing my cheek to his shoulder. "God knows, I know."

* * *

"Can I come back? After the game?" I ask, lacing my fingers with hers' and leaning in the door way, brushing my lips against hers'.

"If you're not too tired," she replies, her eyes fluttering open, a beatific smile on her face.

"Even if I am, can I?" I tease, tugging at her bottom lip between my teeth. "For more of that spaghetti?" I add grinning at her when her dark eyes snap open and her pretty mouth twists into a frown.

"Yeah, sure, I'll leave some in the fridge for you, just don't wake me up," she says, scrunching her nose up at me.

"Oh I think I'll be waking you up," I laugh, sweeping her dark hair back off her neck and pressing my lips over her pulse. "If that's okay," I add, sliding my hand down over her breast and gently massaging it until her nipple begins to harden under my palm.

"I hope so," she sighs, sliding her hand up under my shirt and raking her nails gently down over my abs until her fingers pause on the top button my jeans, and then with a grin she steps back hides behind he door, effectively pushing me out of the apartment. "But right now, you need to go."

"I'll be back," I reiterate, dangling the key she's just given me, and leaning in for one more soft kiss before I turn and head for the rink.


	14. Chapter 14

_a true treat (I hope you agree!) , 3 chapter in one day!_ _I finally got some time to work on this, it's been a hectic week but once again, please keep your comments flowing, I really enjoy them and I'd love to hear if you're cheering for or against any character in particular!_

C14

"Zetterberg?" I roll the name over my tongue as I chase after her, feeling my blood boiling as she turns and purses her lips at me, like she's got anything to be pissed about. "That fucking greasy Swede?"

"He does happen to be Swedish, yes," she sighs, rolling her eyes at me, like she has any right to be impatient. The only person that has any right to be pissed about anything right now is me, but you wouldn't know it by looking at the way she puts her hand on her hips and raises her eyebrow at me.

"So let me get this straight. You're _not_ moving in with me because of some grease ball fucking Swede that lives all the way in fucking Detroit?" She doesn't so much as flinch as I snarl at her, and I can't help but think, just for a moment, that she'd make one tough opponent out on the ice.

"That greasy Swede and I happen to have been in a relationship for a long time before I came here," she snaps, staring me down, her hands on her hips, "and he hasn't done anything to you, so just...have a little respect."

"_Respect_?" I laugh and shake my head at her. "What about telling me about this relationship before you fucked me huh? What about some respect for me huh? I broke up with _my fiancée_, for you so what about you having some respect for _me_?" I snap, reaching for her arm which she quickly shrugs out of reach, taking a few more steps down the driveway as she backs away from like she thinks I'm really going to hit her.

"Like I said, I didn't ask you to break up with her," she repeats quietly, but some of the edge has gone out of her voice and I'm not absolutely certain, but I could almost swear that her bottom lip has begun to quiver.

"No but you tossed her in my face more than once," I growl, taking another step towards her and reaching for her again, only to watch her take another step back. "You don't love him Trix, you love me. You're just using him as an excuse to run away from what you really want."

"You make it sound so easy," she sighs, backing away another step.

"Because it's very easy Trix. All you have to do is break up with him." Her eyes go wide and she slowly shakes her head back and forth as she takes one more step back which brings the back of her knees into contact with the hood of the car. "You haven't told him about us yet, have you?" She shakes her head again and tries to crawl up onto the hood but I grab her legs and pull her back towards me. "Well tell him Trix, tell him and do it today, then move your shit in, because I love you, damn it, and I'm not letting you get away that easily."

I pull her legs around me and she lets out a little cry, but it's not fear I hear in her voice, it's passion and I don't know what it is about this woman, but I'm mad as hell and turned on all at the same time. I grind my erection against her just to prove it to her as I press her into the hood of the car and lean in to press my lips against hers'. Instead of returning my passionate offer, she bites my bottom lip, hard enough that I taste the metallic tang of my own blood, but it doesn't make me stop. If anything, it makes me harder.

"No Jarkko, _no_," she pummels me with her hands but all I can see is red as I tug at her warm up pants, pulling them down around her knees and taking her thong with them. "Damn it to hell Jarkko," she slaps me hard enough that just for a second all I can see is stars and it gives her time to pull away from me and climb across the hood of the car. "I'm going, and quite frankly, I don't think I'm coming back." She jangles the keys in her hand and shakes her head at me.

"You'll be back," I promise, rubbing at her hand print on my cheek. She doesn't deny it, but just shakes her head slowly at me, and then slides behind the wheel, turns over the engine, and burns rubber as she heads out onto the street.

* * *

"What's up with him?" I hear the Kid ask as I toss my skates back into my little cubby and grab my tie again.

"Scratched," Army sighs, sliding onto the bench beside me, "like me."

"You?" Crosby shakes his head. "I mean I know Therrien's got it in for _him_, but you?"

"In case you didn't know it, golden boy," I snarl, pulling my tie a little too tight as I turn to glare at him, "you're the only one safe around here." Crosby's eyes get a little wide and for some reason I feel happy that I've wiped that gleeful grin off of his face that he's had since he arrived at the rink.

"That...it's not true," he says, shaking his head, but everyone, especially Army and Fleur just nod their heads.

"Of course it's true, you're the golden boy, you can't do anything wrong and even if you did, he'd never say it. No one would ever say it. You're the franchise, and he knows it, so everyone else has to pay for your mistakes too. But in the mean time, while your best friend is sitting up in the press box with me, you get everything you want, millions of dollars, _and_ the girl, so don't you _dare_ look at me like that," I snap, and then I turn on my heel and head out of the dressing room, followed slowly by Army, leaving a very loud silence behind me.

* * *

I click my cell phone shut, again, as I put my key in the door. He's still not answering, and it's been days now since I've spoken to Z, which makes me feel like Jarkko just might be right after all. The way Hank and I left things...well, it wasn't clear where we were headed either way, and now he's the one not answering the phone. Not that I've tried getting in touch all that often and I know I've been happy, at least most of the time, lately. If I'm honest I haven't thought too much about Hank at all. But still, there's this nagging feeling....

The door swings open, and I find myself standing in the doorway, watching Mel its on the sofa, eyes closed, surrounded by dozens of lit candles, sketch book on her knee, smiling blissfully to herself. It's a peaceful scene. It makes me want to break something.

"What are you so happy about, like I need to ask?" I grumble, pulling the door shut behind me.

"Because I…hey, why aren't you at the Igloo helping with the warm up?" she asks, glancing up with an almost guilty expression. I feel my hand curl around my keys, like I want to poke her in the eyes with them so I don't have to watch her being happy.

"Stuff," I shrug, turning away with the intention of going to my own room and keeping my vehemence to myself. After all, it's not really her fault that I'm in such a foul temper. She's my friend and I should be happy for her and when I get over myself I will be.

"Wait, Trix, honey, come talk to me. Let's watch the game, eat popcorn...."

"No!" I snap, turning on her and wincing inwardly when she shrinks back from me with wide eyes filled with alarm. "No," I continue, more quietly, "I just don't want to watch the game, okay?"

"What's up Trix, I thought after spending the afternoon with Jarkko you'd be as happy as me," she grins again and I can feel the hairs standing up on the back of my neck and the urge to claw that silly girlish grin off her face begins to grow again.

"I don't know why you're so fucking happy anyway," I snap, hating myself for saying it, but somehow unable to stop the ugliness from spewing out of my mouth.

"Sid's coming back after the game," she says quietly, but the worry on her face tells me that now she's worried what I might say next, and so she should be.

"You really think so? Now that he's got what he wants? C'mon Mel, you're too old to be so naive. What would that hot young stud want with you anyway? You and I both know that wild bunch are only sewing their wild oats. Besides, if it wasn't for the fact that the guys have all been betting on who'd get into your pants first, he wouldn't be looking at old crows like you and me anyway, he'd be out at the clubs with Army and Jordy picking up co-eds."

"But…but…," she stutters, looking up at me with these wide pleading eyes, practically begging for me to take it back, but I just shrug.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt, not like me," I add. The hurt in her eyes makes me feel like the worst person on earth, but it doesn't stop me from saying it, and it doesn't stop me from closing my bedroom door in her face. It also doesn't stop me from hurling myself onto my bed and crying myself to sleep.

* * *

I can hear Mel moving quietly around the apartment and when I glance at my alarm clock, see the hands moving close to midnight, I realize what I'm hearing is pacing and I wince. Pushing myself up to my elbows, I rub my eyes and try and shake off the grip of sleep. If that was me out there, she'd be comforting me, and considering I'm the one that's caused the pacing, the least I can do is go out there and try and help.

Unfortunately, the sound of a key in the door beats me to it. Cursing quietly, I roll off the bed, and head for my door, knowing the least I can do is try and beat her to the door and try and smooth things over.

Too late.

Without a word, Mel's pulled the door open and turned away to head back toward the couch, with a wary glance in my direction as I lean against the door jam. Then it's Sid's turn to glance curiously over at me as he pulls the door closed behind him. His wariness doesn't last long though, as he turns his big toothy boyish grin on Mel and climbs onto the couch on his knees, moving towards here with intent, even though she's curled protectively around a cushion and even I can see from all the way across the room that she's been crying her eyes out for hours.

"I'm sorry you've come all this way but it's not like I had your number," she sighs, her wary glance flicking from his to mine, "but I think you should go."

"Go?" he pauses, his broad chest almost touching her knees as he's leaning in for a kiss.

"Yes, go," she repeats quietly, and even in the dim half light of the candles that have all almost burned down to the wicks, I can see her knuckles turn white as she grips the edges of the pillow. "Maybe other women…_girls_," she adds disdainfully, "might not mind being the subject of one of your schoolboy pranks but I'm neither a girl, nor am I the kind of woman that _usually_ gives in that easily." When she glances over at me, the hurt is still in her eyes, and I can see how hard it is for her to be brave enough to turn away her one desire.

"Mel, I didn't take the money, you saw that I didn't take it," he sighs, shaking his head and sitting back on his heels.

"Maybe not in front of me," she corrects him quietly, shrugging as she casts her eyes back to the corner of the cushion and begins picking nervously at a loose thread.

"I didn't take any money and I never made any bets," he says, reaching for her knee, but she flinches as soon as his fingers touch her. Obviously confused he withdraws his hand, but still leaves it hovering mid air. "Mel…you have to believe me."

"Maybe it's for the best," she whispers, "it's not like Mario would approve or anything."

"I don't care _what_ Mario says," he insists, turning to glare at me where I'm still silently standing watch. "I don't care what _anyone_ says. I like you Mel…." I can see the glimmer of hope in her eyes as he reaches for her hand, but I can feel the little green monster rearing its' ugly head at the same time, and before I know it, my mouth is open and I'm butting in again.

"She asked you to go Sid, and before you start, remember, I've seen you guys and your frat boy partying up close and just so you know, Mel's a classy lady, and I'm not going to let you hurt her, so why don't you just get your butt back to the club or wherever all your pals are huh?" I watch him open his mouth to protest but he when he turns to Mel for support she just gives him her best blank stare, even with tears welling up in her eyes. Closing his mouth, he waits for a beat or two, but when she says nothing to stop him, he gives up and pushes himself off of the couch.

"I don't know what's going on here," he mumbles, half to himself as he heads for the door. "But I care Mel, I do, so…if you change your mind…."

"Oh and if you see Jarkko when you're out getting your drink on," I call after him as he puts his hand on the doorknob, "tell him Z says hi." He glares at me and I just stare after him until the door closes behind him, and I almost feel proud of myself, almost, until Mel falls apart and starts to sob. "I'm sorry babe, but you know it's for your own good."

"I thought he liked me…god I'm so embarrassed."

"Men…they're always playing games," I grumble, sliding over the back of the couch and putting my arms around her neck. "I'm sorry Mel."

"Yeah," she sighs, leaning into me. "But thanks I guess…it could have been worse."

"Yeah…you might actually have fallen for him, and then you'd be screwed like me."

"What?" She sniffs, turning her teary eyes to me. "What happened with you and Jarkko?"

"Oh don't worry about me," I sigh, "let's just worry about you for now." Lucky for me she accepts this explanation, and just starts blabbering on about Sid, and I don't have to think about the two men in my life and what the hell I'm supposed to do about them.


	15. Chapter 15

C15

"You play better when you're pissed off about something," Whit sighs, rubbing the shoulder that I shoved into the boards during the scrimmage. I nod, taking my frustrations out on the leg press, probably pushing harder than I should, but it's that or go upstairs into Mario's office and demand some kind of explanation from Mel for what happened last night and why she purposefully avoided me in the parking lot this morning.

"He's not the only one abusing himself," Jordy grins, glancing over at Ruuts who's doing some military push ups off of some barbells and the look on his face…well, to put it mildly, I wouldn't want to cross him right now.

"Speaking of that, where _is_ the terminator today?" Colby asks, glancing around as if it's just occurred to him that Trixie's nowhere to be found.

"Her and Mel took off in her car this morning as soon as I pulled up," I groan as I push, wishing somehow this load of weights will take the load off my mind.

"So trouble in paradise all around huh?" Jordy asks with a grin on his face that can only mean one thing.

"Don't, just _don't_ push me today," I grumble, grabbing my towel and heading for the stationary bikes, hoping he won't follow so I can work out my frustrations in peace.

"Well you didn't take the money," Malone grins at me from one of the bikes, "so I guess that means that the pot's still up for grabs."

"I was _never_ a part of that," I snarl at him, gripping the edges of the towel tighter as I remind myself that he's my teammate, and that Ruuts is right, if we get into a fight, it's Malone that's going to pay for it. Not that I'd mind that right now, but the others might.

"But apparently _she_ doesn't know that," Ruuts sighs, dropping the dumbbells with a loud clang and coming up behind me like a bigger, broader shadow. Normally I'd hate anyone feeling like they have to step in for me, but right now I don't mind so much. "So drop it Bugsy, okay?"

"We'll see," he smiles, getting off his bike and whistling as he walks towards the dressing room. I feel every muscle in my body tensing as I watch him strutting across the room and I can feel my hands clenching into fists, but Ruuts puts one hand on my shoulder and it helps to anchor me, stop me from going after him.

"It's not worth it…but, if you _are_ going to, then run him in practice and make it look like an accident. You'll probably feel better," he adds, giving my shoulder a pat as he heads past me and towards the dressing room. I nod, mostly to myself. Running him head first into the boards sounds like a great idea right about now. God knows I need to take my frustrations out on someone.

* * *

"Can't tear yourself away?" Trix asks, sliding down into the seat beside me, way up by the rafters, far enough away so that the expression on my face can't be seen.

"No need to rub it in."

"Like I can talk. I'm sitting right here too aren't I?" she grumbles and all I can do is nod and smile. Misery loves company.

"I feel so stupid," I mumble, watching him dash across the ice to sweep a puck out of the corner and avoid a check by Whitney with speed and yes…grace.

"I know what you mean," Trix grumbles, hanging her long legs over the chair in front of her and crossing her ankles. She looks relaxed. I envy her that. I feel like a coiled spring, like I could go springing around the arena at the least provocation.

"I can't believe I'm just like those girls who wait in the parking lot after practice," I add, biting the inside of my lip.

"You're _so_ nothing like them," she says, glancing at me quickly before returning her attention back to the white jerseys out on the ice.

"I completely am. I mean, after he looked at me like that," I grimace, remembering how my heart leaped to finally have him look into my eyes. "Ugh…I hate it, I was actually okay thinking he could never be interested but then…he kissed at me and suddenly I had all these fantasies in my head of raising a little hockey team and him coaching behind the bench and me making cocoa and cutting up oranges…I hate it!" I sigh, sitting back and turning my attention to the ceiling, rubbing at my throbbing temples.

"It's not your fault, honestly," Trix gives my hand a squeeze.

"Sure it is," I sniff, trying to hold back the tears that keep threatening to fall, "I've seen the pranks, the way they all behave together. I should have seen this coming. I can't _believe_ I actually fell for it, that he sucked me in like that. I can't believe I fooled myself into thinking the prince of pucks could actually be interested in _me_ when he's got Hanna Montana and God knows what other cute little starlettes to date. I'm so pathetic," I sigh, closing my eyes and letting out a long string of quiet curses.

"Like I said, it's not your fault, really," Trix assures me, leaning into my shoulder, "don't beat yourself up about it."

"Easy for you to say," I sigh, turning my attention back to the ice, "Ruuts wants you to move in. He loves you."

"He thinks he does, but he doesn't know me, not really," she mumbles.

"What a pair we are huh?" I smile, but I don't feel like smiling, so it comes out half hearted.

"I'll say." Both of our heads spin around and I hear Trix let out a long low whistle as Zetterberg appears, walking down the stairs towards us, with a big grin on his usually darkly brooding face. I glance over at Trix who is gnawing on her lip and blinking a little too rapidly. Time for me to make a graceful exit and leave her to make her explanations. Whatever she's decided, she definitely doesn't need an audience.

"I'll see you later," I whisper, tipping my head at Hank who's only got eyes for Trix. Turning, I head up the stairs, as quickly as my high heels will take me and it's because of the sharp cement edges of the stairs that I'm looking down and don't see Mario until I practically bump right into him where he's standing at the top of the stairs, staring out at the players buzzing around on the ice like bees in a hive.

"Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing," he sighs, stuffing his big hands in the pockets of his suit jacket.

"What's that?" I ask, feeling overly relieved that he seems not to be concerned that I'm here instead of in the office.

"Pushing him so hard so fast," he mutters, his dark eyes following Sid around the ice, just as I had done only moments ago.

"Oh well...it's hard to say," I shrug, watching him use the strength in his thickly muscled legs to keep Gonch at bay as he shoves the puck behind Fleur's pads. "Sometimes he seems so grown up and then other times...," my voice trails off as I watch him giggling like a schoolboy as he turns away from the net.

"They're all so young. I have to remind myself what I was like at his age. I tell myself that they're more professional than I was but...," Mario shrugs his big shoulders and lets out a long sigh as he shakes his head, "sometimes I wonder if we need more veteran leadership. Some of the veterans, like Ruutu...well, he's not much of an example."

"I hope you didn't get him thinking he was," I stifle a laugh behind my hand.

"No," he grins, suddenly looking years younger than he had just a moment ago and some of that old Mario magic leaks back into his ice blue eyes. "But you know what I mean."

"Well there is Scary Gary and Wrecking Ball. They seem to be people the Kid looks up to and he _is_ still a kid, I think sometimes we all forget that," I add, feeling a twinge in my chest as I say it. I know it's true, but something in my chest hurts too much to believe it.

"Yeah, I just don't know what to do to make it turn around," he shakes his head and then turns to me and slides his arm around my shoulder. "But lets go back up to the office and make some more phone calls and see if we can't get another veteran or two to help him out huh?"

I can't help but smile as he laughs to himself as he guides me away from the ice. Ever the proud papa, it's all about the Kid and I know exactly how he feels.

* * *

"See that?" I snap, pounding my gloved fist against the glass as I watch Mario slip his arm around her shoulders. "Do you fucking see that?"

"I'm sure it's not what it looks like," Jordy commiserates, leaning against the boards and pouring Gatorade down his throat. "At least I hope she has better taste than chasing after middle aged millionaires."

"That could be nothing," Fleur adds, tipping back his mask as he takes the bottle from Jordy and squirts the neon green beverage into his mouth.

"But then again, she _does_ think that you were just trying to bang her for a bet," Max adds, his elfin grin not doing anything to help lighten my mood.

"Thanks for the reminder," I snap, feeling every muscle in my body tense as a whistle blast from Therrien calls us back to the bench. With one last look up towards the spot from which she's just disappeared, I turn to head for the bench, just in time to see Ruuts toss down his gloves and go vaulting over the boards


	16. Chapter 16

C16

"Hank." My voice catches in my throat so it only comes out as a whisper as I watch him saunter towards me with that Cheshire cat grin on his face that I've always thought was cocky and cute but now it just makes my chest tight. I'm rooted to the spot as he gives me the once over, his gaze dropping to my bare legs and making its' up to where my lycra shorts fit snugly over my hips and finally lingering on the way the cold of the arena has my headlights turned on. A shiver runs down my spine and I can't decide if I'm suddenly cold or if it's the way he licks his lips when his gaze levels on mine that causes it.

"Trixiebelle," he grins, reaching out to run the back of his hand down my cheek, "I've missed you aiskling."

"You have a funny way of showing it," I mutter, meaning to turn my cheek away from his touch but finding myself leaning into his hand instead. "What are you doing here?"

"Being the number one goal scorer in the league has its' perks," he muses, tipping my chin up and running the pad of his thumb along my bottom lip. "I wanted to come see you so they let me have the afternoon off. I even chartered a private jet."

"Show off," I sigh, feeling my entire body shudder as his other hand slides around my waist, pulling me towards him until my entire body is tightly pressed against his thickly muscled frame.

"Well, when I want something, I get it. But then you knew that already." He smiles, bending to press his lips gently over mine. I try not to stiffen, but not to give in too much either, and yet the moment his lips touch mine I begin to remember the reason that I let my professionalism slide around him in the first place and it only becomes more clear as the fire builds in my loins and his big hands slide down to capture my ass.

"I do seem to remember that about you," I mutter, finding my own hands mimicking his movements as he pulls me against him. It's so easy to give in to him but then a cool breeze floats up from the ice and I remember that I have other...interests these days."But why fly out now? You haven't exactly been returning my messages." He shrugs, an infinitesimal movement that is so him. Move when you have to, don't when you don't.

"I tried to forget," he whispers, moving his lips across my jaw before capturing my earlobe between his teeth, "but you're very, _very_ hard to forget."

* * *

"Malone! Whit! Grab him!" I can hear Sidney calling out to the other players as I head over the boards, but I know that no one can stop me when all I see is red and right now a blood red rage is coursing through me as I watch that greasy Swede pawing at Trixie.

"Get the fuck off me!" I snarl as I try to clamber over the glass again, glad that I'm causing enough of a scene that Trix is finally snapping out of whatever kind of trance that grizzly bear look-a-like has her in. Even from this distance I can see her doe in the headlights expression but just when I hope that she's looking for me to save her, she turns and shoves that hairy ape up the stairs towards the outside of the arena.

"Ruutu, calm down and get back on the ice or I'm going to scratch you." Therrien calls after me as Sid grabs the back of my practice jersey in a vain attempt to pull me back down onto the ice. I look down at him, letting him know just how dangerous that move is but when I see the same sort of deer in the headlights look as I saw on Trix's face, I almost give in, almost.

"You're going to scratch me anyways." I grumble, throwing the rest of my gear down  
and rushing in the direction of the exit, trying to tear my skates off in time to catch  
the two love birds outside and then she's going to explain just why the hell that ape is here, and then I'm going to force her to tell him all about us. I can't _wait_ to see the look on his face.

Just as I reach the dressing room, I hear the click of skates following me, and I realize that there are at least 3 others following right behind me.

"Ah c'mon please don't stop him Sid. I wanna takes bets on how long it takes for him to that pummel that guy. Who was it anyways?" I turn around, glaring at my three unwanted shadows, trying to make it crystal clear that it would be better to just leave me to do this alone. Well, technically I only want two of them to fuck off, considering that at least one of them I can count to be on my side. Sid's just as sad a case as I am and I know that he's been feeling the same way I do right now. Maybe falling for that woman was the worst possible thing I could have ever done. Maybe, but I'm not ready to give up yet either.

"Jordy, for once in your life, why don't you shut up before someone _makes_ you shut up? Ruuts, you've got to come back inside. Therrien is _losing_ it back there. After all, Trix is just a woman, a hot one, but _still_, she's not worth getting cut completely." I look back at Sid and shake my head. Maybe he doesn't understand.

"So you're telling me that if that was Mel outside you wouldn't be doing the _exact_ same thing that I'm doing? Come on Kid, don't lie." He looks up at me and when he opens his mouth I expect to hear the company line, something along the lines of the usual b.s. he spouts after a game. But then he shuts those girly lips of his and actually seems to ponder the question, running it through his brain thoroughly and then he nods, and at that simple gesture and I'm ripping my skates off and the next thing I know he's kicking his off too, like he's planning to join me.

"You better have some type of plan besides ripping him apart mon ami." I glance over at Big George and he's also stripping off his gear. Quickly slipping into my street shoes, I just shrug at his inquiring look.

"I'm not good with words. And anything I try to do to let he know I'm serious doesn't seem to be getting through that thick skull of hers. Maybe if I pound his skull in she'll see how much I care."

"Mon dieu, c'est trop tard, le cretin est en amoureux." I can hear Sidney chuckle at Georges but right now all I'm focused on is getting outside, with our without my guards.

* * *

"Z…," I shake my head trying to clear it as he stands there, looking down at me with this funny little grin on his face and it's hard not to return that secretive little smile as I pull away from him, needing the air and the space to regain the ability to think straight. Suddenly it's all to easy to remember just how much I've missed him, but on the other hand, it's painful to have him standing here, knowing that there's things that I have to tell him, things that I've done that will hurt him.

"Have you missed me sotnos?" I feel my heart skip a beat when he calls me by that pet name and it almost hurts, which is why, even when he cups my chin in his hand and tries to lift my gaze to meet his, I won't look at him.

"You know I've had a lot on my plate, what with the Penguins training and boot camp and injuries and all. What about you?"

"Small talk? Trixiebelle, I'm here now, you can stop being mad at me." I open my mouth to explain that it should be him that ought to be angry but then I hear a commotion and when I glance down at the ice, they're all watching us, especially Jarkko and now he's clambering over the glass and all of a sudden I can't breathe."Trix, what's wrong?" I look up at Hank and then back down at Jarkko who's being man-handled by half the team as they try and pull him back onto the ice.

"Nothing.. nothing… I just...need some fresh air and some uh...privacy. Let's go for a walk." I grab his hand, pulling him up the stairs, across the concourse and outside as fast as possible. As my feet hit the pavement and my lungs fill with good smoggy Pittsburgh air, I start looking around the parking lot to try and find some place that Jarkko won't find us too easily.

"Whoa, slow down. Not that I don't want some alone time," he grins down at me as he spins me back to face him by just tugging on my arm, "but what's with all the running around?" He's still smiling as he brushes the hair back from my cheek, and it makes my chest tighten to know that when I tell him, he won't be smiling any longer which makes me giggle nervously, a bad habit and one that I know he sees through as his grin begins to fade at the edges."I think you'd better tell me what's going on Trix." I nod, wishing now that I'd just had the guts to tell him over the phone, or worse, by email. Telling him to his face is so much harder.

"I don't know how to say this or how you're going to take it, but...ah fuck," I look up at him, willing myself to have the courage do just say it quickly, just like taking off a band-aid, rapid fire, but when I open my mouth nothing comes out.

"Trixie!" When I turn around I'm faced with what should be a comedic scene, Jarkko being held back by the Kid and Big George, while he's being egged on by Jordy and Mad Max, but it doesn't make me laugh. It's too hard to watch him struggle against the constraints of their arms, his handsome face a mask of utter Finnish determination. If only Therrien could see them now he'd know that all that stuff he's been spouting about team bonding is actually beginning to work.

It's clear I don't have time to think about that kind of thing as Jarkko gets one arm free and unless I want him to tell Hank for me, I'd better do some talking and fast.

"Hank you know how we've been apart and…." He smiles and presses his fingers against my lips which forces me to stop speaking, but I make an annoyed sound and plead with him with my eyes to let me speak, but he only shakes his head at me, sending his sandy blonde hair into his eyes.

"Trix, sot some en gris, that's what I've been trying to tell you, if you'd let me get a word in edgewise. I've come for you, I want you to come back with me, the jet's waiting, what do you say?" I look up into Henrik's eyes and see the same kind of determination I've just seen on my other lover's face. Swedish ingenuity they call it, and somehow, right then I know that I don't need to tell him, that he knows, and that's why he's come. "It's a small world we work in Trix, and I've been stupid leaving you alone so long. But I've come for you now, so what do you say? Will you come?"

"I say yes," I whisper, leaning into his hand as he cups my face tenderly, and even hearing Jarkko's cry of anguish doesn't stop me from kissing him back when Hank presses his lips over mine.

* * *

"I'll fucking _kill_ him," I growl, pulling hard against the two pairs of hands that are holding me back from tearing that greasy little fucking Swede limb from limb. But neither George nor Sid let go of me. In fact, with one hard yank, they pull me back towards the building.

"You do that, out here, and the cops won't have a choice but to lay charges," George reminds me slowly, keeping his eye on me and on the pair of lovebirds swapping spit in the parking lot.

"He's right," Sid sighs, shaking his head at me. "Besides, she'd probably just be mad at you if you did kill him by the look of the way they were...getting reacquainted."

"But she loves _me_," I snarl, pushing them both away but keeping my feet where they are.

"Maybe she hasn't figured that out yet mon ami," George sighs, patting me on the back. "Perhaps she just needs some time to figure things out."

"Needs some time? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"Women are a strange and beautiful creature. Who's to say what goes on in their minds hmmm?" he says, looking like some great dark philosopher as he watches them wrap themselves around one another.

"Fuck that," I spit and start heading towards them. "She had better fucking explain to him that he needs to fuck right off."

"You can't make her choose you." Sid grabs the back of my practice jersey for what seems like the tenth time and pulls me back, using all of his strength but I only stop when I hear a ripping sound. "George is right, maybe she has to make up her own mind but if you go in there and kick his ass right in front of her...well it's just going to make things worse for you."

"Fuck!" I snap, but stop in my tracks, knowing that he's right and hating to hear it said out loud doesn't make it less true . Glancing back at them one last time, seeing the way he's looking at her, it pisses me off but I turn and head back towards the rink anyway. Either she loves me or she doesn't and if she _does_, she'll come running after me...I hope.

* * *

"I can't just leave," I sigh as he slides his hands down around my ass again. I try to pry his hands off of me, at least until we get out of sight, but his grip is too strong.

"Take a leave of absence, a week, that's all I ask. I got the Wings to pay for you to be with me for a week. I miss you Trix and I think we need to spend some time together don't you?" He gives me that big grin of his and it's as hard to resist as it was the first time he turned that hundred watt smile on me, even with all that Grizzly Adams beard thing going on.

"I seriously don't want to lose my job Z," I grumble, glancing towards the group that is now disappearing back into the arena.

"Oh c'mon. It's only a week. They can get someone else to rub their booboos for a week. Tell them your mom died or something. C'mon Trixabelle, please?"

"My mom?" I shake my head at him but he gives me this big puppy dog eyes sad look and I can't do anything else but give in, after all, I am the one that's in the wrong and he is right, we do need to some time to talk. "One week, and then we have to figure something else out."

"One week of you rubbing my booboo." His sad face suddenly turning back into that big Cheshire cat grin I'm used to. "And don't worry, I'll score so much that they'll offer you twice the money you're making here and I won't have to bring you back to this shit at little town."

"I wish," I sigh, shaking my head. "Remember what they threatened the last time we were caught having sex on the massage table? They're way more like to fire me and trade you."

"Me? C'mon, I'm the superstar. I'm going to win the Art Ross this year, and get a big bonus. I can do pretty much what I want right now. So go get your stuff and I'll be waiting right over there," he smiles, slapping my ass and giving me a gentle push towards the doors before heading for a big stretch Hummer waiting on the other side of the parking lot.

I watch him go, I've always like to watch him go, and then I head back inside, my brain swimming with confusion


	17. Chapter 17

_apologies about only getting to these chapter so late this week but let me tell you it's been a week from hell let me tell you so I know these will frustrate a few of you but hopefully you'll continue to have patience with me and I should be getting to another chapter on the weekend_

C17

"I'll be right with you," I sigh, holding my hand up as I take down yet another message from yet another would be sponsor for the kid and remind myself the next time his agent calls that I should ask him to pay me on the side. Putting the phone down I look up to see Jarkko leaning in the doorway looking drained and more like a guy that's just rolled out of an all night club than a millionaire sports figure. "You look rough," I whisper, giving him what I hope is a sympathetic smile.

"Feel rough," he nods, then winces and rubs at his temples. "It's not easy keeping up with the kids," he adds with a half smile.

"Aren't you getting kind of old for that?" I giggle, getting up to pour him some coffee with a glance towards Mario's door that's been closed ever since I got in this morning.

"Maybe," he replies following me over to the coffee maker and leaning up against the wall while I make him a latte. "What about you, how are you holding up?"

"Me?" I stop and turn to look at him, with what I know is a curious look on my face. "I'm fine, why?"

"Well, I mean…well the guys talk you know and we _did_ all see the kiss," he adds, looking sheepish and sorry that he'd ever brought it up, which is exactly the way I feel as my cheeks turn a bright rosy colour as they heat up under his concerned gaze.

"I'm fine," I whisper, turning my attention back to the foaming milk and before it boils over and shutting the machine off as I mix the espresso into the milk and hand it to him.

"We're quite the pair," he chuckles as he takes the cup from me, not trying to hide the pain in his eyes. "We should start a broken hearts club."

"He didn't break my heart," I reply, probably too quickly as he only chuckles and reaches out to run his hand down my arm.

"Hey, it's okay, this is me you're talking to. Trix stomped all over my heart so I know exactly what you feel like. I'm just saying, I understand what you're going through." He gives my arm a little squeeze and suddenly my eyes start to itch as they fill with tears, but I don't have time to say thank you or anything else as Mario's door opens and he and Sid come out chatting away en Francais, and I have to turn my face away so he won't see the tears sliding silently down my cheeks.

"Jarkko, you wanted to talk?" Mario's voice fills the room and I think I hear Jarkko reply, but I'm too busy blinking and fanning away tears, staring up into the pot lights in the ceiling and praying when I turn around the Kid will have had the decency to have made himself scarce.

* * *

I feel my body tense as Mario leads me through the door and into the outer office where Mel and Jarkko are standing with their heads close together. As if it could get worse, the minute she sees me she turns away, like she's been caught doing something she shouldn't. I glare at Ruuts but he just rolls his eyes and shakes his head at me like _I'm_ the idiot. I'm about to turn and go, after all, I don't know what to say to make her stop being mad at me, then Ruuts puts his hand on my shoulder and stops me.

"Don't be such a retard. She's crying. Go do something about it before you wind up like me," he whispers, giving me a shove in her direction. I watch him go into Mario's office and think to myself that I should be worried about him asking to meet with Mario which can never bode well for a player staying with the team, but then I turn to see her shoulders heaving as she takes several deep breaths and think for once I need to let hockey slip, just for a minute.

"Mel," her entire body tenses as I put my hand on her shoulder. "I just wanted to say…," my voice catches in my throat when she turns, and the cold look in her eyes stops me in my tracks.

"I have some messages for you," she brushes by me, but not before I can see the tracks of tears down her cheeks and it makes my chest hurt to know she really believes I've done something so callous as to make a bet at her expense.

"Mel I…," she hands me a stack of pink message sheets and then turns with a bright smile to the fed ex guy as he comes through the door with a box. I wait while she signs for it and grind my teeth while he flirts with her and she bats her long eyelashes at him.

"Are you still here?" she asks quietly as he leaves, reaching for the box cutter in her desk organizer. Reaching out I grab her wrist and her glance shoots up to meet mine, panic clear in her too round eyes.

"I'm _trying_ to apologize," I explain as she looks back down at my hand around her wrist.

"Boys will be boys," she says quietly, but there's no mistaking the sarcasm dripping in her voice. Even so, I can feel her hand begin to shake as I slide my hand down over hers' and gently remove the box cutter, just in case, putting it gently down on her desk.

"I know you think that we're all laughing at you behind your back, but I swear that it isn't like that," I begin, feeling my heart thudding against my chest as she looks up at me from beneath her eyelashes. "Just give me a chance to prove it to you."

"I think it's best if things are just left as they are," she whispers, glancing over at Mario's door, but I notice that she doesn't pull her hand away.

"I like you Mel, _a lot_, and I know that you feel the same way," I lean in towards her and her eyes flutter closed as her cheeks begin to turn pink. "Let make you smile like you did when I kissed you before."

"But that was a mistake," she continues, but her chin lifts as if she's offering me her succulent lips to taste and it's incredibally tempting but then I glance over at Mario's office door and I know this isn't the time or the place.

"When we get back from this road trip, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure you know that it wasn't," I insist, and with one quick glance at Mario's office door, I pull her into my arms and press my lips briefly over hers', and then with a satisfied sort of grin on my face, I head down to the locker rooms to change for practice.

* * *

"Flowers huh?" Jarkko leans over the front of my desk and peers at me through the latest dozen roses sitting on my desk.

"I know, it's beginning to look like a funeral home in here," I sigh, but I can feel my cheeks begin to heat when Mario walks by my desk and rolls his eyes again.

"I was going to say florist but whatever," Jarkko laughs and it reminds me that while I'm secretly enjoying all the gifts from my 'secret admirer', I know that he's still in pain.

"She said she's coming back tomorrow so...that's a _good_ sign right?" I look up at him hopefully but he only shrugs as he lets out a long sad sounding sigh.

"She could be just coming to get her stuff, give her resignation...."

"I don't think so, if that helps at all, I think she might have told me if she was. I mean, yeah she only left a message but...well I think she would have said if she was planning to go back. I am her roommate remember? She's have to give me some kind of notice."

"But she went in the first place," he shrugs again and then plucks a rose from one of the vases and holds it up to his nose. "Anyway, I'm glad you and the Kid are figuring things out."

"Oh...I'm not sure about that," I glance back down at my message pad to hide the blush in my cheeks. "I'm not sure there's anything _to_ figure out. I'm pretty sure I'm just being played and boy I bet I look like an idiot if you can see through me that easily."

"What? You mean he hasn't come up here as soon as he got off the bus?" he asks, looking wide eyed, except I take that as sarcasm and shake my finger at him.

"Like you did, looking for Trix?" Now it's his turn to chuckle uncomfortably and look away. "No...no, like I said, I'm pretty sure there's some kind of game going on but uh...I'm glad to hear that you're not still asking for a trade," I add trying to brighten the mood and change the subject all at the same time. He smiles down at me and then nods.

"Well we'll see. Right now I'm back playing but...well, we'll see."

"So the trade talks weren't _all_ about Trix?" I ask and he just shrugs his big shoulders again.

"Not completely," he sighs. "Anyway, I'm sure the Kid will be up here right after practice and...," I hold up my hand and shake my head.

"Don't worry about me, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." We both laugh as I get up and hook my arm in his and lead him back out to the hall. "You just get ready for tomorrow. I'm sure when Trix gets back you two will talk this stuff out and then everything will be fine. I swear I detected a note of longing in her voice mail."

"Well I guess we can live in hope," he chuckles as we walk into the hall.

"Or not, as the case may be," I sigh, and turn to him and can't help but smile back at the funny grin of his. "How can she not be in love with this face?" I giggle, reaching up to grab his cheeks and we both laugh, and then he pulls me in for a hug, which I feel like I need right about now. Something, _anything,_ to anchor me back into reality before I fall into the pit of the fantasies that have been filling my head the past few days. After all, Jarkko's right. If that little scene before they left for the last away stint was real, he'd have been here, and some of the vases of roses would have had cards in them.

* * *

"Still not answering your emails?" Jordy asks, peering over my shoulder at my phone, which I quickly snap shut.

"No, damn it, and it's none of your business."

"Just curious. God, you don't have to get so defensive," he laughs, walking away from me towards the change room. Yawning, I think about following him and then I think about running upstairs to see what effect all those roses have had that I sent, and then I look back at my phone. Not so much as a thank you or even an email asking how I am. Nothing.

"Women huh?" Rex nudges me as he sits down on the bench next to me.

"I thought I was figuring this out but...," I flip my phone closed again, "I guess not."

"She could be playing hard to get," he suggests, giving me a fatherly punch in the arm.

"Or she could still think you're part of this whole betting business," Gary adds, nodding his head sagely in my direction.

"What else do I have to do to prove I'm not like Malone?" I sigh, toeing off my dress shoes and reaching for my trainers. "I've told her, I've sent flowers, emails..."

"Did you phone her? You know, _really_ talk to her, not just all this virtual reality stuff?" Rex asks, and my only answer is a shrug.

"I don't have her number and I didn't dare ask Ruutu for it, considering...," everyone nods as if this was the right thing to do.

"What about here though? Have you called her since we got back?" Rex suggests, giving me another look like I'm stupid or something.

"When she's at work, with my hockey dad right there? I don't think so," I grumble, pulling off my tie and tossing it behind me.

"Well...then I suggest you go up and see her as soon as we're done with the work out right?" Gary looks over at me like he's about run out of patience with this whole topic, and considering he's the one that told me to buy the flowers, I guess I can understand that.

"Yeah, I guess," I sigh as shrug off my shirt and reach for one of the Pens t-shirts folded neatly beside me. Somehow I don't think it will be as easy as that though. I keep wishing women were as easy to figure out as hockey but then, even that's not turning out to be as easy as I thought it was. I keep thinking I should have known when she didn't kiss me back, when she didn't come running after me, when she never said a word before I left that I hadn't gotten through to her. I keep thinking she's not interested at all, that Malone really screwed me over on this. I keep thinking I should probably just give up, that I what I should do is just concentrate on hockey and forget about girls.

"Coming?" Fleur asks, heading for the weight room. I nod, and with a last shake of my head, follow him and hope that a few hundred pounds of pure steel can take my mind of a hundred pounds of frustration.


	18. Chapter 18

C18

"Smell that air! Smells like the motor city," Hank grins, sticking his head out of the town car and baying at the moon like the shaggy wolf pup he is. I shake my head and grab a handful of his shirt, pulling him back into the relative safety of the long black car. Laughing, he reaches over to make the window roll up and then pulls me towards him. Crawling into his lap, I press my lips over his.

"C'mere, I'm not done with you yet," I purr into his ear as I slide his t-shirt up over his abs, feeling their rippling definition underneath my fingertips.

"You didn't get enough on the plane?" he asks, brushing my hair aside and nibbling on my ear. "I'd almost forgotten how demanding you can be."

"Already?" I sigh, shuddering as his other hand slides between my legs, his thumb strumming my clit like a guitar string. I hear him chuckle, and when I open my eyes to look down at him, he's smiling up at me.

"Forgot your panties on the plane? That should make for an interesting road trip." I wrinkle my nose at him but my playfulness is short lived. He thrusts another finger up inside of me, making me gasp out loud. I grip his shoulders for support as he teases me, brings me closer and closer to the edge, and I can't help but think this is so like old times, like when we were both a little younger, a little crazier; when just getting caught alone with him could have cost me my co-op job. But it had always been worth it.

Now though, as I bite down on my bottom lip to stop from crying out as he strokes my clit and pumps his fingers inside of me at the same time, knowing the driver can hear and won't need two guesses at what we're doing, it seems just as dangerous and exciting as ever and yet there's something holding me back from falling over the edge, something stopping me from letting go completely. It's certainly isn't because he's not doing all the right things and not that his body doesn't feel great pinned beneath mine, because all of that is true and yet as much as I hate to fake it, I find myself doing my best Meg Ryan and collapsing in his arms, unsatisfied.

"Just in time to play I guess," I mumble, leaning into his shoulder and trying very hard not to let him see my disappointment.

"And now you're here, you can rub me down later," he chuckles, sounding and looking very proud of himself.

"Well that's what they're paying me for right?" I try and smile up at him as I climb out of the dark sedan and out into the parking lot.

He gets that Cheshire cat grin on his face as he puts his arm around my waist as he leads me into the rink, and though I don't feel it, I can't help but smile back at him. After all, that grin of his has always been contagious. Still, something inside of me holds me back from matching the renewed spring in his step as we head past security and even when he introduces me around the dressing room all I can do is stand there blushing; all of my usual sarcastic banter stifled by a giant lump in my throat.

* * *

"What's all this?" I ask, feeling a wave of heat battering my skin as soon as we enter the room, but he won't take his hands away from over my eyes.

"I told you, a surprise," he whispers in my ear, his broad chest pressing against my back as he uses it to usher me further into the room.

"Heat...hot...wet...the sauna? Steam room?" I guess, reaching out with both hands, feeling the heat but nothing else but hot air in front of me.

"Perhaps, but not at the moment," he says, his voice low as he takes his hands away to reveal a table set for two in the middle of the cedar plank sauna, complete with vanilla taper candles and a white linen tablecloth.

"You didn't have to do this," I sigh, biting on the inside of my cheek as I turn to him.

"Sure I did. I have to prove to you that I want you here, with me." I lean into his hand as he reaches up to brush a lock of hair from my cheek and he grins, but this time it's not so much the Cheshire Cat looking back at me as the cat who got the cream as he leans in to cover my lips with his, kissing me gently but thoroughly. It's the same kind of kiss as our first and in the same room and just like it did then, it makes my heart do a little flip.

"Heinrich, there are things we should talk about," I begin but he shushes me with his finger pressed to my lips, shaking his head before he leads me to a seat at the table and pulls the chair out for me. So European, so proper, so like....

"Steak, caviar, champagne, Waldorf salad...all your favourites." He removes the lid from my plate and pulls the champagne from the ice, pointing it away from us before he twists off the cap and sends a spray of bubbles into the steaming rocks.

"You always did know how to spoil me," I smile up at him, wondering just what he sees reflected in my eyes. Does he see that I appreciate the gesture but am thinking about another man in another city or....

"Nothing is too much for my good luck charm," he muses, pouring the champagne and then lifting his glass and tipping it towards me. "A toast. To us, to our future."

"Our...future?" I stumble over my words, choking on the bubbles and blinking rapidly as the bubbles fill my nose.

"You don't think I just brought you here for sex did you my kitten?" he asks, leaning down and lifting my chin, pressing his lips briefly to the tip of my nose. I blink at him, shrugging, not sure what the right answer is. "Come, eat, we can...talk later," he grins, walking over to the other side of the table, or rather strutting, knowing exactly what effect watching his ass has on me. As if to make his point clear, he hooks his thumbs in the back pockets of his jeans and pulls them down, showing me the waistband of my favourite boxer briefs.

"Z," I feel my cheeks heat and I realize that I just don't want to look but can't force myself to look away either.

"I know how you like your man meat packaged, nice and tight," he smirks, glancing over his shoulder at me, his eyes glinting in the candlelight as he slowly, intentionally shimmies out of his jeans. I bite down my bottom lip furiously, wanting to look away but mesmerized at the same time by his near perfect body as it emerges first from his jeans then as his t-shirt slides up over his shoulders. Damn but that body's been my undoing for a long time now, and yet....

"Aren't you eating?" I ask, almost hopefully, knowing exactly where all of this is head and pathetically trying to stave off the inevitable.

"I have an appetite for..._something else_," he grins, sliding up onto one of the benches and then reaching for the water ladle and with a long lingering look at me, pouring the water down his chest, making his skin gleam like polished gold. My breath catches in my throat and I have to cough just to get air into my lungs.

Like a zombie, I find myself stumbling forward, towards him. It's as if I have no control over my limbs at all and to make things worse, when he twines his long fingers in mine while using his other hand to push my t-shirt up over my stomach I let him, make no move at all to stop him. I watch him, like I'm watching someone else, like it's happening to someone else as he lowers himself until his mouth is parallel to my belly and then he simply blows on my skin and I lose all sense of myself until the next thing I know he's pulling me to him and I feel powerless to stop him.

I can see his every move almost before he makes it. First his lips brushing my rib cage, slowly making their way upwards as his fingers move the cotton up and away, then licking and nibbling his way northward while his other hand presses mine over his thick, long and hard erection. I hear my own voice crying out as his teeth close over my nipple through the lace of my bra but it feels like the voice isn't mine. It hardly registers when he lets the last thread of my clothing and his fall to the floor and encourages me to climb over him, straddle him.

I use to love to do this, to look down at his half cocky half amused expression from this angle as his fingers dug into the skin of my thighs, controlling our movements. Now, for some reason, I find it hard to look at him, to look at the candlelight playing across those high cheekbones, making the highlights in his hair shimmer. Now all I want to do is close my eyes and throw my head back and feel him pushing up inside of me, filling me, but not...quite. Cursing myself quietly, my mind wanders back to another man, another body that never fails to fill me.…

* * *

"I know you said you needed to...what did you call it? Find yourself, get your own job, your own place but...I want you back here," he says, sleep making his eyelids heavy, his accent thicker than usual. His fingers playing along my skin start to slow in their movements, making my skin crawl, wanting the fingers of another man to run along my body, one that makes me heated just looking at me.

"I don't know Z...there's things we should talk about, things you should know," I begin again but he just smiles, that thoughtful little smile like he's being indulgent, like he knows a secret as he shakes his shaggy hair into his.

"I know things," he mumbles, twirling my hair around his fingers and closing his eyes as he brings the lock of hair to his nose and inhales deeply, looking satisfied. "I know that you like to act tough, but you're not," he begins, letting the lock of hair fall to my shoulder and following it down with his lips, pressing a kiss to the hollow of my neck. "I know that you like the way I look in jeans," he chuckles, sliding his hand down over my hip and giving my ass a smack. "I know that you like milk in your coffee in the morning, how you make that small humming noise after taking your first sip if it's just right," he continues, his breath warm in my ear. "And I know that you should marry me and stay here and be my very own personal trainer."

My breath catches in my throat as I feel his other hand slide under the pillow and then up between us. A shiver runs down my spine as a little blue box appears in his hand, tied with a silver bow. Tiffany. Shit. I try and slow my rapid breaths, make it come out like I'm surprised and happy and not trying to fight of yet another panic attack.

"Z...I...." I shake my head, but my eyes won't unlock from the little box, but I can't force myself to touch it either. He chuckles indulgently and unties the ribbon, opening the box with a click and revealing the biggest diamond I've ever seen not attached to Victoria Beckham.

"Pink, just like you always wanted." He smiles, a tenderness creeping into his eyes as he tries to read my gaze, but I also note a new wariness in those bedroom eyes. I try and ward off the feeling of being helpless, of shock, of anything that doesn't resemble pure, unadulterated happiness but that same heaviness that's been in my chest since he arrived in Pittsburgh overrides those emotions.

"Z...this is so...beautiful and sudden." I sigh, trying to reach out to touch it but bringing my hand back like I'm certain it's going to burn me.

"I know my kitten, and I would have waited but...well it's been so good to see you," he takes my hand in his and puts the box into it, trying to make me take it. Holding onto my hands he places it in my palm, but my hand is shaking so hard that he has to cover the box and my hand with his larger ones to stop it from falling out of our grasp.

"I don't know...I just...I don't know," I feel myself shaking, my entire body shivering with the sudden onset of shock.

"Okay, so you tell me yes in the morning," he smiles, gently taking the box from my hand and placing a soft kiss in the centre of my palm where it had been before taking it and putting it on the bedside table. "For now, come, let me hold you while we sleep. I've missed your warm body." I feel his strong arms pulling me against him, his hard steely frame wrapping around me, and I keep thinking the shaking should stop, that I should feel safe in his arms. But it doesn't and I don't. Even when I hear his breathing turn into the heavy deep, even breaths of sleep all I do is lie awake, staring into the dark and the more I think about it, the more the water works threaten to start.

I roll over to stare at his sleeping form, his golden hair falling softly on his cheeks, looking untroubled and innocent and that lump in my throat growing bigger, making it hard to breathe. I wonder if he's going to hate me when he wakes up in the morning to find me gone. I know I would.

But at least now I know. I know where my heart is, or at least who has it, and I know I have a lot of explaining to do, and I can't do it from here.

So with a heavy heart, I put the box with its' two carat pink heart shaped diamond down on the empty pillow beside him, pick up my bag, and head out into the night.

* * *

"Hey guys! Trix is back from her vacation!" For the first time in days I laugh as Whit and Colby wave up at me, grins a mile wide on their faces.

"I didn't think you were missing me. I hear you guys have been rocking without me, maybe you don't need me back." Some shuffle about while others laugh nervously.

"Naw, it's just one game Trix, we won't let it get to our heads." Whitney answers and I see Colby shake his head and chuckle quietly.

"We all know the coach won't let us do that…," I look at Colby and see his bitter smile and just shake my head. I'm happy, I'm home and I'm going to get the love of my life back. I can't let the emotions of a healthy scratch bring me down.

"Hey, um…Ryan…have you seen…?" I let the words hang in the air, like I can't say his name without blushing and I don't even know why.

"Hey Army, I wonder who Trix is looking for?" Bugsy chuckles and nudges Army who just smiles and nods.

"The Shootout King? Yeah, he's upstairs talking to management. Or at least that's where he was heading the last time I saw him." Whit chuckles at me and pushes me towards the door.

"Oh and guys, don't get the wrong idea. The "terminator" _is_ back. I wanna see some serious sweat dripping when I get back down here, or else it's 10 laps around the stadium." I call over my shoulder as I bounce back into the hallway, a definite spring in my step.

I find myself practically skipping as I head up the hallway in the direction Whit said he'd last seen him go. I've decided to take it as a good sign that he's talking to Mario. The Kid seems to get a lot of good advice out of the old guy, so I'm hoping he'll have some sage words for Jarkko.

That puts a smile on my face as I turn the corner. It should be a good surprise for Mel as well, considering I told her I'd be back tomorrow, but then that was before Hank pulled out the ring and made up my mind for me. I'm still a little sad about leaving that big hunk of diamond behind but then I decide that maybe one day Jarkko can buy me something just as nice.

Thinking about that puts a little skip into my step, and now my heart is beginning to beat double time as I think about telling him that I'm finally going to stop running and let him make an honest woman out of me.

And that's when I round the corner in time to see him wrap his arms around her and pull her into his arms. I try and wrap my mind around what I'm seeing. Then, all I see is red rage. Angry and hateful I glare at them, but all I can do is stand there and stomp my foot.

That conniving fucking little bitch!


	19. Chapter 19

* _I debated whether or not to put a warning on this chapter, but after seeing the reaction of my friend for whom I've been writing this story, I decided that I should. So if you are about to read this, make sure you're sitting down, and if you are reading this in a public place (class, library, public transit...) find something to bite down on. You're going to need it. _

C19

"Son of a _bitch_!" I snarl loudly as I pick myself off the ice from where Malone has unceremoniously dumped me against the boards. Wincing, I reach for my thigh and let out another long stream of f-bombs as I feel that unmistakably familiar twinge.

"Oh good! Like we're not sucking enough," Jordy shakes his head and eyes Bugsy with disgust. "You just _had_ to hurt him didn't you?"

"He's always whining about something," Malone shrugs and skates away like he hasn't got a care in the world. I think about going after him, but then I think about hurting myself even worse, and decide to lean on Staalsy and let him skate me to the bench where Therrien is waiting, shaking his head.

"Get that checked right away. Is that Dixie back?" he sighs, tapping his pencil against his clipboard, I'm sure wondering what he'll do if I can't play.

"Trixie," I correct him quietly, hobbling off the ice and down the hallway, not waiting for any further instruction. I need ice, and right away. I'd rather have Mel rub me down but...I shake my head, trying to free my mind of the x-rated thoughts that keep sneaking in. Soon enough, I tell myself. Soon I'll be out of these skates and upstairs asking her for that second chance and then just maybe....

I've been thinking about it though, and I've come to the realization that I haven't given her much of a reason to trust me. After all, I haven't even tried to get to know her, which is not very gentlemanly of me at all. My mother taught me better; hell _Nathalie_ taught me better than to just jump into bed on the first date. I have to do more than send flowers. I have to...what's the word scary Gary used? Woo her. Yeah...I have to woo her. I can't just jump on her like some kind of sex starved teenager....

"Are you limping?" My head snaps up as I almost bump into Trixie as she storms down the hall towards me. She cocks her head to one side and peers at me with narrowed eyes. "Are you hurt?"

"Yeah," I shrug, "my groin again I think." She shakes her head at me, her hands on her hips and her mouth drawn into a tight line.

"Strip, get in there," she sighs, pushing open the door to the massage room.

"Strip?" I choke on the word, blinking rapidly at her in disbelief.

"Actually I'm going to enjoy this, I can really use something to beat up on right about now," she grins, pushing the sleeves up on her shirt and standing aside so I can go in the little room ahead of her.

"Don't hurt me? Please?" I beg, looking over my shoulder at her hopefully, but her grin only widens as she pulls the door shut behind me.

* * *

"Oh it's not _you_ that's going to hurt, exactly." I smile at him, leaning against the door and very quietly locking it behind me. Licking my lips, I try and think of a good reason not to do what I'm considering doing as I watch him pull his jersey over his head. Unfortunately for Mel, by the time he's down to his Lycra undergarments, every argument I can think of _against_ doing just exactly that has flown right out of my head. "Up on the table," I instruct him, stepping carefully over his discarded skates.

"You uh...don't really look ready for work," he says, glancing at me warily as he stands with the table serving as a sort of barrier between us. I glance down at my tight sequined black t-shirt, short leather skirt and matching high heels and shrug.

"I wasn't planning on working quite yet," I reply, patting the table and giving him that impatient 'I'm waiting' look. With that little boy 'if you're sure' sort of shrug, he climbs up on the table and lies down, laying himself before me like a smorgasbord.

Grabbing his leg by the ankle, I begin digging my knuckles into his thick calf muscle, watching as he closes his eyes in bliss. All athletes love a good rub down. They'd be lying if they said they didn't. What they don't like is the back cracking stuff. But by the time my fingers are working their way up the solidness of his thighs, his smile has begun to fade, ever so slightly at the edges.

It's one thing to enjoy a good massage. It's quite another to _really_ enjoy it and when I begin to manipulate his groin in a less than professional way, I know he's having a George Castanza moment. His hands go from relaxed at his sides to gripping the edge of the massage table, and when I let my hand casually roam across that pocket where his cup would have been had he not taken it out, his eyes pop open.

"Um…Trix…I like you but uh…."

"Oh don't look so offended. In fact, do you know what _is_ offensive? Coming back to tell Ruuts that I've realized that he's the one for me only to find him, do you know where?" I ask, sliding my hand down to cup his balls through the tight fabric, feeling them tighten in my fingers despite the fact that he's squirming and trying to crab walk backwards on the table to get away from me. He shakes his head slowly, his eyes wide in panic. "He was upstairs, with Mel. _With_ Mel, if you know what I mean?" Impossibly, his eyes get wider, and he shakes his head over and over, making his damp curls fall against the pale skin of his forehead, very gothic.

"You...you must have misunderstood," he begins, but I just shake my head and rake my fingernails across his growing erection.

"No, I definitely know what I saw," I snarl, running my hand over the thickness of him, enjoying the power I've got over him now. But when I look up at him, he still looks panicked, and despite what his body is telling me, I know if I give him too long to think about it, he's going to try to escape. "We're not going to let them get away with that, are we?" I ask, trying to let the anger seep out of my voice, replacing it with a sugary sweet coo normally reserved for babies, teacup Chihuahuas and frightened hockey players.

"Did you ask them? I mean…are you _sure_?" he asks, his voice getting deep and husky as I crawl onto the table with him, pulling my t-shirt over my head, baring a black and red lace bra.

"I'm telling you Siddy, I _know_ what I saw," I assure him as I lean over him and tug his Lycra top up, baring his sculpted six pack, bending to lick my way around the edges. "But maybe you can make me forget hmm?" I glance up at him, my fingers on the waist of his pants, my lips a breath away from the head of his cock.

* * *

I look down at her looking up at me and my head is swimming with emotions and it's just about impossible to straighten any of them out with her licking her cherry red lips like that, or with her hands threatening to strip me naked. I should be saying no, but then I think about what she said, about Jarkko with Mel..._with_ Mel she said, and the thought of him bending her over her desk....

I shake my head to try and clear the image but it's there, like it's burned into my retinas and it just won't go away. I keep seeing her...with him...and then just like when someone slams me against the boards for no reason, I just see red, and there's that buzzing in my head that makes it impossible to think straight, and the next thing I know, I'm helping her pull my pants off and her lips are on my cock and then...and then it's still Mel I'm picturing as I thrust my hips upwards, forcing her to take all of me, like I'm trying to punish her, trying to be better than him, bigger, harder, and I've got the back of her head in my hands, forcing her downwards.

Except it's not Mel's luxurious curls in my hands, it's long straight black hair and it's not Mel's big round brown eyes looking up at me, it's Trixie's exotic almost black Asian eyes looking up at me and then I want to stop. I want _her_ to stop, and I try and pull away from her but before I can get off of the table she's hiked her skirt up and she's straddling me, lowering herself over me and then the whole world goes star filter as the slick heat of her engulfs me and it feels so good....Oh Christ, I know it's wrong, but it feels so damn good with her muscles tightening around my cock, and watching her stretch her long limbs, tossing her hair back, her breasts thrust forward....

God knows it's been a while since I've had anything but drunken fumbling in the dark with girls. Girls who just lay there and giggle as I clumsily fuck them, and it's usually over with so quickly, so unsatisfying for everyone. But then there was Mel, her body so soft and warm and inviting, and even though it's been almost painful to have _almost_ had her, I haven't dared try and be with any of the little puck bunnies. Not after what I almost had, could have had....

And it's not like Trixie's not hot, because we all agreed the first day of camp that she was smokin' hot. But for me, her lean lithe frame just doesn't do the same things for me that Mel's curves do. But watching her ride me, her long lean torso bowed, her mouth open in a soundless cry as I push up into her, I can't help but want to fuck her, want to make her cum, want all the guys to hear her when she does and I don't want to take it slow, I don't really care how she feels, I just want to fuck her.

With my hands on her hips I pull her down as hard as I can as I push up into her, harder, faster, enjoying her little cries as they turn into whimpers, and suddenly it's not even her, not really. It's like I'm getting Jarkko back, like every whimper she lets out is like I'm punching him and then I just want to do it more, like I want to make her cry.

I watch her tongue sweep along her bottom lip, moistening it before she tosses her head back and her breathing gets quick and heavy. She's close, but I'm closer. Like I said, it's been a while. So I slide my one hand between us, rubbing her clit hard, and I can feel her muscles tighten and I know I can't take it any longer.

"I'm going to...," I don't even get to finish saying it before I can't say anything, the orgasm turning my words into a mindless growl as I shove myself up into her, hard. Somehow, through the red haze, I hear her cry out and feel her fingernails dig into my shoulders as she falls forward and holds onto me as her body spasms around mine, sucking me dry.

* * *

"That was...."

"Amazing, I know," I sigh, leaning my forehead against his for a long moment while I catch my breath. Truth is it _was_ good, damn good, but not great. Not earth shattering. Not like it is with....

"Uh...yeah, that too," he smiles, patting my back awkwardly, like you do when someone you don't know that well cries on your shoulder and you don't know what else to do. "I was going to say unexpected."

"Oh...yeah," I chuckle awkwardly, climbing off of him, and sitting on the edge of the table, my legs dangling. I realize now, as the pink haze of the orgasm seeps away that this is just a little embarrassing, what we've just done. I don't know him and he doesn't really know me, and now everything feels just a little weird, like all the lights are a little too bright.

"So they were uh...doing it in her office?" he asks quietly, hopping down off of the table and picking up my t-shirt and offering it to me, like he can't wait for me to cover up. I take the shirt, smoothing it out over my arm and staring down at the sequined Penguin logo and sighing.

"Not _doing_ it," I correct him, "just...they were all wrapped around each other, all intimate and...I don't know...close." I shrug, letting out another sigh as the vision shimmers in my mind again before I shake my head to get rid of it.

"What do you mean they weren't _doing_ it?" he snaps, grabbing me by my shoulders and shaking me, hard enough to hurt. "What _did_ you see?"

"I just told you, they were all huggy and happy looking and shit," I snarl, pushing my heel against his sore groin and giving it a good shove, sending him back-peddling across the room.

"I thought you said...you said...," his mouth opens and closes as he stares daggers at me from his dark eyes, and it suddenly occurs to me that I don't really know what the hell I'm talking about either. Now that the anger has faded, I guess I'm not really sure what I was seeing but....

"There were all happy and smiling and holding each other. You fucking tell me," I snap, pulling my skirt down as I hop off the table, and back into my shoes.

"Oh my god," he whispers, holding his cold gear in front of him like a shield and backing up against the wall, like he can't get away from me fast enough. "Oh my god...we just...I just...."

"Oh get over it," I curse quietly as I pull my shirt over my head and rake my fingernails through my hair. "I'm telling you, there's definitely something going on there," I insist, glancing over at where he's still standing amongst his gear, with his under things held in front of him, looking at me like I've grown two heads or something. "What?"

"We fucked up. Oh god, she'll never even _talk_ to me now," he says quietly, his eyes all round and panicked again. I watch him gnaw at the corner of his bottom lip, like he does when he's stressed, like when the team's losing, and it occurs to me that I he's right. It was one thing to fuck Hank, but this....

"Why would _you_ talk to her if she's fucking him?" I suggest, turning it back around so that it makes sense, so that the little ball of guilt growing in my gut doesn't get bigger.

"Because _he_ loves _you_," Sid's eyes settle on me, as if for the past few minutes he hasn't even be seeing me at all. "He's been miserable ever since you left. He loves you...and I...I love her."

I look at the misery in his eyes and that ball of guilt gets big enough that it hurts. It hurts to stand straight, it hurts to breathe.

He loves me. He's been miserable without me.

Mel loves Sid. Sid loves Mel.

"Oh my god," I whisper, closing my eyes and covering my mouth with my hands. What the hell have I done?


	20. Chapter 20

C20

"You're home." I stop dead in my tracks, caught slithering into the apartment like I'm trying to negotiate my way through a minefield in the dark.

"Yeah," I reply as I drop my keys on the counter, giving up all hope of subterfuge. "Is that a problem?" I ask, turning on the kitchen light to find her sitting on the couch in the dark, alone, dozens of candles around the living room having long since guttered out.

"Obviously not," she sighs, biting at her bottom lip in a way that is all too familiar today, enough so that it makes me cringe. "I thought you'd be making up over at Jarkko's," she adds quietly, finally looking up at me, her eyes red rimmed, puffy, a look made all the more wretched by streaks of mascara running down her face.

"Uh, negative on that," I slide onto the couch with her and tug her into the circle of my arms. "And here I was staying out as late as possible thinking you'd have Sid over."

"Negatory," she sighs, leaning her head on my shoulder.

"I'm surprised," I mutter, thinking that was _so_ not our agreement. He was supposed to go straight to her office and suck up, crawl, whatever it took and then he was supposed to be here. Looks like that makes two of us that are just too chicken-shit for words.

"_You_ are? He must have spent a small fortune at some internet florist site this past week. I really can't believe that was all part of the game too," her voice trails off into something that sounds like a sniffle, and I can't help but think if she's this upset now, how much more upset is she going to be when she finds out what really happened? But that's not the deal we made either, and now is as good a time as any to start living up to at least part of my end of the bargain.

"Whatever happened tonight, you need to know one thing," I begin, turning her to face me and holding her shoulders so she has to look at me when I say this. "Whatever anyone says, Sid isn't in on the bet, so you need to stop thinking badly of him for that." I watch her blink her bloodshot eyes, trying to decide if she can believe me or not, but then her lips begin to twitch into the smallest shadow of a smile. "So give him the benefit of the doubt and maybe go down and see him at practice tomorrow. Promise me?"

She nods again, and rubs at her eyes like a little kid, half tired, half recovering from being upset and all I can think is that she can't find out, _ever_. It would kill her.

* * *

"Still hiding out?" I ask, sitting down on the weight bench next to the kid who's leaning on the barbell and staring into space.

"I guess, yeah," he blinks rapidly, like he's willing himself back into reality and turns his face from mine.

"So how come you're here and not out romancing Mario's sexy secretary?" I ask, dropping my towel next to his foot and sliding onto the bench beneath the barbell and clearing my throat loud enough that he finally gets the hint and comes over to spot me. "So?" I ask again, looking up at him from my prone position.

"It's probably just not the right time," he shrugs, his hooded brown eyes going dark as he chews on his lip, one sure sign of frustration that gives him away every time during the endless rounds of So-Com on the plane.

"In my experience it never is," I laugh, although I kind of have to force myself to laugh so it sounds more like a chuckle.

"Like you and Trixie?" he asks, glancing away from me and just for a minute I think his baby cheeks go pink.

"Yeah, well, you can't ever tell what's going on in the mind of a woman like Trixie. She's like...well, like a winter storm that comes in the middle of the night and when you go to bed you worry you'll wake up and the sauna will be gone and the electricity will be off, but then you wake up and it's a beautiful morning and you wonder what you were so worried about."

"What the _fuck_ are you talking about Ruuts?" he asks, his lips pulling into a grin.

"I'm just saying, she's a little crazy but I have to believe she'll come around eventually."

"Oh...okay. Huh...they must teach a lot of poetry in school in Finland."

"Well, we're very romantic, us Vikings you know." That gets a smile from him, but it's there and then gone. I know how he feels, like it's hard to smile, and even harder to be happy. "I think she was expecting you yesterday you know," I continue prodding him, but he only shrugs, like that's an answer. "She was pretty disappointed," I add, which only garners another shrug. "Okay, I'm not good at pussy footing around. You like her right? And not just like as in want to fuck her?" He blushes and turns his face away again.

"Yeah, and it's not just a crush either," he says quietly, but I detect the defensiveness in his voice.

"I never said it was," I let him take the bar out of my hands and sit up, looking him pretty much in the eye. "What do you like about her? Aside from her body, I mean."

"I like the way she smiles," he begins, gnawing on the corner of his lip even harder, "I like the way she laughs. I like the way she listens with her head tilted like…," his voice trails off and a little smile comes to his face. "I like the way she feels…."

"Okay I get it, you _do_ really like her. But now think of this from her point of view. She's not going to chase around after you kid, she's too old for shit like that, and from what I've seen, she's a bit too classy for you anyway. But if you really like her, then you better do something about it before she decides you're a total waste of space."

"I don't know, Mario said she's off limits so it's kinda complicated and…"

"Wow man, do you want her or not? Cuz her office looks like a flower shop and she's expecting you to follow up and if you're going to be some kind of chicken shit about it, I'll tell her myself to forget you," I grab my towel and wrap it around my neck, shaking my head at him and walking away while he stares at his toes. Kids, they don't know anything about anything.

* * *

"That's gonna hurt in the morning," Scott winces as Avery takes a swing at Jarkko, chopping his ankles out from under him as they exchange words in front of the benches. I find myself chewing on the end of my thumb as he scrambles back to his feet, dropping his gloves onto the ice and calling Avery back from the bench. I love when he fights, but as a trainer you have to worry about the players hurting themselves.

"Don't worry Trix, he can handle that shithead," Fleur calls out from his corner on the bench where he's been sitting watching the game wistfully, which is part of the reason Scott and I have been hanging out in the seats behind the bench, we both hate to see Therrien break the young goalie's pride like this.

"I know," I shrug, but I can't take my eyes off the two players as they wrestle to get each other's helmets off.

"Hey, I thought you two were broken up anyway," Scott elbows me in the ribs, "what do you care if Avery kicks his ass?"

"I just do, okay?" I snap, pushing him back without taking my eyes off the combatants. The guys on the bench start to yell and cheer Jarkko on as he pulls Avery's jersey up and lands a left on his cheekbone. I agree with their sentiments but I can't join in with them. I know what a bone to bone hit is going to leave his knuckles looking like and although the trainer in me is concerned about a fracture, the woman in me shivers with desire at the thought of running my lips over the broken skin and hearing him hiss with a mixture of pain and pleasure.

"He's doing just fine," Sid turns and looks up at me with this funny look on his face.

"I know," I growl, feeling angry at him from drawing my attention away from the fight, but then his voice has been doing that for days, and it's not because I'm suddenly overly attracted to him, it's because I'm afraid he's going to tell someone what happened and I want to make sure I'm there to stop him if he does.

"God, I wish Mel would look at me like that, just once" he sighs, snapping his gaze away from mine and turning back to the fight. For a moment I almost feel sorry for him, but then I hear the crowd gasp and when I look up, I see Avery's fist connect with Jarkko's chin and I watch him crumple to the ice, his eyes open, but unseeing, pulling Avery down with him, his fist still clenched in his jersey.

Scott reaches out and grabs the back of my jersey as I stand, pulling me back to my seat.

"Chris can handle it," he hisses, holding me down as Chris Stewart, the head trainer, vaults the boards and heads over to Jarkko's too still form.

"Shit! That's a concussion for sure," I grumble, hating that I'm aching to go to him as Chris passes the smelling salts under his nose.

"Oh I don't know about that. I hear he's got a really hard head and Avery didn't get his helmet off," Scott points out, and it helps, a little. After all, if anyone knows how hard headed he is, it's me.

It seems to take forever for his head to snap up but when it finally does, I feel my heart start beating again and I finally let out the breath I've been holding, but when he reaches for George and Whit to help him up, my heart crawls up into my throat.

"Where are you going?" Scott grabs for me again as I get up and head for the stairs.

"To help," I call back, lunging out of reach and racing up the stairs, hating this old arena and the fact that I'm going to have to run all the way around to get down to the dressing room.

* * *

"He never hit that hard before," I mumble as Whit and George help me off the ice. I'd skate off myself, but the boards won't stop moving.

"Don't worry, I'll get him for you buddy," Big George promises, giving me a pat on the rump as he hands me off to Chris as the Zamboni doors close behind me. Chris walks me through to the training room and waits while I try to focus on the massage table, willing it to stop being just out of my reach.

"I guess I don't have to ask if you're having issues with your vision," Chris sighs, helping me lift off my helmet.

"I think I broke something in my hand on his face too," I grumble, holding my hand protectively to my chest while he holds a pen light up to my eyes, which is probably why I don't see the hurricane hit me until she's got a good hold on my shoulder pads and is shaking me in a way that makes me want to throw up.

"What are you trying to do? Get yourself killed? How could you leave your jaw unprotected like that? What are you? Suicidal?"

"I've missed you too Trix," I grin at her, both of her, until she slowly comes into focus.

"I can't believe you stuck your chin out like that," she snarls, grabbing my chin and running her thumb over a very sensitive spot that I'm sure is getting ready to spout a really nice bruise.

"I didn't think he could reach," I explain, and for some reason, even though she's poking around my face feeling for broken bones, I can't stop grinning.

"What? What are you looking at me like that for?"

"Cuz you love me," I grin, sliding my arms around her and pulling her into my chest and burying my nose in her long ebony hair.

"Stop it, I'm trying to assess your injuries," she complains, but she doesn't struggle or try to get away from me.

"Not until you admit it," I whisper, pressing my lips to the sensitive smooth skin behind her ear and feeling very proud when I feel a shiver run across her skin.

"Fine," she snaps, poking me in the ribs, making me wince and pull back from her at the same time. "I admit it. I worry about you."

"That's s good start, but that's not quite what I meant," I grin at her while she continues running her fingers along my jaw.

"I know what you meant," she snaps, glancing quickly over at Chris who's pretending not to hear this conversation and shuffling medical supplies around in a first aid box.

"Then admit it, you love me."

"No," she sniffs, looking into my eyes, her chin held high and defiant.

"Yes you do," I smile, taking her chin in my fingers and holding her still while I kiss her.


	21. Chapter 21

_thanks as always for all the feedback, although I gotta say I expected more for Chapter 19 although some of you may still be in shock. Well I bet you thought the drama might be over after Chapter 20 but...nah, that would be too easy. Enjoy_

C21

"Congratulations man, really." I give Ruuts a half hearted pat on the back as he finally joins us in the locker room to put his street clothes on. "I'm glad you two are working your shit out."

"Thanks kid, and who knows, maybe all this romance in the air means good things are going to happen with you and Mel," he says, smiling over at me as he steps into his sneakers.

"Oh I wouldn't go that far," I shrug, turning back to grab my RBK hat off the peg, pulling it down over my eyes, feeling that familiar fluttering in my gut at the mere mention of her name.

"C'mon, you told me you were going to go for it," Ruuts shakes his head at me and gives me a punch in the shoulder. "Man up, grow some balls, go talk to the lady."

"Man up, ha," Rex snorts, his back to me. I glance over at him, feeling my jaw clench at the sound of his voice.

"You got something to say to me Recchi?" I ask, staring daggers at the back of his head and feeling my hands curl into fists.

"To you?" he glances over his shoulder at me. "Nah, I've got nothing else to say to you."

"Hey, you being scratched isn't on me," I point out, for the second time tonight.

"Yeah, of course," he chuckles sarcastically. "Nothing at all."

"What is your deal with him anyway?" Talbot steps in front of Recchi and gives him a little shove. "He's the Captain, that's it. We're all here for him. Why can't you get used to that?"

"I don't need to explain myself to you," Rex snorts, shaking his head and going back to tying his shoes.

"What about to me?" I ask, stepping around Max so Rex has to look up at me.

"What about you? I told you, I have nothing to say to the little Prince," he sighs, grabbing his jacket off the hanger.

"Why are you making this about me?" I ask again, standing in front of him, blocking his exit, and, I realize that Ruuts, Talbot and Whit have stepped in behind me, like body guards. "This is about you not stepping up. We've all got to step up. Maybe you just don't have it in you anymore."

"Yeah, and you chasing Mario's little piece of ass around has nothing to do with you not stepping up _Mr. Franchise_?" Rex looks me directly in the eye, the blue of his eyes bleeding into black, a dangerous sign in the elder statesman.

"Look, I've tried my best to get along with you, I've done everything I can to accommodate your ideas, listen and learn from you, but yeah, like it or not, I am the face of the franchise, I'm the go to guy, but if it is it's because I'm giving a hundred and ten out there. Can you say the same?"

"Yeah, ignore what I said about the little cat that keeps getting into your head so you're not thinking straight out there, so you're not seeing me out there to make passes to."

"Fuck that. She has _nothing_ to do with this and you know it. When I'm on the ice it's go time, and you're the one not getting open, you're not fighting for position and you can't blame that shit on anyone but yourself and you especially can't blame _her_." I'm so close to him now his breath feels warm on my skin and I can feel the heat radiating off of me towards him, and it's all I can do not to reach out and punch his lights out for suggesting that what's going on out on the ice has anything to do with her.

"Yeah well, we'll see what Mario has to say. I was planning on talking to him about this little problem anyway." He turns to head out the dressing room door but I grab a hold of his jacket and pull him backwards.

"Problem?" I snarl, yanking on him hard enough to spin him around until my nose is pressed against his. "The only problem is you and I can talk to Mario about that."

"If you've got a problem with him being the C, maybe you need to find another team," Gary says calmly, interceding, pulling Rex out of my hands and stepping between us, holding me at bay. "I think we can leave personal stuff out of this, except for that. Don't you Rex? I mean, c'mon, you and I both know the kid leaves it all out there. This isn't about her, unless you were thinking you were in there or something?"

I feel my breath hitch in my throat as I look from Rex to Gary and back. Mark, with Mel? I can't see it. I don't even want to think about it.

"She's not interested in him," Rex snaps, pushing Gary's hand away from his collar. "She's just messing with his head and it's affecting all of us."

"That's not for you to decide. What I need to know, right now, is do you have a problem with Sid having the C? And is that something you can get over or not?" The room falls into complete silence as Rex glares at me and I glare back at him, my chest pressing against Gary's hand, ready to fly at Rex if he says one more thing about Mel.

"Yeah," he says finally, taking a step back and glancing up to Gary and then at the floor. "Yeah I do. He's not ready. He's too young to have that much responsibility."

"This isn't about you or me Mark," Gary says quietly, but there's still a hint of threat in his voice. "This is about the team, and if you can't get past the whole Captaincy thing then maybe you should be talking to Mario about moving on, asking for a trade." The silence in the room is palpable, while everyone waits for him to answer and then he nods, once, slowly. "Okay then, you do that. The rest of you, upstairs for that Make a Wish thing."

The room empties slowly, everyone taking a long wary look at the both of us, with Gary still standing in between us like Hadrian's wall, and then Army and Whit put their arms around my shoulders and quietly lead me out of the room.

* * *

"Do you have one of your own?" one of the ladies asks as I make my way from one of the tables to the next passing out hockey cards and baseball hats to the littlest ones. I can't imagine what's taking the players so long to get ready but someone has to do something to keep things moving, to keep the kids and parents from getting restless.

"No, not yet," I smile over at her as I reach into the box and pull out one of those kids sized pink Penguins jerseys and hand it to one of the girls sitting at the next table. "I know my mom would love me to though," I add with a wistful smile as the little blonde head reappears out of the jersey with a great big grin on her face.

"Well, you have time yet," the woman adds, giving me that knowing matronly smile, which really means 'your biological clock must be deafening by now'. I smile back at her and move on to the next table, glancing over at the doors that the boys should have come through by now and wishing they'd open. Not that I'm looking forward to seeing Sid, more that I'd like this day to just be over.

"Did you decorate all of this yourself?" a deep voice asks behind me and I turn to see Mario standing behind me, looking dapper in a dark blue and gray pin striped suit.

"God no, I haven't had the time. I just added a few pieces here and there," I smile, glancing quickly at the mistletoe in the doorway and feeling my cheeks begin to heat.

"Well you've done a good job, as always," he smiles, putting his arm around my shoulders and giving me a friendly squeeze.

"It would help if the team showed up soon," I sigh, but he just gives me that knowing smile and shakes his head.

"They will, any minute now," he assures me, walking me over to the doorway and away from the crowds. "Don't want you to be crushed in the rush," he adds with a twinkle in his eye. He's always like this around large groups of kids, fatherly, happy. "Would you like to have one of these soon?" he asks, watching a couple of the kids exclaim over their jerseys, giggling and beaming as the boys finally start to trickle through the doors.

"Yeah," I sigh, watching one particular little boy with dark wavy hair, pale complexion and dark eyes that remind me of someone else, someone I don't want to be thinking of right now.

"Well you should make a wish, isn't that what you're supposed to do under this stuff?" he asks, glancing up at the mistletoe hanging over us.

"Uh...I don't know, I don't think so," I blush, glancing away from him and fanning my cheeks.

"C'mon it's almost Christmas," he laughs, bending to kiss my cheek and making me giggle. "Tell Santa what you want for Christmas."

"Um...I'd have to kill you if I told you," I stutter, glancing away and looking up to see a pair of dark eyes looking straight at me.

* * *

"There at it _again_," I sigh, feeling my hands curling into fists for about the third time today as I watch Mario bend down to press his lips near hers'. At least she has the good sense to turn her head and glance around with a guilty look on her face and the astuteness to look embarrassed to be seen kissing her boss in public.

"That doesn't look like what you seem to think it looks like," Talbot shakes his head as he gives me a tug towards one of the tables. "Listen to yourself man, one minute you're defending her, the next you're attacking her."

"Well look at the way he's got his arm around her, and look at what she's wearing," I snort, allowing myself another long lingering look at the clingy red dress and matching heels.

"Very elf like," Max sighs, giving me another tug. "You're getting yourself all worked up over nothing. If you're so bothered, go over there and give _her_ a kiss under the mistletoe," he adds, letting go of me and waiting to see which direction I'll head to.

"No...no I can't," I turn, ripping my eyes away from her curves and turning my attention back onto the kids. "I have a job to do."

"Yeah, but you can't keep making yourself ill over her and do nothing about it. You said she was as good as yours, so why don't you just go over there and kiss her and let her know that you're still thinking about her."

"In front of Mario?" I shake my head and try to turn a smile on for the kid at the table we're heading towards, shoving my fists into the pocket of my jacket.

"Well then stop your bitching," he smiles, giving me a playful shove. I nod, and try my best to pay attention to each kid, asking them about their plans for Christmas and how they liked the practice, but I can't help turning my attention back to Mel, over and over, as she goes quietly from one table to the next, making sure the kids have something for us to sign, making sure all of the players are doing their due diligence. But at the same time, I can't help but notice that she's also taking time out for the youngest ones here, kneeling near them, exclaiming over the signatures and calling over other players to add their signatures. I can't help but notice, however, that she never once calls on me.

Finally, as Mario steps up and thanks everyone for coming and announces lunch is going to be served, I finally see her glance my way, and our eyes meet. Try as I might though, I don't see the invitation in her eyes I hope to see, and finally she turns and disappears through the doors and leaves us to lunch.

"Go after her," Max urges, giving me a shove, almost pushing me off my chair.

"No, I don't think she wants me to," I sigh, glancing down at the steamed vegetables as my stomach starts to growl.

"Yeah, cuz she's dressing that way for _my_ benefit," he grins, giving my chair a shove with his foot. "Mon ami, don't be stubborn. Go! Go after her."

"Later," I sigh, as Mario gives me one of those disapproving looks across the heads of the table beside us.

"You keep saying that," Max shakes his head and gives my arm a nudge, glancing towards the doors in time to see Malone slip through them towards the halls. "Later may never come." I watch him go, but I glance up at Mario, and I know now isn't the time.

"Later," I say again, shrugging, and returning to my veggies.


	22. Chapter 22

C22

I smell her scent before I see her. That soft fruity or is it a floral fragrance that she wears, the only indicator of her femininity, I mean _other_ than her curves poured into those tight little exercise shorts and where her t-shirt is tied at her tiny waist. I smile to myself as I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her. I inhale her scent, dropping my lips to the curve of her neck while I ride the wave of contentment I feel just holding her there, in public, in front of everyone. She leans her body back into mine as I place a gentle kiss on her bare shoulder.

"Kulta, aren't you cold?" I hear her giggle as she turns her lips up to mine.

"Well, I _did_ know you were going to be coming out here soon, so I thought I'd let myself get good and cold so I could enjoy your warmth more." I fit my lips over hers again as I nudge her with my hip in the direction of my car. I feel her shiver and let go of her only long enough to drape my suit jacket over her shoulders before grabbing for her hand, fitting my longer arm around her shoulder and pulling her next to my body. Just as I'm about to reach for the passenger door and help her into my car, we both stop dead in our tracks as we hear a loud and obviously frustrated groan from somewhere in the secured parking lot . Heading in the direction of the noise, we find Sid slamming his head against the driver's side window of his silver Land Rover.

"You know, if you want on the injured list that badly all you have to do is ask. I could have slammed you into the boards during practice." I laugh as he looks up at me and just sighs, shaking his head.

"What the fuck is up with your sour mug? I thought with the mistletoe I planted you would be all over Mel in some dark corner.... Oh...wait…you didn't... aw fuck." Trix curses and glares at me as if his lack of luck has something to do with me.

"Why are you glaring at me? It's not like I was the one kissing her underneath it! Stop looking at me like that!" I can tell that's not what she wanted to hear as she pulls away from me, her hands on her hips, glaring at both of us in turn. She shakes her head and sighs dramatically for effect and all I can do is stare; unsure what she's trying to get me to do. Finally she throws up her hands and turns to the Kid.

"I helped to put up that the mistletoe, knowing the way Mel likes to keep out of the way. All you had to do was walk up and grab her. So if you didn't then who the hell _did_ she end up kissing?" I look over at the Kid to see the dark storm clouds brewing behind his eyes again.

"Mario," he grumbles darkly, his gaze dropping to his feet. "You know, the same guy that told us all _explicitly_, that _no one_ was to touch her and yet _he _seems to be the exception. Typical." I feel my mouth drop open and look over to find Trix's eyes get wide but not in the way they would if she was shocked by the news. Confused, I watch as she shakes her head and that's when I realize that she's biting down on the inside of her cheeks the way she does when she's trying not to laugh and I feel my muscles relax. When she looks over at me and grins, rolling her obsidian eyes I know she won't be able to stop herself for long, and that's when Sidney finally looks up at me and then over at Trix who tries to keep a straight face but lets out a snort and then a giggle and the next thing I know she's bent over laughing hysterically.

"She's not laughing at you, not really… or at least I don't think she is." I apologize as Sid shoots daggers at her from his eyes. Carefully, and I hope only as a precaution, I place myself between the two of them. Moody people really don't like being laughed at and the more she laughs the more steam vents from the Kid's ears.

Pushing Trix behind my body even further but she won't have any of it, pushing me out of the way and shaking her head at Sidney, still clutching at her ribs like all this laughing may have actually done damage to her lithe frame.

"Mario? Seriously? That old badger? Please," Trix scoffs, rubbing at her eyes as she comes up for air. "Believe me, Mel looks at him like a father or at the _very most_ an older brother. And you were yelling at me about mistaking how Jarkko and Mel were up to...," her hand lifts to cover her mouth, editing herself a little too late as I lift an eyebrow in warning and give her a quick head shake. "Yeah, yeah I know. I'm still working on making that right. Whatever, shut up."

Sid looks from me to her, not sure what my reaction is going to be, obviously surprised that I know something's going on, but then decides better than to speak up.

"Anyways," he shrugs, digging his heels in, "you didn't see them. I've seen them a bunch of times all…close and stuff." Trix shakes her head at him, that giggle starting up again but this time her laughter sounds more sarcastic than anything else. She opens her mouth to argue, but I just pull her away from him.

"Don't bother babes. He's obviously not going to listen to you and he sure as hell hasn't been listening to me or any of the other guys. It seems like nobody can give him advice on anything anymore. I guess he's going to have to have to figure this out for himself. That, and he's going to have to do some serous manning up." I give Sid a hearty pat on the back as I lead Trix back to my car

As we pull out of the parking lot, Sid is still standing by his car looking miserable, and doesn't even look up when Trix smiles sadly and waves at him.

"Poor kid," she sighs, turning back to look at me.

"What do you mean poor kid? Everyone's tried to give him pointers. He doesn't listen very well. He's dug his own grave on this one," I add, reaching for her hand and lifting it to my lips. "Besides, I don't want you thinking about him right now."

"Speaking of that," she smiles as I squeeze her hand, "can you take me back to my place? I think I better see how Mel's holding up."

"I thought you were coming back to _our_ place Trix. No, wait, let me guess. You still haven't got around to telling Mel that you're moving out, have you?" I watch her, trying to gage her response, knowing that I'm pushing it, pushing her, but so wanting to wake up with her in my arms that right now, I'm willing to risk it.

"I will, but I just...you have to understand, she's my best friend and she's going through some shit right now, but I promise that I will tell her." She looks over at me with this earnest look on her face, and then, when I just roll my eyes at her, she turns her gaze back out the window. I sigh and weave my fingers into hers.

"I know. She's going to need someone to talk to... but what about me? I need you too." I kiss her hand but she doesn't answer me, so I just let the silence build between us as we drive up to her place. Finally she turns to me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"I promise I will tell her and I'll wake up in your arms soon enough. I'm sorry." She smiles weakly at me as I pull her in for a quick kiss.

"I know, and I'm sorry for pressing you but I love you and I just want you to myself." She rubs her nose against mine in an Eskimo kiss and giggles.

"I love you too."

* * *

"Mel?" I look around the darkened apartment, wondering where she might be hiding this time. It only takes a minute of standing silent in the middle of the living room before I hear the sniffles coming from her room. I tap the door, but when she doesn't answer, I walk in to see her curled into herself, crunched up tissues all over the bed and floor and nightstand….

"Oh... Trix... it's you..." She can barely get the words out of her mouth without hiccupping or sniffling and she just looks so sad and pathetic all curled up like in a ball that I just shake my head as I lower myself to the edge of her bed and gather her head into my lap, stroking her hair gently.

"Oh sweetie. I thought that the mistletoe would be fail proof. What happened? Damn him, you're supposed to be all in love and all giddy and happy." I pat her head as she just shakes it gently.

"I wish. I was all dressed up for him and he wouldn't even _look_ at me and even when he did…I don't know, it was just…blank. I even tried to signal to him to follow me, but all I got was Malone. I think we were all wrong. He hates me...."

"Oh babe, he doesn't hate you, he's just... well he doesn't know _how_ to get to you, how to ... what's the word I'm looking for?"

"Grow a pair of balls?" I smack her arm lightly and waggle my finger at her.

"Give him a chance, I think he's working up to it," I sigh, shrugging my shoulders. "At least I think that's what he's doing. But please tell me you're not going to go out with Ryan?"

"I don't know, maybe. I mean, at least he and Army…well at least they're interested, you know? I don't want to sit around waiting anymore Trix. I am _not_ this person. I don't cry over guys. I hate being like this," she grumbles, her bottom lip trembling even as she tries to be brave.

"If it'll make you feel any better, I can make the guys do death sprints tomorrow." I hear Mel sigh and shake her head.

"That won't make me feel better…well, maybe if you made Sid do it by himself; that _might_ make me feel a _little_ better."

"Whatever floats your boat, the only problem is, that little fucker loves running, but you know me, frankly I get a good kick making any of them do death sprints. Now if we could get Therrien doing it... bastard keeps scratching Ruuts and I'm starting to get annoyed. Don't get me wrong, I like the man in a suit... but seeing him all sad makes me want to kill Therrien with my bare fucking hands."

"Yeah, I heard from Fleur and Jordy that you ran to _personally_ check on Jarkko. And you _were_ missing from your bed last night. Does that mean...?" She leaves the words hanging and I just chuckle and push her off the bed.

"Yeah, yeah we're back together, but this time we're going to move slowly." I don't have the heart to tell her that he wants my stuff in his apartment by the weekend at the latest. With the way she's feeling, I doubt that I'll even be moved in by the end of the month.

"Oh Trix! I'm so happy for you. We should go celebrate!" I look at her warily. I don't think booze is the best thing to get into her system right now.

"How about we stay in and watch movies with some ice cream?" I suggest, trying to steer her away from the idea.

"No, we're so not staying home. I am sick of sitting around in my pj's feeling sorry for myself. This is exactly what I need, Trix. C'mon, let's get all dolled up and head out to the bar and pick up men," I open my mouth to object and she just laughs. "Okay, be my wingman at least while I pick up men!" It's nice to see her enthusiastic about something, especially after all the ups and downs of the last few weeks, so while I'm not sure that guzzling copious amounts of alcohol and a one night stand is going to solve all her problems, all I can do is shrug and the next thing I know she's pulling her little black dress out and laying it on the bed and heading for the shower.

Shaking my head, I pull out my cell phone. If I'm doing this, I'm _so_ not doing this alone.

"Jarkko? Hey, um... yeah, you're never going to believe this but Mel wants to head to the bar...," and as I'm saying it, I suddenly I have a brilliant idea. Liquor is just what the Kid needs to grow a pair. A little liquid courage might do him wonders.

"_Do you think that's a really good idea_?" he chuckles after I tell him my evil plan.

"No, it's a _great_ fucking idea. Grab all the guys and drag Sid out and text me where you're heading and we'll just sort of _bump_ into you there! It'll be great, away from Mario and everything!" I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner.

"_I don't like the sound of this Trix. You do realize that if this goes wrong, we're both going to be stuck with a huge fucking mess to clean up_," he grumbles while I think about who not to invite, who the biggest trouble makers are and who Sid will need around to talk him into doing what we all know he wants to do anyway.

"Just do it," I insist, glancing at my watch to see how much time we have to put our plan into action. "Look, someone has to set this in motion because I'm telling you, if we wait for him to make up his stubborn mind…. So you guys go first and then Mel and I can suddenly appear. Oh, god I'm such a genius!!"

"_You're scaring me a little, you do know that don't you?_"

"Don't you want me to be happy?" I purr, and hear him chuckle on the other end.

"_Yes but_…."

"You know if she's all happy it will make it easier for me to move out and then you can finally have me all to yourself."

"_You're evil, you know that_?" he laughs.

"I do, but I'm so good too!" I laugh as I hang up. Then I pick up her little black dress and hold it up to myself in the mirror but toss it back, turning to her lingerie drawer instead. Hey, I might already have my guy, but who's to say I can't play a little with him too?

* * *

"Remind me again why we're here?" I look over at Sid and just shake my head as I push him towards the bar. Fleury, Max and Bugsy are following closely behind and Army and Crush are already ahead of us.

"Because, you're moody and pathetic and we really need our captain back. Now shut up and drop that credit card of yours to cover the tab. Hey boys, who's hot enough for the Kid tonite?" I call out and a few of them chuckle as we spread out at the bar, eyeing the crowd. I try to stop myself from shuddering as I see mainly sixteen year olds pretending to be 21. I shake my head, wondering for the twentieth time if Trix really knows what she's doing.

"Well, there's that cute blonde over…"

"No, too skinny."

"There's that brunette…"

"No, too young looking."

"What about that…"

"Picky, picky.. You know Kid, with the way you're going about it, you're never going to get Mel, nor are you going to be able to find someone to replace her." I wave at the bartender for a beer and then turn and try, nonchalantly, to scan the crowd to see if Mel and Trix have shown up yet. I'm just turning back to grab the glass of ale when I hear Jordy gasp and Army stumble forward I just know they've shown up. I follow the general direction of the drool and suddenly the room gets a bit warmer and breathing seems to get a whole lot harder.

"Fuck... me." I chuckle as I see Trix walk in, teetering on boots that reach her thighs, snugly encasing her shapely legs in black leather. The pair of shorts she's wearing barely cover her ass and an almost entirely transparent dress shirt over a red and black lace corset makes me want to take her back outside into the parking lot righ now and do things to her that I'm sure are probably illegal in most of the fifty states….

"Watch yourself Jordy. I've got a feeling Ruuts might kill anyone that goes near that one." I hear Army laugh as he shoves Jordan in the opposite direction. Fleury on the other hand, laughs politely and pushes me towards Trix, but following close behind her is Mel, and I know if I go over to them now, Trix will be shoving one of those sexy boots right up my ass. As she explained in no uncertain terms earlier, this isn't about us. This is for Mel and Sid.

"Mon Dieu." I look over at Sid and his eyes are riveted on Mel who's wearing a skin tight black dress that leaves almost nothing to the imagination. I can see why the Kid can't take his eyes off her. On the other hand, I can tell Mel hasn't seen us until she suddenly freezes and reaches out to tug at Trixie's arm, whispering animatedly in her ear. I see Trix shrug and have to laugh. She's playing her part perfectly, now it's my turn.

* * *

"So he's here. So what? I'm telling you, it's a coincidence Mel!" I try and wrench her claw-like grasp away from my delicate wrists, knowing there are going to be finger shaped bruises there tomorrow.

"You knew!!" She stares at me accusingly but I only shrug.

"I didn't know they were going to _this_ club. You said pick and I picked. I don't control which bars they go to. And anyways! Why are you freaking out? This is a good thing! You look fucking hot and if he doesn't want you, I know someone else will, so come on. You said you wanted to go out and dance, so dance damn you!" I watch as just the hint of a smile peeks past the panic in her eyes.

"Well, if he won't make the first move, I guess I'll have to."

"I whole-heartedly concur. Now, go shake what your momma gave you. I'm going to find me a Freaky Fin!" I giggle and head to the bar, knowing that Jarkko's eyes are trained on me, as well as several of the other guys. I strut across the floor in a way I know would make Miss J proud before I hop onto a bar seat and order myself a cocktail.

"Well look who it is! Our lovely trainer!" I look up to see Jordy and Max leering at me from down the bar.

"Mad Max, how many of those shots have had?!" I laugh and turn the stool, looking for Jarkko, surprised and a little disappointed that he hasn't approached me yet. Before I realize it, Jordan has sat down next to me, hand on my thigh, stroking it.

"Trix, you should dance with me." I look up at him, pick his hand off my thigh and gently place it up on the bar in a puddle of condensation.

"I'm waiting for my big bad ass boyfriend to come over and dance with me. Now, I'm going to forget that happened since you're obviously smashed out of your mind and you're going to go back and sit with your friends before my boyfriend beats you to a pulp, okay?" I get up and give the bartender a tip before I head out onto the dance floor. Before the next song even starts I feel a muscular body mold to mine.

"I don't know if I'm okay with you looking this hot in front of anyone but me," he whispers, his breath warm against my neck as he kisses his way up from my shoulder to my neck. Shuddering, I reach up to cradle the back of his head, liking the way his newly shorn head feels under the palm of my hand.

"You took your sweet ass time," I mumble, closing my eyes in bliss as he nibbles on my ear lobe.

"I was doing what you told me to. I was trying to talk to the Kid… wait. Where is Mel?" My eyes pop open and both of us search the crowd until we see Mel disappearing around a corner in the arms of a guy who's too tall to be Sid. She's entangled in his arms and her lips are locked to his. This _can't_ be a good thing.

"Was that…?" I look around to confirm that Bugsy has isn't with the rest of the group.

"Oh fuck…it was yeah," Jarkko confirms with a moan.

"Isn't he married?"

"Yeah."

"Where's the Kid?"

"Fucked if I know but we'd better find him before he sees that."


	23. Chapter 23

C23

"You look…amazing."

I desperately wanted those words to be coming out of Sid's mouth, but I know as soon as I hear it that the voice issn't his, and my heart sinks. Still, with a deep breath, I manage to plaster a smile on my face and do a little pirouette for the boys at the bar.

"This old thing?" I giggle, running my hand suggestively over my hips as I lock gazes with Sid. His eyes are firmly planted on my cleavage as he licks his full pink lips, but as much as I silently beg for him to say something, _anything_, he just stands there, silently staring at me but not even making the smallest of moves in my direction.

"Damn Mel, you look good enough to eat," Army adds, leering at me and then breaking out into uncomfortable laughter.

"Well you guys chew on your mouth guards, so I'm not sure that's a compliment," I continue giggling coquettishly as I give him a little punch in the arm that he pretends actually hurts, rubbing his arm and wincing. As if I could hit anyone as hard as they hit each other.

"We were all just talking about who the most beautiful woman in the bar might be and I have to say, you've got my vote, hands down," Malone continues saying the words I want Sid to say and as much as I try to, I can't find fault in what he's saying or how he's saying it. I give him a smile that I know isn't as warm as what he deserves, and then let my gaze slide to Sid, hoping, no, _praying_ that he'll finally open his mouth.

"Not that you don't look great all the time," Army adds, trying his best to fill the uncomfortable silence growing around us as I fight the urge to slap some sense into Sidney who just continues to stare at me and chew his bottom lip. I know the look; it's the same one he gives Fleur during a shootout. A mixture of helplessness and frustration and I know exactly what he's feeling, except underlying _my_ frustration is a growing anger and resentment.

Finally, I snap my attention away from those café-au-lait eyes of his and turn my attention to Ryan, whose relaxed boy next door grin hasn't faded even as he's watched me hoping and waiting for Sid to react. With a quick shallow breath, I hold my hand out to him and plaster on my best happy grin.

"Dance?" I ask, watching his smile twitch as he glances sideways at his brooding captain, waiting, expecting a speedy denial. Not that I could blame him, team dynamics being what they are, and I don't hold it against him either. After all, by now, everyone knows what happened to Rex when he made waves.

It takes all the will power I have left not to turn my head to look at Sid, to see what, if any reaction he has. But with a crook of my index finger and my best come hither glance, the one I never got to use on Sid because I'd always been such a deer in the headlights as far as he's been concerned, Ryan takes my hand and leads me out into the crush of humanity out on the dance floor.

* * *

Ryan's right. She looks incredible. Army's also right. I'm almost salivating at the sight of her breasts pressed against the fabric, like her nipples are inviting me to suck on them. Yet, I can't move, can't say a word, and it's clear that she wants me to, that she's waiting for me to do or say something. But it's like my mouth is full of cotton. I just keep hearing Mario in my head, 'women complicate things, just play now and worry about relationships later'. That, and I keep seeing her with him and the way he is with her.

Or maybe it's the fact that Trixie's over there watching me, looking almost as delicious with her long legs poured into those thigh high boots, her ass so tempting in those short shorts. I know she's with Ruuts, and I know that she loves him, and the woman I'm in love with is standing right here in front of me, her curves looking like a roadmap I want to follow, but I keep flashing back on Trix moving over me, her body dancing above me, and I feel so guilty that I can't move, like my entire body has turned to cement.

I don't deserve her and she certainly deserves better than someone who'd have sex with her friend at the drop of a hat. I should have held out, said no. What I should have done was go straight to her, begged her to give me another chance. But now it's too late. If she only knew….

"Dance?" I pull myself out of the dark little cave my brain's just gone in to see her offering her hand to Malone, and somewhere in my mind I know this could be my last chance to be with her, but my feet won't move and my hands just stay useless and limp at my sides. I can feel both Army and Ryan watching me, waiting for me to step up but it's like I'm stuck in quicksand, I want to, but I can't.

Her irritation is almost palpable as Ryan gathers her into his side, slipping his arm around her as he leads her towards the dance floor, and I keep expecting her to turn around and spit at me or at least shout at me. Except she doesn't look back, and I'm left standing there watching the crowded dance floor swallowing them up until I can't see either of them anymore, and maybe that's a good thing.

"Wow, I can't believe you just let him take her," Army hisses, turning away and leaning his elbows on the bar.

"He's a good guy, he'll look after her," I sigh, still watching the throb and bounce of the crowd.

"You say that like she's a puppy, not a fabulously hot chick," he snorts, pushing a beer into my hand. "What the hell is with you and her anyway? I thought you were so in there."

"I was," I agree quietly, shaking my head at my own stupidity.

"Then why did you just let her go with him?" Army gives me a shove, and it's not exactly playful.

"Because I'm an ass?" I sigh, turning away and joining him at the bar.

"You said it man. I mean, damn, if I'd known she was up for grabs….," I cut him off with a glare, which only makes him laugh harder. "Well seriously man, I've been saying all along that I'd love to take a run at her, except you'd seen her first and you _are_ the captain after all." I don't have an answer for that, and I know he's not expecting one, thank god, because right now, I just don't feel like talking anymore.

* * *

"I'm honored," Ryan whispers in my ear as he pulls my pelvis against his and runs his hands down over my hips as we move to the beat of the techno music blaring through the club. I give him a funny look as I slide my arms around his neck, moving my fingers up through his unruly curls. "I know you'd prefer to be out here with Sid," he smiles, like it doesn't bother him at all.

"What makes you say that?" I ask, being careful to keep my face a blank mask.

"Everyone on the team knows how hot you are for each other. We all saw you at the photo shoot." I close my eyes, willing the memory of that afternoon out of my head.

"That was then," I smile at him, letting one of my hands wander down the length of his back and grabbing a handful of his tightly toned ass. "This is now." He chuckles, looking pleased and letting me feel just how pleased he is by grinding his growing erection against my thigh.

"Kind of a different story from this afternoon," he muses, biting on my earlobe, "not that I mind."

"Woman's prerogative, to change her mind," I explain, trying not to cringe as he nibbles his way down my neck.

"Well I'm glad you changed your mind and came out," he says huskily, blowing in my ear and pulling me even harder against him.

"Yeah well, I may have changed my mind about that too," I wince, the part of me with a conscience not wanting to give voice to the idea my brain has come up with. "Why don't we get the hell out of here?"

"Yeah?" he pulls back and grins at me. I nod, giving him what I think is a genuinely interested smile. "Well okay then," he smiles, leaning in and pressing his lips over mine. I begin to freeze, automatically, and it takes a moment, but I manage to remind myself to press my lips back against his, to let them open under his probing tongue, to let out a happy sounding little squeak when his hands roam down to grab my ass.

When he takes my hand to pull me through the crowd, I force myself to giggle and bat my eyelashes at him. After all, it's not his fault, and if I'm going to use him, the least I can do is make him believe I'm enjoying every minute of it.

"I just need to use the little girls, if you can get my coat out of the coat check?" I smile, digging into my purse to pull out the ticket and offer it to him.

"As my lady wishes," he grins, leaning in to kiss me again, running his hand down over the curve of my breasts and pulling me by my waist against him. I giggle, and try and look shocked, pushing him away which only makes him laugh. As soon as he turns his back, I roll my eyes and stumble towards the bathrooms.

"What in the _hell_ are you doing?" Trix grabs me by the shoulders as I head through the doors.

"I'm not sure, but I do know I'm not waiting for Sid to make a move anymore. I offered, he didn't take the opportunity, and Ryan wants me, so Ryan can have me."

"Don't. Seriously, please don't do this. If you do, you're going to totally regret it," she hisses, following me inside.

"And if I wait around forever for that kid to make another move on me, I'll be old and infertile," I snap back, yanking open my purse and heading for the condom machine with a handful of quarters.

"He will, I know he will, you just need to be a little more patient is all," she insists, following close behind me, her heels clicking on the tile floor.

"I've _been_ patient," I snarl back, loading the condom machine and letting the little foil packets fall into my purse. "I think I've been more than patient. I have feelings and I have needs, and listening to you and Ruuts…," my voice trails off as I Trix starts to turn a very unhealthy shade of green as one of the other girls in the bathroom sprays a cheap perfume around herself.

"Oh god," Trix coughs, holding her hand over her mouth, "oh god, not again," she groans, turning on her heel and heading for one of the stalls, kicking it open and leaning over the ceramic bowl, dry heaving.

"Trix…what the hell? Are you sick?" I ask as I rush over to hold her hair back, like a good friends should.

"Yeah," she moans, holding onto the back of the toilet. "But I don't think it's the flu."

"No way!" I hiss, glancing over my shoulder like someone's going to over hear. "You mean you're…," my voice dies in my throat when she turns and glares at me.

"Don't say it out loud, just…_don't_."


	24. Chapter 24

_a treat to go into the weekend, more mellow drama with Ruutu and Sid, hope you like it_

C24

"How did you let this happen?!" Mel asks as I manage to let go of the porcelain bowl long enough to scramble to my feet and all I can do is look up incredulously at Mel.

"Well there's a thing called a penis and when you insert it into the vagina…," I begin sardonically as I lean on the door of the stall, which earns me a playful smack as I take the tissue offered to wipe my mouth.

"Now is _not_ the time to get all smart-ass on me Trix. When the hell did this happen? How long are you?" I just shrug, because I don't really know, especially as I've been working really hard at trying to avoid the reality of my situation. I've been telling myself that it was just stress, that it was these new work outs that had my cycle all off kilter.

"I don't know. One week it was Jarkko and then suddenly I'm with Hank and then back her to…," my hand flies up to my mouth, covering the name that almost slips out. I look at Mel, expecting her to see it in my face but thankfully she hasn't caught on to my slip up as she moves to get a wet cloth to place on my forehead.

"Wow so I guess you don't know whose it is?" she asks innocently as I look up at her and try to wipe the thought from my mind.

"Now if I knew, don't you think I would be all happy and cheerful…. I'm so screwed. I'm going to lose my job and I have no idea how I'm going to tell Jarkko?!" I start hyperventilating as Mel comes over to stroke my back in soothing circles.

"First off, I have to get you the hell out of here and we're going straight home, no arguments. But don't worry, we'll work this out so just try and relax. You never know. You might really have just eaten something off. We'll go to the drug store and grab a test ok? We're going to make it through this sweetie, just calm down." I look up at Mel, my heart tearing from the guilt. If she only knew who the third person was that I suspect to be the father…. I just shake my head and get up as Mel wraps her arms around me.

"Ok. You're right. I should be positive before I jump to any conclusions. We'll tell the guys I'm coming down with something." Mel smiles sympathetically at me as we leave the bathroom and it seems we're just in time to find Malone and the other guys yucking it up as he watches us walk towards him, looking all smug. I just shake my head in disgust at the idiocy that is the male ego.

"I'll go tell Ryan that you're not feeling well. Are you up to telling Jarkko you need to go home or do you want me to?" I push her away and head towards Jarkko, who's leaning against the bar and looking at me with a delicious grin. There's no way I could ask her to do my dirty work for me. Or at least that's how brave I feel until he takes one good look at me and pulls me into his arms.

"Aw baby, you don't look so good."

"I've gotta go home, I'm feeling like crap, it might be the flu and I don't wanna get you guys sick. I'll be at home, but don't come by for a few days, until this ickiness passes ok?" He tries to lean in for a kiss and I give him my cheek, hoping he only takes it as not wanting him to kiss puke mouth, not that I can't face him.

"Sick, right, I'll bring you chicken soup or something. Just get some rest ok?" He gives me a little hug and all I can do is nod because if I try to do more than that, I'll probably start crying.

I do manage to notice through my haze as I head out of the bar to meet up with Mel that Malone's looking a whole lot less pleased with himself and suddenly the Kid's looking a whole lot more confident. I shake my head at the both of them as I hail a cab down. Men!

* * *

"So did your girl leave you hanging too?" The Kid plops down next to me, turning his back on the crowd and just hanging his head in his hands.

"She's not feeling well, thinks she's got the flu or something so she's going to head home for some rest. What's your pathetic excuse for not leaving with Mel?" He sighs deeply and I decide I'd better sit down for this as I seem to have taken over the job of Agony Aunt from Rex. Damn these young guys for not knowing what the hell they want, or when they do, how to actually _get_ what they want.

"I don't know anymore, I just can't do this Ruuts. Knowing that me and Trixie…you know…had sex is killing me. I'm so sorry dude. Really, you'll never know the true extent to how much I hate myself right now because of that. I'm sorry buddy. You've only ever given me good advice and been there for me and the second I get tested, I go and screw up." I just shrug at him.

"What am I going to do about it kiddo? Get mad? Fight you over the fact that you fucked with the woman that I love? There's nothing I can do to change the past. She wasn't with me at the time, and I wasn't being very understanding with her. But there one's thing that I've figured out through all this; I can't push a woman like Trix. If I do she goes into the fight or flight mode, and usually she runs away from me. I have to take her for all that she isn't. Now you, you've gotta fight for Mel, she keeps giving you chances and you just keep pushing her away. If it makes you feel so bad, go and tell her. Clear the air. Tell her how you truly feel and just put everything on the table. If you love her you can't keep acting all macho, that shit will get you nowhere. Believe me, I've learned that. I love Trixie, she's fucking crazy and insane, but hey, I've got a touch of madness in me too." I grin as he finally smiles up at me. I just shake my head at him and pat him as I slip on a jacket.

"Where are you headed? Going home?"

"Nah, I'm going to bring her some chicken soup, or at least get her something that might make her feel better. Knowing her, she's probably got nothing at home to fight flu. I'm going to pop by her place, but, if you wanted to make it up to me, I mean _really_ make it up to me then you'll have the urge to suddenly swing by and take Mel off her hands so that I can spend some quality time nursing my girlfriend back to health." I see him smile up and shake his head.

"Maybe when I grow a pair Ruuts… not right now, not without telling her."

* * *

"So what do I do? Pee on a stick?" I can't help giggling about everything but Mel, who's been trying to be patient just looks at me and rolls her eyes.

"In essence, yes, you pee on a stick. Can you please grow up for 2 seconds?" I laugh as she smacks me before I head into the bathroom. I haven't been able to stop laughing and I know it's because I'm hysterical at the situation that's been thrust upon me. Thrust, what a great word….

"So now I have to wait?" I grumble as I put the stick on a wadded up piece of toilet paper on the counter beside the sink and walk over the edge of the tub to sit down.

"Yeah, miss impatience, _we_ wait." I look over at Mel where she's perched on the other side of the counter. She's tearing up pieces of toilet paper and looking more worried and sick about this whole process than I am.

"What's wrong Mel? I mean, hello? I think I should be the one that's worried sick here. I mean… this little stick is going to make or break my future."

"You don't understand," she sighs, shrugging. "I mean, yeah this might put a _bump_ in your career, but can you imagine _just_ how happy Jarkko is going to be? You're having a baby Trix, regardless if you planned it or not…a _baby!_ I mean, what you've done by accident, others would kill to have…," her voice trails off as she brushes at the tear that falls down her cheek and I finally look at her, really look at her.

"He'll come around Mel. He will. I believe in him. You've just got to be patient. Look at how indecisive I've been with poor Jarkko. He toughed it out and waited for me to get my head on straight. You've just got to do the same thing with Sidney, he'll come around eventually. I mean, we've all seen the way he looks at you. How can he not?" I put my arm around her and hug her, wanting to tell her all the horrible things I've done to hurt her, but I can't. I can't tell her because I don't want to be the one to break her like that.

"Oh don't get all motherly on me yet, let's check that stick." I nod and get up but just as I'm reaching for the little plastic wand, the door bell rings. "I will grab that, you stay here with that stick," Mel insists, shutting the bathroom door behind her, leaving me looking down at the stick and up at the box, back down at the stick for confirmation. The door opens while the box is still in my hand, and when I finally look up it's not Mel looking back at me.

"Jarkko?" I plop down on top of the toilet seat and stare blankly down at the stick.

"Trix...what's that in your hand?"

"I… I'm... we're… baby…. "I look up at him, hoping he can understand my stuttering because I don't think I can get much more than that past the big ball of emotion filling my throat.

"We're what?" I look up and I can see a mixture of fear, hope, and the ever-present, adoration. Oh this man, I so don't deserve this man.

"I think we're having a baby." I start bawling as reality sinks in. I'm having a baby and I don't even know who the father of this child is.

I cry until I'm spent and Jarkko eventually has to pick me up and carry me to my bedroom where he puts me down on top of the comforter and rolls us both up in it. I feel him pull me against him, spooning my shaking body against his. He's whispering soft soothing words and probably waiting for me to talk about this but all I can do is be wrapped up in my emotional trauma, unable or is it unwilling to deal with this because now that I've finally made up my mind that I want him, the thought of losing him makes my heart hurt.

"It'll be fine, we'll get through this. I want you to keep the baby. I want you and me to be a family. It's perfect. I want you in my life forever." I shake my head as I roll over to turn to face him.

"Jarkko. I don't know who the father of this child is." I watch his green eyes, watching as the realization dawns behind them, the awful reality finally sinking in and when it does, the coldness that enters his gaze and I hate myself even more. I pull myself away from his grasp, feeling nothing but disgust at myself. "Something was bound to happen, I really don't deserve you."

"I don't care Trixie." He pulls me back to him, looking deep into my eyes, smiling at me.

"Yes but _I_ care_!_ Jarkko. I care very much not knowing who the father is!" No matter how hard I pull, how much I squirm, his vice-like grip doesn't budge.

"No, that didn't come out right, I do care but it doesn't matter because I'll raise this baby as if it was mine, I'll never ask for a paternity test because I love you and I love _our_ child. I will take care of the child and you and no one ever has to know, they can all just believe that this is my child." My mouth hangs open as I listen to his earnest speech. I want to believe him but….

"I…," I begin to object, to tell him that he doesn't have to be a martyr, that I can't ask him to raise another man's child but he silences me with a long soft kiss.

"No Trix, you don't understand. For once, just believe me. I want to marry you, I want you to be my wife, I want you bare-foot and pregnant, waddling around inside _our_ house. You always wondered what my dreams are, and I said they always change. Well this one isn't changing. I don't care if the father is that greasy ass Swede or the Kid…" I look up shutting my mouth as Mel picked that exact time to come around the corner.

"What?"

Oh bugger.


	25. Chapter 25

C25

"I'm so glad for you and Ruuts," I sigh, leaning against Trix's shoulder as she peeks down the aisle at her intended as the plane settles at altitude. "It's so cute watching you two gush over each other in the press box every night, but I'm glad he's going to get to play at home tomorrow."

"Home," Trix sighs, "I'm beginning to wish it was." I glance up at her thoughtful expression and give her hand a squeeze.

"The farther away from Zetterberg the better," I agree with her and she glances over at me with that same half smile that's been plastered on her face since she found out about the pregnancy.

"Yeah, among other things," she replies quietly, quickly glancing down at her magazine as Sidney moves back down the aisle after taking some questions from the media seated near the back of the plane. It was my idea, after Mario gave in and let me come on the western swing of the road trip, to play media relations officer. Doing interviews on the plane is an idea to make better use of his time so that hopefully, other than one major video and press conferences in each of the arenas, he can concentrate on hockey.

I'm happy to be heading home for a couple days, but on the other hand, it _has_ been hard to be around him so much, watching him, and having him watch me. I give her hand another squeeze, grateful that she's being supportive of me by avoiding him too, but then I also feel guilty, because she has to be in closer contact with him than I do.

"You don't have to you know, I mean, I _am_ grateful and all, but you _can_ talk to him if you want," I sigh, leaning back and closing my eyes, even though I know Calgary to Vancouver is too short a flight to get proper shut eye on.

"Believe me, it's just easier this way," she grumbles, flipping the page of her magazine.

"I'm just saying, you've got enough to worry about with Ruuts, and the wedding and trying to make sure Z doesn't find out about the bambino," I continue, giving her still flat stomach a pat, which makes her flinch.

"Everyone doesn't need to know," she hisses, pulling the tray down over her lap. "Didn't we agree about that? You know, when Jaks said he wasn't going to hold that DNA thing over my head?"

"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I'm just saying you don't have to ignore him on my behalf, I mean you have to give him rub downs and…"

"Mel," Trix sighs, rubbing at her temples, "Jarkko and I asked you to keep this between the three of us, and it's just easier for me to not hang out with all of them, and considering…well, I just would rather not talk to him right now." I nod, immediately forgiving her for snapping. After all, like Jarkko keeps saying, she's hormone crazy right now, and the fact that she's made all the guys give her their fruit cups is just further proof of that.

"So tell me again why you _specifically_ don't want Sidney to know?" I ask, flashing back to having walked in on her and Jarkko talking about how Zetterberg can never find out. "The guys have been so good about you two dating."

"I know," she sighs, adjusting her neck pillow and giving my hand an apologetic pat. "Dating and screwing around is one thing but marriage and babies…well…anyway… and besides, he might mention it to Mario and then…you know," she mumbles, glancing over at him where he's slid into the seat next to Army. "I kinda feel bad about it but promise me you won't say anything Mel. Please?"

"Okay," I shrug, still getting the feeling that there's something more to it than she's saying but agreeing, because that's what friends do, they back each other up.

* * *

I glance down at Trix and Mel as I pass them on the plane and both of them look away. I'm sure the way Mel grabs Trix's hand that she knows, that she knows and she's forgiven her room mate but not me. Not that I blame her. I can't forgive myself so why should she forgive me?

"Just go talk to her man," Army mutters, rolling his eyes at me over his copy of the Calgary Herald as I slide into the seat beside him, glancing back at them one last time.

"Who?" I reply, ignoring the sarcastic chuckle as he shakes his head at me.

"I don't know which one you're drooling over more," he laughs, giving me a sharp shove in the ribs. I open my mouth to argue, but quickly shut it. After all, he _is_ right. It's not that I don't want Mel, and it's not that I don't think about her all the time, it's just that ever since Trix and I had sex…well I can't stop looking at her either. Yeah she's my teammate's girl, but I keep thinking that she must be avoiding me lately because she's thinking about me too. "No way," Army breathes, staring at me as I finally drag my attention away from the two women whispering to each other. "You're not actually… with Trixie? Ruuts will seriously kick your ass man."

"I'm just looking," I shrug, "there's no law against that is there?"

"Well I wouldn't let Ruuts catch you, law or not, captain or not," Army shakes his head and snaps open his paper again, like it might protect him against Jarkko's wrath. I can't help thinking that the guys would think it was pretty strange that Ruuts has already forgiven me and Trixie once. But then again, he loves her. Still, I doubt he'd forgive me a second time. "Wait a minute…," I look over to see Army staring blankly at the pages in front of him, and then slowly he turns to me. "Does that mean Mel's available as far as you're concerned?"

"I…," I start to say I guess, or yeah sure or something like that, but then I shut my mouth and shake my head, because I'm not sure. Looking over at her, watching her climb onto her seat to kneel on her seat so she can talk to Danny behind her, letting my eyes roam over the curve of her ass…no, I'm not sure about that either. "No," I reply quietly.

"I guess that figures," Army snorts derisively, "you always want to win everything."

"I guess," I shrug, letting my eyes wander over Mel's curves appreciatively. I should really make up my mind, and then I really should do something about it. I _should_, but the longer I leave it, the less interested Mel seems in me and the more I think about Trixie…well I guess I just need to make up my mind, but that's easier said than done.

* * *

"You look good enough to eat." I grin to myself as I pause in the familiar hallways of GM place. I've heard those words before. Recently too, just not by this deep voice that sends a tingle down my spine.

"Well you can always try," I reply, turning, and offering my open arms to the very tall and handsome Taylor Pyatt as he strides towards me, a towel casually thrown over his bare shoulders. I fight the urge to lick the sweat off of his perfectly shaped pecks and instead, tip my lips up to his for a soft kiss.

"This is the best part about having to come home for one game," he whispers in my ear as he slips his arms around me. "I was pretty happy when I heard that you were coming with the team."

"I wasn't sure you would be," I reply, smiling up at him as he takes a step back, glancing around to see who's watching him. After all, he _did_ get engaged over the summer, and this is _exactly_ what it looks like.

"I'm always happy to see you, can't you tell?" he says, closing the gap between us and guiding my hand covertly down the front of his shorts, and groaning quietly in my ear as I curl my fingers around the base of his cock and slowly tighten my grip.

"I kinda hoped you would be," I sigh, arching my neck and tilting my head to give his lips access to that tender spot behind my ear that will have a similar effect on me that my hand is having on him. This was the whole reason for worming my way onto this road trip. A girl's got needs and since Xavier left, Sid's been nothing but a tease and then my attempt to take Malone home was thwarted by Trixie's pregnancy, so I figured, Pyatt and I did always find a way to have a good time when I worked here.

"Oh god, I _so_ don't want to wait until after practice," he whispers, pressing me against the cool cement wall and nipping at my earlobe with his teeth. "Did you wear that for me?" he asks, running his hand down over the angora of my sweater dress until his big fingers hook in the belt at my waist, which he uses to pull me against him, hard. "Let's use the trainer's room."

"You big romantic you," I giggle, running my other hand up his slick sweat covered bare chest, pulling his lips down to mine. He might never be a member of MENSA, but that's never been the reason I've liked him. Opening my lips beneath his, I reach for his tongue with mine and am rewarded by his moaning into my mouth, a vibration that slides down my throat and into my chest, sending a tingling sensation down my spine and straight to my pussy. Yes! Finally, some action!

"Py! Coach's looking for you," Ohlie calls down the hall, shaking his head and laughing as Taylor snaps to attention at being caught out.

"Uh…later?" his big blue eyes look down into mine hopefully.

"There had better be," I reply breathlessly, running my thumb under my bottom lip, trying to fix my lipstick.

"Sorry," he shrugs, that cupid's bow grin of his reappearing.

"Better be," I repeat, laughing as I watch him jog down the hall to meet Ohlie and a couple of his other teammates in the hallway. I shake my head as I watch them disappear, and then turn and continue heading down to the press room to over see the credentials of the reporters as they arrive for the Kid's press conference. Still giggling to myself, I look up to see Sidney staring at me, round eyed, in the middle of the hallway.

I open my mouth to explain myself, considering that it's obvious he's seen me with Py's tongue down my throat and then I realize that I don't owe him a damn thing. Squaring my shoulders, I just walk by him, without so much as trying to reduce the size of my happy grin.

* * *

I want to ask her if she's fucking him. I want to grab her and press her up against the wall like he did and have her giggle and look at me the way she looked at him. I want to feel her breasts press against my chest. I want her to pull my lips down to hers'. I want her…I just _want_ her.

I can't even think of anything else. Even through the press conference, even during warm up and even with all the flashes and with all the noise in the arena. Even when I'm facing Luongo for a penalty shot near the end of the game, all I can think of is that I want her. I want Mel, in my arms. I don't want her to be with anyone else.

I can't stand the thought of anyone else running their hands over her soft skin. I feel like my chest is going to explode when I think of the way her eyes shone when he complimented her, and the worst part of it is, I'd been thinking how good she'd looked all day in that sweater dress, the way it hugs her curves. I'd wanted to grab her by that belt too, grab her and pull her to me and kiss her like that too.

Except I hadn't done it; just like every other time I've thought about it. Except that one time during the shoot, but even then, that had been more her at least until we'd got to her apartment. And now that I desperately want to, I can't, even as we celebrate in the dressing room, I know I won't. I'm the biggest chicken shit going.

"What the fuck made you miss both those fucking shots?" Max gives me a hard shove, almost sending me into the wall.

"He's lovesick, he's just too stupid to do anything about it," Ruuts sighs and shakes his head at me as he peels out of his pads. I can't even argue with him, because he's right, and we both know it. "She told Trixie that she's sick of waiting for you. I hope you know she's going to fuck Pyatt tonight."

I feel a weight build in my chest at the thought of it and it's enough to make me sit down heavily, gasping for air.

"She can't," I mutter, dropping my head into my hands.

"She's going to. Mario told her she could stay, catch a flight out tomorrow."

"But…but…," I look up at him, feeling helpless, but he only shakes his head.

"I told you this would happen if you didn't do something," Ruuts says, turning his back on me "I told you that she wouldn't wait around forever."

I look up at him, waiting for him to offer to help, but he quite rightly ignores me. I realize that he's been trying to help, that he has tried to tell me what I should do and I've just been far too pig headed and stubborn to listen. Giving my head a shake to clear it of the images of that big guy kissing her, I kick off my skates and head into the hallway to find her.

* * *

I lean against the floor to ceiling window, pulling the blanket around my shoulders and watch the lights blinking off and on in the Vancouver skyline. It's a pretty city, and I miss it and, I think to myself as I listen to his soft steady breathing, that I should be feeling content right about now. After an energetic fuck session, I should feel like I've gotten somewhere, like I've got the monkey off my back, but all I feel is…empty.

Even when I was ripping up his back with my nails, when my entire body was shuddering and bowed by the third climax his thick rigid body had brought me too, I still felt…nothing. Oh it was good, the sex, and he's sweet, but then he always has been. Still though, I just feel like there's something missing.

I know what it is of course, or should I say who it is.

But he doesn't love me. He doesn't feel anything for me. He's made that clear enough.

Still…why won't my heart let go of that blissful afternoon? Why can't I just get him out of my head? What the hell do I have to do to erase this ache in my chest?


	26. Chapter 26

C26

"God, not only do we get raped out there; _we_'re the ones that get called goons?" I look up just in time to see Army throw his stick against the wall, barely missing Whit's head. Whit's pissed enough already, I wouldn't be trying to start a fight with him if I was Colby.

"Hey, you wanna watch where you're throwing shit while you're having a fucking temper tantrum? Fuck, we're all pissed Army, but I'd like my fucking head intact and I think my wife would too!" Whit howls and tosses his glove towards Army who just continues to glare at his stall. I chuckle quietly to myself and just shake my head. "Hey, what the fuck are you looking so fucking pleased about?" Whit snaps, glaring at me.

"Why shouldn't I be happy? I'll be having a wife to go home to soon." I smile happily to myself, the same smile I've had plastered on my face since Trix and I found out about her pregnancy. Suddenly the room goes eerily quiet and I look up and realize that I may have actually said that out loud and suddenly you could hear a pin drop in the room and then just as suddenly it's like someone's turned the speakers up to eleven and all the guys are crowding around me and congratulating me.

"You ass! You were keeping that on the down lo! How could you keep that shit from us?" Max calls as a pair of stinky gloves fly towards my head.

"You know how we've gotta keep our shit quiet you guys and now you've gotta keep it quiet too. She's going to freak that you guys know." I glance furtively around to see if Trix has snuck in, looking for her next massage victim, knowing full well she'll cause me no end of pain when she finds out I've blabbed.

"How could she be mad at you? She should be happy to have died down the great Ruutsmeister!" Malone pats me on the back and I try not to shake my head, none of them truly understanding that it's me that's happy about tying her down. Make that relieved.

"Because Trix has a tendency to run screaming from a room when people find out that she's in a functional relationship and the fact that she's ran away from Ruuts every other time he's even come close to actually talking about a relationship would be a good reason for us _all_ to keep our mouths shut," Sid explains in his quiet yet determined new captain voice. I look over at him to let him see I'm grateful at least one person gets it but he won't even look up at me and I begin to worry that something else may have leaked aside from my relationship status.

"Yeah, what the captain said," I nod as the guys all seem to be heading back to their stalls. I get up and try to get past all the players with the intention of finding Trix so I can tell her what I've gone and done before someone else does but before I get out the door Max's voice bellows across the room.

"Wait! I've got a _brilliant_ idea!" I hear the entire room groan, and I can understand why when I see that Max and Army have their heads together. _That_ is never a good sign.

"Please, no great ideas guys, seriously, I'm so happy that she's agreed to marry me, don't fuck this up for me. I'm fucking begging here," I put my hands together and give them my best puppy dog look but unfortunately it doesn't work any better on them than it seems to on Trix.

"Sorry no, we can't let you get away with just telling everyone. If you're off the available list, well, at least you will be be, so you've got to celebrate your singleness while you still can, and in the spirit of that, we're going to throw you the biggest fucking bachelor party Pittsburgh has ever seen!" I'm left shaking my head as all the guys cheer and start tossing in their ideas and I hear the words strippers and Vegas and I feel a sweat breaking out on my forehead.

"What bachelor party?" Suddenly the room falls into silence and the tension can literally be cut with a knife as Trixie walks into the room and stares us all down. Now, I like a woman with some fight in her, hence my attraction to the woman to begin with, but when she can silence a room with just a raised eyebrow and instantly all the guys are sitting on the bench and looking anywhere but at her, well let's just say I'm more than just proud.

"C'est de grandes nouvelles Trix!" Fleur gets up to congratulate her and I have to give it to him. I never expected the shy Frenchman to be the first to man up.

"Congrats Trix, You deserve to be happy." Sid isn't far behind and gives her a quick hug and I don't know if everyone else sees it but she tenses up in his arms, just a fraction, but enough to make Sid tense up himself.

"Well thank you guys. I guess this means that Jarkko blabbed?" The frosty tone of her voice and the icy stare she gives me lets me know that I'm in deep, deep trouble, so I don't argue when she crooks her finger at me. I follow her silently across the hall and she closes the door with a quiet click before turning and pinching me roughly as I climb onto the table.

"Ouch! I couldn't keep lying to them! I was smiling the entire game, and when you just got your ass handed to you, you really shouldn't be smiling. I'm sorry kulta, but hey, I was thinking about something…."

"They don't pay you to think, now sit your ass down so I can check how badly they roughed up your pretty face." With a huge sigh of relief, I realize she's not as angry about the guys finding out as I thought she would be and that the argument is over and she's back to worrying about me in a girlfriend sort of way.

"I was wondering, how about we do this sooner rather than later? Say, I don't know, Christmas? We've got three days off, and I would really love to have you moved into my place so I can take care of you and junior. Come on, what do you say? You know, while you can still look amazing?" I know it's a cheap shot considering the way she's been worrying about losing her figure, even though she knows that I don't care.

"You mean I could still buy a hot dress before the baby starts to show?" She looks wistfully into a mirror, her hands on her still tiny waist and I know I've got her.

"You can buy any dress you want. Like that book you bought says, you won't really start showing till the third or fourth month so you could get a really hot number and I promise that I at least won't tell anyone about the pregnancy and with Christmas coming, family will be in town, I mean it's the perfect time." I smile at her as she rubs a salve on top of one of my cuts and I notice that she's got a happy thoughtful sort of smile on her pretty face.

"Ok, you win. When Mel gets back in town we'll go dress shopping. Now, back to this bachelor party you guys were all planning…."

"Hey, don't involve me. That is all Max and Army's idea. You know me, I'm a one woman man, I don't need to see strippers or porno…."

"I trust you Jarkko. I do."

"I know but the boys?" She laughs and shakes her head, wrinkling up her nose. "I don't think I can blame you, so go ahead, I know you want to, go scare the shit out of them." With a grin, she pulls me in for a quick hug and then skips back across the hall and into the locker room.

"So, you bastards are planning a bachelor party huh? Well I have some ground rules. I don't want to hear a _single _thing that happens at this party. I trust Jarkko completely, but you guys…well, I trust you about as far as I can spit and no one wants to see me drooling on myself. So remember, if you get caught at anything, if any of you get arrested for anything, well you know just _how_ much I _love_ death sprints and you know Therrien already thinks I'm not disciplining you guys enough." I stand grinning behind her and show my support by looking at each of the guys with my meanest 'I'm going to kick your ass' look.

"We will be on our best behavior." I laugh as Max gives his best boy scout salute. As if he would have ever made it through scouts.

"Can it Max, I know you way too well to believe you even know the definition of the word good. If a stripper so much as comes near Jarkko I'll hold you _personally_ responsible. And if any of you've forgotten, I own my own paint ball gun and I do know how to use it." She stares them all down and I have to bite down on the inside of my cheek to stop from laughing as they all stare back at her in utter silence. Looking pleased with herself, she skips back to her room, and that's when the boys all start laughing.

"Thank god you're the one marrying her man, I would miss my balls, I don't know how you can stand visiting them in a jar on the mantle." Malone shudders again before laughing and shaking my hand.

"Well, she really knows how to play with them so, there's that." I grin as the guys just laugh, everyone except Sid, who's still gazing at the door through which my soon to be wife as just exited, that is, before Army drags him to his feet. I watch them head out and try to ignore the nagging feeling I have about the way that the Kid has been looking at my Trixie.

"By the way, Max, Bugsy. Sprints. 20 of them, up and down stairs, now." I laugh as Trix pops her head back out to give the command. Max and Malone get up groaning, throwing their gear onto the floor in a temper tantrum.

* * *

"I really am happy for you Trix." I look up in time to see Sid slip in behind me pulling the door closed behind him. My entire body tenses as I watch him pacing near the door.

"Thanks, Jarkko's a great guy and now that I've finally come to my senses I can see that Mel was right all along." I wait to see how he'll react to Mel's name being dropped into conversation but he won't meet my gaze, just stands there shuffling his feet, his gaze glued to the floor.

"Yeah, Mel's usually right…," he mutters before falling silent again. It feels like he wants to say something, so even though the silence is definitely uncomfortable, I don't try and fill it with mundane small talk. I just keep tidying up, rolling up tensor bandages and putting away the creams and salves, keeping my hands busy while I wait for him to make up his mind. Unfortunately it doesn't take long for me to run out of things to do and when I finally give up on trying to look busy, I turn to find him watching me.

"Well I guess you should hop up if you want to get checked out." As he slides onto the table, his intense gaze is trained on me, making me want to squirm and not in the way Jarkko can make me want to squirm, but more the way your mom makes me you feel like she can see right through you when you're lying and telling her you're going to a sleepover when you're not.

"You're really going to stick around?" He asks, finally breaking the uncomfortable silence as I apply a butterfly bandage to a scrape on his cheek. Shrugging, I run my fingers over the swelling along his right cheek bone. I don't really feel like giving him an explanation at the moment, but as I take my hand away his hand grabs onto mine and for one long second I think he's going kiss me, but I manage to turn around to toss the paper backing in the bin, effectively putting distance between he and I.

"Well, I'm not getting any younger I guess, and there's not time like the present. So, if there's nothing else? Gary's been waiting…?" I usher him out the door, relieved that he doesn't protest, and close it silently, taking the time to breathe and collect myself before Scary Gary comes strolling in, shaking his head at the Kid's back before turning and giving me that concerned father look.

"How far along are you, and besides Jarkko, who else on the team knows?" I look up at his bemused smile in blind panic.

"How do you…."

"Oh c'mon, I've got a wife and kids. I've been around long enough to know what a pregnant woman looks like." He smiles indulgently at me while I stand there trying not to hyperventilate.

"Please don't…."

"Don't worry your pretty little head. Your secret is safe with me. I'm happy for both of you and I'm thinking it'll calm Ruuts down a bit to be a dad. But next time, you might want to close the door when you're dealing with morning sickness. You don't want the others putting two and two together." I can't help but smile as he pats me on the head and leaves me standing there with my hands crossed protectively over my belly.

* * *

"So, you're home?" I grab Mel's luggage out of her hands as she stands looking at me owl eyed with her key still in the door.

"Yeah, I guess I am," she watches me from the doorway as I send her bag, bowling ball style, skidding into her room.

"Wow…huh, well, with that sour mug I guess I don't have to ask how everything went, and besides, I don't really have time right now, because we're going shopping, now." She narrows her eyes at me and then cocks her head to one side.

"I don't have a sour mug, I'm tired and what are we shopping for that I can't crash for a couple of hours for first?"

"Well, I wish you were the first to know, but Jarkko couldn't keep it to himself but we're getting married at Christmas, Jarkko convinced me to move it forward so I need a dress." Mel finally loses that quizzical confused look on her face and chuckles as she drops her keys on the counter and offers me her arms, enveloping me in a bear hug that leaves me wondering who needs it more, me or her?

"That's great, I'm so happy for both of you. See, I told you everything would work out," she whispers, and I'm sure that I can hear just the smallest hint of sadness in her voice. Grabbing her hand, I drag her out to the car, intending to get the rest of the information out of her later.

* * *

"So, are you going to tell me about Pyatt?" I glance over at Mel who's fingering the edging on a dress and as soon as I say his name I see her freeze.

"What about him?" She shrugs, like it's nothing, but I can see her biting down on her bottom lip and I've known her long enough to know that's a sign of stress.

"Well, I mean, you and him left in a bit of a hurry after that game… so I just assumed you know…you went back to your old habits." I flip to another page in the catalogue but really it's her I'm watching as she moves on to the next dress, running her fingers along the edge of the bodice.

"Yeah we did the dirty. What of it?" she asks, an edge of irritation entering her voice.

"Whah nelly, no need to get defensive. Obviously the sex was crap then…," I watch her move further away from me, like she didn't hear me, but I can practically see the wheels turning in her head, so I grab one of the dresses off one of the racks and shove her into one of the change rooms to help me try it on. I let her pout for a while, pulling sullenly at the ribbons on the back of the dress, but then I get tired of it and push her for information. "So the sex sucked?"

"No, it didn't, it never does but… it just… oh I don't know, it left something to be desired I guess." She turns and plops down on the little stool in the corner, but after a minute she's up pacing the small confines of the changing room. "I don't know how to explain it to you, except that I just felt so… empty after which is so stupid because it's not like Sid and I even have a chance or anything, I mean there was just that one time but I still feel so guilty about being with Py and I never did before I mean, even though I knew he had someone that never bothered me because it was always just fun but now…god, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me." She drops back down onto the stool and drops her head into her hands and growls in frustration. "I hate what I've turned in to. First I can't stop crying, then I'm jealous of you and now I'm being a vindictive bitch? This isn't me Trix, I'm not that person and this…this _bitch_ definitely doesn't deserve him." Getting on my knees so that we're at eye level with each other I grab her arms, holding her still. I search her gaze to try and gauge where her head's at before deciding that she just looks tired and frustrated but not on the verge of tears so she should be able to handle what I feel she should know.

"You're not going to want to hear this but he did go looking for you after the game." Her eyes get wide, and she lets out a long painful breath. "I know, he's got the _worst_ timing but you've got to give the Kid some credit he at least figured out that he wants you, finally." I keep it to myself that he's been looking at me too. From the grumblings I've overheard, it's not just my imagination.

"Yeah right," Mel sighs and goes back to gazing into space. "As if after seeing me with Pyatt he'll ever want to even look at me again. I mean it's nice of you to try and cheer me up and I appreciate it and all but…when I saw him in the bowels at GM I just walked right by. I could have stopped, I could have let him stop me, but I actually _enjoyed_ rubbing his nose in it. I mean, how _could_ he even want me after that? _I_ wouldn't want me after that." I sigh as I take a long look at Mel, battling the two opposing voices in my head as I listen to her, trying to decide whether or not to tell her but I can't let her keep beating herself up, she needs to know.

"Ok, I'm going to tell you something but you have to know something first…." Slowly, with a look of utter exhaustion on her face, she looks up at me and just shrugs.

"As if anything you have to say could possibly make this any worse.…"

"Don't. Seriously, I already feel bad enough. Ok, how do I say this…?"

"Wow…," she looks up at me, like she's finally hearing me, but to make it worse she looks concerned for _me_ and reaches out to take my hands in hers'. "This is bad huh? And it has to do with me? O my god, is the baby's okay?"

"It's not the baby, the baby's fine. This has to do with you. So how do you want it?"

"I guess just rip the band-aid off and tell me." Nodding, I peel her hands from around mine and get back up on my feet, partially to get out of slapping range.

"Okay, here goes nothing," I turn and look at myself in the mirror, because it's easier than looking at her while I tell her what a horrible person I am. "Sid and I had sex." I shut my eyes and cover them with my hands so I don't have to see her reaction reflected back at me in the mirror, but then the silence stretches out and I turn and peer through my fingers to see Mel sitting there, calmly, eerily calmly.

"When?" She asks, sounding composed, her eyes clear but maybe a little too bright.

"When I came back from Detroit, I saw you and Jarkko hugging in the hall and I guess…no to be fair I convinced myself there was more to it than that and so I…well I just freaked out. You have to understand, I was coming back to tell him I loved him and he was holding another woman in his arms, my roommate none-the-less and I just…," my voice trails away to nothing as she holds her hand up to stop me from blathering on about it, and I'm almost grateful to bite my lip. I watch her, like I can almost see the wheels turning in her head as she grapples with the news, and then finally she looks up at me and takes a deep steadying breath.

"It's okay," she says quietly, shrugging her shoulders as if to say 'what else could you do?'.

"Wait…you're saying that you're ok with the fact that I fucked him? I mean…actual fucking Mel, don't kid yourself there was just some snuggling going on. I need you to understand…." She laughs and shakes her head as she pushes herself up to her feet and I'm left standing there with my mouth open as she walks over and put her arms around me.

"I'm fine," she sighs, holding me at arms length. "This means we're both not perfect, and now he can't hold the whole Pyatt mess over my head. And like you said, it's not like we're together so…no, it's good, now we can start fresh." She grins at me as she holds me at arm's length and then her brow furrows. "Is that why he's been avoiding me, because he feels guilty about you?"

"I think so. I hope that's his only reason to feel guilty." I shrug and turn to look into the mirror, admiring the dress I'm in, and also so she can't see me cringing. I don't want to actually think there's any more to those looks he's been giving me, and I don't want her to see that I do.

"You should pick that one, you look amazing in it. I'm still jealous you know," she smiles at me in the mirror, looking almost happy, and I know that feeling because that's the way I feel – _almost_ happy.

"I really am sorry Mel, for ever doubting your relationship with Jarkko and for…well for Sidney. You have no idea how much I hate myself for that. I mean, I don't deserve you forgiving me when I can barely forgive myself," I sniff, feeling tears beginning to spill down my cheeks.

"It's okay, honestly. I do forgive you Trix. I mean, you've obviously been living with a shit load of guilt this entire time. There were a few times that I wondered…," her voice trails off before she shakes off whatever though just came into her head. "Anyways I'm just happy now that we've cleared the air." She cocks her head and looks at the dress again, nodding. "Just one thing though?"

"Anything. You name it, I'll do it," I ask, reaching back to take her hand.

"Was he…you know…as good as I think he is?" I shut my eyes and cringe outwardly, giving a little shudder.

"Mel!"

"C'mon, you can tell me," she chuckles, leaning her chin on my shoulder.

"Well…oh my god I can't believe I'm saying this," I grumble, giving her hand a squeeze, "but you might have to give him some pointers. Now don't make me say anything else, please," I beg, widening my eyes at her in the mirror.

"Okay, I won't, I promise," she smiles, giving me a reverse hug. "Now, about this bachelor party you were telling me about …." I grin as we start to hatch a plan to infiltrate the party the boys are planning for Jarkko


	27. Chapter 27

_whew....these last two chapters have been hard. You know when you know where you want to get to but you don't know how to get there? yeah well...we're getting there folks so thanks for your patience and your encouragement and, yes, I'll admit to being a whore for praise so if you want to give me your two cents please do! I really enjoy hearing what you think of how this is going!_

C27

"Do you want to tell me why you have a leopard print cat suit at work?" Trix asks as she pours her long lithe body into the skin tight Lycra body suit, stretching and wriggling to pull it up to her height.

"When I worked at Orca Bay, we dressed up for Hallowe'en, how was I supposed to know you guys didn't?" I reply, trying to find something else to do while she struggles with the stretchy material.

"And you thought this was appropriate for the office?" she chuckles, struggling with the zipper but not asking for my help.

"Well I was trying to get someone's attention at the time," I sigh, pulling open a drawer and poking through it.

"Oh yeah, 'ol blue eyes," she laughs, finally letting out the breath she was holding, as if she couldn't fit into something I fit in, width wise anyway.

"While we're asking questions, do you want to tell me why you keep condoms in the massage room?" I ask as I stare down at the contents of one of the drawers I've pulled open. Glancing over at her, I watch her slowly turn six shades of red.

"I…well I…," Trix sputter and then turns her back on me and makes an unhappy sound in her throat.

"You did use one with Sid…right?" I ask slowly, picking up one of the little foil ovals between my fingers and holding it up to the light, watching the way the too bright overhead lights make it gleam. After the silence stretches just a little too long, I walk over and grab her shoulder, spinning her to face me. "Right?"

"Not exactly," she mumbles, refusing to look up at me.

"Not exactly? Trix, are you saying that…," I point at her still flat stomach and then narrow my eyes at her. "I knew it could be Zetterberg's but…," I can't quite make myself say it, all the air escapes out of my lungs at once, like I've been hit in the gut.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, pulling me into the circle of her arms and cradling me like she's afraid I'm going to break, and she might just be right.

"But…you knew how I felt…," I feel tears begin to well up in my eyes and suddenly everything she's said to me earlier catches up with me and I can envision them, here, in this room and I have to shut my eyes to stop the images from playing out in my head.

"I was crazy pissed at you at the time, I wasn't exactly thinking straight," she mutters, rubbing my back like she's trying to burp a baby. "I'm sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am."

"Oh…I think I do," I sigh, pushing away from her and turning my back, going over to the sink and running my hands under the water until it gets cold enough to splash on my face.

"I knew it was too good to be true. I knew you couldn't really forgive me," she hiccups, her voice sounding small and tired. Usually, under any other circumstances, I would have gone to her and comforted her, but right now, all I can think is she's right, I _was_ too quick to forgive. My chest hurts, and it's hard to breathe as I turn to look at her, all my attention focused on her still flat belly, wishing it wasn't true.

"You have to tell him. I mean…you have to," I sniff, looking up to see tears streaking down her face as she shakes her head at me.

"No, not ever," she insists, her hands held protectively over her abdomen. "This is my child. Mine and Ruuts and I'm not going to tell him, or Z…not ever." She looks up at me, her eyes full of tears, but her lips set in a thin, determined line. "And you're not going to tell him either."

"But what if it's his?" I ask quietly, my gaze falling to where her hands are clasped.

"But it's not…it's not if I say it's not," she insists, her voice sounding strong and confident now. "I love Jarkko, I'm going to marry Jarkko. He's my family, _this_ is our family." She moves forward, and I watch her feet come towards me, and I flinch inwardly when she puts her hands on my shoulders but I don't move away. "I made a mistake, a _huge terrible_ mistake, and I hurt you, and I'm sorry, _so_, so sorry. But please don't make Jarkko pay for that mistake, and please don't make my baby pay for my stupidity."

When I look up into her eyes, it's clear that she means what she says, and I find myself nodding in agreement, but I don't feel it. Not deep down inside. All I can feel, as she pulls me into her arms and whispers 'thank you', is nothing, a deep, dark pit of nothing.

* * *

"Oh no you don't Crosby," Whit laughs, tugging on the back of my jacket. "I you're your tricks. You are _so_ not getting out of tonight."

"I'm not trying to," I laugh, pulling my jacket out of his hands. "I just need to go back and get my wallet, it's in my other jacket," I insist, pushing him away and back peddling towards the doors.

"You mean you're going back in there to look for Trixie," Army shakes his head at me, that disapproving big brother look on his face.

"I'm going back for my wallet," I sigh, shaking my head at both of them. "Go ahead without me. I swear I'll be right behind you."

"If you don't…," Army narrows his eyes and shakes his finger at me, "I'm coming back for you, and whatever compromising position I find you in, I'll put on 'youtube', I swear," he threatens holding up his cell phone and pursing his lips and trying to look threatening before breaking down and laughing.

"Gee thanks buddy," I sigh, turning my back on them and heading back into the arena, letting out a long low breath as I hear the doors close behind me. So what if they happened to be right? I don't need Jarkko coming back here and finding me talking to his fiancée. Not that there's a wrong end of the stick to get about why I'm going back in the building, but I'm not really sure what I'm going to do or say when I find her, so there's no use anyone knowing. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself as I walk the halls, peeking into each room, looking for her.

"Looking for something?" a voice calls out from the dressing room, and I turn to see the doors swinging as she walks out, wearing a trench coat pulled snug at the waist, and very, very high heeled boots that hug her calves.

"You," I cough, my heart hammering hard against my ribs.

"What for?" she asks, her voice cool, calm, detached.

"I uh…I guess I need to ask you if uh…if you know what you're doing?" I begin, not really sure how to say what I keep thinking in my head.

"Most of the time I'd have to say no," she smiles, briefly, and then her momentary grin is replaced by that cool, calm detached facade as she leans against the wall, as if she can't get far enough away from me. "But if you're asking about Ruuts, well then the answer is definitely and unquestionably yes."

"I know he's a good guy, but…," I shrug, not really sure where I'm going with this argument but she just takes two strides forward and places her fingertips against my lips.

"He's a _great_ guy," she smiles, but it's her dangerous, cat like smile that usually serves as more of a warning, like right before she shoots you with her paint gun. "And you and I…if that _is_ what you're thinking," she shakes her head slowly, as if I'm too stupid to keep up, "_so_ never happened."

"But it did," I reply, my words muffled against her hand.

"No," she replies, shaking her head. "No it didn't, and I'll tell you why." She steps back and pulls the belt on her jacket, revealing a very form fitting leopard print cat suit that make me cough out loud as I try to catch my breath. She takes my hand and puts it on her flat stomach and smiles, and there's something about the way she smiles that keeps me silent. "I'm pregnant," she continues, her smile spreading. "Jarkko and I are starting a family, and I might have done something stupid, _once_, but I'm not about to throw away a really, really great guy who loves the pants off of me, for a cocky kid that doesn't even make my heart skip a beat. Capiche?" I nod, because what the hell else am I supposed to do and her grin takes on that feral nasty look and she wrinkles her nose and grabs my cheeks and gives them a squeeze. "Now stop chasing your tail and denying what's really going on in that horny little brain of yours and go after the woman you _really_ want."

"But…what if it's mine?" I ask, finally catching on. But she just rolls her eyes and shakes her head at me.

"It's not. I knew about it before…you know," she twirls her finger around, indicating, I can only assume her and me. "That's why I was so mad," she explains, shrugging. "Now I need you to focus. Stop running from what you really want Sidney. Take it from someone who's been doing too much of that lately. Let yourself fall, sometimes it's good to be caught."

"Oh I don't think she wants anything to do with me," I sigh, glancing down and away from her knowing smile.

"Is that why you're chasing me around? Because you think she doesn't want you? Because I know damn well…hell _everyone_ around here knows damn well that you've wanted Mel since the day she started working here." She gives my shoulder a little shake and laughs. "Seriously, the two of you…. Look kid, she loves you, you love her, for fuck sakes go get her."

"She…she does?" I search her dark eyes as she rolls them impatiently at me.

"Yes, dummy, she does. So much so that she's absolutely heart broken right now thinking that this," she twirls her finger again between us, "has ruined her chances with you. Now please tell me that it's not true, because I was there the day you two kissed and I'm telling you, _everyone_ could see that you two were meant to be."

"She knows?" My breath catches in my throat, and this time it's not because of Trix's outfit.

"She does and I've begged her forgiveness, and I hope one day soon she'll forgive me, but right now, I think it's more important that you do some begging don't you?" I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out, so I shut it before I say something stupid. Mel still loves me. "Get going, oh my god, do I have to do _everything_ for you?" Trix shakes her head and gives me a little shove. "She's probably still pouting in her office, now get! Don't make me get my paint gun out of my office."

I feel a grin spread across my face, and suddenly I don't know what I've been doing all this time. Not that Trix isn't hot but…

Mel loves me!

I turn and sprint down the hall and up the stairs, a stupid grin spread across my face. I'd lost hope. I was sure that she hated me, and I couldn't blame her. I hadn't exactly been a gentleman, and I must have confused the hell out of her, after all, I know how confused I've been.

I can't believe what an idiot I've been, and she _still_ loves me!

Skidding around the corner I find her walking out of her office and towards me, looking festive in a little green and red plaid skirt and a red one of those sweaters that hugs her chest, and knee high black boots that look almost like the ones that Trixie was wearing, and suddenly my mouth goes dry and I can't move forward. Just seeing her stops me in my tracks.

I know she's seen me. I can tell by the way she quickly glances down and stares at the ground, the same thing she's been doing lately every time we pass one another, like she doesn't want to see me. It makes me wonder if Trixie could be wrong. But they're roommates, she _must_ know.

I listen to the click of her heels on the floor as I watch her walk towards me, and the sound echoes in my head along with the thudding of my heart. I open my mouth to call out her name, but nothing comes out. The closer she gets, the harder my heart beats against my chest, and the harder it is to breathe.

* * *

I'm certain he's going to let me walk right past him without saying a word, _again_, and I can feel my teeth start to grind together with each step closer I get to him. Watching his feet remain immobile on the floor in front of me makes my hands curl into fists at my sides and makes my already bad mood worse. He's just going to stand there. He's going to stand there and pretend he's a statue and he's going to let me walk right by.

Until I am by him, by about one step, my shoulder brushing his in the narrow darkened hallway and then his hand snaps out with those lightening fast reflexes that steal your breath when you see him out on the ice, and I feel his fingers curl around my wrist, vice like, stopping me in my tracks.

My first thought is to turn on him, claws and fangs bared, and let him have it. Let him know exactly what I think of him fucking my roommate and fucking me over in the process. I want to ask him why he made me think he likes me, wants me. But then I bite my tongue, for the first time in my life, and just stand there, and wait, eyes closed, taking short shallow breaths. Patience Melisande…wait for it.

"I need to apologize," he begins, keeping his voice low and quiet, like maybe he's having a hard time saying it. I could say 'me too' or reply sarcastically with a 'you bet you do' but instead, I bite my lip…wait for it. "For the thing with…Trixie," he lets out a breath slowly and deliberately, just like he does before he takes off in a shoot out. "For…you know…just sort of…being a jerk and…." My patience snaps and I turn, curling my hand around his neck and pulling his lips to mine and kissing him like I've wanted to kiss him for so long now, but not like we kissed that afternoon, not tenderly or softly or slowly. No, this time I kiss him hard, passionately, forcing down all the hurt and anger that are still simmering below the surface and channeling it into heat, need, and pure desire.

It doesn't take him more than a moment to get over what I can only assume is shock at being attacked like this and then I feel his hands slide up into my hair, letting it down from the pony-tail I'd tied it back in with tinsel garland. Running his fingers through my hair, his lips open over mine. His tongue swirls around mine, urgent, forceful, and I feel that twinge deep in my gut, that clenching that makes my heart thud high in my throat. I love him, I love him so much.

"We should talk about…you know…things," he sputters breathlessly as his lips blaze a trail down to my shoulder where he lifts my hair away and bites down on carotid artery, sending a shiver dancing across my skin.

"So far, you kind of suck at talking," I mutter, closing my eyes as he nibbles his way back up towards my ear. "I'd rather just…do this but uh…somewhere else," I suggest tugging at one of the curls at the back of his neck, pulling his eyes up to meet mine. "I think Trix is out tonight…." I raise my eyebrow and he smiles, that same grin I'd seen before when he'd suggested going to my apartment, "but this time don't even think about getting any naps."


	28. Chapter 28

_Just a note to say my thoughts are with Taylor Pyatt and his family along with all the WAGs from the Canucks. I'm sure all their hearts are broken and even though we regular ladies may fantasize about hockey hunks, we still know you're real people with real feelings and real lives and when a tragedy like this occurs, we feel for them. _

C28

"Guys, seriously, I'm not so sure about this…," I push the pitcher of beer back towards the centre of the table and look around at my teammates grinning faces. Suddenly I'm getting that 'I've got a bad feeling about this' kind of churning in the pit of my stomach and I'm having visions of Trixie finding me face down on my own front steps, too drunk to even crawl inside the house.

"Ruuts, c'mon man, don't be such a baby. You only live once!" Army puts the pitcher back in front of me like he's not going to take no for an answer.

"Army, you've got to remember, I've been in this same position before. Well, maybe not the _exact same_ position, because this time I do actually wanna follow through with this whole wedding thing," this gets a laugh but I don't have time to join in when Roberts comes over and pats me on the back.

"Congrats Ruuts." He winks and chuckles and it suddenly dawns on me. He knows which has me jumping to my feet and dragging him out of earshot of the rest of the boys.

"Does Trix know you know? Because seriously, she's not joking about that paint ball gun, and you do know that if she finds out that you know and that I had confirmed it in any way at all, my balls won't be in a jar, they'll be on the floor being flattened under her high heeled boots and…."

"Don't worry Ruuts, she knows I know and I don't think she's going to freak out on you. I mean, I can't promise, cuz she _is_ a little…," he twirls his finger around his ear and laughs as I hand him a beer while I breathe a sigh of relief. Gary pats my back and turns me back towards where the rest of the guys are sitting and I see that Max and Colby have made themselves comfortable in the main cheering section of genecology row. How any woman is going to make those boys settle down makes me wonder.

"Is there some way I can sneak out and just… be _anywhere_ but here? Like preferably at home, snuggling my fiancée and without the benefit of booze?" Roberts laughs and shakes his head.

"If those guys found out I snuck you out, well let's just say that you might think Trix's paintball gun is the scariest thing ever but if those kids get their hands on me…have you _smelled_ Max's equipment? I swear several things crawled in his shoulder pads and died."

"You've never been in the Canucks room then. That Burrow's kid, my god, it's as if he started off in pee wee and hasn't changed his equipment since. There's just the funkiest smell coming from his locker, it would make Max's stuff shrivel up and die." We both laugh, and I realize that sometimes it's good to be the older guys in the room.

"Well if you're lucky and just hang out back here with me, maybe they'll just enjoy themselves so much they'll forget your back here and both of us can get back to our lady loves soon enough."

"Sounds like a plan," I grin, "but it also sounds like thirsty work. I guess I'll have to grab another pitcher." I get up and head to the bar, but as I'm ordering my name is called from their P.A. system.

"Can we have Jarkko Ruutu please approach the stage. Your friends and teammates have purchased a special dance for you. Gentlemen, tonight is Mr. Ruutu's bachelor party, and after tonight he'll be lost to all of us women forever!" This raises a chorus of hoots and hollars but when I look over at Max and Army they only shrug and look confused instead of conspiratorial and yet amused at the same time. I don't have time to contemplate who else may have had the balls to set this up because the next thing I know arms and hands are pushing me towards the stage where a masked woman in a painted on leopard print body stocking is standing next to an empty chair, holding several long black silk scarves in her hands. The first thing that runs through my mind is that the guys really know my type as I peruse her tall athletic body. The second thing that goes through my mind is that Trixie said I could look, but if there was any touching….

"Um, I don't know who put you up to this, but I think you should know, I don't think my wife to be would appreciate this. Can't you just grab another guy and haul him up here instead and just _say_ it's me?" The masked woman gives me a closed mouth sultry grin and slowly shakes her head, making her long blonde hair swing from side to side.

With a sigh, I sit down, telling myself that it's not going to be so bad, until I realize she's tying me to the chair. I struggle against the bonds for a bit, but find that the knots she's making with the silk scarves are a lot stronger than I thought a girl could manage with just scarves.

"Uh…do you have to tie these so tight?" I ask quietly, giving the bonds an experimental tug. The cat woman just smiles but doesn't answer. "Do you have a name?" I ask, hoping I can talk her out of this, but again, she just smiles, and stays mute.

"C'mon Ruuts, stop trying to get out of it! It's just part of the act. Just relax. She's a professional. Try and enjoy yourself for once man," Max calls from the side of the stage, and all the guys laugh.

"I bet she's a professional at ruining marriages before they even start," I mutter under my breath before deciding I'd be better off appealing to the boys for help. "Guys you _know_ I'm going to have to kill each and every single one of you slowly and painfully if this ever finds its way back to Trix." I groan as the lights dim and the music starts up. It's a slow bump and grind, with a nice solid back beat and you know it's a song meant just for this type of seduction.

As the spotlight slowly focuses on me, the hoots and hollers start up again and I turn my head to see the slim cat in killer high heel boots, moving towards me in a graceful half glide half stalk, as if she's circling her prey and that's when I realize I'm it, tied down to a chair and trying to look at anything but her body, poured into that suit, her breasts perky and just more than a handful, perfect and round, just like Trix's. At the thought of her I get a rush of warm feeling, picturing her in that suit, dancing for me. I give my head a hard shake and tell myself to get back to reality, not liking where that train of thought is leading me considering my current situation.

Swaying in front of me, her perfect ass is what I get the next eyeful of, and considering the suit is more like a second skin than clothing it becomes more than obvious that she's not wearing a bra or underwear. I gulp in anticipation, thinking of the a ice rink, the stinky locker room, Tuomo's toe nails, _anything_ but her body as she lowers her ass into my lap, draping her impossibly long legs over mine. She moves her hips as she dips and dances to the music, all the while no more than an inch leaving my body, the connection of her body to mine making it harder for me to breathe.

As she gets up and leans down towards me, she slowly lowers the zipper in front, not enough to have things popping out, but enough for me to get more than an eyeful of her generous curves. I gulp and turn away, but she cups my chin in her long fingernails and turns my face towards hers looking into my eyes as she sits in my lap, facing me this time, her legs wrapping around my hips so that her heated core is right above my rigid erection. I try and think of something else so that she doesn't notice, but by the small smirk on her face I know it's already a hopeless cause.

Her thighs clamp around me as she leans backwards, arching her back until her fingertips touch the floor, her ankles locked around the back of the chair and then she starts moving her body, gently thrusting her hips into mine, and the only thing I can do to stop from groaning out loud is to bite down on my bottom lip, hard. Her hips slam down as she uses the chair and her muscular thighs to pull her body back up until its' flush against mine. Rock hard nipples graze across my chest making her gasp. Her ruby red lips open slightly and her pink tongue moistens her lips and only the coppery taste of my own blood stops me from reaching out and biting down on those ruby red lips, licking them, nibbling them….

"Ugh, what's wrong with me?" I grumble straining one more time against the bonds before giving up and finally pleading directly with the mystery woman. "I'm sorry miss, you're going to have to let me go, my fiancée is at home waiting for me and I…." She hushes me by covering my lips with two of her fingertips, before leaning forward and, as if she's reading my mind, biting along the line of my jaw lightly and then moving her lips and teeth towards my ear, gentle butterfly kisses making me shiver.

"You don't want to go home with me? I can feel how much you're enjoying this Jarkko. I can feel your body yearning to be inside mine, your cock is so hard against my pussy that it's making me want to rip your clothes off and do you right here, right now." As she says this she slowly undoes the buttons of my shirt, gliding her hand across my chest until her fingertips are circling my nipple, making me hiss out loud.

"I love Trixie, I love her. I lover her…I loverly she. I loveee you…" I lose all train of thoughts as she dips her blonde head down and her red mouth closes around my nipple and with the flick of her hot little tongue all of the sensations overwhelm me and I press up against her, pushing my erection upwards and groaning as she presses down against me.

"Take me home Jarkko. Take me home and fuck me senseless." I close my eyes and give my head a hard shake. My brain is hearing one thing, my body doesn't know what the hell is going on, and I'm not sure what to believe.

"Trix?" A slow grin spreads across the cat woman's face as she removes her mask and pulls the blonde wig off. I can't help but laugh. I was trying so hard _not_ to focus on her but I should have known that the body I was feeling was familiar, so much so that my body was automatically reacting to what it already knew; that it was hers'.

The entire club has gone eerily quiet, that is until there's a tell-tale sound of recognition from a certain corner.

"Ah sheeeitt."

"Mon dieu, merde!" Now it's my turn to laugh as Colby and Max try and make a quiet exit only to be way-laid by the rest of the team.

"I'll be seeing you two early in the morning… we're doing some death sprints then laps. Enjoy the rest of your night boys, tomorrow you're mine but tonight, I'm busy." Trix grins at them, wagging her finger at them, and then turns her back to me. She tilts her head to the side, questioning me, asking permission and forgiveness for what she's done. I grin up at her, and push my still rock hard erection up against her.

"Untie me you little vixen, and when I get you home…I think somebody's going to be getting a spanking."

"Oooh, promise?" she grins, flicking one of my nipples again, shooting flames of desire down to my cock and making me moan.

"A very _hard_ spanking," I sigh as she finally slides her body off of mine, and sidles around to the back of the chair.

"I better not untie you then," she chuckles, her breath warm in my ear as she presses her lips to my cheek. "Any of you boys want to carry him out to the car for me?"

"Oh you're kidding me right?" I groan as Geno and Laroque bound up onto the stage and begin pulling and dragging me off the stage, despite my pleas and protests. "C'mon Trix, is this any way to treat your baby daddy?" I call out in desperation, seeing a set of stairs coming at me quickly and no sign that Geno or Laroque are actually going to pick up the chair.

"Baby daddy?" Big George stops and looks down at me, and then all the laughter sort of dies down.

"Uh…I was just…kidding?" I ask, hopefully, but the minute I hear the click of her heels I know I'm doomed, and all the heat she'd created with her sexy little lap dance is suddenly cooled off by the sight of her, hands on hips, standing in front of me.

"You just couldn't keep it to yourself could you?" She shakes her head and takes a deep steadying breath. "Okay, tell them. Fuck…you better get signed again cuz I am going to need the most expensive baby clothes, the same baby furniture as Angelina Jolie…," her voice trails off and a little grin begins to tug at the corners of her full lips.

"I'm sorry," I shrug, as best I can, considering I'm still tied to this damn chair.

"No you're not," she sighs, rolling her eyes. "You're very proud of yourself."

"So it's true?" George looks from Trixie to me and back again. "Ruuts is going to be a daddy?" Trixie nods, that smile getting a little bigger. "Oh man, hey Army, did you hear this? This degenerate trouble maker is going to be a dad!"

"No way!!" Army howls, pointing at me and shaking his head. "Oh my god, he's going to train another little brat to put star players head first into the boards? Where's Sid, he's gotta hear this," he laughs, shaking his head at me.

"Yeah, where is the Kid?" Trixie asks, sliding back onto my lap and snaking her arm around my neck, bending to press her lips to mine. "And where's Mel? She was supposed to be here to help me get you home."

"Well…as much as I like the idea of taking the two of you home," I smile up at her and wink, "I hope both of them _not_ being here is a good sign."

"We can only hope," she sighs, gazing down at me with what I think is a look of contentment in her eyes. "Now…about getting you home…."

"Just untie me, and I'll get _you_ home," I promise, nipping her lower lip, by way of making a promise for later.

"Oooh, I love it when you think you're all tough," she giggles, reaching around behind me and pulling on the scarves, setting one hand loose. "Should I save these for later?"

"Oh yeah," I nod, "I'm so using those on you."


	29. Chapter 29

_my mother says patience is a virtue, one I was born without but I hope your patience is rewarded...._

C29

I watch as she fishes in her purse for her keys, my pulse having never slowed since she pressed her cherry red lips to mine back at the rink, but now I can hardly breathe, my entire body alert with anticipation as she lifts her key towards the lock. Except then she stands there, like a statue, unmoving, hardly even breathing.

I know exactly how she feels. Several times on the way here I wanted to turn around and go the other way, telling myself I could explain my absence by telling her I lost her in traffic, that I couldn't gun it through the yellow lights as she'd done. Call me a coward but ever since we parted in the parking lot, all I've been able to think of is that somehow, someway, I'm going to let her down again. Squaring my shoulders I take a breath to calm my nerves.

"Worried?" I ask quietly, covering her hand with mine and pulling it away from the lock, putting a hand on her shoulder and turning her to look at me.

"A little," she blushes, dropping her gaze from mine down to my where my hand is covering hers'. "I don't…this isn't…," she exhales slowly and then raises her dark eyes to meet mine. "I don't want this…us to be just a sex thing, you know? I don't want to be one of those girls that you just…." She looks pleadingly into my eyes and it's almost a relief to reassure her, to stop her from stammering out explanations. Leaning in I press my lips over hers' and slide my hand around the small of her back, pulling her body solidly against mine.

"I've wanted you since the very first time I saw you," I whisper, kissing my way across her cheek to her ear as I slide the key out of her fingers and into my hand. As I feel her body begin to relax against mine, I can't help but think to myself, Ruuts you are a wise man. I think again of all the reasons I gave him for wanting her and I realize that she needs to hear me say them. "It is more than just this, I promise," I begin, reaching up to cup her cheek in my hand. "For instance, I love to see you smile," I begin, kissing her cheek. "I love the sound of your laughter, even if it's at my expense," I continue, pressing my lips to the tip of her nose. "I love the way you look after everyone, like a mother hen even Rex," I look at the pink rising in her cheeks and smile. "Yes I know you made sure his favourite beer and pizza were sent to his hotel room in Atlanta and that you sent his wife flowers and the names of the best schools there," I feel my heart swell when the colour in her cheeks deepens. "I might have been mad at him but what you did…it was the right thing to do and you did it, and that's why I've been falling in love with you since the day you started working for Mario."

Her eyes, glistening with tears, look up into mine, and I'm glad I listened to Ruuts, even if it did take me a while to get around to telling her all of this and now I'm glad I did, because what I see looking up at me is something altogether different than what I saw with Trixie. Yes, there's desire in her eyes, but now I see the difference, I see what love looks like, and I know that what she's seeing in my eyes is the same.

"But Mario and…the age thing…?" she stutters, her voice small as I lean in to press my lips gently over hers'.

"Maybe Mario's right, maybe I've got the Mike Madano thing and I won't be able to mix hockey and a relationship, but maybe he's wrong. Maybe it's just the mixing hockey with frustration and everything that's been on my mind," I chuckle, putting the key in the door and leading her through into her own apartment. "But we won't know until we try right?" She nods, a smile finally tugging at the corners of her cherry red lips again. "And I don't want to ever hear you say anything about the age thing again," I whisper as I throw the bolt on the door behind her before pressing her back against the door and pressing my lips over hers' again, feeling her arms slide around me, holding on tight.

I search her mouth, our tongues tangling and fighting for supremacy while she slides her hands up under the back of my t-shirt, up to my shoulders, digging her nails in when I slide my hands around her waist and pick her up, carrying her towards the bedroom. She lets out a little sound of surprise when I boot the door in, shaking her head at me when I put her down.

"You better not have broken that door Sidney, not that I care if you did," she laughs, as I push the door shut and walk towards her, intending to lead her to the bed, but she's obviously got other things on her mind.

As soon as I move to kiss her she ducks and shimmies her way down to my waist, grabs a handful of my shirt and slides it up to my chest, licking her way upwards and sending shudders down my spine. As I pull my shirt off the rest of the way, I realize that it's my turn to let out a sound of surprise as her teeth take hold of one of my nipples, tugging it until I grab a handful of her hair, meaning to pull her off of me but then her tongue takes the place of her teeth and I'm left standing there gasping for breath as the vibrations of her tongue sends darts of pleasant sensations below my belt, which is where her hands have slid, deftly undoing my jeans and then I can only watch, fascinated, as she slides to her knees before me. Now I'm glad I didn't slide those glasses of hers' off as she looks up at me mischievously, licking her lips and grinning as she slides my jeans down over my hips.

I have to fight to keep my eyes from rolling back in my head as the sensation of her lips surrounding my now rock hard erection overwhelms me, but I'm rewarded by watching her take every inch, until I can feel the head of my cock bump the back of her throat. With my fingers still twined in her hair I could control what she's doing, but as I watch the expert way her pink tongue swirls around the head of my cock and then her lips slide all the way back down to the base, I decide to just relax and enjoy and besides, the more she does, the better it feels and the harder it is to even stay on my feet as she sucks and licks her way down my shaft again and again until all I can see are spots of light dancing before my eyes and I know I'm about to cum.

I open my mouth to warn her, but she only smiles up at me, well, as much as she can with my cock in her mouth, and gives my balls a gentle squeeze, sending me over the edge, and I let go with a low growl, teetering like a tree about to fall. She takes it all, not losing a drop, and then with a satisfied grin, licks the last drops from the head of my cock before standing and leading me towards the bed where she helps me out of jeans which have been pooled around my feet, pulling my shoes and socks off before finally laying back on the bed and letting me hold her.

* * *

I get to watch the afterglow change his features, the flush of pleasure suffusing his face as he takes long slow breaths, blinking rapidly as he comes down from the high of the orgasm. I slide my hands up his naked chest, exploring the ripples and ridges of his muscles as they clench and release beneath my fingertips. But it's his eyes and his mouth that fascinate me most and so I lean my chin on my hands, inspecting his handsome face.

He's changed so much since the summer. His face is now leaner, his cute chipmunk cheeks gone, replaced by high sharp cheekbones and dimples to die for. This close to him I can see the beginning of a five o'clock shadow, dark black whiskers emerging along his jaw and along his upper lip. I try and imagine what it might look like when he grows a play-off beard, and smile, wondering what it would feel like to kiss him then.

I feel his hand slide around the small of my back and up under my sweater, making small circles there as he turns those melted butterscotch eyes on me. Shimmying upwards, I offer him my lips and he takes them, kissing me slowly, softly and rolling me over at the same time, until he has the upper hand, until he's looking down at me, his fingers sliding over my hip and onto the zipper of my skirt.

"I want to return the favor," he whispers softly, hesitantly against my lips.

"Mmmm, yes please, be my guest," I grin up at him, nipping at his full pink bottom lip.

"Yeah?" he asks, looking surprised and I just widen my eyes and nod. "Just like that?"

"Honestly, I'd be disappointed if you didn't," I chuckle, running my finger down his breastbone, watching the goose-bumps march across his skin.

"Girls always say no," he admits, turning his attention down to his fingers slowly sliding the zipper downwards.

"Stupid puck bunnies," I sigh, meaning it as his hand slides inside my skirt and over my bare hip With those lips, those teeth, that tongue that's always sweeping out of his mouth when he's concentrating out on the ice…a shiver runs through me at the thought of my every fantasy come true. "Their loss," I mumble as he carefully pulls my skirt down over my hips, and down over my boots, which he glances at and obviously decides to leave alone, for the moment anyway. I can actually see his hands shake as he reaches for my black bikini panties, but then I watch a smile spread across his handsome features.

"Pens undies," he breathes and then turns the full force of those dimples on me.

"I changed in my office…just in case," I admit, reaching for him, lacing my fingers with his as he lowers himself onto me and covers my mouth with his, kissing me until I'm whimpering and begging him with my body, pushing up against him and wrapping my body around his.

This time when he pulls back from me his eyes are glazed with desire and when he helps to slide my sweater up over my head, he carefully takes my glasses off, lovingly folding them and leaning over to put them on my bed-side table. While I watch his careful precise movements, I let my eyes wander over the length of his amazingly muscled body, and find when my eyes meet his again, he's doing the same, which makes me blush but I don't turn away. Instead, I lay back and wriggle my hips by way of reminding him of his promised duties.

This time his hands don't shake when he slides them beneath the elastic waist of my panties, but he does chew on the corner of his lip, like he does when he's stressed or worried. It's so cute that I forget to worry about the size of my hips or my fluffy mid section and just watch as he slides his capable hands down my thighs, as he tosses my panties on the floor but never takes his eyes off of his goal, just like a good forward.

I fight the urge to cover my head with a pillow as he spreads my thighs with his hands and studies his next task. Instead I take short even breaths and bite my lip, forcing myself to watch him take a tentative swipe with his tongue at just the right spot, sending tremors through my thighs that seem to please him, and the next thing I know, he's diving straight in, nipping and licking and sucking until I'm digging my hands into his thick chocolate waves and begging for more.

Trixie may have been right that he's no expert, but damn! There is certainly something to be said for his enthusiasm. Whether he's aware of it or not, he takes me to the edge over and over, and every time I look into the abyss, he changes what he's doing or where he's doing it and then leads me back, until I can't take it anymore, and I hear myself begging him to fuck me.

I feel him settle himself between my thighs, his hands on my hips, but when I look up at him, despite my vocal petitions, his eyes are holding a question, and it's more than just permission that he's asking for. I glance down at his thick angry looking cock and back up at him, disbelief clear on my face.

"Can't we talk later?" I ask, my voice sounding whiny as I look up at him.

"I need to know if you forgive me?" he asks, quietly, his fingers kneading my thighs absentmindedly. I chew on my lip for a long moment as I try and decide how to say this.

"It's not that I need to forgive you," I begin, pulling myself up to my elbows and reaching for him again, lacing my fingers in his and pulling him down beside me, curling my body into his. His gaze searches mine as he wraps me in his arms, looking young, and worried. "I'm angry," I admit, touching his face gently, "but not as much at you as at Trix," I shrug.

"I never wanted to hurt you," he sighs, dropping his gaze from mine.

"I believe you," I whisper, reaching between us and wrapping my fingers around him, pulling him gently towards me, guiding him inside of me. His gaze lifts to mine, confused and turned on all at the same time. "Just make love to me Sidney, forget everything else for now, please." I urge him on with my body, moving against him, pulling him deeper and he rewards me with slow hesitant thrusts.

I watch his face, watch the battle within him, whether to give in to pleasure or worry. Kissing his shoulders, his chest, his thickly muscled neck, I try and reassure him. Finally the building heat between us seems to win out, and I finally see myself reflected in his eyes as he turns that gaze back to me from where it's been seemingly deep inside of him, and what I see makes my breath catch in my throat.

"I love you," he whispers, his voice catching in his throat as he runs his fingers gently down my cheek. "I don't want to ever hurt you again." For the third or fourth time in the last hour or so, I feel my breath catch in my throat at his tenderness, but then, that's one thing I've always been attracted to in him, that _other_ side, the hidden side, the quiet, tender side.

"Don't promise things like that," I whisper back, leaning into his hand and closing my eyes, memorizing the feeling of him wrapped around me like this. "Unlike those…_other_ girls, I know I can't ever have all of you, but I'm content to have some of you. And I know sometimes you'll hurt me, and sometimes you won't mean to and sometimes you'll have no choice, but as long as you keep looking at me like that, I'll be okay."

* * *

I turn her cheek so when her dark eyes open again she's looking up at me, and then I just look down at her, at her deep dark eyes fringed with those long thick lashes, her cherry red lips, her dark waves falling over her bare shoulders, and I think how lucky I am. As we begin to slowly move together, I keep thinking that and it's not just that she's beautiful, it's that she's proud, and patient, and sweet and strong, and most of all, that she understands. She knows what I go through, what all the demands are on me, and she loves me anyway. She may not be ready to say it out loud yet, but I can see it in her eyes and for the moment, that's enough for me.

So with soft, tender kisses, and her arms wrapped around me, we make love, leisurely; slowly building the heat back up again, until her dark eyes flutter closed and her head tilts back, her bottom lip quivering as her body clamps down around mine, making stars dance before my eyes, again. I feel her nails digging into my back as her body arches against mine, and then the spasms in her muscles drag me growling over the edge and I lose myself inside of her, thrusting as deep inside of her as I can as she drags her nails up my back, a pain that seems to only intensify the pleasure of her body wrapped around mine, of her body's pulsating heat sucking me dry.

Burying my head in her neck, I pull her close, trying to catch my breath. It takes me a moment or two to realize that she's crying, warm wet tears into my shoulder. Running my fingers through her hair, I pull back and look down at her, only to find her smiling, her full lips parted in a happy little grin.

"Happy," she explains, hiccupping between sobs.

"Happy and crying?" I ask, wiping away her tears with my thumb as I look down at her quizzically.

"Really good orgasms do that to me," she sighs, snuggling closer to me and burying her face in my shoulder.

"Really good eh?" I poke her in the ribs and she giggles, squirming as I look for other tickle spots along her rib cage.

"I won't be responsible for making your head swell," she sighs as I let her finally lay back on the quilt and rest. I lean on one elbow and look down at her, at the slope of her breasts, at her nipples that are almost brown and then pink at the center, at the three freckles that look almost like a triangle just above her belly button.

"You do, just by wanting me," I reply, running my hand down to her waist and pulling her against me.

"Well that could be a problem then," she chuckles, running her hand down my chest, sending a shiver down my spine as she runs her fingers down over my hip and pulls me closer to her.

"I don't think it will be a problem," I reply quietly, pulling her hand down around to where my dick is already swelling with need again. "I fit perfectly inside you, like you're meant for me," I add in a whisper, pulling her under me again.

"I could get used to this," she sighs, opening for me again, wrapping her legs around me and letting me slide into her hot, slick and very wet pussy just as the phone rings, and she scrunches up her nose and winces. "Don't answer that," I beg, even as she reaches over to her bedside table for the phone. I groan as she brings the receiver to her ear, but she covers my mouth with her other hand and rolls her eyes.

"Hello?" She makes a face and then shakes her head. "No, no, Jarkko's definitely not here." She looks up at me, and mouths the word 'boy' and I just shrug my shoulders. "I'm sorry, I don't know where he is right now," she lies, rolling her eyes again. "Can I leave a message? I might be seeing him later, if not tomorrow for sure." She flicks her hand towards the table and I reach over her and grab a pen and paper. Always prepared, that's my girl. "Huh…yeah, say it one more time," she takes a number down and then turns it over and hands it to me but I just look at it and shake my head. "Oh…oh no, I'm just her roommate. Oh…yeah of course. Okay, I'll make sure I tell him." She puts the phone back in its battery pack and then shakes her head.

"What the hell was all that?" I ask, as she shakes her head silently.

"I think that was Niina's son," she replies in a hushed tone. "Fuck…Trix is so not gonna like this."


	30. Chapter 30

C30

"You sure you don't want to uh…change? Not that I don't like you just the way you are," Ruuts whispers in my ear, running his hand down to the small of my back and then down even further, cupping my rear and giving my ass a firm pat.

"Bodysuit, tracksuit, same thing," I shake my head at him, scrunching up my nose when he waggles his eyebrows at me. "Practice now, more of _that_ later," I laugh.

"Pretty soon, I will hardly have to wait at all. Come home, there's my dinner, there's my wife…," he grins, the kind of grin that tells me that he's kidding, but I still feel the need to put him in his place.

"Funny boy," I purr, shaking my finger at him, "more like, I come home and there's _my_ dinner and _my_ husband in his slippers with Jarkko junior in _his_ arms," I add, which, instead of putting him in his place only makes his grin get wider.

"What kind of father would that make me huh?" he laughs, bending to press his lips near my belly. "Don't worry son, I'll still be beating people up for a living, don't you listen to your mama."

"What if it's not a boy?" I ask, giving him a little shove so I can reach my track jacket.

"Then she'll be pretty like her mama, and I'll have to work out even harder so I can beat boys like Army back from the door, isn't that right Colby?" Jarkko calls out as Colby walks by my office holding his head and looking a more than just a little fragile.

"If you say so Ruuts," he sighs, grimacing as he turns his head to look at us and then holding his hand up to shield his eyes. "I am _so_ not going to enjoy today."

"Oh good, cuz after practice, I was thinking about a run?" I suggest, hands on hips but biting my lip to stop from laughing when he starts to gag just at the thought of running out in the cold. "Oh c'mon Army, it'll be good for you, get your blood pumping…."

"I'll say, getting the blood pumping is good," Jarkko grins, reaching for me again, but I just push him out of my office, shaking my head.

"Get out, out!" I laugh, closing the door and leaning against it so he can't get back in, and wincing when laughing too hard makes me need to pee.

* * *

"Ah, the return of the shadow," Danny pipes up as Sid tries to shuffle into the room quietly, looking like he was hoping to go unnoticed.

"Yeah, hey, where the hell did you get to last night?! Right behind us my ass, I knew you were trying to duck out." Colby grumbles and then immediately groans and holds his head like he's afraid it's about to break wide open.

"I got…held up," Sid mumbles, turning his back to hang up his coat on the hook, but from where I'm standing, I can see his cheeks start to go pink.

"I think I know where he was," I suggest, reaching for my stick and leaning down the row to give him a poke. "I think he was with the Lady Melisande," I add, poking him in the ribs again for good measure.

"Mel? You finally bagged Mel?" Max holds out his hands to Sid like he's going to give him a congratulatory hug and I'm glad to see the kid shake his head and go back to heeling out of his shoes."Oh c'mon bro, don't be shy, you can tell us, your brothers in arms," Max insists, going up to the kid to give his shoulder a shove.

"I'd rather not," Sid shrugs, turning his back again. That's when all the howling starts, when he peels off his shirt, revealing long red welts and scratches up and down his back. The cat calls and howling get louder and louder until he turns, his jaw clenched, his lips set in a thin angry line. "You don't…you _don't_ do that about her, okay? She's not one of your tramps Max, got it?"

"A little…_sensitive_ non?" Max grins, waving his hands in front of him and backing away from an angry Sid who's staring him down with hands balled into fists at his sides.

"Just…give me a break, okay?" he grumbles as he bravely turn his back on the room again, but not before glancing down the line at me and giving me a knowing smile, to which I reply with a nod and a wink.

* * *

"You never came home last night," Mel says breathlessly, appearing at the top of the stairs in the section where I'm standing watching the guys race around the ice. I glance back at her and smile, noticing that her hair is pulled back into a severe pony tail, a sure sign she had other things to do this morning besides play with her crowning glory.

"I thought we'd give you guys some time on your own. I assume that Sid was with you considering he never showed at the club last night," I add with a grin as the healthy glow in her cheeks darkens at the mention of his name.

"Uh…yeah," she smiles, arching her neck to show me a particularly vivid love bite over her jugular. "But um…that's not why I raced up here, unfortunately," she shrugs, holding a note out towards me. I cock my head to the side, trying to decipher the look on her face, but she only shoves the piece of paper at me again. Reluctantly I take it, and unfold it, and then look back up at her. "He called last night when we were uh…um…," she glances down and tries to stifle a giggle behind her hand.

"Paavo?"

"Yeah it's uh…he says he's Niina's son. I guess I thought you'd know," she shrugs, her grin immediately disappearing as I look over at her, round eyed.

"He's coming…_here_? What the fuck does that even…."

* * *

I hear the screech and for some reason my brain registers it as belonging to Trix before I even turn to see her bumping down the stairs with her feet up in the air with Mel running after her, trying in vain to stop her from falling any farther. I think I hear Therrien say something about wishing I moved this fast on the ice as I race across the rink and mount the boards in what seems like no time at all, tossing my stick and gloves aside in my rush to get to Trixie.

"The baby," Trix sniffles, her hands immediately reaching towards her belly after a combination of grabbing a hold of one of the seats and Mel grabbing the back of her track jacket manage to slow her down.

"The baby will be fine," Mel promises, trying to sound confident as she rubs Trix's shoulders but when she looks across Trix to me the expression on her face is not nearly as certain.

"Why's it so quiet? I didn't hit my head," Trix mumbles, one of her hands going up to check her forehead.

"You made quite a sight in that cat suit going ass over teakettle. kulta," I smile at her, leaning over to kiss her, but checking her eyes for reactivity as I tip her lips up to mine.

"Oh god…they're all staring," she moans, covering her face with her hands.

"Don't worry about them," I insist, sweeping her up in my arms and cradling her protectively against my chest. "Let's worry about you and junior first. Mel, can you drive?" Mel nods, turning on her heel and bouncing up the stairs ahead of us.

"You have your skates on dummy," Trix smiles weakly at me from where I have her head cradled against my shoulder.

"Why do you think I asked Mel to drive?" I reply, feeling each step carefully, precious cargo in my arms.

* * *

"Everything looks fine," the doctor moves the wand and readjusts the picture, but all I can do is listen to the strong steady beat of my baby's heart, _our_ baby's heart. Jarkko gives my hand a squeeze as if he knows exactly what I'm thinking, but when I look up at him, his gaze is glued to the fuzzy black and white picture on the screen. "Everything seems to be in the right place," he adds, moving the wand again and typing away with his other hand. "You did the right thing coming in of course. Is this your first?" he asks, looking over my head at Jarkko who nods and beams like a proud papa.

"Is it too early still to tell if it's a boy?" he asks, leaning over me and narrowing his eyes to get a better look at the screen. I roll my eyes, again, and shake my head.

"What if _I_ don't want to know?" I ask, giving him a poke in the sternum to make him back off me so I can breathe, after all, I am the one that fell down the stairs.

"Then he'll just tell me," Jarkko smiles and kisses me on the forehead. "Right doc?"

"I think it might still be a bit early to say with any kind of accuracy," the doctor smiles and then winks at me.

"You'll have to excuse him; he's just a Neanderthal," I sigh, finally allowing myself to breathe normally, closing my eyes and settling my hands back over my stomach as the doctor wipes off all the jelly stuff and puts the wand away.

"I want to leave the fetal monitor on, just for a few hours, keep you here for observation, just to be certain, but I feel that everything is proceeding normally at this point," the doctor gives my shoulder a little squeeze. "Just let the nurse know if you have any discomfort or spotting at any time, okay?" I nod and watch him go, then give Jarkko a little punch in the arm.

"Boys? Why do you all want boys?"

"More fun," Jarkko smiles tenderly as he sweeps my hair off my forehead and kisses me again, like this should have occurred to me before and he thinks it's adorable that I don't understand and then his gaze softens. "You kinda scared the shit out of me today you know."

"I'm okay," I assure him as I skootch over in the hospital bed, making room for him, in all his pads. He climbs up beside me crossing his bare feet at the ankle and readjusting me so that I'm lying against his chest, his arm around my shoulders, supporting me.

"I know, but you need to be more careful now," he sighs, kissing the top of my head.

"God, it's like having twenty big brothers or something," I grumble, sinking further into the hospital bed, but secretly I don't really mind.

"What the hell happened anyway? It's not like you were wearing your boots, not that I'm complaining, I do like when you do," he adds, chuckling to himself.

"Oh yeah, I need to talk to you about this," I reach for my jacket but it's at the bottom of the bed so he ends up untangling himself from me and crawling off the bed to get it, holding it out for me as I pull out the note and hand it to him. I watch the mixture of emotion that clouds his face as he reads Mel's note, making a special note of the way he dips his head to the side and sucks on the collar of his uniform, like he does when he's frustrated sitting on the bench during a game. "Why is he coming Jarkko? And why does he have my home phone number? Why would he even be looking for you there?"

"Tuomo," he sighs, looking over the note again, as if he's hoping the contents will change or like he's afraid to meet my gaze.

"Okay, I understand you telling Tuomo but…why does this…_kid_ know?" I ask, reaching for the hem of his jersey and pulling him towards me. "_What_ does this kid know?"

"You mean does he know about you or does he know about you _and_ the baby?" Jarkko asks me slowly, looking up at me over the note, his gaze serious.

"Both," I reply as he shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

"Yeah both," he shrugs. I feel the tension returning in my shoulders as he looks at me like he's challenging me, like he looks at opposition players who need a beating for picking on someone smaller.

"Why Jarkko? What does he need to know for? You broke up with his mom, so why is he coming here?"

"Because I'm like…not a dad exactly but…well Paavo's like my little buddy you know? Like a little buddy for me and my brothers. I didn't break up with him Trix, I broke up with Niina. You can't expect me to just cut the kid out of my life," he explains, but the look in his eyes sends a shiver down my spine, like it's not up for negotiation.

"But we're your family now," I state quietly but matter-of-factly as put my hands protectively over my stomach. "_This_ is your family," I add, meeting his challenge with one of my own. He can be stubborn, I know, but then, so can I.

"You are, and I love you, _both_ of you," he adds, sternly. "But he's part of my package Trix. I'm not going to turn him away. If he's coming to stay, he's coming to stay with both of us."

"That's not my point Jarkko. You can't keep on acting like this boy is your buddy it might give him the wrong idea about you and his mom." I'm grasping at straws here, but I'm getting defensive at the thought that she could ever be back in his life.

"Give me some credit Trix. Whether you believe it or not I know he's not going to try and manipulate his mother into being back with me and even if he tried... like I said I love you and junior and no matter how hard you try and make me, I'm _not_ going anywhere." He strokes my head as he leans back down to wrap his arms around me. I know that what he's said should be enough, that I have no need to be insecure but this damn succubus inside of me has me paranoid and I can't help but cling to him. "What? What is it kulta?" he asks softly, looking down at me like he wants to laugh but doesn't dare.

"I'm scared Jarkko. What happens if you change your mind and go back to her and leave me like this?" I sniffle as he cradles my face in his big hands, shaking his head and grinning at me.

"That's something you're _never_ going to have to worry about. You crazy woman, don't you know I love you too much to ever be stupid enough to let you go? I mean, you frustrate me, piss me off and confuse the hell out of me, but I love the bones off you and besides, that's my child inside you and you know how much that means to me." His gaze softens again as he gently cradles my face, as if I'm fragile and will break after my tumble.

"I'm not going to break ok? You don't have to handle me like glass." I pout.

"So Kulta, if you're not glass how _do_ you want me to handle you? A little…rougher?" He grins down at me as his hand travels underneath the ugly blue hospital robe. I moan as he rolls my nipple in his fingers but as his hand travels further south I have to still his hands.

"Hello? Fetal monitor, remember? I don't want to explain to the nurses about the difference between a resting fetal heart rate and one from you…you know…but I do promise, when we're back at home, I'll make it up to you." I snuggle into him as he laughs and pulls me into his body, making me grunt as my forehead comes into contact with his shoulder pads. "Ummm do you mind?" I look up at him then down at his gear.

"Oh, I totally forgot I was wearing this stuff." I roll my eyes. Figures.

I watch him pull off his jersey and remove all his pads in what seems like only seconds and can't help, even as I admire his strength and the width of his shoulders, but wonder to myself if he'll ever really be _all_ mine?

"I know you're married to hockey already, but I really don't want to be the other woman. You sure you still want to marry me?" He laughs as he strips down to his under armor then jumps back into the bed.

"Woman! Seriously, not even a herd of buffalo could stop me! Now will you try to get some rest while I give the guys a call…" He doesn't even get to finish his thought when we hear the thunder of a dozen feet on the floor and the raised voices of some of the nurses is trying to argue with the boys. I'm barely able to begin to laugh when I see heads poke into the room.

"She's here guys! I found her!" Staalsy calls out as he bounces into the room and the next thing we know, all the guys are trying to squeeze themselves into the room with poor Fleury and Sabou standing on their tip-toes peeping in over the shoulders of George and Whit.

"Boys…_boys_! I'm fine!" I jab Jarkko in the ribs, hoping he'll get them under control before they all get in trouble and get tossed out of the hospital.

"Guys, I think she's going to blow a gasket if you don't all calm down. She's fine, the baby is fine, and you guys won't be fine if you keep making her tweak." He grumbles as he starts to physically shove guys out.

"That's right, get the kiddie squad under control. How are you feeling Trix?." I get a chuckle from Jarkko as Scary Gary settles himself into a chair, entirely ignoring Jarkko's attempts at clearing the room, putting his foot up and making himself comfortable.

"I'm good, it was just a few bumps and the doctor says the baby's fine too."

"Is it a boy?" I hear Sid and Fleur pipe up. I try but fail at not rolling my eyes as Jarkko gets that proud look on face again as he sneaks back inside the room.

"We don't know yet. And now I'm hoping it's a girl. Or if it's a boy, I hope he wants to figure skate." A gasp fills the room but none of them open their mouths to object until Army stumbles into the room.

"We got worried. We started wondering if you'd come back and make us run, and when you didn't… well we assumed it was a lot worse. Cuz you know… nothing would stop you from torturing us." Army aims a sly grin in my direction and I can't help but laugh, even though I know he's just trying to raise my spirits.

"I'm so bringing the paint ball gun tomorrow. Two in the ass for every lap you lag in. Now… will the daddy _please_ come and take care of the mommy!" I grumble, feeling every bit as vulnerable as I've been telling everyone that I'm not as pull the blankets up around me and look pleadingly up at Jarkko who goes back to trying to usher the boys back out of the room.

"Private time… right." Sid grins as he whips out his cell. I know exactly who he's calling even before I hear the first few beeps of his cell. I look over at Jarkko and put my arms out like a little child as he laughs and pulls me into his arms again.

"One more hour and you're free you pouty little brat." I poke him in the ribs and just mould myself to his body. This is the soft side that he doesn't show to anyone, my very own personal teddy bear.


	31. Chapter 31

C31

"What? Can't sleep when I'm here?" His lips feel warm on my neck as he creeps up behind me in the darkness of the kitchen, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me into his broad chest.

"On the contrary," I sigh, leaning back into him, and closing my eyes, enjoying his warmth as well as the warmth of the tea cup in my hands. "I've been sleeping very well lately but I guess I just have a lot of things on my mind tonight."

"Like...?" he asks quietly, his breath hot against my cheek, sending shivers down my spine as he nibbles on my earlobe.

"Well there's the wedding, for a start. There's so much to do, what with it being such short notice, and now there's Paavo thrown into the mix and...." Sid's strong arms turn me, his fingers peeling the cup out of my hands before he brushes my lips with his.

"That's more up to Ruuts and Trix don't you think? Let them worry about all that. Now come back to bed." I look up into his hazel eyes, see his dark curls falling around his high cheekbones, and I want to do as he says. I want forget about everything but falling back into bed and letting him make me forget everything except....

"Tomorrow you'll be with your family and Mario and then there's Buffalo...," my voice trails off when I see that look in his eyes, that look he gets when he's trying to make things right between two teammates.

"Why don't you come tomorrow, meet my parents and...," I shake my head and wiggle my way out of his arms, putting some distance between us, just like I should have been doing all along except that he makes it so easy to be with him, to _want_ to be with him. Closing my eyes and turning away, I silently curse myself for being so stupid, for letting myself fall so hard and so fast, for getting too close when I knew that I shouldn't.

"You know we can't do that Sidney," I reply quietly, gripping the edge of the counter as hard as I can, digging my nails into smooth surface, feeling certain that if I don't, gravity will pull me towards him and put my hands back on his smooth bare skin and so I grip the counter harder because someone has to keep a level head around here.

"No, I don't know any such thing," he sighs, but I can already hear the defeat in his voice. "If this is the age thing again I don't really think my parents will...," I turn and level my gaze at him, giving him the 'don't give me that bullshit' look and his voice trails away as he shrugs his round muscular shoulder. "I just don't think it will be that big of a deal," he concludes, his voice small, sounding less sure than his words would have me believe.

"This," I wave my hand between him and me, trying to indicate 'us' even though I'm not sure what that is, "is not what you bring home to mommy and daddy. Never mind Mario...that's a scene I just don't want to deal with for Christmas, thank you." I expect him to disagree, or at the very least to argue with me, but what I get instead is a sullen silence, his lips pursed, his eyes narrowed.

"Stop doing that," he finally sighs, his shoulders sagging as he turns his gaze to somewhere on the floor, probably that bare spot in the painted wood flooring right in front of the kitchen sink that I keep meaning to buy a rug for....

"I'm just being realistic," I continue, but when I open my mouth to say more, his gaze snaps up and the look he gives me is a clear warning.

"Stop it. Stop treating me like I'm some kind of dumb kid that doesn't know what the hell is going on Mel. I'm not just here fucking you, although maybe that's all it is to you, because you sure as hell don't fucking tell me how _you_ feel," he growls, and I notice that it's his turn to reach back to grip the edge of the counter, like maybe it will stop him from flying off the handle and hitting me or doing something equally violent to one of my kitchen utensils, probably the coffee maker which is closest to hand. I watch his muscles flex and bunch as his meaty fingers dig in and something low in my gut gets tight. "I have feelings for you Mel," he hisses through his clenched teeth. "Hell I'm in fucking love with you, and I'd be _fucking proud_ to introduce you to my fucking parents. _I'm_ not the one that wants to hide away here all the time." His gaze snaps back down to the floor, and it's like he can't bear to wait for me to say it back to him one more time, like he's been doing so often as we drift off to sleep, as he says the words hundreds, maybe thousands of girls would so love to hear but I just can't make myself say.

"We've gone through this," I begin, ignoring the first part of his argument and going straight for the easy part, the part that I _can_ deal with, "we can't just go out for dinner like everyone else; you can't be seen to be dating. You know how important that is to your brand, you know what the consequences are." I watch his jaw clench, watch him grind his teeth as he listens to me, and that tightness in my chest just gets worse but for some reason I can't make myself back down. Why do I want so badly to fight tonight? Christmas Eve of all nights?

"I can buy a fucking restaurant for the night, close the whole fucker down and I've offered to, just to stop you from making me dinner, just like I've offered to buy out movie houses for us, but _you're the one_ who keeps saying no Mel. What is it? Are you fucking ashamed to be with me or something?" There's something in his eyes that makes it hard to breathe; a knowledge and a challenge, and it makes my heart hurt.

"No, that's not it," I shake my head, but there aren't really words to explain what _it_ really is. "We can go out with Max and Army and...," he shakes his head, silencing me as he groans in frustration and pushes off from the counter he's been gripping so tightly.

"Bullshit! It's like I'm okay for this," he growls, grabbing the back of my head and forcing his soft lips over my mouth, his front teeth knocking with mine as I struggle against him. "But I'm not okay to have a relationship with," he snarls, leaving me standing there staring after him as he strides out into the living room, away from me. I watch him walk, watch the muscles tense and flex in his beautifully rounded ass and have to take a deep breath just to clear my head.

"That's not true," I sigh, rubbing at my temples in a naïve attempt to rid myself of this ache in my head.

"Then what is it Mel? Please, tell me, because right now, all you're doing is fucking driving me insane. I want to be with you but...I need to know you want _me_ too." When I look up at him, the need in is eyes is as naked as he is, and I know that it can't be easy for him to bare his soul to anyone, that I have no right to ask more from him, that he has so little to give but….

"You have so much to do, especially right now. You have all these commitments, all these people to see, media to do, I probably know just as much as your agent does and...I'm just trying to give you your space. You should be thankful not angry. It's not fair." I sigh, glancing away from his perfect physique, and the hurt plain in his eyes, because I can't stand the way he's looking at me, I can't stand to be the one making him look that way.

The silence that falls between us seems to go on for ever, but I don't know if it's the chill of the evening or the fact that he's not speaking to me, but I begin to shiver, even with my arms wrapped protectively around myself. Then I hear him walking, the sound of his bare feet padding across the floor resonating loudly in my ears as I wait for him to walk away, because if I was him, I know I would.

* * *

I know why she's fighting me, I can't just keep from letting her get under my skin tonight, but at least I know why. It's because of tomorrow. It's because of my parents coming in tonight, because I have to leave soon, because with the wedding and Buffalo, we'll hardly see each other for days. I know all of this, but it's driving me fucking crazy that she won't admit it. Just like it's driving me crazy that she won't admit to what I can see in her eyes now as I pull her to me and tip her chin up so that she has to look at me.

"I don't need you to worry for me. I have all kinds of people, including Mario and my parents to do that for me. I have managers and agents and handlers...so many fucking people telling me where I have to be and who I have to talk to...I need you _not_ to do that okay?" I see the silvery glisten of tears welling up in her eyes, but when she opens her pretty mouth to disagree, I just kiss her until she begins to relax against me, sliding her arms around my neck. "I mean, it's great that I know you can take care of yourself and that I don't have to worry about you, and it's great that you can take care of me but...I already have lots of people who do that, I need to have someone that _I_ can take care of, and I want that to be you." I watch her try to blink back the tears, but as they begin to fall down her round cheeks, I actually feel like I might be winning the argument for a change.

"But all those contracts, all those people that are relying on you to be the hot commodity," she sighs, but I press my finger against her lips and shake my head.

"I need to be able to come off the road where there are all these fucking rules and all these people telling me what to do and not have you reminding me of all of that shit. I need to feel like...like you need me. I want you to need me Mel," I feel that lump in my throat choking off my voice again, the same big huge lump that forms every time I feel my heart beating this hard when I look down into those big brown eyes of hers'. "I need to be the man who takes care of you," I whisper, running my hand down her cheek to wipe away the tears before I kiss her, kiss her until I can feel my body reaching for her in a way that I can't hide.

I hear her sigh as my lips move to her jaw, to her neck. I hear her gasp as I pick her up off of the floor and move her over to the kitchen table, swiping off the placemats and the mostly burned down candles from our dinner, hearing the glass candle holders smash as they hit the floor. I hear her groan as I lay her down on the table and nudge my way between her thighs. Then I hear it, the words I've been waiting to hear for what seems like forever.

"I need you," she moans as I push my way deep inside of her, as her ankles lock behind the small of my back, as she wraps her arms around my neck and offers me her luscious mouth. "I need you, and I love you, and I'm so afraid of losing you that it hurts."

I can see how much it scares her to say those things, see it in the way the tears fall faster and harder down her cheeks, and I answer her in the only way I can right now, to hold her close, to gather her into my arms, hoping that she feels safe with me, hoping she feels wanted and needed in return.

* * *

"Cutting it a bit fine aren't you?" a voice asks out of the gloom of the pre dawn as I slip into the kitchen, thinking I should have accepted that coffee from Mel before I left instead of deciding on another few minutes in bed.

"I have time," I reply, nodding to Mario as I walk past him, hoping he'll leave it at that.

"Nathalie was beginning to wonder if you were going to make it for breakfast," he adds, stopping me in my tracks.

"I'm here, you can let her know," I reply, trying not to sound sarcastic, reminding myself that if I'm tired I only have myself to blame.

"The kids were wondering if they should put out their presents for you," he adds nonchalantly, digging the knife in deeper. With a sigh, I turn to him and shake my head.

"I thought we were past bed checks." Mario regards me for a long silent moment over the lip of his coffee cup and then shrugs.

"We worry about you. That's all."

"Well, I'm fine," I reply, nodding once and turning my back to head up the stairs to my rooms over the garage.

"Where have you been? Or am I not allowed to know?" Mario calls after me as my foot hits the bottom stair. With a sigh and much rolling of my eyes I turn back and go and sit down at the table, knowing he's just not going to let it go until he knows.

"I met someone and we're seeing how things go, okay?" I ask, knowing full well what his response will be, which is why I didn't want to bring it up at all.

"Are we going to meet this…_someone_?"

"She's not ready for that yet," I shrug, picking at the edge of the table so I can avoid his searching blue gaze.

"What about your folks? Are they going to meet her while they're here?"

"Could we just not mention it? For now? Mom will just worry and dad…," my voice trails off as think about just what my dad would say about Mel or about me getting serious with anyone for that matter. "Can we just keep it between us?" I ask hopefully, meeting Mario's gaze. He just looks at me for a long moment and then nods, just once, with a little half smile.

"Okay, _for now_. But in future, I'd like to know at least where you are, just in case I have to get a hold of you." I nod, but don't volunteer the information as I turn and head up the stairs. Everyone's always trying to control me, and just because Mario just hides it better doesn't make it any easier to take.

Now if I can just get some wrapping done, maybe I can catch a couple hours sleep before my parents show up.


	32. Chapter 32

_Don't you just love long weekends before the playoffs? Well Ruuts won't make it this year but we can't wait for his summer visit to Vancouver. Good luck to Sid and the boys at the Igloo, let's hope his play off beard is better this year!_

C32

"What's with all the broken glass and shit everywhere in the kitchen? You two have a fight?" Trix asks as she bounces on the end of my bed, looking way too pleased with herself for first thing in the morning.

"Not exactly," I mumble, pulling the quilt over my head, intending to ignore her until she stops bouncing.

"You mean you _did_ have a fight but you just don't want to tell me on my wedding day or you did have a fight but you made up so it doesn't matter?" She asks, her voice getting louder, like I can't hear her under the quilt.

"We didn't really have a fight and the mess is from the make up sex, happy?" I grumble, deciding she's not going to stop bouncing and so I get up and push the quilt off of me, grabbing for my dressing gown and heading for the bathroom, and I'm hoping, some peace and quiet, at least for a few precious minutes.

"Good, I didn't want you two scowling at each other across the aisle during my ceremony," she grins at me over my shoulder as I reach for my toothbrush. I scowl at her now, but it only makes her laugh. "Seriously, be as grumpy as you want, but there's nothing you can do to spoil my wedding day,"

"I wouldn't dare," I mumble, spitting a mouthful of toothpaste into the bowl and then turning around to stare her down. "Can I have a shower in peace at least?"

"Aren't you going to show me what you got from Sid for Christmas first?" she asks, with the kind of grin on her face that makes me think she might have helped pick it out, which worries me, because he said he'd bring it later.

"We haven't given each other our gifts yet, why?" I ask, suddenly very curious as to what could possibly have her sidetracked off of her wedding plans.

"Tsk Tsk, so suspicious, I just wondered is all," she says in a twittery sort of voice that I've never heard her use before, which makes me turn and glare at her as she sashays across my room, grabbing the garment bag hanging on the back of my door and swinging it over her shoulder as she goes by.

"Wait, where are you going with my bridesmaid dress?" I call after her, beginning to feel really worried now. "And why are you so damn happy? What about Paavo?"

"Come see me when you're done in there," she giggles, pulling my door closed behind her, and whistling. Whistling? Oh hell…that's never a good sign.

* * *

"Okay, I'm all clean… _now_ are you going to tell me what you are doing with my dress?" I look up from the book I've been reading to distract me as the stylist is tugging at my hair. I pat the empty seat next to me and smile up at her.

"Well I was just thinking, I know you can do your own hair and make-up so I wondered if you wanted to just, I don't know, head over to the arena?" Mel glares at me suspiciously and I just shrug. "Okay, it was just a suggestion. But if I _were_ you I would be over there. You know, helping me… keeping an eye on the guys, make sure they get their ties on straight, everyone's sober…."

"In other words, you_ still_ don't trust Max and Army and you want me over at the rink, spying and eavesdropping." Shrugging, I nod.

"It's not that I don't trust Max and Army, exactly…," suddenly there's the catch in my voice as I try and shake away the nervous energy that's been surrounding me since this early morning at the airport.

"Oh… that's right, you two picked the whore's kid up at the airport didn't you?" I nod minutely, not enough to disturb the stylist but enough to show her that my lip is quivering.

"He seemed so happy to see the kid and I know I shouldn't be jealous, but he right away I could see that he's such a great father figure you know? So now I can't help but want him to treat ours like that too, but if Paavo is here, I don't know how he's going to treat them equally. I mean, Paavo isn't his either and we both know our situation and he's know him longer and is more attached to him…," I pat my stomach, still hesitant after the fall to do anything more than gently touching my stomach. When I look up again, Mel is watching me cautiously and I can't decide if it's because she wants to say something or if it's because of the whole baby thing. Finally I can see that she's made up her mind but the look on her face tells me I'm not going to like it.

"Have you thought about taking that DNA test…? I mean, if it helps clear the air." I shake my head, tears filling my eyes at the thought of telling him that this isn't _his_ baby.

"I can't.. I can't do that to him… or to myself, not now. I mean…can you even imagine if it was…," my voice trails away. I can't say his name but Mel nods, biting her own lip like she can't say it either.

"Oh darling, please don't cry. It's your wedding day," she whispers supportively, rubbing my back while I hiccup out a sob. "Ok, we just won't think about this anymore today. Besides, Ruuts told you already that he's not going to leave you. He stayed even when you knew he might not be the father. You know he's going to keep his word," she adds, to which I mutely nod. I know it, but I also know that he considers this his and I know damn well it would kill him if it turned out not to be. "Tell you what, I will head down to the arena and keep an eye on the boys. By the way, who the hell thought it would be a good idea to have a wedding at the igloo?" I know she's trying to cheer me up by changing the subject so I put on my best, most grateful smile, and wipe away the tears.

With a quick kiss to my cheek she retrieves the garment bag I stole from her and waves at me as I sit back and let the stylist finish curling my hair. The tugging and winding begins to actually be soothing, so much so that I almost miss my phone going off and barely grab it in time to not lose the call. I stare down at a number I don't recognize but thinking it might be one of the guys, I flip open my phone to answer it any way.

"Hello?"

"_Hello almost sister-in-law. Have you forgotten something_?" I stare confused at my phone and shake my head.

"Tuomo, aren't you with Jaks?"

"_I think I'm supposed to be but then I thought you were coming to pick me up at the airport! I feel so left out. You don't love me do you_?" I laugh out loud and shake my head.

"Jaks was supposed to have one of the guys pick you up. I'm at home getting ready. Besides, it's your own damn fault for taking so long to come here. I've already been at the airport this morning, helping Jarkko pick up Paavo." I try to stop the catch in my voice from being heard and hope that Tuomo isn't as observant as Jarkko.

"_Oh yeah, that_. _I should apologize for that shouldn't I? I am sorry Trix, I was so proud that Jarkko finally left that gold-digging whore I couldn't resist rubbing it in. I never really thought about you or Paavo, so I am sorry, honestly. But uh… onto happier things…__like who__ is coming to pick me up_?"

"Have you called your big brother?" I ask, thinking it's not possible that I would be his first call.

"_Well_ _yeah but predictably he didn't pick up. Can you maybe buzz the old guy for me_?"

"For you, little brother, I guess," I laugh as I hang up, quickly pressing the speed dial to call Jarkko.

"_My Baby's Momma_!" I snicker and shake my head, even hearing Shaun, my stylist, giggle.

"Girl, that man is crazy about you." I smile and nod, knowing that it's true, that momentary insanity and cold feet are causing the nerves, not real insecurity.

"My baby's daddy, have you forgotten someone?" I hear his hand covering the receiver and some muffled talking before he comes back on the line.

"_No, I don't think I did… I mean everyone is… Oh shit_!"

"Yes, `Oh Shit' Jarkko. Tuomo is at the airport, you better go pick him up. You're the one that keeps telling me that boy is trouble with a capital T, and he's already pissed at missing your stag party, you wouldn't want him standing around thinking up things to do…," I don't even get to finish as Jarkko has hung up, likely already assigning airport duty to one of the guys.

* * *

"Tuomo, I've apologized. I mean, give me a little break, so I'm a little distracted. I mean it is _my_ wedding day!"

"Oh yeah, it's your all important day, I get that but come on man, I'm your freaking brother and you remembered this one," he grumbled, turning to pat the youngest member of my party on his tawny coloured head. Hey Paavo, little buddy. Are you excited?" I try and shake my head to tell Tuomo to shut the hell up, not to go down that lane, but as usual, he ignores me.

"Uncle Jarkko, are you going to stop seeing me after you get married?" As he looks up at me with his big blue eyes and small wistful smile, I feel my heart breaking a little bit. I know Trix is going to have my balls, but I can't just look at that face and hurt him.

"No Paavo, you can come visit me anytime. And you've met Trixie, you think she's a nice lady right?" He nods enthusiastically, which makes me feel a little better. The ride from the airport was definitely strained but at least they were both on their best behavior. "Well then, don't you worry about anything okay?" With a big smile he nods and lets me ruffle his hair before he goes running back to play wrestling with Army and Crusher.

"You know she's not going to be very happy with you promising shit like that," Tuomo sighs and all I can do is shrug as I go back to straightening my tie.

"She and I have had this conversation already. She's ok with it." I hear him laugh and look back in the mirror to see my kid brother look at me like I'm an idiot.

"Have you still not learned anything about chicks? What she _says_ and how she really _feels_ are two different matters. You know once you've got your own kid it's all gonna be different, right? She's not going to want you spending time with your ex's kid." I look over at Paavo, seeing his innocent happy smile as he plays with Army, and then back up at my brother and shrug.

"She loves me and she knows how much I love her. She'll be okay with it, once she gets to know him, you'll see." Tuomo shakes his head but almost immediately forgets all about me and my problems with kids as Mel walks into the room. With a silly sort of grin on his face, he lets out a long, low whistle.

"She's taken buddy, and don't even _try_ and fight the Kid for her. He's serious about that one, he'd rip you in two for just looking." I laugh as Sidney suddenly appears out of nowhere at Mel's side, pulling her to him and, maybe for the first time since the photo shoot, goes in for a long, heated looking kiss. The wolf whistles and hollering continue until Sid comes up for air and turns around to glare at all of us. "Ok, settle down you crazies. Is everyone ready? Does anyone know if Trix is on her way or here already?" I ask around and get nothing but a bunch of shrugs in reply. Luckily Mel is here and at least I know I can count on her for a straight answer.

"Yeah, she's in the other dressing room," she replies calmly. "I think she's just waiting for everyone to be seated so ushers to your spots, and groom and groomsmen you'd better head to the ice," Staalsy, Army and Max go ahead of us, whooping like the lost boys from Peter Pan. We watch them go, shaking our heads before Mel turns back to me. "So, you ready for this Jarkko?" she asks, eyebrow raised in query.

"Couldn't be more excited. But uh…she's here right? She hasn't changed her mind?" I ask, partly kidding, but only partly. I mean, I wouldn't put it past her to leave me hanging, just for fun. Shaking her head, Mel gives me a little shove in the right direction and I let the boys lead me out to the ice.

"You know, you can still change your mind. Mommy might change her mind." I look down at Paavo surprised that the little guy is bringing this up now but glad Trix isn't close enough to hear this, otherwise she'd be wigging out and the ceremony would never happen.

"Paavo, I thought that I had explained this to you already, your mommy and I aren't friends anymore. I'm with Trixie now, but that doesn't mean that you and I won't still be friends and I've already told you that you can visit me anytime. Okay?" He looks up at me with like he's about to cry, and I'm thinking I so don't want to have to stop everything now, but surprisingly, Tuomo rescues me.

"Hey little buddy. Look at it this way, we'll be like brothers. You can always count on us. And even better, when Trixie has the baby, you can be a big brother!" This seems to appeal to the little guy as he gives me a gap toothed grin, which is good, becasue I don't have time to worry about him anymore because the music has started up.

I look down the aisle to see Mel heading towards me with Trixie following closely behind. I feel the air leave my lungs with one great wooshing sound as she grins back at me, looking like a high fashion model out of Vogue, not my little athletic trainer.

"Dude, not only did you drop that bad habit, you picked up some fucking MILF." I smack Tuomo as the guys around us chuckle at his comment.

"Hey Tuomo, don't feel bad, it's not like none of us didn't try to get on the Trix Train." Staalsy whispers loud enough for everyone in the party to hear.

"Too bad for you she wanted a _real_ man, right Staalsy?" I whisper back as Mel slides into her spot, obviously close enough to hear, as she silently shakes her head at us.

"If you ever screw things up with Trix, let me know," Max breathes and as I turn to glare at him a gentle hand on my cheek turns me back and I'm looking down into those molten chocolate eyes that belong to my beloved.

"Remember, the only two words coming out of your mouth for the next little while is `I Do'… understood?" I nod and grin at her as she slides her warm hand into mine.

* * *

Looking at him as I walk down the aisle makes me wonder how I could ever question his love for me. All the guys are lined up next to him, looking dapper in their tuxes as they smile at me but none of their grins are as wide as his. Until this very moment, I never really knew why women wanted to settle down, but as I take his hand, I get this overwhelming feeling of belonging and it's all I can do not to cry through the whole thing. I can't imagine wanting any one more than I want him right now.

As our ceremony comes to a close and he slides the ring onto my finger, he tenderly kisses my tears away, leaving the long lingering kiss for last as the Justice of the Peace announces us as husband and wife at long last.

"Now now, there are children here Jarkko." I pat him on the cheek as he lets me back up enough so that Mel and I can show him my major surprise. With a flourish Mel yanks at my dress, pulling off the overskirt, leaving me in a mini skirt and able to walk around without dragging the train behind. The shorter and I think _way_ cuter version allows me to go to the reception without changing.

"I like it," he grins down at my legs and then turns that Ruutu grin full force on me.

"You think this is good? You'll love what I have waiting back at your place even more." I laugh as his eyes go round and he glances around furtively. As if we could just leave now. Giggling, I slip my arm into his as he pulls me off the ice and outside where limousines are waiting to take all our guests to the reception.

"Hey Ruuts, when you've got time, can I talk to you quickly?" I look over at Sid and he smiles shyly at me but then quickly looks away again.

"How about this babe," I whisper into my new husband's ear. "You take Sid in one limo and I'll go with Mel. She can help me finish adjusting all this and besides," I add, kissing him softly when his forehead wrinkles at the thought of being separated so soon, "I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you; what's a few more minutes with the boys?" I kiss him quickly and grab Mel, dragging her into the limo, ignoring all her noises of protest.

"What's up with this?" Mel asks as she stares out the window at her beau being dragged reluctantly behind mine.

"I've decided," I say resolutely. "I'm going to get a DNA test. I do need to know who the father is."


	33. Chapter 33

_"To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." Newton's third law of Physics. It's a dewsy._

C33

"I don't understand," I hiss, feeling like all the air's been sucked out of my lungs, like there won't ever be enough air to breathe again. "You just got married to a man who told you that he didn't care…why?" I make myself look up into her dark eyes because I have to understand this choice she's suddenly made.

"I know that maybe it's not what you want to hear right now…," she begins, reaching over to take my hand which I pull away, shifting over in the seat, needing to put some distance between us.

"Maybe? You promised…you said it didn't matter. You said you weren't going to do this," I shudder, a deep seated feeling that my whole world is about to end making it nearly impossible to breathe. My chest feels as though an anvil has just been dropped on to it and I'm looking over the edge of a high cliff, knowing that I'm about to be pushed off into deep dark cold water.

"Mel, honey, I know what I said before, but I also just stood there and promised to love and cherish and share everything with that man, and I can't have this…this secret looming over me anymore. I need to know. _We_ need to know." She reaches for me again and it's all I can do not to turn and scratch at her like a wild cat, claws and fangs bared. Wrapping my arms around myself is as much for her protection now as mine.

"We? We, as in you and Ruuts? Or as in you and Z? What happens when you ask _him_ for a sample huh?" I look over at her, knowing my eyes are too wide, that my breathing is quick and sharp and that I sound like I'm on the verge of hysteria, maybe because I am.

"I don't have to ask him," she shrugs. "I have a lock of his hair taped in my diary somewhere," she rolls her eyes and then catches herself and at last has the good grace to look apologetic for making light of the situation.

"And Sidney?" I ask, my voice cracking under the strain of this tidal wave of emotion, the tears beginning to fall down my cheeks. "You told him that it wasn't possible," I sniff, rubbing at my eyes and not caring that I'm smudging my eyeliner. "You told him _this," _I point at her just swelling abdomen_,_ "happened before…that it couldn't be…." I can't say it. I can't say it could be his. I can't say that the man I've fallen in love for could be the father of her child. I can't make my mouth form the words. I can only stare at her, anger and pain filling my eyes and know that she knows she's just stuck a dagger in my heart.

"He doesn't have to know. You can get me something or…we take blood for tests in the training room, or he gets cut and I put some on a slide. Mel, he doesn't have to know." She reaches out to touch my arm and I flinch away, wishing this car was bigger, that I could run away from her right now, that I could make her stop talking about this, about taking DNA samples from the man I love to prove that he might be the father of her child.

"Jarkko…have you told him about your…plans?" I snap, finding a spot on the sharp point of my Jimmy Choo's to look at so that I don't have to see the concerned look on her face. As if she really cared. If she cared she would have let sleeping dogs lie or at the very least, she would have kept this plan of hers' to herself.

"I'm going to tell him because everything should be out in the open between us, because I love him," she tries to explain, but I just shake my head, uncontrollable and hysterical laughter welling up in my throat.

"Because you love him you're going to force him go through this? That's rich Trix. That's nice. That's exactly what a loving and considerate wife does. Hey honey, guess what? This is Sidney Crosby's kid so…move over for the multi millionaire." I shut my eyes against the image of him cradling her very pregnant stomach, but for some reason it makes me laugh anyway, laugh until I hiccup into sobs.

"I wouldn't tell Sidney," she reiterates but I just hold up my hands and wave her off, not wanting to even hear her voice anymore.

"But you're being honest, remember? If you're going to put it to Jarkko that way, he'd want you to tell Sidney. And won't that be great? Cuz then maybe you'd get the best of both worlds, support payments, and a husband. How great would that be? That is, until Sidney breaks you up, cuz he would you know. He wouldn't want anyone else to raise his child." Suddenly it doesn't seem quite so tragically funny, and the actual reality of what she's proposing really sinks in, and suddenly the world is swirling like I'm sitting in the middle of a merry go round going too fast and my stomach begins to crawl up into my throat. "Did I tell you? He wants someone to take care of?" I look over at her, watch her brow crease as she tries to understand what I'm trying to tell her. "He wants to be needed. Well what needs more than a little baby huh? How perfect would that be? He won't need me when you tell him that you're having his little baby."

I want to slap her. I want to scratch her eyes out. I want to have a big hole open up in the universe and have it suck me away. I want to die. But instead I just stare out the darkened window at the world passing by and think how unfair life is. Just when you think you might have grabbed a little piece of heaven…

"He wouldn't do that, Sidney I mean," she says quietly, tentatively. "Not to you. I mean, you might be right about him wanting to do the right thing but he wouldn't let it come between you and him Mel, I promise." I feel her hand on my shoulder but I can only draw away so much, considering I've already shoved myself up against the door of the limo. "He loves you Mel. He's crazy about you. Anyone who knows him…hell anyone who doesn't can see how much happier he's been since you two finally pulled your heads out of your asses…," I shoot her a withering look and I know that she knows just what I mean by it when she nods her head. "Okay, so a lot of that _was_ my fault. But the thing is, since you two finally hooked up, he's been a play making machine, I mean, he's so passionate he's even fighting all of a sudden. He loves you Mel. Maybe he'd want something to do with this baby, if it was his, which I'm sure it's not by the way. But mostly, what I think he would feel is sad. He'd be sad that it's not yours."

"That's very easy for you to say, considering it'll be you and that baby he'll want as soon as he finds out," I hiss bitterly, turning my attention back to the streets whizzing by.

"You're crazy if you think he wants anyone else but you. I'll admit, for a while there I don't think he knew for sure what he wanted but as soon as I convinced him you'd forgiven him, that you still loved him, I swear to you that he hasn't looked at anyone else since. It's you he wants Mel."

"Like I said," I sigh, glad the wheels have stopped moving so I can escape her and the way I'm feeling right now, "that's easy for you to say from where you're sitting." Gathering my skirt and wrap, I turn and look her dead in the eye, one hand on the door. "I forgave you because I believed you when you said it wasn't him you wanted, but I can see now that was a mistake. Even after all those nights we sat up eating ice cream and sympathizing with one another, of me thinking of you like a sister…you would do this? I've done nothing but be supportive and forgiving and helping you and you keep hurting me Trix, and I don't understand what I've ever done to you to deserve that."

I don't wait for her answer. Instead I push open the door and head across the parking lot, looking for the nearest taxi, and thinking seriously about heading to the nearest Ben & Jerry's.

* * *

I dig in my pockets for the key she gave me so long ago, feeling tired and just a little annoyed that I've had to chase her back half way across town. Women, they're so emotional. But I remind myself, as I push open the door and stand in the darkness of her apartment kitchen, that they're worth it, that _she's_ worth it.

"Mel?" I call quietly, shutting the door behind me and throwing the bolt. After all, it's not like Trix is coming back here anymore. I listen for a long moment after I put the key down on the counter, beside the wrapped box I'd brought with me, but the only answer I get is silence. "Sweetheart? Are you okay?" I call again, toeing off my shoes and shrugging off my jacket before padding across the living room to her room. I listen at her door for a moment, thinking I must be wrong, she must have gone somewhere else, but then I hear it, a faint sniffle muffled by the closed door and I think 'thank god' and realize that I was actually worried.

Pushing open the door, I see her curled around one of her oversized stuffed teddy bears, the kind you win at a fair, in her Penguins jammies, staring straight ahead, into the darkness. The only light, a few tea light candles lit along her window sill. I wait for her to look over at me, to let me know that she knows I'm here, but she only rubs at her nose, and then leans her chin back down on the top of the bear and goes back to staring at nothing.

Now I _am_ worried. I've seen her upset, seen her angry, seen her hurt, more than I'd like to admit. But I've never seen her like this.

Padding across the floor, I slide onto the bed behind her, sliding my legs along hers' and pulling her gently back against my chest. I try to peel her hands off the bear, but she doesn't let go. In fact, at the feel of my hands on her wrists, she stiffens, but lets me hold her once I stop tugging.

For a long time I just hold her, waiting for her to explain why she'd left, what happened in that limo with Trix and what could possibly be worse than what's already happened; but as the minutes tick by and the only sound I hear is the sound of my own breathing and an occasional sniffing from her, I start to get really worried. I try and think of anything I'd seen today, aside from that kid that I think someone said was Jarkko's ex's, that might have set her off, upset her. But for the life of me, I can't think of a single thing. I try and think of something I've said, something I've done, or forgot to do, but I can't think of a thing.

One minute I'm pulling her into the training room for a quick kiss and cuddle before the wedding, and then the next thing I know, she's running across the parking lot away from me as fast as her high heels would take her. She didn't so much as say goodbye. No explanation. Nothing. And when I asked Trix, she wouldn't meet my gaze, wouldn't answer. All she would say was she was sure Mel would get over it. And Jarkko, well, he seemed as confused as I did.

Holding her now, feeling her go stiff against me, feeling how withdrawn she is from me, I don't know what to do. I'm not used to feeling this helpless, but she seems to have that effect on me. It's not the first time I've been at a loss with her, but I keep thinking we'll get over this, it won't happen again. But here we are, and I don't know what to do or say, don't know what I've done or not done.

Hockey is so much easier.

"Mel, tell me what I did to upset you so I can apologize." I hear her make a derisive sound, almost a snort, but she doesn't answer. "Please," I add because it can't hurt.

"It's not you," she sighs, but I'm sure I detect a note of sarcasm in her voice.

"Then what? Did something happen with you and Trixie?" I feel her entire body go still, like she's holding her breath, and then she lets it out in one long sigh. "Do you want to tell me about it?" At first I think she's going to go back to being catatonic, that we're going to go back to being silent, but then she sort of unwinds, getting up onto her knees and turning around to face me, her make up smudged, lines of eyeliner and mascara running down her face. Her dark gaze searches mine for a long moment, and then she takes a deep steadying breath, and I can see it rise from her belly up to her chest, making her breasts rise and then fall. Finally she seems to make up her mind and settles down onto the bed facing me.

"It might be yours. Trixie's baby might be yours."

* * *

If he's had any inkling, any thoughts at all in that direction, it doesn't show as he stares back at me, blankly, as if he's waiting for me to say more. When I don't, when I just sit across from him, watching him watching me, waiting, I see it begin to dawn on him. At first it's just in the twitch of the sharp part of his jaw, and then it's in the way his lips purse and his eyes narrow.

"She told you that?" I feel a cheerless little smile tugging at my lips as I shake my head.

"I've known," I sigh, turning my attention to my big silly Panda that's sitting between us like a guard, like a barrier. I'd done that on purpose, put him there. I don't trust myself not to crawl into his lap and cry like a little child.

"Was _she_ going to tell me?" he asks, his voice sounding gruff and strained. Angry.

"Honestly?" I glance up at him, shaking my head. "No, I don't think she ever was." He nods, once, and then glances down at my hands. I follow his gaze down to my hands, to where I've begun to pick at a think spot on the bear's ear and immediately still them.

"What about you? When were you going to tell me?" My stomach flips and the urge to laugh at my own selfishness begins to bubble up in my throat. Funny, I'd never thought of it like that before now. With a deep breath I force myself to look up at him. I guess it's time for some real honesty.

"I'm telling you now." Again he gives that one curt nod as he begins to chew nervously on the corner of his lip.

"Why now? What happened?" he asks, his voice sounding more controlled than the quaking of his hands might suggest.

"She was never going to get the test," I begin, forcing myself to hold his gaze. "Jarkko said it didn't matter to him, promised her he'd never bring it up or hold it against her but…I guess, during the ceremony, she decided they should know. No secrets I guess," I continue, some small part of me only now beginning to understand the truth in what she'd said to me as I watch him blinking rapidly, trying not to look as hurt or alarmed as I know he's feeling by the way he's gnawing on his lip.

Now it's my turn to wait for him, wait for his reaction, and the knot in my stomach just seems like a two ton lead weight as I watch him fighting to make sense of the words he's heard, to decipher them, to understand what they mean. Here I'd been feeling sorry for myself and I'd never once given any thought to how he'd really feel. I hadn't seen past my image of him as the cocky proud papa. I hadn't seen the scared kid inside and I definitely hadn't foreseen the hurt, or the fear I saw in his eyes now as he looks over at me.

"I'm sorry," he begins, his voice low and raw as his mocha latte gaze searches mine. I feel big fat guilty tears begin to flow again at the unexpected tenderness I see there.

"Me too," I sniff, wanting very much for him to hold me and tell me it's going to be alright, even though I know it's not, and maybe never will be again. "What are you going to do?" I ask, pushing my voice beyond the lump in my throat, forcing myself to ask him the one thing I dread most.

"I don't know," he admits, shrugging, suddenly looking very young and very scared. "Can you ever forgive me?" he asks, his eyes a little too wide. I hear myself sob out loud, the emotional barriers I'd tried to erect suddenly splintering as he looks to me to make it better.

"I don't blame…this isn't…," I don't know what to say, and I'm so grateful when he tosses Panda aside and crawls over to me, gathering me into the strength and safety of his arms. The tears flow harder and faster than he can kiss them away, but I find myself laughing, mostly in relief as he watches me, confused by my reaction.

"Did you actually think I was going to leave you because of…her?" he asks quietly as my tears subside, chased away by his soft lips and his muscular arms holding me tight.

"Yes," I whisper, still feeling the pain in my chest at the thought of it.

"But I love you," he lifts my chin so that my gaze meets his. "I never loved her. I've loved you since…for a long time," he whispers, his lips softly touching mine in a soft barely there kiss that leaves my heart somewhere up in my throat.

"But the baby," I breathe, barely able to speak with the tingle his lips have left on mine.

"I admit I have no idea what to do about that," he admits, his gaze suddenly far away. "But I don't want you to think that changes anything about the way I feel about you," he adds, blinking his attention back to me, his gaze searching mine. "Or does it change the way you feel about me?" I find myself nodding, which I think surprises him as his eyes go back to the wide alarmed look they had earlier.

"As much as it terrifies me to admit it," I begin quietly, needing to look somewhere else, anywhere else but into his soft gold flecked eyes when I say it. "I wanted to be the one to give you that, your first child. I really wanted that to be me." I feel him stiffen and I wince, thinking I've pushed things too far, said too much, but when I force myself to look up at him, I realize he's smiling, his lips parted in a toothy grin.

"You do, you really do love me," he whispers, his lips lowering to cover mine in a long hot kiss that leaves me trembling. I can feel my cheeks heating in embarrassment and I can't help but think how crazy all of this is. "It might not be mine," he reminds me quietly as he runs his hand gently down my cheek and into my hair, running his fingers through it as he dips his head to kiss me again, but I pull back, just enough.

"I know but…but you're not the only one who needs to know about this," I explain, my gaze searching his but seeing only confusion in his eyes. "There's also Z."

"Z? You mean…Zetterberg?" he says, his eyes going wide again.

"I called him…," I admit, wincing. "Was that the wrong thing to do?"

"No," he sighs, his broad chest heaving. "No…but damn. Poor Ruuts."

"Yeah," I sigh, leaning my head on his chest and letting him hold me. "Poor Ruuts."


	34. Chapter 34

C34

"How about you take Tuomo and Paavo back to their hotel room, and then I can finally show you the surprise waiting back at our place?" I nudge him with my hip towards the two that are still goofing off with Paavo on the dance floor. I try to stifle the giggle that rears its' head when I see Colby and Max pretending to do strip teases to the horror of my younger cousins although it does remind me that even though there's been this horrendous blow up between Mel and I, I have had fun today. Still, I can't seem to shake the guilty churning in my gut. I can't help wishing she could have seen it from my point of view, but at the same time I do see it from hers', after all, she's just as insecure about losing her guy as I am losing mine.

"Hey, Mrs. Ruutu, what's with the long face? I promise, I've already told Tuomo he's got to bunk somewhere else tonight." Jarkko grins down at me as I blink back to the present and it's easy to return his contented grin.

"Conga line!!" Whitney calls out as he and Fleur start hopping by. So much for my hoping that at least one of them, him to be exact, wouldn't encourage the other guys to do stupid shit tonight. Thank goodness our parents have gone back to the hotel rooms to rest and didn't have to see most of this stuff. Not that anything's been broken or strippers have shown up or anything. Still, a congo line…next they'll be doing the locomotion…With a screech I feel a pair of hands tugging me out of my chair and into what I'm sure is going to be a horrible wedding moment.

"No, no, _no_. Over my dead body. Who's great idea was it to have an open bar? Jarkko! If you don't get your butt over here and stop this from being filmed I will personally teach this child to figure skate. Boy _or_ girl." I call towards him as the guys hop around me and their fingers pluck at my dress as they try and drag me into their silly dancing line.

"You heard the wife, let's get you guys back into the limos and home boys. I'd like to have at least 24 hours of bliss before it goes down the drain!" Jarkko chuckles as he rescues me from their grasping fingers and pulls me protectively into the circle of his arms, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, turning my lips to press them to his. "I'm tired and I just…want to be with you, alone."

"Well, twist my rubber arm," he laughs, sweeping me off of my feet and cradling me against his chest. "Home it is." He smiles down at me and my heart breaks at the mix of love and sincerity in his eyes and I realize just how much I want to please him and for this child inside of me to be his.

* * *

"Home sweet home." For the second time, or maybe the third tonight, I lift her up into my arms, cradling her against me as I kick open the door and walk into the hall, finally, as man and wife. Feeling her snuggling into my shoulder I look down, expecting her to be half asleep and content but instead she has this fussy baby look on her face. "What is it?" I ask, putting her down on her feet, but rather than tell me what's on her mind, she continues to fuss, picking at the hem of her skirt, and tugging at her hair. "Trix…what's going on? You've been…somewhere else all night."

"I know," she mutters, turning to drop her bouquet on the bench near the door and staring down at her shoes, toes pointed in and then out and then in again. Taking a deep breath, I slide onto the bench beside her and reach over to cup her chin, turning her to face me, raising my eyebrows and waiting a little less patiently than a moment before. "I'm sorry, I know I promised you that I would be happy today, but there's something I want… no something that I _need_ to tell you." She begins biting her bottom lip and looking anywhere but at me even though I'm trying to force her to look at me.

"Didn't I just promise to love you no matter what?" She nods but I can see the silvery glint of tears beginning to fill her dark eyes and her bottom lip begins to quiver. Taking another deep breath, I fasten my lips over hers' and kiss her until she relaxes against me and I can wrap her up in my arms where I hope she feels safe. "You can tell me anything Trix, I promise."

"I want to get the DNA test." She says it so fast I'm not sure that I've heard her properly at first but as she turns and looks up at me with her doe like eyes and I realize she's waiting for me to freak out at her. Rather than freaking out though, what I feel instead is this huge sinking feeling.

"Can I ask, why now?" She nods, sniffing and reaching up to wipe away a tear that escapes from her eyes as her other hand slides up my chest, balling my shirt in her hand as if she feels the need to hold on.

"I want to be sure it's yours. I know you already told me that you don't care, but I...I don't know why but I just need to be sure. I want to start out our life together with no secrets, no what ifs." The plea in her eyes for me to understand soothes the anger that rises within me and I nod, swallowing my own plea for her to forget about any testing that might open the door for someone else to come between us. After taking a deep, steadying breath, I nod, reaching down to place my hand protectively over the tiny bulge of her stomach .

"Fine, if that's what you want and if that's what will make you happy then of course I'll do it. But I want you to know that I don't care about what some test says, that is going to be my child and I won't feel any differently about it whether it's mine biologically or not." With a tearful grin she presses her face into my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I know it doesn't make sense and I don't care if the test says this child isn't yours. In my heart it's yours. I love you. I just...I don't want this hanging over us." Tipping her chin up I capture her mouth with mine and kiss her until she stops trying to talk and then I pull her up into my arms again and head for the bedroom.

Pushing the door to our room open, I look around at all the dim candles and rose petals everywhere and know that she spent a lot of time preparing this.

"When did you have time to get all this done?" I set her down in the middle of my bed, admiring how sexy she looks with her hair tousled and lips bruised from our kisses.

"I can't take all the credit, I sent some of the guys into here after the reception, the ones I could trust like Pascal. Do you like it?" She looks up at me hesitantly and I just laugh.

"Darling, I love everything you do, right down to you making those sexy noises when I go down on you." I crawl onto the bed and leave butterfly kisses down her body before I start kissing my way up again, pushing her dress ahead of me, surprised to find she's wearing nothing but a garter belt and thigh highs.

"I thought that I'd just make things easier," she grins down at me, stretching her arms behind her head and looking pleased with herself.

"So, you've been… pretty much naked the entire day? Did anyone else know?" She shakes her head and I can feel my grin growing. I lean down till my mouth is almost touching her, and let go a puff of air over her sensitive nether lips. She shudders and sighs and her eyes flutter closed. Sliding my hands up until I'm cradling her instep in my hands, I kiss and nibble my way down to her inner thighs, making sure that I avoid her actually touching anywhere that might set her off, that is until she starts making those noises I love.

"Jarkko… please…," she begs, arching her back as I take a small swipe at her entrance, tasting her juices as they begin to flow, and am rewarded by a gasp of pleasure.

"Did you want more kulta? Or should I go take a shower first?" Groaning, she digs her heels into my shoulders, pushing down until I slide a finger gently into her while nibbling and kissing my way up to that little button that's just begging for my special attention.

"More… more please," she sighs as I spread her thighs wide before diving in with relish. I suck her clit between my lips and she lets out a long low moan as she arches her back off of the bed. Smiling to myself, I go back to blowing warm gusts of air over her pussy lips until she begins to thrash and curse me out, and then I lap her warm wet pussy until she's bucking against me and crying out my name.

I let her lie back and revel in the afterglow of her first couple of orgasms while I peel out of my tux, lying it carefully over a nearby chair, before going back to my favourite place, between her thighs, with her pussy and her long lithe legs wrapped firmly around me.

"I love you so much Trix," I whisper against her lips as she smiles up at me, "you're mine," I add as I slowly, deliberately screw myself into her, loving the way her entire body tightens around mine, her nails digging into my back as I lift her hips off of the bed so I can slide the head of my cock over that spot that makes her onyx eyes close and her lovely red lips to fall open in a silent 'o'.

Feeling more than just a little proud of my accomplishments so far, I dig my fingers into her hips and begin thrusting harder, making longer, deeper strokes that take us both near the edge. I can feel when she's teetering at the edge of bliss, her entire body begins to glow and then to quiver.

"Oh god, yessss Jarrko!" The sound of her screaming my name as her body convulses below mine is music to my ears, but as the insistent pulsations of her muscles drag me roaring over the edge, somewhere, somehow I realize that the banging sound I'm hearing is not just my blood racing through my veins, it's my- no, _our_ front door and whoever is on the other side seems intent on taking the door off of its' hinges.

"Are we expecting company?" I ask through gritted teeth, not really caring if it's a unit of green berets, I'm going to finish making my wife scream. Shaking her head, she reaches for her robe, despite my protests, and once we're both wrapped, or at least she is while I'm still struggling to hop back into my tuxedo pants, with one hand on the dead bolt, she peers through the spy hole and then shrinks away from the door like her hand's just been burnt.

"Oh shit...shit...I …can't...shit..." Panting like she's run a marathon, she turns to me and shakes her head. I'd like to believe that skill in the bedroom has her breathless but she's in way too good shape for that to be true, so I can only conclude that whoever is rude enough to be disturbing the newlyweds is someone she really doesn't want to see. "What's _he_ doing here?" Her eyes are a little too wide and I know her well enough to know what the onset of a panic attack looks like, but she won't let me touch her, won't let me put my arms around her, just keep fluttering around like a flightless bird, flapping her arms like she's trying to take off but can't but when I reach for the handle on the door, she slaps my hand away.

"Do you want the cops here?" I whisper, reaching out to take her hands in mine, trying to reason with her as she paces in circles, shaking her head and cursing quietly.

"No," she shakes her head and turns her gaze back up to meet mine, panic clear in her eyes. "But I don't want to talk to him right now either." She glances towards the door like she's afraid it's going to explode, which it almost does as it quakes again with the force of another flurry of intense knocks that have Trix practically jumping out of her skin.

"I know you're in there Trix, I can hear you moving around. Mel said you'd be here."

"That bitch!" I might agree with the sentiment but I can well imagine just how unwelcome this particular visitor would have been for the two love birds back at the apartment and besides, she's the one who brought karma down around our heads with talk of DNA test. Ignoring my new wife's pleas and her incessant tugging at my arm, I open the door to face the music.

* * *

"Hank, so good to see you but uh...well, as you can see, Trix and I are right in the middle of consummating our marriage vows, so if you could just ...oh, I don't know, wait outside for a three...maybe four hours," Jarkko doesn't get to finish tormenting him, as Hank shooting him a look of utter disdain, brushes by him and grabs my arm, his fingers digging into my forearm hard enough that I know I'll be able to see his fingerprints in my skin for the next few days.

"Were you ever going to tell me? Huh? Was this just some kind of game between you and me? Did you come back to Detroit with me just to make this...fool jealous, was that it? I'm assuming this is why you left me in the middle of the night without a god damn word," I'm still staring down at the way his fingers are digging into my flesh and maybe it's the pain or maybe it's the surprise but I just can't come up with anything to say. All I can do is stare defiantly up at him, even as tears begin to fill my eyes. Luckily for me, Jarkko isn't similarly tongue tied.

"Do you want to get your hands off my wife before I call the cops, or better yet, I won't call the cops and your teammates can come looking for you," Jarkko's hand peels Hank's off of mine, leaving me standing there, rubbing my bruised skin, watching the two men eye each other warily like a pair of alpha male wolves circling a female in heat.

"You're pregnant?" Hank asks, turning his angry gaze on me and I still don't trust my own voice so all I do is shrug."That baby you're carrying….Mel told me everything. I want a DNA test and if it is mine, I want full paternity rights. We're going to the hospital right now and getting tested." Well it's what I wanted, or at least what I thought I wanted, but now I can really understand what Mel must be thinking of me right now. I feel cornered, I feel dirty and most of all I feel like I've ruined everything with Jarkko. For some reason, when I turn to look up at him, like some kind of guardian angel, he places himself directly at my back and puts his arm protectively around me.

"Hey retard, why don't you take a good look at what you're doing right now, cuz if you want that kid then you might want to shut the fuck up and stop stressing her out and causing a god damn miscarriage. Now if you want to get the test done, fine, I'm game. But let's act like civilized people. If you get outside and let us change, we'll go." With one long look at me, Hank nods, once and then turns and goes out the door, pulling it closed behind him hard enough to make the walls shake. I stand there, staring at the door and feeling like my world is falling in around me.

"I'm so sorry Jarkko. I didn't know Mel would be this cruel. I'm so sorry." I look up into emerald green eyes and imagine him hating me but all I see is patience, and love and as he kisses my forehead, he wraps his arms around me.

"It'll be alright kulta," he sighs, pressing his forehead to mine. "I just wish that all this shit hadn't blown up tonight."

"I'm so sorry," I repeat, closing my eyes and letting the tears fall.

"I know you are babe," he sighs, lifting his cell to his ear, his other arms still wrapped tightly around me. "Hey Kid, sorry to disturb you, but I think you should meet us down at the hospital. Yeah, DNA test, right. Oh, and you can thank Mel if Trix has a miscarriage."

* * *

"Are we waiting for anyone else? You know what Trix is like. She's probably got a few guys lined up." I turn around to glare at Zetterberg as he just stares at Trix with this ugly look on his face. Trix squeezes my hand, which is her way of telling me to leave it but the comments have been getting worse even since we sat down and I just can't stand it anymore, so I get up and when he gets up to and tries to get in my face, I punch him in the mouth.

"That's my fucking wife you're talking about asshole! Y'know, I've always thought you were a fucking loser and now I know for sure that you are," I pull Trix to her feet and together we walk to the maternity ward. As Trix asks the nurse if she can go ahead yet with the blood test she looks up sceptically at us and just tells us to take a seat and to inform her when the rest of the party arrives.

With a sigh, she leans against me and I gather her onto my lap further down the hall and away from the greasy Swede, as much for his protection as hers'. We sit there silently and impatiently until Sid walks in. I breathe a sigh of relief until I see that Mel is right behind him. I know Trix has seen her too when I feel her tense against me.

"What is _she_ doing here?" she asks, ducking her head to press her cheek against my shoulder as if she could hide, probably hoping if she closes her eyes she can wish this whole fucking situation away.

"Shhh… calm down, you can't keep stressing. We're getting everything out in the open and you only have to do this once. Now come on, let's get up and get this over and done with." I let her down onto her feet and she just glares at Mel, who, for her part looks properly abashed as she grips the edge of her chair and stares at the floor, studiously refusing to meet our gazes.

"Are you going to be ok here?" I hear Sid ask her as she sits staring at the floor. She glances up briefly, opens her mouth to say something to Trix, but my wife put her chin in the air and just turns and walks off.

"Tell her I'm sorry Jarkko… I was just really upset."

"Well, thanks to you so is she now, so I guess you guys are even. So was it worth it Mel?" I shake my head, not waiting for her to reply and walk off in the direction that Trix disappeared towards, Sid and the Swede following close behind.

Trix is already laying on a table, my dress shirt pulled up under her breasts and the nurse is holding what looks like a 20 foot needle precariously near the baby bump that not so long ago I was cradling in my hands. I watch as the nurse slowly injects it into her, watch Trixie wincing, tears streaming down her cheeks and wish I could take her spot, wish I could take away her pain. Especially when all we are asked to do is swab the inside of our mouths and swab it onto a slide.

Once we're all ushered back into the waiting area again, I look down at Trix who is literally swaying on her feet, looking way beyond exhausted.

"Can we go home? Please?" She whispers up at me, her eyes drooping, barely able to stay open. I look over at the other two guys and back at her.

"Look, it's not like we're going to get the results right away anyway, so why don't we call it a night and when we get the results, we'll talk and until then, just remember the condition that Trix is in. This baby needs the mother to be calm down and rested, or else there will be no baby." I look pointedly at Zetterberg and then at Mel, who looks pleadingly towards Trixie.

"Don't just...don't. I have nothing to say to you. In my eyes, you're dead." I look down at Trix, partly shocked at how vehement she sounded, but she only shrugs off my grip on her and, dragging her feet, heads towards the door.

"I'm so sorry Jarkko. I didn't mean to….," Mel sobs, even as Sid comes to her side, gathering her into his arms.

"Was this honestly necessary?" He looks at me and I just shrug.

"No, no way, but I'm not the one that called _him_," I glance over at Z who's standing in the middle of the hall watching my wife drag her tired limbs out of the hospital and into the cool night air. "I guess if Trix can live with her mistakes, so can Mel and I guess we can too, huh?" I heave a heavy sigh and follow Trix out towards the car. This is going to be a very long night


	35. Chapter 35

_I thnk I'll want to know, like a poll, your votes at the end of the chapter. Will she say yes or no?_

C35

"Look at me, I've evil Spiderman!!" I manage to crack a smile as Army comes around the corner in his new RBK long underwear, head to toe black, literally. Black socks, black long-sleeved long-johns, black mittens and a black hood pulled up over his mouth.

"You look great Army, tres sexy," Talbot laughs, giving him a hard smack on the ass that lifts Colby off of his feet.

"Damn man! That almost hurt. Almost," he laughs dodging Max as he tries to lay the smack down on him again. "Whaddaya think Sid? Hot enough to take Mel off of your hands?"

"You never know your luck," I sigh, leaning over to pull off on my right sock.

"What's up with you today?" he asks, giving me a nudge in the ribs. "I thought you were looking forward to a little pond shinny."

"I was…I mean, I am, I just have…you know, stuff on my mind," I sigh, glancing down the row to the empty spot where Ruuts should be. My stomach tightens, wondering if he's on his cell phone somewhere finding out if I'm a daddy or not.

"C'mon man, cheer up, it might never happen," Bugsy grins, slapping me on the knee. "Ain't that right Sarge?"

"Sure, whatever you say," Gonch rolls his eyes at all of us and goes back to adjusting his shoulder pads.

"Whadoyoumean?" I ask, glaring over at Bugsy who immediately looks defensive and shrugs his tattoo covered shoulders.

"Nothing man. Just…you know, don't worry, be happy for a fucking change. Just…have fun today and whatever it is that you're fucking moping about can wait. It's New Year's Eve, we're partying tonight."

"Until lights out at 10 anyways," Colby sighs dramatically falling in a heap on the floor with his arm thrown over his eyes. "Oh the unfairness of it all."

"Yeah, sucks to be a pro hockey player," Ruuts growls, giving Colby what looks like a hard boot in the thigh as he walks by.

"Hey!" I snap, jumping to my feet and grabbing his shoulders, shoving him away from Colby. "Don't take it out on him."

"Yeah well why don't you keep out of my way kid, or I _will_ take it out on _you_," he snarls, leaning in until the tip of his nose touches mine, "and I guarantee you that what I'll do to you will be _much, much_ worse."

"Well why don't you then? Huh? I'm game if you are," I hiss back, feeling my blood boiling, all the frustration of the last few days of waiting, of not knowing, of watching Mel cry and not being able to comfort her boiling over as I press him against the wall. "How about it huh? You and me, let's go."

"Yeah you'd like that, and then I'd be on the first plane out of here," he grins back at me, shaking his head. "And then what? You get both the girls?"

"I don't _want_ Trixie, how many fucking times do I need to fucking say it?" I growl, feeling ten times stronger than I should, I shouldn't be able to do this with him. He should be able to get out of my grasp easily.

"Didn't I tell you? We found out when they were doing the ultrasound for the amneo. It's a girl." For some reason this makes me happy, maybe because it looks like it irritates him, or maybe it's just me grinning back at him that's making his grin fade at the corners. But I don't get to say anything else to get under his skin because a voice makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"What the hell is going on here?" the voice booms, silencing the uncomfortable buzz in the room. I know the voice immediately. I've heard it before, especially when Alexa and Austin are get caught fighting.

"Nothin'," Ruuts sighs, pushing my hands away as easily as you would a child's. I guess he _was_ letting me hold him like that.

"Doesn't look like nothing," Mario walks over in his heavy wool overcoat and stands between us, looking down at both of us and shaking his head. "Who's going to tell me what the _hell_ this is all about?" We both look at each other, but neither of us opens our mouths. "Does anyone else want to volunteer?" he asks, looking around but one glare from each of us and they all find something highly interesting in their skates or pads to keep them busy. "Okay, well we can do this out in the hallway where the other team or maybe some fans or some press can hear if you want?" He glares at me specifically but I just look back at him blankly, which is why I miss seeing that Ruuts is about to give in.

"We're a little keyed up is all. We're waiting for some news."

"Some news? What sort of news has you at one another's throats?"

"Nothing to worry about," I begin but Ruuts' gums are already flapping and Mario's head swivels in his direction.

"We're waiting for DNA lab results for Trixie's baby. _My_ baby," he adds with a glare in my direction. The sudden silence in the room is so complete that I'm sure everyone can hear my heart thudding against my ribs and the blood rushing in my veins.

"So…you two have been sleeping with the trainer?" Mario asks, keeping his voice low but with a controlled edge to it that holds a threat we all recognize immediately. He looks over at me, disappointment clear in his eyes, and then turns his angry glare on Ruutu.

"He's also sleeping with your assistant," Ruuts completes the trifecta by completely dropping me in it. I watch as Mario chews on this particular tid-bit of information before he turns and glares at me.

"You, the hallway, now," he hisses, marching out of the room in a swirl of coat tails. Oh I am so in the shit now.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, I swallow what little there is left of my pride and reach up to knock on the door. I hear the shuffle of her slippers on the hardwood floor and my heart beats harder against my chest, so hard, that when the door creaks open and snaps against the chain latch, for one brief minute, I think I'm going to pass out.

"What do _you_ want?" she snaps, her eyes red rimmed, deep purple hollows under her eyes telling me that she hasn't slept in days. I know the feeling.

"I came with a peace offering," I hold up two tubs of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food. "I didn't think you should wait on your own, and considering it _is_ my fault you're going through this and Jarkko can't be here with you, I wanted to be the one to hold your hand." I watch her while she gnaws on the inside of her cheek, and then she nods and steps aside, letting me in.

"It's not really _all_ your fault," she says quietly as I slip by her into the hallway.

"Well it could have waited, if I'd just kept my stupid mouth shut," I offer, which gets just the ghost of a grin in reply.

"I can't believe you called him."

"I can't believe I did either," I admit, sighing. "I'm so sorry Trix. I should never cry and dial, it never works out well."

"Hey, I've done drunk and dial a few times myself," she admits, sniffing.

"Yeah," I smile, remembering well the aftermath of a couple of those calls, "but I put you and the baby at risk, and that's unforgivable."

"Yeah but…I had sex with the man you love, and that's pretty damn bad and you forgave me so…I'm glad you came," she sobs, throwing her arms around me. I feel like the weight of the world is at least partly lifted off of my shoulders as I wrap my arms around her and we hold onto each other, balling our eyes out. "Give me that ice cream," she sniffs finally, giving me one last squeeze as she leads me towards the kitchen. With a grin I follow her, until my cell vibrates in my jacket pocket.

"One minute, I'll be right there," I promise and she nods, heading into the kitchen where I can hear the drawer bang open and the clatter of her looking for a spoon long enough she won't get ice cream on her knuckles when we get down in the pint. "Hello?"

"_Hi sweetheart_." I smile at the sound of his voice suddenly feeling like all is right with the world.

"Aren't you out there practicing yet?" I glance towards the TV. The NHL network has an empty rink on behind the commentators.

"_Not quite. Where are you?" _

"Believe it or not," I chuckle, "I'm with Trix."

"_Wow_, _so she let you in_." he breathes, almost like a sigh of relief. "_Uh…has she heard anything_?

"No, I don't think so. What about you and Ruuts?"

"_No, not us either. Uh…look, have you opened your present yet_?"

"No," I admit with a smile, knowing his Christmas present to me is still sitting on my kitchen counter which I know has been driving him a little nuts, despite the fact he's been trying not to say anything about it, considering everything else that's been going on.

"_Well do me a favour, when you get home, open it, and no matter what you hear, know that I love you._"

"That sounds ominous. What's going on Sidney?" I ask, feeling my grin fading at the urgency in his voice. "You're starting to scare me."

"_I can't really talk right now, but…well Mario knows and_…"

"Mario _knows_? Knows what?"

"_Everything_," he sighs.

"What happened? Oh my god, what did he say?"

"_He had a lot to say, but nothing that matters_. _I just…everything will be fine, no matter what happens, okay_?"

"Okay," I shrug, hearing his name being called and glancing towards the TV, watching the camera pan towards the players walking out towards the ice in their new baby blue uniforms.

"_I love you Mel, I promise, it's all going to be just fine_."

"If you say so," I sigh, finding myself looking over at Trix in her fluffy pink robe and slippers. "Look, go. Go be a star. We'll talk later, okay?" He sighs, and I hear the consternation in his voice as he's called again. "Sidney," I call into the phone, turning so that Trix won't see my cheeks go red. "Sid, I love you. I do. I'll talk to you tonight."

"_Thanks. I needed to hear that right now_." I can hear the smile on his face as he says it, and it makes me smile too, even though my hearts began to beat about a hundred miles an hour again. "_Bye sweetheart_." I stand there staring off into space for the longest time, enjoying the buzz of hearing him say those words to me, and Trix lets me, not bursting my bubble, even though I'm supposed to be here for her.

That is, until her phone rings.

We both look at each other, and I know my eyes are as wide and panicked looking as hers' are, and neither of us moves for the longest time, and then finally, on what is probably the fourth or fifth ring, I dash for the phone, grabbing her hand as I run by.

"Hello?" I breathe into the phone, pulling her close, so that both of ears can press to the receiver.

"_May I please speak to Mrs. Trixie Ruutu_?" the voice on the other end drones. I glance at Trix but her mouth is only opening and closing like a carp's, and her eyes only get wider and more panicked when I give her hand what I hope is a reassuring but insistent squeeze.

"Ummm, speaking?" I cough, rolling my eyes and shaking my head. This is illegal in so many states.

"_We have the lab results, and as per your request, we are informing you first of those results_."

"Thank you," Trix manages to squeak out, giving my hand a squeeze this time and I can feel her pulse in the palm of her hand, thudding away like mad.

"_We have one hundred percent conclusively ruled out Mr. Henrik Zetterberg as the biological donor_," the voice continues and Trix lets out a huge sigh, but I can feel all of the muscles in my body tense, waiting for the next result. "_We have also conclusively ruled out Mr. Sidney Patrick Crosby as the biological donor_." Now it's my turn to breathe a huge sigh of relief, my knees going weak but I can't go down because then it's my turn to hold onto Trix for support. "_We have concluded with 100% certainty that the biological father of your baby is Mr. Jarkko Ruutu._"

We stand there, grinning like a couple of kids at each other, neither of us saying a word, and then Trix lets out a howl of triumph, and drops the phone.

* * *

"Are you serious? You're really going to piss Mario off, and your agent and...," I give Colby that 'will you shut up' look and he immediately closes his mouth and glances around him furtively. "And just how in the fuck do you think you're going to manage that?"

"With your help, I hope?" I ask, raising my eyebrows.

"Yeah, of course man, I have your back. Let me know what you need, and I'm there."

"I'll probably just need you to cover for me, you know right after the game in Phillie. I won't be on the plane, so...you know, we need to think of something." Colby shakes his head and glances around again, knowing how seriously the shit would hit the fan if any of this is overheard.

"For you man, you know I will. But when he finds out..."

"Yeah well, let me deal with that, but hopefully I'll be long gone by the time they figure it out," I shrug, and he nods, looking very serious for a change.

"I gotta ask again, are you serious man? Are you fucking sure about this?"

"Yeah," I nod, "I really am."

"Wow...I guess it's catching," he laughs, patting me on the back. "You're my hero man. First a shootout goal in the biggest game so far this year. Now this? Shit man, you're crazy, but good luck you know?"

"Thanks Army," I sigh, glancing at the hordes of reporters as they head toward me. "You're a good friend."

"Hey man, it's your funeral," he grins over at me before bending to untie his skates.

"Thanks for the positive thoughts man," I laugh, bending over to do the same.

"Hey man, I'm positive several people will want to kill you when they find out, I'm here to tell you the truth, that's just the way it is."

"Yeah well, it'll be worth it," I sigh as the first microphone is shoved into my face.

* * *

_Don't freak out. _

That's what the note says. Don't freak out.

So why am I sitting in the semi dark, surrounded by candles, hyperventilating? I'm totally freaking out. I'm about to pass out, and there isn't even anyone to call nine-one-one.

I pick up the box from where I put it down hastily on my bed and look down into the red foil wrapped box again, and pull the green tissue aside and peek in. It's still there.

Oh my god. I put the box down again and close my eyes, rubbing at them, willing them not to see what I see, or maybe to make sure that I really saw it because I don't believe it.

I'm still in a haze when the phone rings and I'm really not thinking when I answer it.

"What?"

"_I_ _love you too sweetheart. Nice goal sweetheart_."

"Oh...yeah. It was...a great goal, and you did play well...," I manage, swallowing hard around the huge lump in my throat, "but you're insane. I don't want to die. I might love you but I don't want to be murdered."

"_So you opened it huh?"_ his voice trails off into a chuckle, that soft boyish sound that makes my heart leap in my chest. "_I'd have loved to see your face. I should have asked you to record it_." His voice trails off, like maybe he's trying to picture the look on my face when I opened the box inside a box inside a box. "_Are you wearing it_?"

"Are you kidding me? That thing can be seen from outer space," I reply, taking one more glance into the box before putting it on the floor beside my bed, out of my reach and out of my sight.

"_That's the idea, so everyone can see_."

"Yeah well, that's crazy. I mean I know it's the thought that counts but in this case...Sidney...what were you thinking?"

"_The note says not to freak out_," he chuckles again. "_See, this is why I wanted you to open that box when I was with you. I knew you'd be like this_."

"Well then...you should have waited until you got home tonight," I sigh, flopping onto my back and staring up at the ceiling. "You are coming by tonight aren't you? I thought we could celebrate you not being a daddy."

"_I've been forbidden from seeing you, you know_," he sighs, but I can hear the smile behind the words.

"So does that mean you aren't coming by?" I ask quietly, feeling a knot tighten in my stomach.

"_I will, if you'll wear it_," he says quietly, hesitantly. I close my eyes, picturing the cautious look in his eyes. The little boy pouty look he gets when his succulent bottom lip sticks out just that little bit. It makes me smile, but only for a moment, until I hear him sigh impatiently. "_Say yes Mel_."

"Come by. We'll talk about it when you get here."

I hang up the phone before he can say anything else, before he can use his sexy voice against me, before he can weaken my resolve.

Don't freak out. Right. I'm so freaking out.


	36. Chapter 36

C36

"Hey Trix, you're going to need to sit down when I tell you this…." I don't even stop mid stride as I fling myself into his arms, my entire body vibrating with the pent up energy of waiting for him to come home.

"But babe! You're the daddy! We should be celebrating!" I fling myself into his arms, accepting a half hearted kiss as he places me back down on the floor and pulls me toward the couch again. I try and read his closed off face as he presses me back down into the couch and stands there in front of me, gnawing on his lip.

"You're happy with me right? I mean...you're happy with all of this right? With us?" He won't meet my gaze and that full bottom lip of his is getting one hell of a work out as he waits for my reply. Patting the cushion beside me I reach up and grab a handful of belt buckle to tug him down with.

"What happened?" I brace myself for the worst; that he's been benched again or worse, that he's been traded to Nashville or somewhere equally horrible which is the only thing I can think of that would have him acting like Droopy.

"Mario knows about you, me, Sid and Mel." Trying not to laugh, I reach out and grasp his chin firmly in my hand as I turn his head to look at me.

"You're kidding right? That's the bad news I had to sit down for? I thought you were traded or something. So I lose my job, I can only work a little while longer anyway. No big deal. Okay?" I'm rewarded for my reply by a giant bear hug that ends up with my crawling into his lap and cuddling into the hollow of his throat, his lips brushing my hair as he squeezes me gently.

"I thought you'd be pissed. I know Mario is," he adds as he slides a hand up under my robe to stroke the inside of my thigh, like it's a comforting thing, and I literally feel his entire body relax as he does it. Smiling to myself I uncoil from his lap and slide to my feet, holding out my hand to him as he looks up at me with sleepy, confused eyes.

"You need something soothing and relaxing, let's take a nice bath. Go get out of your street clothes and mama will take care of everything else." As he pushes himself up to his feet he pulls me to him for a deeper kiss, curling his tongue around mine and curling my toes at the same time.

"And maybe if daddy is good, mommy will do the thing that daddy enjoys?" he asks, that naughty smirk of his gracing his full lips, any sign of worry disappearing as he heads towards the bedroom, whistling.

As I light the candles surrounding the Jacuzzi tub, pouring the aromatherapy bubbles in I dip a toe in to check the temperature. As I'm about to shrug off my rob, Jarkko's hard body presses up against my, flush against my backside. His big hands holding my robe just at the crook of my elbows, he bends, placing butterfly kisses along my shoulders, unhooking my bra as he moves lower.

"Mmmmm…., you're supposed to be relaxing, not trying to seduce me." I hear him chuckle before my sleep shorts are pulled off and I'm gently nudged towards the tub.

"But mommy knows what daddy likes," I whisper, reaching back between us to find him already hard and more than willing. "You first," I step aside and watch him slide into the tub, his muscles bunching and lengthening as he slides into the steaming water. With a happy little sigh, I settle into his lap, my thighs sliding over his as my body slowly envelops his. I feel his big hands cupping my bottom as he stops me from lowering myself all the way.

"Daddy doesn't like to rush," he whispers as he nibbles his way along my chin.

"But you're tired," I counter, arching my neck so that he has more to nip and nibble as he works his way down to my collarbone

"Never too tired for this," he grunts as he thrusts himself up into me and pulls me down at the same time, his big hands reaching up to my waist and pushing me down. Moaning, I arch my back, offering him my aching nipples which he gingerly suckles, first one and then the other as he continues to slowly move my body up and down on his.

"I love when you're in charge," I whisper, cradling his head against my breasts as he pushes up into me again, taking my breath away as the water begins to slosh over the side of the tub with the motion of his thrusting.

"Here I thought it would take me forever to train you into liking being taken care of," he chuckles, the vibration of which sends me nearer the edge. "And all it really took was getting you pregnant? I'll have to remember that." I open my mouth to object but the sound of the phone ringing in the distance interrupts my train of thought.

"Don't answer it," I beg, holding on tight to him as the orgasm begins to take hold.

"At this time of night, it's probably my parents," he mumbles, sliding out from beneath me and reaching for a towel as I bob in the water watching my dripping wet lover scramble not to slip on the slippery wet floor. I almost want to wish that he'd slip but I bite my tongue and reach for a towel for myself. As I wrap myself up in the warm bath sheet, I pad down the hall following his wet footprints until I find him standing dripping and naked in the hall.

* * *

"Hello? Mikko? What's wrong? Are mom and dad ok?" I hear the panic in his voice and suddenly I'm grasping his hand and pressing my ear to the other side of the phone.

"She did _what?!_" I try and take calming breaths as I consider what Mikko just told me. This can't be happening.

"What's wrong Jarkko… Jarkko? Talk to me." I can hear the panic in Trixie's voice, but I can't make myself see past all the red right now. I pat her arm tensely and listen as Mikko's voice explains to me.

_"She's saying all kinds of shit to the tabloids, like how you're sleeping with the trainer and they're making Trix out to be a real slut. Ah man, the tabloids are all eating this up. Saying how you were teaching Paavo crap when he was visiting you. She's acting the devastated mother, saying you're corrupting her son. Man, there's just so much crap about you. I mean, some of the tabloids are turning it around and calling her a gold-digger, but I mean mom is devastated and dad's just pissed off at that stupid bitch_."

That low down, scum sucking…. I can't believe she's spreading those rumors. I don't care if she talks about me behind my back, but to go and drag Trix through the mud is unforgivable.

"It's ok Mikko. I'll talk to mom and dad, explain to them that she just wants more money so she's selling stories to the tabloids. I'll get my lawyer on this right away and he'll take care of it. But uh, just…put a good word out there for us will you?"

I listen to Mikko drone on about some other stuff but my mind isn't on it so I'm glad when he finally lets me go so I can deal with this shit storm he's just let me in one. But first things first, I need to break the news to Trix.

"What's wrong baby? What happened? Tell me sweetie, you're starting to worry me." Taking her hand, I lead her back down the hall and into the bedroom, making her lay down onto the bed and curling myself around her, pulling her to me and trying to find comfort in the warm curves of her body.

"So, Niina has decided to slander the both of us, mainly me, but she's dragged you into it too. She's selling stories about us to the tabloids in Finland. She's saying some pretty horrible things about me, which I don't really care about but I'm really sorry that she's dragged you into it." I shake my head as she snuggles into me and I know that she's trying to comfort me but it pisses me off that this had to ruin our night.

"That's defamation of character Jarkko. I hope she knows you can take the bitch to court. Why is she doing this to us? We haven't done anything to her. Doesn't she have that new rich sugar daddy of hers? Why is she still torturing us?" I hear her sniffle and pull her closer to me.

"Don't worry about this baby. I'll take care of it. I promise you that I'll make her stop, but later, okay?" I sigh, pressing my lips to the curve of her neck, inhaling her clean, warm scent and letting it soothe my jangled nerves. I feel her begin to relax against me but when I go to slide my hand under the towel, thinking, hoping that we can forget about this for now, she stiffens.

"Okay, we can take care of it later. I mean, yeah, you've got a long road trip coming up soon but I'm telling you that bitch will _not_ win and I will _not_ let her get away with this." I look down at her and she's all flushed and there's a look in her eyes that tells me that she's not going to let this drop and she's probably not going to be happy just letting me deal with it.

"Okay, okay Trix but…not now okay? Now, where were we?" I grin and roll her over, nudging her legs apart and capturing her lips with mine. This time when I slip my hand beneath the towel, she opens for me, letting me feel how soft and wet and warm she is. With a moan, I ease myself into her and let the soft warmth of her body make me forget.

"I love you Jarkko. You're always going to be mine, no matter what," she whispers as she wraps her arms around my neck and offers me her succulent lips.

"And you mine," I reply, kissing her softly.

* * *

"So Mummy-to-be … have you two thought of names for the little princess yet?" I look up at Mel as she sets down her tray. Placing a contented hand on my bulging stomach, I nod, sighing as that fluttering feeling comes back. I know it won't be long before that fluttering feeling gets more solid and I can't wait.

"Yeah, we're thinking something Finnish and English, but I know my parents will want to have a say and they'll want a Chinese name too. God, this kid is going to be so multicultural." I laugh as Mel shakes her head at me but when she reaches up to brush an unruly curl back behind her ear, the light catches the bauble on her hand and I reach out to grab it..

"What?" She looks innocently back at me as she tucks her hand out of sight into her lap and all I can do is glare at her.

"Oh nothing. I just feel kinda warm. Mel can you double check if I have a fever or not? You know, they say I can have fevers without even knowing, the temperature change and hormone flushes...." I grin at her and she just shakes her head and scrunches up her nose.

"Fine, you win," She sighs, rolling her eyes as she lifts up her hand. Shaking my head, I whistle loudly.

"Damn, now that's a fucking ring. I'd say that cost an arm, a leg, and his left nut."

"Trixie!!" Mel gasps, turning bright pink but looking down fondly at the third finger on her left hand.

"Come on now, you must have thought it. I mean damn girl, if that doesn't say I love you what the hell does?" I ask giving her a wink.

"_Your_ ring is nothing to be ashamed of." She looks down at my matching set, wedding band and engagement ring.

"Psht. Yeah, I'm not complaining. I've got that boy wrapped around my finger just where he wants to be." I laugh but she sighs, shaking her head again.

"You don't know how lucky you are, speaking of which, I was wondering, can you clear up your schedule a bit?" she asks, changing the subject and dropping her hand down to her lap, effectively hiding the huge rock that I'm sure can be seen from space.

"Like when, because I have some business that I need to take care of. I've got to yank some blonde hairs out." Tilting her head to one side, Mel looks at me curiously.

"Who pissed you off?"

"Well, you remember Niina, the gold-digging, cock-sucking, trailer trash, fake-weave, skinny no good whore?" I ask, loving adding all those colourful adjectives when talking about the bitch.

"Um, yeah. Who can forget that day? I thought you were gonna get killed," Mel chuckles.

"Well she's been starting some trouble in Finland, so I intend to take a short trip over and deal with her before this gets out of hand. But I promise whatever you need me for, I'll do." I add, reaching over to pat her hand before glancing down at my watch.

"Well then… don't get sent to jail and I'll give you details later." I nod as I push myself up to my feet, groaning as I realize I'm going to have to make yet another trip to the bathroom.

"You know. You'd think I'd be happy being able to eat anything I want. But damn it, this kid hates junk food!" Mel laughs as she picks up her tray and gets up to follow me.

"So Mario still hasn't said a word to you?" she asks as he walk back the way we came.

"Nope, has he talked to you?" she shakes her head and shrugs. "Well then I guess we still have our jobs, even if Therrien keeps staring at me like he could kill me. At least all the guys are still great, so supportive. Oh, did I tell you? Colby tried calling me fat. I shot him with my paintball gun. I love having men fear me. It's good for the ego." I cackle evilly as I pick my bag up and head back to the gym as Mel heads up to her office, even if it's only going to be for another week.

Yeah, I'm going to take an early maternity leave. That bitch needs to learn who's boss.


	37. Chapter 37

Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that. ~Michael

C37

"What do you mean _no_?"

"Keep your voice down," I hiss, glancing over at the big mahogany door leading to Mario's office. "All I meant was just not right now. Don't get me wrong, it's a very nice idea but I don't understand why we have to rush into anything."

"It's not a rush it's just…there's like a whole day coming up that we can do this and I don't understand why you're saying no now? You only said you needed a few days to think about it." He paces my office shaking his head and gnawing on his bottom lip while I try keeping my voice low and level, keeping my head down, trying to stay on task.

"No, what I _said_ was that I'd think about it, but what you _want_ me to do is rush what is supposed to be a special day into a few hours before you go to the all star game where I can't even be with you and…it's very sweet that you're excited about us but why can't it wait until the summer? When you think about it, we've hardly know each other five minutes Sidney, so why do we have rush into this?" I ask quietly, glancing at the big solid door that's remained closed, even though I'm sure he can hear Sid at least.

"Trixie and Ruuts did," he begins, looking over at me, exasperated.

"Trix is pregnant, that's different," I offer, glancing up at him over my computer screen to see him roll his eyes at me.

"He asked her before he knew that. He loves her, I love you. It's not different."

"It _is_ different. You have lots of things to think about that he doesn't, like contracts, like a pre-nup," I offer, watching his full soft lips thin out in an angry line.

"Pre-nup? Who said anything about a pre-nup? I'm not asking you to sign a…."

"I know you're not, but you should. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about Sidney," I sigh, my fingers pausing over the key board. "You also have a disclosure thing with Reebok and…"

"There's ways around that and I can't believe you're bringing up a pre-nup."

"Well someone has to," I sigh, going back to the letters of acceptance for some of the events surrounding the All Star game that I've been typing and trying to begin again. "It's as much for me as it is for you. What do you think people will say when they find out about me?"

"Not that I care but they don't have to find out," he sighs, walking back over to my desk and leaning on it, looking at me. "I've told you, there's ways to keep these things quiet."

"The minute we apply for a marriage license in Coal Harbour, someone's going to blab. I can guarantee that, and if you think I'm wrong, then I'm sorry Sidney, but you're not really ready to do this."

"Oh here we go again with the age thing," he groans, rolling his eyes skyward with that 'heaven help me' look.

"It's not an _age_ thing," I grumble, putting my hands back down into my lap and running my fingers over the ring, "it's a reality thing."

"So you're saying no?" he sighs, his shoulders falling.

"I am, but just for now, okay? I mean…do you really want me to rush all the plans and not have time to enjoy it? For us to enjoy it?"

"Trix managed," he says using his most encouraging tone.

"Well…Trix is who she is, and I am who I am and I'm saying, we have lots of things to think about, and I don't want to get married in three weeks, and I do want you to get a pre-nup drawn up, for _me_."

"I don't get it…it's not very…you know…romantic," he moans, reaching out for my hand. I put mine in his and watch his fingers fold around mine and take the comfort in it that I can. "People will think I'm some kind of cheap prick."

"I don't really care what they think if it stops people from calling me a gold digging whore," I sigh, tearing my gaze from his hand and looking up into the warm melted caramel of his gaze. "People will find out, and when they do, they're going to assume that's what I am, so if you can just do this, than I promise, I'll consider it _very_ romantic, because you'll have done it because I asked you to." With a sigh he nods his head and then drops his lips to the back of my hand.

"Okay, for you. I don't like it, but for you," he shakes his head and then leans in to press his lips softly over mine. "For you I'll get a pre-nup, and for you…I'll wait, even though I don't want to."

"Thank you Sidney," I whisper against his lips.

"You know when I contact legal they're going flip out," he chuckles, his face softening from the anger and frustration that had made him look hard before.

"Maybe you should just ask them for a number of a different law firm, not one that doesn't specialize in sports contracts, maybe a divorce lawyer," I suggest, running the pad of my thumb along his bottom lip to get rid of the remnants of my red lipstick from his mouth. "Maybe have them look at that Rbk contract while they're at it."

"The things I do for you," he sighs, giving my hand a gentle squeeze before dropping his lips to the back of my hand once more before straightens, glancing at the door and then back at me. "He still hasn't said anything?"

"No," I shake my head and shrug. "But he hasn't seen _this_ either," I add, flashing the ring before quickly putting it back in my lap.

"I thought you said it was too big, too flashy," he laughs, reaching out to brush a stray curl from my cheek.

"It _is_," I insist, feeling the heat rising into my face.

"I told them it had to be as beautiful as you and that was the nicest one I could find," he continues, running the back of his knuckles down my cheek.

"Stop it," I sigh, wanting to lean into his hand but we've been trying so hard to keep this whole thing on the down low that I force myself to pull back from him. "I'm supposed to be working. Now go, you have a game tonight, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah," he laughs, leaning over my desk and kissing my cheek. "See you later."

"Not if Vinny doesn't come up and visit me first!" I call playfully after him, getting a single digit salute in reply as he disappears around the corner. With a sigh, I turn my attention back to the letters in front of me. That is, until a very long shadow falls across my computer screen, freezing the breath in my lungs and my fingers above my keyboard.

"Would you care to step into my office?" He says it like it's a question, but the tone tells me it's more of a command. Nodding, I push my chair back and follow him slowly, having to force my feet to go forward, to follow him into his office.

When the big heavy door shuts behind me, I flinch, and my heart begins to hammer against my chest in pure panic.

"Sit," he says quietly, but again the tone tells me it's less a suggestion than a demand. I watch him walk slowly and purposefully around his desk, watch him fold his massive hands behind his broad back, watch him stare out at his adopted city and wish that a hole would open up in the fabric of time and swallow me whole. "I knew my threats would fall on deaf ears with Sidney, I had hoped however that you would have the common sense not to play with fire." I don't hear a question in his words, so I just stare at the expanse of his back, my hands carefully folded on my lap, waiting for the words that I've been expecting to hear ever since Sidney came back from Buffalo. "I knew of course. I knew from the moment he saw you that he would want you. I had hoped to keep him from making this awful mistake. I think I did the best I could. I had hoped you would help with that," he adds, turning his piercing blue eyes on me, making me squirm uncomfortably in my seat. "I'm asking you not to do this Melisande. Please."

"You're assuming of course that this is all my idea," I respond quietly, forcing myself to meet his gaze, even though it would be so much easier not to.

"No, no, I'm well aware that Sidney has his own mind. I'm asking you to not ruin things for him. I think we both know what this could do to him _and_ to the team."

"I do," I reply even more quietly, "and I have brought that up with him, but you know as well as I do how determined he can be." The ghost of a smile tugs at the corner of Mario's thin lips, and then he nods, sliding behind his desk and folding his hands into a teepee and peering at me over the tips of his long fingers.

"I do, that's why I've done my best to avoid this…_situation_. But I can see now that I can't just wait for this _fixation_ of his to pass."

"Fixation?" The word feels like a knife in my gut when he says it.

"Did you know I went so far as to try and convince him that you and I were…_an item_, just to try and draw his attention away from you?" I shake my head, shocked but at the same time, there are some things that just make more sense all of a sudden. He smirks slightly, and then he turns and reaches into one of the drawers of his desk. "How much will it take?" he asks, pulling out a cheque-book and reaching for a pen without so much as looking up at me. I can feel my eyes widen, feel my jaw drop. I'd expected this from the public, from all those girls in the stands wearing his jersey and holding the 'marry me Sidney' signs, but not from Mario.

"I'm sure you don't mean that," I hiss, my hands sliding down to grip the edge of the chair.

"Everyone has a price. Name yours so we can make this all go away before it gets out and makes all of our lives harder." His ice blue gaze looks up into mine, the pen poised above the cheque, waiting for my answer. I open my mouth to speak, but my voice fails me completely. I don't know what to say, and I end up dropping my gaze and shaking my head in disbelief.

"He'd be hurt if he knew you were doing this," I sigh, my words finding a voice when he's not staring me down.

"He'll be hurt more if I don't," he replies sternly.

"Then I'm sorry to disappoint you," I reply, pushing myself up to my feet even though my legs feel like rubber and forcing myself to meet his expectant gaze, "but I do love Sidney and he does love me and there isn't a price you can put on our relationship that this organization can afford." I offer him my hand, reaching across his desk, but he only looks at it, confused, and then back up at me. "I've enjoyed working here, but I won't work for someone who thinks so little of me."

When he continues to just stare at my hand, I withdraw it, and turn on my heel, and walk out of his office, leaving his door open behind me so he can watch me clean out my desk.

* * *

"You might want to wait to put those on," Army nudges my skate as he walks by still in his street clothes. "You should go out in the hall."

"In the hall?" I narrow my eyes at him. "What for?"

"Mel, looks like she's been crying," he says quietly, keeping his voice down to avoid being overheard by the call ups who don't know and we plan on keeping it that way.

"Thanks," I breathe, kicking off my skate and walking briskly out into the hall in my socks to find Mel leaning against the concrete wall, hugging her arms around herself, digging the toe of her shoe into a crack in the concrete floor, her eyes downcast. With a quick glance around to satisfy myself there's no faces I don't recognize, I grab her arm and pull her towards the training room, closing the door behind me and pulling her across the room as far away from any chance we could be overheard before I lift her chin to make her look at me. Her cheeks are streaked with tears, her make up smudged, but she gives me a weak little smile and I can see that flash in her dark eyes that tells me whatever it is, she's going to be alright. "Who made you cry?"

"I quit," she replies quietly, but defiantly.

"What happened?" I ask, feeling surprised, although with all the pressure to keep things quiet, and Mario….."Did Mario say something? Did he…_do_ something?" I watch her struggle to keep her face neutral, composed but when she drops her gaze from mine, I just know. "What did he say Mel?"

"It doesn't matter," she shrugs, but I hear the hitch in her voice, and then she reaches up to wipe her eyes and I feel my teeth grinding and my hands clenching into fists at the thought of him upsetting her.

"Tell me," I hiss, trying not to take my anger out on her.

"You live with him Sidney," she glances up at me, determination in her eyes and the set of her jaw. "Besides, he's only trying to protect you."

"Protect me?" I laugh, shaking my head. "From you I suppose?"

"From a lot of things," she sighs, dropping her gaze again and crossing her arms across her chest again.

"What in the _hell_ has this got to do with him?" I growl, turning away from her and banging my fist against the filing cabinet.

"A lot," she replies quietly. "He is trying to do the right thing I suppose," she continues, even when I turn to glare at her. "He _is_ Sidney. There will be consequences if you marry me, and not just for you. You know that. We've talked about it," she shrugs at me, looking tired and worn out.

"What do you mean _if_ you marry me?" I ask, glancing down quickly to see if she's still wearing my ring.

"I don't know," she sighs, shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head. "I don't know. I think…I think maybe we just need some space to think this over. Maybe you should just you know, go on this road trip and the All Star Game and then we'll see after that, we'll talk about it then."

"Meanwhile your green card gets withdrawn and you go home where I won't get to see you?" I laugh sarcastically, shaking my head and walking over to her, wrapping her in my arms and pulling her against me. "I love you. I keep telling you that losing endorsement contracts won't change that, and if Bettman doesn't like it, then he can shove it up his fucking ass." She chuckles as she tentatively wraps her arms around me and leans her head against my shoulder.

"Why is it that you always make it sound so easy?" she whispers.

"Because I love you," I whisper back, lifting her lips to meet mine and kissing her deeply, forcefully, pushing her lips apart with mine and wrapping my tongue around hers'.

"Sidney, the game," she whispers breathlessly as I pick her up and put her on the massage table, hitching her skirt up over her hips as I put her down.

"We have time. I need you right now. I need you to feel how much I need you," I whisper, tilting her head back and pressing my lips and teeth to the sensitive skin under her ear as I unlace my hockey pants, letting them fall and pushing my leggings down as I nibble my way down to her shoulder. I hear her whimper as I pull her panties down and slide into her, hear her moan as I pull her onto me, sliding her down to envelop all of me. Then it's my turn to moan out loud as her body squeezes around mine, warm and soft, slick and hot as we move together.

I can't believe how much I want her all the time, how I crave her body, how much I need her. I never thought I'd love anything as much as I love hockey. But I love this woman. I know that without a doubt as her arms wrap around my neck, as she offers her sweet succulent lips to me, as our bodies move in a slow easy rhythm. I'd never have considered breaking my pre game routine for anyone or anything, but for her, I'd do anything, drop anything. I know that now.

"Harder," she sighs, her eyes flickering shut as I push up into her, pulling her down onto me at the same time. I pick her all the way up off the table and press her against he wall instead, shoving myself as hard and as deep inside of her as I can, slamming my hips into hers, fucking her until she screams my name and digs her nails into my back, tearing into my flesh with her fingernails. The sting of the freshly ripped flesh and the feel of her body convulsing around mine pulls me over the edge, and with a growl I shove myself as deeply into her as I can go, and let go, spilling myself inside of her.

* * *

"Please tell me you did _not_ do that on purpose!" Mel cries, covering her mouth with one hand and pointing at my foot with the other as the trainers help me hobble into the training room.

"No," I sigh, wincing as I lift myself onto the massage bench and nod at Scott and Chris as they begin to cluck like a couple of chickens around me. "Of course I didn't."

"Swear to me!" she snaps, dodging a glare from Chris as she moves closer to me, looking me over for any other signs of damage I guess.

"I swear, I was watching the play. I've done that hundreds of times," I sigh, wincing again as Scott begins to undo my skate.

"God, that was so stupid!" she sighs, looking a little relieved but still worried as she grabs my hand and turns her attention to what the guys are doing with my foot.

"I know, believe me," I sigh, gripping her hand harder as she start to pull the boot off and biting down on my lip as the pain shoots up my leg.

"That's swelling fast," Trix says from where she's leaning in the doorway, one arm around her swollen belly.

"Kinda like you?" I laugh meekly. She rolls her eyes at me and shakes her head.

"I'll get Dr. Burke," she sighs. "C'mon Mel, he doesn't want to cry in front of you," she laughs, holding her hand out to Mel who looks up at me as if she's asking permission to leave my side.

"I'm not gonna cry," I sigh, leaning down to press my lips against hers. "But you don't need to see this. I'll see you at home."

"At home?" she smiles, her eyes sparkling.

"Well I've been there almost every night for a couple months, so yeah, home. We should talk about that later by the way," I add, kissing her again.

"Deal," she laughs, giving my hand another squeeze, giving my ankle one more concerned glance and then turning to head out the door with Trix in tow.

* * *

"I was thinking…," he says his voice drowsy, his eyes closed, his long lashes resting on the apple of his cheeks.

"Don't tax yourself," I whisper, brushing a dark curl from his forehead. "It's just the drugs talking."

"I'm not on _that_ many drugs," he sighs, cuddling closer to me, and pulling me into his chest, nuzzling at my neck.

"Hey, you're supposed to be resting remember? Sid, you _have_ to rest," I giggle as he slides his hands down around the curve of my buttocks, pulling me hard against him, nudging his growing erection against me.

"Mmmm, don't need my ankle for this if you help," he adds, his eyes fluttering open as I let out a little cry as he slides his hand into my p.j. bottoms and over my clit.

"As if I'm not in enough trouble," I moan out loud as he slides his fingers up inside of me, pumping slowly until I press down against his hand, wanting more, even though I know he shouldn't be exerting himself at all.

"As I said, I was thinking," he begins again, grinning at me as I squirm, wanting to stop him but wanting him to continue at the same time.

"Sid…," I moan, my voice trailing away as he drags my p.j. bottoms down and encourages me to straddle him.

"Hey, I'm talking here," he grins, tugging my hand again and throwing back the quilt to expose his rock hard body to my greedy eyes. With a sigh that's somewhere between guilt and pleasure, I crawl over him, lowering myself down onto him and biting down on my bottom lip as he pushes up into me at the same time. "That's better," he sighs.

"Better?" I moan, leaning forward to press his shoulders down into the mattress as I begin to ride him, moving up and down slowly, not taking all of him in yet.

"Yes, you're easily distracted when we do it like this," he smiles up at me, running his fingers up under my t-shirt, pushing it up over my breasts and then holding them in his hands, tweaking my nipples until I whimper and my eyes flutter shut in sheer pleasure. "I was thinking about using this time to our advantage," he continues. "And I was thinking that Coal Harbour _is_ kind of cold this time of year." I fight through the haze of pleasure to look down at him, confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"We should go somewhere warm, somewhere sunny, preferably with a beach," he continues.

"A vacation sounds good," I agree, shuddering as he twists my nipples until they hurt an then lets them go again and slides his hands down around to my ass and pulls me down over him, hard.

"Like Cuba, where Canadians can go but Americans can't find out. We could get married, on a beach there, and no one would know."


	38. Chapter 38

_This chapter was fun to write and I think very romantic so I hope you think so too! Oh and was Sidney hot beating up Phillie or what?  
_

C38

"This is…but this place is _huge_," she breathes, her voice trailing off into a surprised sigh as she looks up at the brick and adobe villa as the car rolls through the wrought iron security gates. "This must have cost a small fortune."

"Not really," I chuckle, peering at it out the smoked glass of the limo. I had just actually been thinking that it looks smaller than it did in the pictures on the web site.

"Who are those people?" she hisses, her eyes widening as an older couple appear through the doorway, waving at the car as it pulls up to the front step, their welcoming smiles as warm as the hot sun beating down on us.

"The household help?" I guess, shrugging and pulling her to me at the same time, wrapping my arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. I can't wait to enjoy some down time with her without having to worry about who's around, who's watching us.

"Help? You mean we won't be cooking for ourselves?" she asks, glancing at me with a curious expression on her face.

"It's our honeymoon, of course you won't be cooking. What did you think we'd be doing? Roughing it?" I laugh, shaking my head at her.

"I don't think she's gotten used to the idea that you have money," Ruuts observes quietly, and when I glance over to see if he's being sarcastic or not, I see him give his wife's hand a squeeze. Trix grins up at him, positively blooming as her pregnancy moves along, and looking radiant in the warm Cuban sun.

"She will," Trix laughs, leaning over to give Mel's knee a pat. "We just didn't come from money, did we hon?" Mel turns a light shade of pink and sort of ducks her head, leaning her cheek against my shoulder.

"You mean you're actually worried about how much this cost?" I ask, lifting her chin so I can see her face. She nods, just barely and her blush deepens. "It didn't cost that much, I mean not as much as something like this would have cost in Banff or Whistler or the Caribbean, believe me." I laugh, pressing my lips to the tip of her cute little nose. "And just so you know, there's lots more where that came from, so don't worry about it. Let my manager and parents worry about that for now? Okay? The whole reason we're here is to relax and have fun, okay?" I give her shoulder a gentle squeeze and she shrugs as I mouth the words 'don't worry' again.

In the mean time, the door to the vintage limo is pulled open and Army and Tuomo, obviously having grown impatient with us, bounce out into the sun. Their flip flops make a funny sound on the pavement as they run up the steps into the house shouting something about cervezas.

I incline my head, letting Ruuts know I want a moment with my fiancée, and with a grin, he obliges, climbing out of the car and helping Trix out as I turn to Mel, lifting her chin again and dropping my lips to hers' in a long soft kiss.

"No worrying about anything, not about me, money, parents, hockey, All Star Games, RBK, or anything else. Promise me," I whisper, my gaze searching hers'.

"Okay," she whispers, her smile making my heart beat just a little harder.

"Good, because I know you've been doing a lot of worrying lately, and if you cast your mind back you might recall how I told you that I want to take care of you. You've been making it a little hard to do that lately," I chuckle, kissing her cheek and her forehead. "I love it when you smile Mel. That's what I want to see while we're here."

"I love you," she breathes, offering me her soft lips for a tender warm kiss, her tongue sweeping over mine, heating me to the core, making me want to pull the door shut and have her, here and now in the back of this car.

"A-hem," Ruuts, taps the top of the car with his hand. "Let's get inside before you two start that huh?"

"Yeah, I have to pee," Trix adds impatiently.

"You always have to pee now," Ruuts adds with a smirk.

"Yeah well it's your daughter's big butt sitting on my bladder," she grumbles.

"My daughter? _Our_ daughter," he laughs.

"The way this one uses my kidneys like a punching bag? Definitely _your_ daughter," she sighs dramatically. "So are you coming or what?"

"Coming," I laugh, taking the hand up he offers as I hop out of the car and take a careful step on my walking cast, turning to watch Mel emerge from the car in her yellow sun dress, her bare shoulders gleaming gold in the sun, her dark waves catching the light and gleaming like polished leather.

"God…you two are just gross," Army groans as he comes bouncing back down the stairs with an umbrella drink in his hand. "C'mon, you have to see the pool. This place is fucking great."

"Coming," I reply for second time, shaking my head at him as her smaller hand curls around mine as we walk up the steps and into the cool of the front room.

* * *

"This was such a good idea. I hadn't realized how the cold had started to set into my bones," Trix sighs, sliding her shades on as she settles into one of the rattan lounge chairs beside the infinity pool that looks out over the cliff that leads down to a beach of white sand and the endless blue green of the ocean.

"Well I figured it was the least we could do, considering you guys didn't get anything like a honeymoon," Trix shrugs, and gives me that look as if to say 'we're so past that'. "Anyways, I thought you liked the cold," I smile, changing the subject from the painful days after her wedding as I settle onto a beach towel beside her, resting my cheek on my forearm as I turn over onto my stomach to get some sun on my back.

"I do, but this is nice too," she grins. "As long as I have my spf one million on," she adds, tapping the bottle beside her and then, almost as if it reminds her, lowering her shades to glance over at Jarkko whooping it up in the pool with the boys. I watch her face, watch it transform from amused to something softer, something that makes her eyes well up and her bottom lip begin to tremble. I open my mouth to ask her if something's wrong, but as my gaze follows hers', seeing the big grins on all the boys faces, seeing Sidney laugh, his eyes reflecting the afternoon sun's light, his dimples deepening as he laughs, I think I know exactly what she's feeling.

"It's weird huh?" I say quietly, resting my chin on the back of my hands. "I never thought I'd feel like this so fast."

"I didn't want to," Trix says quietly, her voice thick with emotion. "I didn't want to be tied down to one guy. But now…," her voice trails off as he turns to look over at her, his grin going impossibly wide as his gaze travels over her ripened body, as his gaze comes proudly to rest where her hands are holding her pregnant belly so protectively.

"He really loves you Trix."

"I know," she whispers, her voice coming out almost a sob.

"And now you can't imagine life without him?" I venture, turning my attention back to the thick round shoulders and ebony curls that make my heart hurt.

"No," she whispers.

"I know how that feels," I add, watching Sidney duck yet another one of Army's attempts to shove him under the water. "Hey Colby, don't make me explain to Mario how and where you killed his star player."

"Yeah you'd like that," Army calls back, laughing. "You just don't want to be the only one he kills."

"Don't remind her," Sid laughs, sounding light hearted and boyish as he jumps onto Ruuts' shoulders and Colby does the same with Tuomo and they head towards each other with those long foam floaters, mock jousting and laughing all the while. I reach up and curl my fingers around Trixie's, giving her hand a squeeze thinking I know _exactly_ how she feels, except no one's going to try and take Jarkko away from her.

* * *

"You look…ethereal," Trix smiles as I stand in front of the full length mirror and turn slowly, watching the way the gauzy cotton dress moves around me.

"You don't think it's too…informal?" I ask, running my hand down the smocking at my waist admiring the way the silver threads wink in the dim light of the room and, cocking my head to one side, wondering just how see through the dress will look once we get outside and into the last light of the day.

"Well getting married on a beach is not exactly your most formal of occasions," Trix reminds me, swinging her bare feet off the edge of the bed. "Besides, you're all tanned and gorgeous. I think that's all Sid's going to notice anyway."

"Yeah but…if the pictures ever get leaked, will I look good in them?" I ask, turning to look at her to find her rolling her eyes.

"Honey, I am not going to leak these pictures. Now if you want them leaked, give them to Tuomo, because he cannot keep his big fat mouth shut about _anything_. Unless of course…. Wait. Do you _want_ me to leak them?" she asks, narrowing her eyes at me as she toys with the digital camera hanging off her wrist by its' strap.

"No," I shake my head, turning to look at my reflection again, wondering if the little lines beside my eyes are showing, leaning in to look at and worry over the tiny creases. "No…no, of course not."

"But kinda?" Trix laughs, pushing herself up and wobbling over to me, peeking over my shoulder at my reflection in the mirror. "He loves you. He really does Mel. You won't need to tell any other women that he's yours as long as you're together, I promise. That boy only has eyes for you. Actually if I wasn't so loved up myself, I'd say you two are kinda sickening."

"Am I doing the right thing Trix? I mean…maybe I should just call this off?" She laughs, shaking her head and giving me a hard squeeze, pressing her pregnant midriff against my back.

"Call it off? Are you kidding me? Do you know how lucky you are? How many girls, hell how many _women_ would kill to trade places with you right now?" She shakes her head at me. "You're in love Mel and this is what people in love do, they get married. Marry him, worry about the rest of that shit later."

"It's not that easy," I sigh, reaching up to touch the garland in my hair, but Trix quickly pulls my hand away and gives me that narrow eyed 'stop fussing with it' look. "I don't know why he'd risk losing so much for me."

"Because he loves you dummy," Trix sighs dramatically and gives me a little poke in the ribs. "Now hurry up so we can go, before I have to pee again."

"Maybe you should pee _before_ we go," I recommend, shaking my head at her as she winces, putting her hand over the spot where her little princess seems to be intent on punching her way out.

"Good plan. Two minutes, I swear," she winces, waddling towards the door and grumbling the whole way. I watch her go, wondering if and when that might be me, and then, with a grin, I turn back and twirl in front of the mirror one more time.

* * *

"You okay man?" Army asks, digging his elbow into my ribs and grinning at me like he expects me to say something like 'no, let's run'. "Last chance, we can still swim for Florida," he chuckles at his own joke, but I just ignore him, my eyes on the stairs cut into the cliff, waiting for signs of Trix and Mel.

If anyone's going to run for it, it's going to be Mel and I can feel the uneasy butterflies in my stomach telling me that she might just do that. I've seen the apprehensive look in her eyes over the last few days. I know that she worries, mostly about me. I know that she thinks I'm letting myself in for a lot of trouble doing this, but I don't know how else to show her just how serious I am and how much I love her.

The first cool waves begin to lap at our bare feet and I'm glad of the walking cast is plastic as I glance down at the foam running back down the beach. With a glance towards the sun setting over the horizon, I wonder how long we have before the beach will be in total darkness. Well, not _total_ darkness. The care takers have put out tiki torches around us, lighting the sand around us and the minister and keeping the bugs at bay.

"You can stop worrying now, looks like she is coming after all," Tuomo inclines his head towards the slope, drawing my attention back to the stairs, and my breath catches in my throat as I look up. Trix gives us a little wave, but all I see is Mel coming down the stairs behind her.

The breeze catches her dress, wrapping it around her legs, like it's a live thing, clutching and draping around her, revealing her curves to my hungry eyes. The wind picks up her hair and makes it dance around her face, framing her jaw and the curve of her neck, highlighting her tanned bare shoulders. I realize I'm chewing on my lip, a nervous habit, and I become conscious of the fact that I'm still afraid she'll turn around and leave, that she'll think better of all of this, that she won't go through with it. But she keeps coming, her bare feet with their cute little toes sinking into the sand as she follows Trixie down the beach towards us, the wind now blowing her dress out behind her like a sail, plastering the front of it to her body, and for just a moment, as the last rays of the sun touch her skin, I can see everything, her entire body bathed in light and bare to my eyes.

"Fuck me," Army sighs. "You lucky fucker."

"I know," I breathe, taking a few steps towards her as Trixie peels away to join Ruuts and Tuomo. Holding my hands out for her, Mel blushes as I bring her hands up to my lips, kissing each and every knuckle, wondering how I could ever have gotten so lucky. "You look…fucking amazing," I whisper, reaching for her lips with mine. She turns her head, giving me her cheek, chuckling all the while.

"I think you're supposed to wait until after," she whispers back as I kiss my way along the line of her jaw and up to her ear, smelling the salt sea air on her skin mingling with the warm spice of her perfume and the fruity scent of the shampoo in her hair.

"I have other things I want to do after," I whisper, hearing how hoarse my own voice has become as my body warms to her touch, to the nearness of her.

"Then we'd better hurry this up huh?" she grins, running her hand down my chest, her fingers stopping at my waist as she turns her gaze back to meet mine.

"You know very well when we've already got a marriage license in Toronto," I hiss, my body instantly coming to attention at her touch.

"Yes but until it's been formalized by the Canadian consulate here in Havana, it means nothing," she teases, sliding her hand down a little further, making my breath catch in my throat. Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath, and then, curling my hand around hers', I lead her back across the sand to the justice of the peace.

* * *

I know I'm saying the words. I know, because my lips are moving and the justice of the peace keeps asking me more questions. But all I can think about is his lips, soft and pink, and how I want to be kissing them, and how his throat is bare and I can see his pulse beating in his thick neck, and how his white cotton shirt is open down past his collar bones, and how he shudders when I kiss him there, how he'll moan when I push his shirt open and run my hands across his perfectly formed chest.

I know he's saying the words back to me. I know because his lips are moving too. But all I can think about are the way those lips feel when they cover mine, and the way his hands feel on my skin.

Mostly all I can think of is how peaceful he looks. How happy. I still can't quite get it through my head that it's me that makes him feel this way. I can't quite believe it's my hand he's holding, that it's my finger his trembling hands are sliding the ring on. I can't believe it, and yet, my toes digging into the sand, the cool of the water lapping around our feet and the crisp bite of the wind wrapping my dress around my legs tells me that I am wide awake and so it must be true.

When at last the justice of the peace pronounces us man and wife and looks at us expectantly, the tears begin to roll down my cheeks. Tears of happiness yes, but tears of relief too, that no one has come running down the sand to stop us, no jet boat has appeared to whisk him away, no helicopter has dropped out of the sky to steal this perfect moment from us. Instead, Sidney takes a step towards me and pulls me against him, wraps his strong arms around me and kisses me deeply, thoroughly. A kiss I feel all the way down to my toes.

"Hello Mrs. Crosby," he whispers against my lips.

"Hello husband," I reply, kissing him back, sliding my arms around the width of his back and down to grasp his skater butt for a good solid squeeze.

"Hey, hey, enough of that, you can do that later in your own rooms," Ruuts laughs, popping the champagne cork, causing a waterfall of froth and bubbles to join the incoming tide. "To the happy couple!" he laughs, holding the bottle up in the air.

"To the happy couple," everyone chimes in, swarming us in a group hug.

* * *

"I thought Trix was never going to get tired," I sigh, sitting on the end of our bed as I listen to him rummaging around in the bathroom. "I'm glad Tuomo and Army decided to head into town to find some action. I hope they'll be okay," I continue, gazing out the window at the moonlight turning the beach to silver and that water to inky black. "I thought we were going for a walk on the beach. What are you doing in there?" I laugh, getting up and pushing the door open to find him standing over the toilet with my birth control packet in his hand, pushing the tiny blue pills through the foil and into the gaping mouth of the porcelain god. "What in the hell?"

"I intend to get you pregnant and keep you pregnant for a long time and I intend to start tonight," he replies, his face a mask of determination, a look I've seen out on the ice and once or twice in relation to me. It almost makes me laugh except for the fact that he's flushing my independence down the drain.

"Are you sure this has nothing to do with Trixie?" I ask quietly, that little voice in the back of my head that I had hoped would disappear when he put his ring on my finger getting louder by the second as he continues popping my pills into the toilet. He glances back up at me, a smile tugging at the corners of his lush lips, before turning back to his task.

"I guess there's no point in lying about it. Part of me almost liked the idea of being that kid's dad. But only a small part," he pushes the last pill out of the foil and then leans over and flushes them all away, tossing the now empty blister pack in the garbage. We both stand there, watching the water swirl, carrying the little pills away forever, and then he turns to me, closing the gap between us in one step, and putting his hands on my hips and searching my gaze for a long, long moment. "You said you wanted to be the one to have my babies. Did you mean it?"

"You know I did," I breathe, fighting the urge to tear my gaze from his as his caramel coloured eyes search mine.

"Then let's go make a baby," he smiles, tipping my lips up to his and kissing me slowly, passionately. I want to give in to the way his lips, his touch, is making me feel, but there's that voice again, that niggling voice in the back of my head that just won't be silenced.

"Are you sure?" I whisper as his lips move from mine and down to my neck.

"Sure?" he chuckles, wrapping his hand around mine and leading my hand down over his burgeoning erection. "Doesn't that feel sure to you?"

"No…I mean yes," I sigh, sliding my hand up over the waist of his tuxedo pants and wrapping my fingers around his belt. "I mean, are you sure you want to do this, be married and have babies?"

"I just married you didn't I?" he laughs again, his lips, his teeth, going to work on my neck, tipping my head back and brushing my hair aside for better access.

"Yeah but…babies are so…permanent," I sigh, trying but losing the fight against my body as it molds to his, urging him on as my leg wraps around his, pulling him closer.

"Fuck! What more do you want from me woman?" he groans, unraveling himself from me and grabbing me by my shoulders as if he could shake some sense into me. "I've signed your damn pre-nup, I've married you, we're looking for a house and I just told you I can't wait for you to have my child," he smiles as my eyes go wide in surprise. "I love you Mel, what else do you want me to do to prove it to you?"

"I don't know," I whisper, feeling ashamed of that niggling doubt in the back of my mind. "I just…it's just so hard for me to believe."

"Well please try," he whispers, gently running his thumb along my bottom lip, his eyes filling with a passionate ferocity. "Because it makes me think you don't love me as much as I love you." I open my mouth to say something, but I don't know what to say in the face of the passion I see in his eyes. "Of maybe you just like when I try to prove it to you," he whispers, his voice hoarse with desire.

"Maybe?" I squeak as his lips curve into a malicious sort of smile that makes my insides go weak.

"Well let's see if this helps then," he growls, grabbing my hand and tugging me out of the room and down the stairs.

* * *

She stands on the edge of the sand, watching me undress, her lips parted, her chest heaving as I peel away the last stitch of clothing, dropping my boxer briefs as I step closer to her. She shivers under my touch as I peel away the straps of her dress, kissing my way across her shoulders and down to the soft moons of her breasts as I slide her dress down over them. Catching the pebble of her nipple in my mouth, I suck it into my mouth, nibbling it until she moans and snakes her fingers through my hair.

I push the dress down over her hips, and it falls, pooling around her feet, leaving her bare, exposed to the moonlight, and to my hungry eyes. Sliding to my knees, I look up at her, letting her see how I worship her, and then, slowly, I begin to kiss my way up her legs, taking time to nibble at the back of her knees, to caress her thighs with my fingertips, to taste her anticipation between her legs.

Her knees buckle as my tongue dives into her moist folds, so I help her to kneel with me, spreading her dress out behind her and laying her back onto it, before going back to work between her thighs. Spreading her folds, I dive in, licking and sucking and nibbling until I feel her thighs quiver, and her juices flowing. She lets out a long moan, my name on her lips as the orgasm flows through her.

Kneeling between her legs, I watch her shuddering as the orgasm subsides, watch her biting on her bottom lip, listen to her whimper as I nudge my way inside of her. Her body molds to mine, fitting perfectly as it always does. Then it's my turn to moan as her body envelops mine, as her warmth welcomes me, as her muscles clamp down on my cock. Her eyes flutter open and she grins up at me as I push her thighs back and apart, pushing deeper, looking for that spot that makes her eyes roll back in her head and when I find it, she cries out my name again, her fingers digging into the sand as I push my cock against that sweet spot, again and again until her entire body begins to shudder and I can feel her pussy clamping down on me, sucking me dry, pulling me deep inside of her until we are one person, one being, howling at the moon.


	39. Chapter 39

C39

"So I was thinking," I begin as he swims towards consciousness. He opens one eye and then closes it, grumbling and squirming further under the covers.

"Too early for thinking," he mumbles, trying to pull the covers over his head. "I thought you liked sleeping in?"

"That was before your daughter started practicing her kickboxing on my bladder," I correct him, tugging on the quilt so that I can gage his reaction to what I've decided. "So back to what I was saying, I was thinking about how I'm going to have to stop working…," I begin again, which makes him open both eyes to stare at me.

"But it's almost the playoffs, how can you stop working now?" he asks, looking confused as he drags himself up onto his elbows so he can look at me.

"Look at me. I look like I swallowed a beach ball. I can't do more than basic stretching, I can't do waits without pissing myself and I can barely do a shoulder rub, I can't do a full rub down without _this_ getting in the way," I point out, cradling my now very swollen belly protectively. With a tender smile, Jarkko leans forward and presses his lips to my stomach before offering his full lips to me.

"I'm kinda liking the way it gets in the way," he adds with wink which makes me growl at him and shake my head.

"Stop getting me off topic," I poke him in the middle of his chest which only makes him roll onto his back and pull me down over him. "Jarkko…I'm trying to tell you something."

"Okay, okay," he grins, letting me crawl off him so I'm not distracted, even though he continues to curl my hair around his fingers and give me those bedroom eyes, "what's so important that you wake me up this early."

"I was thinking that I'm going to be bored at home, sitting around with my swollen ankles and you're going to be busy with the play offs and I want you to concentrate on that and not worry about taking care of me, plus it's getting warmer here, so that got me thinking that I didn't get to spend very much time with your mom so I thought maybe now would be a good time for me to head to Vaanta and…you know…nest?"

"But what about me? I mean, you're going to leave me all alone? Can't you wait for when the season is over? I mean, if this is about how you look…it's not like you're _that_ huge." I narrow my eyes at him and growl in frustration as he brings up my beached whales status yet again, and when his only reply is to laugh, I smack him but even that much movement has our daughter reminding me that she likes to use my bladder as a pillow this early in the morning, and I have to pull myself up out of the bed and begin waddling towards the bathroom."You could stay you know," he adds, following me into the bathroom. "I mean your mom could come here and help out around the place."

"I _could_ stay," I sigh with relief as I lower myself onto the cool ceramic toilet seat, "but I feel so useless around here. Besides, _my_ mom? She hasn't got a maternal bone in her body. All she'd want to do was redecorate this place," I add with a critical glance at the overtly masculine towels hanging from the towel rack and then up at my cheerfully oblivious husband as he reaches into the medicine cabinet for the mouthwash, past the unopened boxes of condoms that were part of his 'gift' from his bachelor party. "Why do you still have those?"

"It's part of my evil plan," he replies with a grin before chugging back a shot of the medicinal smelling blue liquid and making those horrible gargling noises that make me want to heave. I turn away as he spits, grateful that I'm over the worst of the morning sickness but not wanting to risk it. "Once our beautiful daughter is born, I plan on poking holes in all of those and starting my hockey team."

"That's right, keep me waddling for 9 _more_ fucking months. Well I can fix that, I'll bloody grab your balls and twist them off, see how you like them apples." I get up from the toilet and Jarkko pulls me to him, hugging me and giving me a kiss on the forehead.

"You're a little touchy today aren't you? I thought that book said the second trimester was _better_ ," he mutters, almost like he's talking to himself. "I know; how about I take you down to the rink and you can fire off your paintball gun at the guys, will that make you feel better? I hear Crosby is healing and so are Flower and Gary. Will that make this grumpy baby happy?" He nudges me until I look up at him which lets him kiss me, the mint mouthwash making my lips tingle..

"Yeah, I wanna see how Fleury's sprain is coming along anyway." I move towards the large walk in closet, sighing as I pass by all my skinny clothes, heading for my new maternity wardrobe. Looking in the top drawer, I run my fingers over the ticket to Helsinki that's for a few weeks away knowing that I've got to sort that bitch out before I'll feel like I can bring my daughter safely into this world.

"About going to stay with my parents," he whispers in my ear, causing me to nearly jump out of my skin and almost slam the drawer shut on my fingers. "Let me think on it a little. I don't really want you to go," he adds placing his big meaty hands on my shoulders and tenderly kissing my ear.

"You shouldn't creep up on a pregnant woman," I shudder, leaning back into him, "and I don't _want_ to go…I just…I think it will be good for you to concentrate on hockey and for me to have some down time."

"Well, let me think about it," he sighs, the weight of his hands sliding away as he turns to reach for his sweats. I watch him walk back into the bedroom before sliding the drawer open and glancing down at the tickets. He can think about it, but I have to go. I have to.

* * *

"The word of the day is 'yes Mrs. Ruutu," I advise with a glance over my shoulder to see Trix still chatting to one of the trainers in the hallway.

"You not doing your husbandly duties well enough Jaks?" Max asks, raising his eyebrows meaningfully. "I'll gladly step into the breach. You just let me know," he adds with a laugh.

"As if you could ever satisfy her, you little gnome," I shake my head as I give him a push out of the way of my stall before stripping off my jacket and toeing out of my shoes.

"What's up big man?" Gary asks without looking up from tightening the laces on his skates. "The little lady still suffering those terrible gas attacks?" he asks without so much as breaching a smile.

"No," I give him a smack in the arm with my glove. "She says she wants to nest but not here, in Finland."

"Finland huh? What, is she bored of you already old man? She has to go chase after Mikko?" Max asks, jumping out of my reach when I pull back my fist to pop him one.

"No, he's plenty man enough," Trix slinks into the room. Well, she still looks sexy to me even as ripe as she is, but it is sort of a waddle. "And even with all this hair," she adds, reaching out to mess Max's hair, "you don't even come close short stuff."

"Vous rougeoyez," Flower smiles up at Trix, who rolls her eyes.

"I don't glow, unless I'm sweating, but thank you," she winces and puts a hand to her belly. I reach out, concerned, but she only waves me off. "I swear, she's going to be a kick boxer," she adds, rubbing the side of her belly gently as she lowers herself gingerly to the bench. Looking up into my eyes she smiles, though it's not a big happy smile, more of a half wattage one. "Don't worry daddy, we're just fine."

"You see why I don't want you to go?" I ask quietly, standing in front of her, feeling helpless. "I worry enough as it is."

"Yeah but your mom gave birth to you three, so you'd think you'd have more faith in her looking after me," she grins suddenly and I have to laugh.

"Well I can't argue with that," I agree, leaning in to press my lips to her forehead. "And I'll leave you in Fleur's capable hands now too so I can practice without worrying about you taking any tumbles, right?" Nodding, she gives her hands to Fluer who pulls her up to her feet and, with one hand on the small of her back, leads her towards the hall. I watch him help her waddle across the room and then I go into automatic mode, putting my gear on and heading out to practice without a worry in my mind. I love my wife and my darling little girl growing inside of her. The Swede is out of the picture and Sid is a happily married ma now too. There's nothing left to worry about.

* * *

"Hey Fleur? Can you keep a secret?" I look up from where I'm examining the strength of his ankle after his short skate before practice.

"What is it?" I see his smile waver a bit and I smile back at him, reassuring him.

"I'm going to go away for a bit, visit Jarkko's parents. But he doesn't really want me to leave him alone. Can you… keep him company? I know you and Veronique spend a lot of time at home, unlike the rest of those animals, so it might be nice for him to have a buddy to watch movies with. I was going to ask Sidney, but he's being all happily married and that would be sort of…unfair to Jarkko and to Mel and Sid. So would you, you know, keep Max and Army away from him _and_ the clubs?"

"Done. Ce serait notre plaisir, he's so much fun, it won't be a problem at all." I smile up at him as he hops off the table.

"Good, and speaking of good things, your ankle is getting stronger, I'd say about 2 more weeks of physio and you can start practicing with the team again. But don't do too much, especially in the weight room, tu comprends?"

"Oui." He nods and with a mock bow, heads back into the hallway and away from the bench. Stretching, with special attention to that pain in the small of my back that I get now when I bend, I head towards my boss and lower myself into the seat beside him to watch the guys.

"What's up Trix?" he asks without so much as looking over at me. I smile and shake my head. So much for small talk.

"I ummm, well I just wanted to say thank you, you know, for…not firing me and everything. I mean, I know you could have, but thanks for letting me keep my job."

"Oh that," he laughs, shaking his head. "Well I had to know at least _one_ of them was going to try and get in your pants didn't I? Anyways, other than Mario, I don't have any complaints. You're good at your job Trix, you came with high recommendations, even though they knew about you and Zetterberg."

"They did?" I feel the heat rising in my cheeks. He nods, but thankfully doesn't say anymore.

"So what's on your mind today?" he asks again, as if thanking him wasn't enough. With a sigh, I cut to the chase.

"I need some time off, like, probably till the end of the season. If I'm honest, I'm no use to you if I can't even do the exercises or keep up with the guys off the ice and after my tumble nobody lets me on the ice. So I've decided to just head to Helsinki to stay with Jarkko's parents till I the baby's born. I promise that I'll be back and in shape come September." Sean looks down at me and nods.

"That should be fine. Actually Trix, I'm glad you're okay with it. I was going to suggest you take time off anyways. Don't get me wrong, it's not that you're not useful, it's just that the guys treat you like glass these days and I would rather they focus on their own bodies first." I nod, completely understanding and agreeing. It's one thing for Jarkko to fawn over me, but when everyone else does it, it takes away from the practice and game. "Just take care of yourself and remember to keep taking your vitamins. Your body may still not be used to eating for two." I give a look of disgust as I agree.

"This little brat eats more than I do. I swear, I'm eating every hour or something. And she wants the most disgusting things!!! I had the strongest craving for pickles and cherry ice cream last night! Jarkko wouldn't even look at me while I was eating it. Coming from a Scandinavian and their awful pickled herring, that's something!" Sean laughs and suddenly I feel better about this part of leaving at least.

I lean back in the seat as we watch the guys finish up their practice feeling like a weight has been lifted off of me. I'd been dreading this, so I'm glad it's over, just one more thing, person, to deal with.

I catch Jarkko looking over at me now and again and I know that I've got to protect him the same way he's protected me and I know that I won't be able to truly relax and be happy until I deal with that one last thing.

* * *

"So how is he?" Talbot asks as we line up for yet another passing drill, leaning against the boards with his hands resting on the top of his stick, blocking his mouth, just in case Therrien's learned to lip read.

"Happy, fine, getting better when we left. Trix had him doing some swimming and pool exercises so he wasn't load bearing. I think he'll be back soon," I reply, assuming the same position. After all, my fear of Therrien is worse than Max's. I can't even remember the last time Max got scratched.

"There's some rumours," Whitney chimes in, glancing over at where Therrien is feeding pucks across the blue line to Staal, who, of all of us right now, needs the extra work. "On the net," he continues, keeping his voice down. "Some Canadians on holiday may or may not have seen you guys."

"Yeah well, Sid's not stupid. A little naïve maybe." We all laugh at that. Sometimes the kid's just down right gullible. "He knows the shit will hit the fan when they get back."

"Well maybe you and Trix can give them a heads up before they come back, you know? Just as a courtesy?" Max adds, with Whit nodding his head solemnly. "I mean, we all have his back, but…he should know."

"I hear you," I nod, glancing over at Trix. "I'll be sure she makes that call." I watch her talking with Scott, the head of training, and I can't help but see the tension in the way she's holding herself and I can't help but think that maybe she's right. Maybe she does need some time to nest. I'd rather not be without her, but I'm only now beginning to realize how hard it must be for her to have to just watch. I guess it's kind of like Sid, the way he feels about not being able to play. Hell, the way I feel sitting up in the press box. It's not that I'm not looking forward to the little shit coming back but…I kind of like all these extra minutes too.

Chancing Therrien's wrath, I skate across the ice and bang on the glass near her. She almost jumps out of her skin. I guess she wasn't watching me like I thought she was.

"I almost peed in my pants," she hisses, pushing herself out of the seat with a little help from Scott.

"You're almost always doing that lately," I remind her with a grin. "I just…I want to say I understand if you really feel like you have to go. I think you should. I'll miss you but…yeah you should go." Her face lights up into a grin, and I can practically see all the anxiety erased from her eyes.

"I'm glad you understand," she grins, holding her hand up against the glass. "I'll miss you too babe but…I'm not much help here."

"And not happy either. You were happier relaxing in Cuba," I add, wishing I could pull her into my arms right now. "Go call my mom. I'll see you when I get out of the showers." She nods, blowing me a kiss. I watch her waddle up the stairs, thinking that no matter how she feels, she still looks great to me.

"You joining us Ruuts?" Therrien skates by, smacking the back of my calves with the blade of his stick. I nod, skating behind him, thinking to myself that a few months ago he would have yelled at me for that. I guess everything is getting better for me. Maybe I'll even sign for another season.


	40. Chapter 40

_these are hard chapters to write, the in between kind when you're trying to get somewhere so thanks for your patience. _

C40

Now I know why Nathalie was getting at when she bought the claw foot tub and had a fireplace put in the bathroom. I didn't get it then, I totally get it now. With Mel resting her head on my chest, her hands gently working on my sore ankle, up to our necks in scented bubbles, with the only sounds coming from the crackling fire and the occasional splash of water over the sides, I could sit here forever. I could but the silence that we've fallen into since this afternoon is because I can't, we can't. We have to go back, tomorrow, and it's put a kind of shadow over our last day here, which kind of sucks because it's been like heaven with the two of us here, all alone. I can feel the tension in her entire body, and I know she's wondering what's going to happen when we get back to Pittsburgh.

I know the feeling.

"Water's getting cold," she sighs, reaching up out of the water and lacing her fingers through mine on the edge of the tub. "And I'm turning into a prune."

"I guess," I agree, taking her hand and pulling it up to my lips. "We could watch a movie." I feel her sigh, her back rising and falling against my chest, and I can picture her rolling her eyes or at the very least clenching her teeth in frustration with my denial.

"You have a big day tomorrow," she finally says, keeping her voice low.

"I could call, put it off for another few days," I suggest, to which she chuckles, withdrawing her hand from mine and sliding her bath oil slicked body over, turning to me, her dark gaze pinning me.

"I've seen the way you've been watching the games, you can't wait to get back," she says, a teasing little grin on her face.

"They're doing fine without me, they don't need me yet," I sigh, running my hand along the smooth lines of her cheek. Straddling me, she slides her arms around my neck and searches my eyes.

"I don't think you love me less because you want to play Sidney." She gets it, she gets me, and I don't even try and deny it as I slide my arms around the small of her back, pulling her closer.

"But I love this," I whisper, nipping at her bottom lip, "I love being alone with you."

"There will be plenty of time for this during the summer," she sighs as I let my hands wander down to cup her round backside. "And you'll have me to come home to now, to rub your sore muscles," she grins, sliding her hands over my shoulders and down onto my chest, making me squirm as her palms slide over my nipples, "kiss your boo-boos better," she adds, tipping her head to slide her lips down to mine.

"I like it when you do that," I murmur as my body reacts, a shudder running the length of my spine as she slides her warm wet body over mine, my growing erection sliding home as she rotates her hips to meet mine.

I watch her eyes flutter shut, watch the colours of ecstasy infuse her expression, making her seem to glow from within as she moves over me. I love this, I love being the one to cause her make those little sounds that she makes when I do something that feels good, when we find just the right rhythm together, just the right speed. I love the way she feels. I love this as much as I love scoring a goal. I never thought anything could feel as good as that; maybe winning the Cup…maybe.

* * *

"Looks like we got back just in time," I chuckle at Trix as she struggles with a bag of stuff from our old apartment that now sits mostly empty. I had no idea how much of 'our' stuff had been hers'.

"Hey, you're back! How was the Honeymoon?" she drops the bag and waddles over to me, pulling me into a hug, which is mostly sideways to avoid her ever growing baby bump.

"Perfect," I grin, still feeling the effects of afterglow. "So this is the last of your stuff going to Ruuts's place?"

"Yes…and no," she groans, stretching her back and making a face. "Yeah, bits and bobs for our place but I'm going to Finland tomorrow." She glances over at me to see my surprised expression. "He thinks I'm going to nest, but…."

"You're going to kick her ass aren't you?" I shake my head as she grins back at me. "Don't you think you should wait until you're in more…ass kicking shape?"

"Please, I have an extra fifty pounds in my favor right now. I should be able to snap her like a fucking twig." For some reason the idea of that doesn't fill her eyes with glee like I think it should. Instead she looks tired, which I suppose is to be expected, but there's also a haunted look behind her eyes that has me worried.

"Everything's okay with you and Ruuts right? I mean, you're okay, baby's okay?" I ask, feeling like I should be looking her over, taking her to a doctor or something.

"Yeah, everything's fine but it's just like I won't be able to relax and be happy until I deal with her you know?" she shrugs, running her hands over her swollen abdomen.

"You don't honestly think Jarkko would ever go back to her do you?"

"No," she says, but something in her eyes and the tone of her voice tells me although she might want to believe it, she doesn't, not quite. "I just want to make sure she knows…I don't know…I just need to deal with her." She shrugs, letting out a sigh as she rubs at her kidneys, wincing.

"What are you going to do?" I ask, glancing down at one of her paint ball guns sticking out of a box.

"Honestly?" she shrugs, "I don't know yet, but I think I'll know more when I get there."

"And Jarkko's okay with this? I mean, you going to nest and leaving him before the trade dead line and all?" I search her concerned expression, watching her expression warm and her lips turn up into a grin at the thought of him.

"Yeah, he knows it's hard for me not to be able to help. I mean, I'll be bummed as hell if Tuomo actually gets traded here and I don't get to see the crash brothers do their thing in person but…yeah, he's okay." She chuckles, turning and walking into the kitchen, pulling a jar of peanut butter out of the cupboard and opening it, sticking her finger in and pulling out a huge scoop of the golden goodness.

"You can take that with you," I grimace, waving it away as she offers the jar to me. "Aren't you going to miss him? I know I already miss Sid, I mean, this is the most we've been apart since his last road trip."

"Aw, look at you," she grins at me over the jar, shaking her head, "you two are so cute. Of course I'll miss him, like crazy but…I just have to do it you know? Like I won't feel good about bringing Inkeri into the world until I've dealt with her."

"Inkeri? We've decided on a name have we?"

"Oh…well for now. I wanted Katerina but apparently like every second girl is called that in Finland so I got outvoted, and besides, hero's daughter…kind of a good ring to it don't you think?"

"Cute," I grin, although I feel suddenly very sad. "Oh my god, I'm _so_ going to miss you."

"You won't. You've got Sidney to keep you company now. Speaking of which, have you and the Kid found a place yet?"

"No," I sigh looking around. "I guess this will do for now."

"Oh my god, are you crazy? The Kid can't live here," she laughs, looking around at our old furniture, at the mostly bare walls now that all her hockey memorabilia is gone and shaking her head. "He can't live here."

"He has been already, I mean, pretty much since we got together, he's here almost all the time. Besides, now that he's back skating, thanks to your exercises by the way, he won't have time to look. Not if they're actually going to get into the play offs and that's his total focus."

"Who says he has to look?" She puts the tub of peanut butter back in the cupboard, and then turns around and grins at me. "Just tell him to give you the cheque book, I mean now that you're married, you have access to all that dosh right?"

"No," I laugh and now it's my turn to shake my head at her. "That was part of the pre-nup I made him get drawn up. I get an allowance." I wince when she rolls her eyes at me. "Well, how else was I supposed to prove that I'm not a fucking puck whore money grubbing gold digger?"

"An allowance? God, how fucking degrading," she sighs, shaking her head again. "Tell me it's not like a hundred bucks a week or something sad. Tell me it's better than that."

"It's way too much, I can tell you that much, but he wouldn't budge when I asked him to make it less," I shrug. "He already thinks it makes him look cheap."

"Well whatever it is, however you do it. You pick the place, tell him to pay for it and get in a designer."

"A designer? Seriously? Do you think my taste is that bad?" I scrunch up my nose at the idea of having some stranger in to tell me what drapes to buy.

"Girl, once it gets out about you two, you'll be on cribs and in sports illustrated, Hello, People…."

"Oh god," I wince, wrapping my arms around myself and shuddering. "I so do not want all that attention. I'm hoping we can keep it quiet."

"No matter how much you want that, it won't. It will get leaked out, somehow, some way. Now, are you going to help me get this down to my car or what?" she asks, kicking at one of the boxes. Laughing I nod, following her to the door with a box of carefully folded jerseys in my arms.

* * *

"What's that?" The blade of a stick pokes at my hand gently as I pull at the laces on my skates. I glance down at my hand, at the golden band on my finger and feel a grin spreading across my face.

"What's it look like?" I reply nonchalantly, glancing up at Bugsy as he towers over me.

"So that's where you've been?" he asks, giving me a long once over. "I thought you were rehabbing? How _is_ the ankle by the way?"

"Better thanks," I flex it in my boot and feel the answering twinge that makes me wince. "Well, getting better anyway."

"Good to hear," Therrien appears out of nowhere in his warm up suit and looks down at my boots, his eagle eyed gaze trained on my hand for a long moment, but he just nods and walks away without saying anything. Breathing a sigh of relief for making it past the first hurdle, I get up and test my foot on the blades.

"Mel out looking for a job?" Ruuts asks, giving my shoulder a pat as we all head towards the ice.

"Not that I want her to, but yeah," I shrug.

"Good for her. Give her something to do other than spend money," he chuckles, giving Fleur a meaningful glance as we walk by.

"You and Trix didn't sign a pre-nup did you?" I ask him as our blades hit the rubber mat with that familiar sound that makes me smile. Mel's right. I _have_ missed this.

"No, but then I don't have the millions to risk that you do," he smiles at me, giving me a gentle shove. "Mel was right, to insist on that." I shrug, my gaze turning to the white ice, to the fog lifting from it as the first of the players hit the sheet, their blades making that snicking sound as the begin their first warm up laps. Usually I'd hit the ice like that, stretching my limbs with long strokes, but not today. Today I stick my foot out onto the ice like I expect it to fly out from under me, like I'm sticking my toe in to try the temperature.

"Take it easy out there Champ," Mario's voice behind me has my hand freezing to the boards, my feet feeling like they've had cement poured around them. Jarkko gives me that `good luck' wide eyed `oops' look and skates off, leaving me to my fate. Turning, I put both hands on the boards and try and look unconcerned, like I meant to do this all along, stretch out my legs, my groin, anything but look up at him. "I know you're avoiding me, that you're going to tell me you didn't get my calls," Mario begins, his hands in the pocket of his pea coat as he gazes down at me. "I'm not happy Sidney. In fact I'm very disappointed, as is your father." My other father, I think, glancing up at him, wishing I didn't feel a sense of fear, a churning in my gut that an adult shouldn't feel facing their mentor's disappointed gaze. "I had hoped to avoid this situation, but I know you won't get an annulment even if I beg, so I won't, but there _will_ be consequences. Mark my words. You haven't chosen a good time in your career for this. There will be plenty of opportunities missed." I shrug, knowing he's right, but I've already decided that having someone to come home to, to love me no matter what I do, is worth more than another marketing contract. Mario nods slowly, like that's exactly the answer he'd expected. "At least you did the right thing with the prenuptial agreement. That was well done." I roll my eyes but keep my head down. I guess I _am_ the only one after all that thinks that was stupid. "Nathalie wishes we could have thrown the wedding for you. Come to dinner, make it up to her."

With that, he turns on his heel and walks away, leaving me staring after him in shocked silence.


	41. Chapter 41

C41

"Is your mommy home?" I ask, pushing the door wide and walking past a wide eyed Paavo and into the entrance hall of a decent sized house, listening for the sounds of her gibbering away in her whiny nasal voice somewhere.

"She's not home," he replies defensively, not moving from the doorway, his gaze watchful as I move around the room, taking in all the framed glamour shots and covers of fashion magazines whose names I don't recognize.

"Any ideas on when you're expecting her back?" I ask, peering into the living room and rolling my eyes at the white leather furniture and glass tables. Try as I might, I just can't picture Jarkko here.

"She said she might be late. She's doing a video," he replies, still holding the door open, like I'm going to leave.

"A video?" I smirk, thinking of the few I could find on the internet, wondering if he knows just what mommy does for a living.

"For a band," he sighs, making it clear that he does know what I'm thinking.

"Where?" I snap, turning and giving him the 'don't fuck with me' look that stopped working with the players a few months ago but seems to still work with a pre-teen boy.

"Why should I tell you?" he asks, defiantly raising his chin to me, but his bottom lip wobbles just enough that I know he'll tell me anyway.

"Because, your mommy and I are going to have a talk about Jarkko, so you can see him. You want that don't you?" I ask, keeping my tone even and calm, despite the fact that it still irks me that I have to be nice to this little urchin.

"Jarkko!" His eyes light up at the sound of his name, and he immediately turns his attention to the taxi in the driveway, before turning his disappointed gaze back at me.

"He's still in Pittsburgh, for now," I add, biting on the inside of my cheek to stop from any more sarcastic than that. "But he'll be back here in May or June," I add hopefully.

"Yeah," he sighs, dropping his gaze and digging his toe into a worn spot on the pine floor. "I guess." With a sigh, I dig into my bag and pull out the present Jarkko sent with me, against my better judgment and despite my protestations. I hold it out to him, and when he doesn't look up, tap him in the shoulder with the box.

"Go on," I grumble as he looks at the package suspiciously. With a little grin that's just a little too pleased for my tastes, he grabs the box, slamming the door shut behind him and heads down another hall, into another room. With a glance around for a powder room, I follow him and my knees go weak as I pause in the doorway.

It's like a shrine to Finnish hockey, and specifically to the Ruutu brothers. His and Tuomo's Olympic jerseys are framed on the wall, along with the crash brothers' HIFK jerseys. A huge lump forms in my throat, and suddenly I feel horrible for the way I've been treating the kid. Damn hormones!

He pulls the Pens jersey out of the box, and I'm forced to watch while his eyes mist over and then the lump in my throat just gets bigger and bigger as his little fingers trace over all the signatures on the back, pausing over Sid's scrawl, his little mouth forming a silent 'oh wow'.

"So where did you say this 'video shoot' is happening?" I ask impatiently, feeling like if I watch any more of this I'm going to toss my cookies.

"Some studio," he replies quietly, hesitantly and carefully folding the jersey before rifling through a pile of papers. "Here," he mumbles, handing me a sheet with an address and casting call time on it.

"Thanks short stuff," I grin, reaching out to muss his hair before turning on my heel and heading out to mess up his mom.

* * *

"Sucks huh?" I sit on the weight bench next to Sid as he stares into the distance, an unhappy grimace on his face.

"Huh?" he blinks, coming back from wherever he was when I came in.

"Army and Crush," I reply, glancing over at him quickly as I let the bar down to my chest just as Georges walks over to spot me.

"Yeah," the Kid sighs, looking almost like he's going to cry.

"J'ai horreur de ca," George sighs sympathetically.

"Ca arrive," Sidney shrugs, but it's plain that he's not as cool with it as he'd like us all to believe.

"Y a des fois ou ca merde," George offers glancing down at me with this expression on his face like 'we should do something for him'.

"Could have been worse," I suggest, letting George take the bar out of my hands and place it back in the stand so I can sit up. "This could have happened when you didn't have Mel." The briefest shadow of a smile passes over the Kid's face and he nods.

"Yeah I guess," he grumbles, reaching down to rub at his ankle that's still looking swollen, and nowhere near coming back, which is not really what any of us want to see without Army or Crush in the line up tonight.

"Go home, be with your woman, let her make you feel better," I suggest, getting up and giving him a pat on the shoulder, which he doesn't even acknowledge. George and I exchange worried glances, but simultaneously decide to leave him alone to his thoughts, and slink out of the weight room together.

"Poor kid," George nods as we head down the hall. "He and Colby were brothers."

"Yeah, funny how you just click with some guys. I miss Trev a lot. We were like that, which is funny you know, we didn't seem to have tons in common but…I don't know, yeah like brothers."

"He's a competitive hard headed bastard like you, non?" George chuckles, whipping me with his towel.

"Yeah I guess," I laugh.

"Like your woman aussi," he continues, and flinches like he expects me to hit him for that, which makes me laugh.

"You're lucky she's not here to get you for that," I laugh, miming her picking out a target with her paint ball gun and firing, which sets us both off, laughing.

"I don't miss that!" he laughs, pushing me hard across the hall. "You better watch yourself, with her hormones…," my voice trails off as I realize that as of yesterday, I'll have to call her to tell her about this conversation. "You miss her?" he asks, sounding serious for once, and the idea immediately sobers me.

"Like I never imagined," I shrug.

* * *

"I said I know Niina. She's _expecting_ me," I lie again, trying my best to look menacing when all I can think of is how much I have to pee.

"Your name isn't on the list," the eight foot tall security guard insists again as he looks over his list, shaking his head. "I can't let you in if your names not on the list." Grinding my teeth, I look around for ideas. I've decided I'll only use Paavo as a last resort, but I'm getting close. There was a time, five months or so ago that all I'd have had to do was flutter my eyelashes and show some cleavage to get in here. You'd think a pregnant woman would actually be less threatening but no one seems to be willing to help me out here. I keep thinking if I just knew who the band was then maybe…eureka.

Ville Valo…the dark god himself walks through the hallway, stops and turns, hands on hips, staring at me with that bemused considering look, cigarette dangling from his lip. I breathe a sigh of relief as recognition dawns in his eyes. HiM had played at a few events Hank had taken me to last summer, and of course we'd been escorted back stage. Ever since then I've hardly been without at least one of their cd's in my car and all of their songs on my ipod.

"I know you," he purrs, his thickly accented Finnglish reminding me so much of Jarkko that it sends a shiver down my spine. I watch him walk towards us, or rather strut, and I can't help but think, finally, some positive results! "I believe we've met," he drawls, leaning around the great hulk of a security guard and offering me his hand, but instead of shaking it, he lifts it to his lips and lingers over it while giving me the dark come hither stare of his. Oh yeah, I remember him alright. "Valtteri's girlfriend right?"

"No, Hank Zetterberg," I remind him with a big grin as he makes a face as most Fins will at the mention of a Swede.

"Trixie isn't it?" he asked, batting his eyelashes up at me as if he's the coquettish one and not me. I nod, unable to stop grinning. I can't wait to tell Mel, she'll flip. "I never forget a beautiful face, and, well, how many Asian Amazons can there be?" he grins, offering me his arm and guiding me past the sentry, much to his befuddlement, which I only make worse by waving at him as we pass. "To what do I owe the honor of your goddess like presence?" Ville purrs, leaning in to lean his head against my shoulder and looking up at me with that half evil half boyish smile of his.

"I uh…," oh god, I suddenly don't know how to explain that I want to pull all the nasty weaves out of their star bimbo's head. "I have an _issue_," I begin, but he waves off the rest of my explanation as we move closer to the set and Niina emerges from somewhere behind part of the set, draped mostly in a towel. I glance over at Ville, and am rewarded with a grimace.

"This…_this_ is what they bring me for Venus, I ask you," he sighs dramatically, shaking his head, sending a puff of smoke my direction which I quickly wave off.

"You're taping a video for Venus Doom?" I ask, wanting to clap my hands with glee.

"They tell me," he grumbles, leaning closer and whispering conspiratorially, "that she is a famous Finnish model. Have you ever seen her before?"

"You have," I laugh, shaking my head at him. "Join me in Death?"

"Ah…well…yes, _death_ but Venus?" he shakes his head again. "Look at her, I mean, does the woman look like Venus to you?"

"I don't know, what does Venus look like?" I laugh, enjoying the fact that even if I don't get to pull out her awful weave, at least someone else is hating on her too.

"Like…like…," he turns and pauses in front of me, tipping his head to one side and resting his chin on his knuckles, his other arm across his chest. "_You_ my darling," he smiles, a Cheshire Cat grin that spreads slowly and looks positively evil. "Yes…yes, exactly," he reaches out and slides both hands over my protruding belly, and for once I'm actually not offended. "Ripe, luscious, vivacious, sexy, alive." He stands back and his eyes roam over me like I'm some kind of desert he wants to eat and then he just starts to laugh. I open my mouth to ask what's so funny, but then he turns and walks over to the producer who turns and gives me the same sexual once over, and then walks over to Niina and the next thing I know, she's coming for me, claws and fangs bared.

Oh goody.

"First my man and now my job? Is there anything else of mine you might like?" she screams, launching herself at me. Luckily the giant guard appears out of nowhere, like magic, and restrains the hyena even as she kicks and hisses like an alley cat in heat.

"Bring it on bitch," I grin, spreading my arms wide. "But just remember what I do for a living. I might look like I've swallowed a beach ball, but I'm pretty confident that I can still kick your ass."

"Ladies, ladies," Ville chuckles, stepping between us and cupping first my chin and then hers', "I love a cat fight as much as any man, but we are on a schedule here. Now Niina da'hling, blame the casting director if you must but you simply won't do for the part. My sincerest apologies," he continues, bussing her cheek like some kind of Parisian model. "As for you, my Venus, my Goddess," he grins, giving my cheek a squeeze, "go get naked and painted up. I can hardly wait."

* * *

"The kid better watch it," I laugh, giving Geno a smack on the back, "we just might not need him back if you keep that up." He grins back at me and laughs, a sound that sends off the rest of the room, a good sound, a happy sound, definitely not the sound that started the day off.

"Laugh it up now," Danny chuckles, handing me my cell phone, "but this thing's been going off like crazy for like an hour and if I know Trix you are so in trouble for not calling her back."

The only thing I can think is Trix. Something's wrong with the baby. I scroll through missed call after missed call. No voice mail, no texts. It's just not like her. My heart races about a mile a minute as horrible images of her all alone in a hospital bed keep running through my mind. Finally, as I get down to what seems like the twentieth missed call, a text. But just to a link on a numbered website. What the hell is this about?

"Has one of you kids got one of those PSP things with Bluetooth?" I ask, looking around the room. A few seconds later about a dozen of them are offered to me. Taking the closest one, I punch in the link and a box appears with an arrow. I hit enter, and think this can't be so urgent, I mean I know that Trix and Mel really like HiM but…."Oh shit," I fall back against the wall, all the breathe escaping my lungs at once.

"What?" Conks asks, immediately getting worried and rushing over to me, grabbing for the PSP like I'm going to drop it, but he can't pry it out of my hands, so he ends up looking over my arm at it, and then up at me, eyes wide.

"Is that…?" his voice falls away as the camera zooms in on my naked wife wrapped seductively around Ville Valo.

"Yes, yes it is," I sigh.

"I thought she was supposed to be resting," George chuckles, leaning on my other shoulder and grinning lecherously at the screen.

"Yeah, me too," I mumble, suddenly feeling like I want to be alone, or better yet, with my wife.

"Did I ever tell you what a lucky fucker you are?" George laughs, giving me a pat on the back.

"No, but keep it to yourself huh?"

**_for anyone that wants to check out one of the greatest rock bands you might not know_ ****.com/user/him?blend=1&ob=4**


	42. Chapter 42

_I like the idea of sweet and sensitive Sidney...hope you do too. Go Pens_

C42

I hear the turn of the key in lock, a sound I've grown accustomed to looking forward to in the last few weeks but have been dreading all day. I'd been sitting alone, in the semi-dark of a cloudy morning, watching the trade deadline coverage, flipping anxiously form one channel to the next, and worrying about him. I know that as shocked as I am by the news, my feelings will be nothing compared to his.

I know there are never going to be adequate words, so I don't try to say any of those things that I'm sure he's already heard, like 'it happens' or 'it's going to be alright'. I know those idioms meant to soothe can't do what my arms can, and that's why he's here and not with Mario or any of the other boys as he crawls onto the couch and into my arms. I wrap myself around him and hold him while he does what I know he can't do in front of anyone else.

It's not unusual when you lose someone close to you to feel the urge, the biological drive, to procreate, to make life. So as his fingers nimbly begin to undo the ties on my robe, I know that what he needs is to get close enough to me, like he needs to feel his skin on mine before he's going to feel safe. Turning his tear streaked face up to mine, the silent plea in his eyes absolutely clear. Brushing my lips over his, I answer that query just as silently.

I feel honored, partly, that he is asking for the solace my body can provide, but I'm also realistic. I know that at this moment, it's less about him loving me than it is about comfort. So I hold myself still, letting him lead the way, letting his hands set the pace. I am a vessel bringing him a little peace, the best and most loving thing I can do for him now is to let him lose himself, to forget, for a while at least.

It's like I'm watching him, like I'm standing alone, apart, watching his lips run slowly down my throat and over my chest, watching his hands pushing my robe slowly over my shoulders, watching his eyes roam over my body in inches as it is bared to him. I watch my own fingers thread through his hair, watch my eyes flutter closed as his lips move over my breasts, watching him struggle to rid himself of his own clothes so he can get closer to me and it almost makes me cry.

"I don't think I could get through this without you," he whispers as he pulls me to him, over him. His dark eyes filling with tears as he looks up at me, as his fingers loose my hair from the pony tail it's been in all day, running his fingers through it gingerly, tenderly until if falls over my bare shoulders.

"You could," I whisper in return, brushing away his tears, first with my fingertips and then with my lips. "You're so strong. You make me feel so safe," I sigh as his lips brush my jaw line, his teeth grazing the thin skin, sending a tremor of anticipation through my entire body.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without him," he admits, resting his forehead in the crook of my neck, wrapping his arms around me and holding me close. "I thought we'd be doing it together, that I'd be handing him the cup…," his voice trails away into a silence that says more about how sad this is than words could ever express.

"I know it sounds trite," I sigh, kissing the top of his head, running my fingers through his thick dark curls, "but what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." I hear him snort derisively, feel his warm breath against my skin. "But it's true Sidney. Everyone will be looking to see how you handle this, and the less you let it show, the more of a leader you become in their eyes. You can get through this. I know it will be hard but…," my voice trails away as he turns those golden eyes turned dark up to mine again, and the confusion and fear in them makes my heart leap into my throat.

"He's my best friend," he whispers, his gaze searching mine. I nod, feeling my lips turning up into a sad sort of smile.

"I can be your best friend," I offer, pushing my voice past the lump in my throat, "if you'll let me. I'll always be here for you, I promise." Something changes in his eyes, softening, morphing into that look, the one that makes my heart skip a beat, the one that makes me feel like he's letting me see into his soul. "I love you so much..." His lips silence me as he pushes his up to meet mine, his body pushing up into mine at the same time, momentarily stealing my breath away.

Slowly, gently, we move together, with his arms wrapped around me, his gaze holding mine, his smooth skin turned golden by the candle light, his muscles bunching and flexing beneath my fingertips. I can feel my heart fluttering like a pair of wings against my ribs, my pulse rising as I look into his gaze, so open, so trusting, and at the same time, so full of need and fear and longing. It's as if he's asking me to make him better, to soothe and to protect him. Under all that pressure, I feel woefully inadequate. I want to be able to do all of those things for him, but it's so much to ask.

* * *

It's the first time I didn't want to go running straight to my parents for comfort, and I couldn't go to Army to lighten the mood. I won't be able to do that again, at least not in the foreseeable future. I knew whose arms I've wanted all afternoon, I just held out as long as I could, trying to keep a stiff upper lip, trying to man up.

She doesn't make me feel like I have to do that with her.

There's sympathy in her eyes, yes, but no judgment. She doesn't think I'm weak for feeling the loss of my friend. She offers herself to me unselfishly, asking nothing in return. I can feel her hold herself still, waiting for me to make each move before she reciprocates, making herself what I need her to be, not too much, not too little.

Her arms save me, their comfort lessens the ache. Lessens, but doesn't make it go away. Her soft skin pressed against mine is like a barrier to the pain, but I still know it's there, just like I knew this might happen, but I wasn't ready for it. I still can't believe it, but I'll never let myself get that close again. It hurts too much.

"He's my best friend," I choke out the words, knowing that she understands, seeing the empathy in her eyes but needing her to know it hurts without having to say it.

"I can be your best friend," she whisper, hurt flashing in the back of her eyes, but only for a moment before she walls off her own emotions again. "If you'll let me," she adds, with a little smile that doesn't altogether mask the knife I've just twisted in her gut. "I'll always be here for you, I promise," she continues, her soft red lips curving up into a sweet smile. I never thought that it might hurt her, but then I've only been thinking about myself so far today, except for the briefest moments when I managed to feel bad for Army and Crush too. Atlanta, with Recchi….But to see her trying to hide her feelings for me reminds me of the promise I made to her, to take care of her, protect her. "I love you so much," she begins, but I won't let her say more, kissing her into silence as I move her body down over mine.

This is what I've wanted all day, since I hear the news. I wanted to have her, to hold her, to take her and lose myself in her. I want to feel her body surround mine, to feel the heat of her, the tightness of her, and the softness, and now there's something else I want. I want her to see how much she's wanted, how much I need her and how much she means to me. I want her to see just what making love to her does for me, how it heals me, how her love saves me.

I don't know that I've ever been brave enough to watch her all the way through, usually losing myself in her sweet curves or her soft lips, but not tonight. Tonight I want to watch her through it all, from the moment I push myself up into her, to the height of her pleasure when her skin flushes and her muscles tense. I will her to keep her gaze locked to mine, to not close her eyes like she would normally do as the orgasm begins to take hold. I grip her hips hard, pushing down on her as I push up into her, digging my fingers into her soft flesh, willing her to stay with me, to share her moment with me, to share everything with me, forever.

But I'm human, no matter how hard I try not to be, and I can't hold out as her body pulses around mine, I'm the one that breaks the moment and pulls her lips down to mine, holding her tight against me as her body drains me dry and it leaves both of us sobbing in each other's arms.

* * *

Something's changed, I can't pinpoint what exactly, but as I wake up with his arms around me and his body pressed tightly to mine, I can feel it. Something's changed, and I think for the better. Even though I've woken up next to him nearly every morning that he's been in town for the last few months, today doesn't feel the same. This morning I feel closer to him somehow, and not just like he needs me, like we've been through the fires of hell and come out the other side stronger, like he's shown me the last piece of his soul, like he's trusted me with something precious.

With my eyes closed I can feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest against my shoulders, the warmth of his skin against mine, the solidness of his body curled around mine, and it feels safe, like home.

"What are you thinking?" I ask, realizing by the steadiness of his breathing that he isn't sleeping. Burying his face in my neck and sliding his hand down my arm to lace his fingers in mine, he sighs and says nothing. Ominous. "You're going on the road trip aren't you?"

"I think I'm okay to play," he says quietly, as if he thinks I'm going to react badly.

"I'm glad," I sigh, snuggling back against him, as if we could get any closer.

"Yeah?" he sounds surprised as he digs his chin into my shoulder.

"You need to get out there. I know you've been feeling cooped up and now with this…," I let my voice trail off into nothing because it doesn't need to be said out loud for him to know what I mean.

"I keep thinking that you won't understand," he sighs, but this time I can hear a smile in his voice as he presses his lips to my neck.

"And I keep thinking you should know me better than that by now," I reply sarcastically, pushing back against him playfully, rubbing against him until he moans into my neck and presses me into the mattress, his fingers digging into my hips as he pushes his way inside of me.

I ache already from last night, but it's a sweet ache, a good ache, and he seems to know or at least anticipates that. He's tender and slow as he moves, like he's holding back, like he's expecting me to tell him to stop. But even as I bite down on the pillow to stop him from hearing my whimpering, I know I'll never tell him stop.

* * *

"A milk add?" I laugh, looking over his schedule, and glancing up to find him rolling his eyes at me over his 'homework', signing dozens of cards to send out for the booster club.

"It was supposed to be with Army," he sighs. "It would have been fun with him."

"So who's doing it with you now?" I ask, flipping the page over to read the long list of other appearances that will take him from me.

"I don't know, they kind of left it up to me and I can't really decide," he admits, pausing over one of the cards to make a face at me when I grin up at him over the back of the couch. "I know that look Mel. Who do you think I should ask?"

"Well who else would be fun? Besides, his guns are as big as yours." Sid shakes his head at me and laughs.

"Yeah but…I think they were trying to appeal to the…you know, younger crowd," he laughs, pushing his chair back with a loud scraping sound before coming around the table and jumping over the back of the couch to land very nearly in my lap.

"You'd be surprised," I grin mischievously over at him, tossing the agenda aside as he starts to reach for me, "he's got his own following you know, there's lots of women aside from Trix who find him very, _very_ sexy."

"You mean funny?" he tries to correct me, looking serious for a moment.

"No," I laugh, biting my bottom lip as I think of some of the things that I've read on the net recently, "I mean hot and sexy."

"Ruuts?" he says, disbelief clear in his voice as he scrunches his nose at me.

"Yes Ruuts," I laugh, kissing the tip of his nose. "Humour is very sexy you know and so is toughness, he's got both, and a body to die for."

"You sound like you have a little crush on him," Sid says, trying to look serious but failing miserably when I don't even try to deny it.

"I did," I admit with a shrug, which seems to take him off guard somewhat as his smile fades. "What? He's a very handsome man, and an absolute sweetheart."

"So if you and me hadn't hooked up…?"

"Um…Trixie would have _killed_ me, believe me," I laugh, reaching out to tickle him. "Ask him babe. He'd be fun to do it with and believe me, the ladies will be very, very happy that you did."


	43. Chapter 43

C43

"Wait…how do you work this thing?" I can hear his voice but all I can see on the screen is black. Not the kind of black like nothing is there but the kind of black that suggests what I'm looking at is the center of a black t-shirt.

"Try sitting back," I suggest, stifling a giggle as he suddenly appears in view, or at least his torso does and enough of his neck that I can tell it _is_ him. "A little further hun," I instruct him patiently, wishing I had taken Mel up on her offer to tutor him on this before she left us to our own devices. Scooting his chair back, I finally get to see my man, scruffy and unshaven and utterly gorgeous. "That's better," I grin, waving at him from the edge of my bed in his parents' house. His grin widens as he reaches out, as if he could touch me, and then drops his hand.

"Damn I miss your face," he sighs, looking utterly forlorn all of a sudden.

"I know," I sigh, wishing that this was at least an HD camera so I could see his green eyes better or at least so there wasn't any lag time. "I miss you too," I add, feeling a little misty just seeing him.

"That video didn't help either, by the way," he adds, his grin returning. Infectious as usual, I find myself grinning back at him.

"You liked that huh? Ville says hi," I add with a wink that I hope he sees across the ocean and half a world away.

"Yeah well…not that I mind you being an independent woman and making extra money on the side but uh…that _really_ made me miss you, if you know what I mean," he sighs, his shoulders drooping. It makes me want to reach out and run my hands over the big muscles in his shoulders, to kiss away the furrowing in his brow. "Besides I thought you were supposed to be resting."

"I am, _now_," I promise, crossing my fingers behind my back. "I just sort of ran into Ville and one thing led to another." I edit out all the rest about Niina. After all, I don't want to worry him.

"Like it does with you," he sort of slumps in the chair.

"You're not jealous are you babe?" I ask, grinning at him. "You don't think that pale, skinny, chain smoking rock star has anything on you do you?" His shoulders shake as he laughs, shaking his head.

"Not when you put it like that. But uh…just in case you were getting any ideas along those lines…," he leans forward and taps on the keyboard.

"What?" I ask, wishing I could see what he's doing. "What are you doing?"

"You going to let me talk?" he straightens back up and leans back so that I can see him. "It was Mel's idea really. See there's this Milk campaign and she suggested…well no, she may as well have told the Kid to pick me which I don't really get, I mean Tanger, Fleur, they're all more popular than me but uh…."

"Umm hell no, you, my dear, are a sex god. And I'm surprised that it's taken this long for Mel to suggest you take your shirt off. That girl, she'd better behave herself," I chuckle as he looks back at me, confused. "Gut then, I can't blame her, really, I mean, I swear I've been enjoying your doing that since… oh that's right…the first day I met you!" I giggle as he just shakes his head and I can see his hand reach for the monitor and pause mid air, remembering I'm not actually there, that I'm half way across the world from him. I hear myself sigh as my fingers itch to be able to wipe that frown from his forehead.

"I miss you so much. I didn't know I could miss someone this much. I keep coming home thinking you're going to be lying there with a tub of ice cream balanced on your tummy. But it's always dark and it just… it feels so lonely without your laugh. I don't know how I lived before you moved in here." He looks so upset that I want to crawl through the camera and curl up in lap like a kitten and let him hold me. "Don't look at me like that. I know I sound like a sappy idiot, but, what I wouldn't give to just… hold you." I wipe the tears from my eyes and gently touch the monitor, my fingers brushing his stubble covered cheek.

"This was supposed to be fun, we're not supposed to be sniveling like this," I sigh, hating that I can't touch him and thinking that maybe this wasn't a great idea. "If it makes you feel any better, your mom is loving having me over here!"

"Of course she is," he mumbles, his shoulders drooping again."Have you got the email yet?" he asks, and I can see him literally pushing himself up and straightening his shoulders, just like he would after the opposition scores a goal. Leaning forward I open my email and click on the attachments and then sit back, waiting for them to load.

* * *

"Oh… a prezzie?" I can't help but smile as she claps her hands and giggles like a happy little schoolgirl as she waits for the link to open. Her smile fades as her gaze slowly glazes over and I can almost see the drool dripping out of the corner of her mouth as her head tilts to the side. "They aren't published yet, but I got them to give me the files so I could send one to you. What do you think?"

"Hmm?" She's not even paying attention to me anymore as I see her head tilt to the side and know that she's checking out everything in the photo, and by everything I mean mainly my package.

"I'm in hockey pants dear. You can't see anything other than my chest, no matter how hard you try." I can see her lips twitch as she finally looks back at me.

"You've been doing those crunches I taught you," she sighs. "Your abs are looking very yummy. Oh when I get my hands on you I am so going to…," I laugh as she smirks at me, then I hear a voice in the background and she looks apologetically at me.

"I'm sorry babe, but your mom is calling. I think she wants me to eat something," she makes a face as she glances back at the door, like she smells something bad. "She seems to think that pickled herring is good for a pregnant woman. You couldn't talk to her for me could you?" I shake my head laughing as she rolls her eyes. "Well at least get some Ben and Jerry's sent, I mean Hagen Dazs is okay but," she laughs as I roll my eyes at her. "Okay, I promise to talk to you soon ok?" I watch her log off and sigh silently to myself. I can't believe how much I miss her. On one hand, I feel better knowing my mom is fussing over her and looking after her, especially with all the extra practices and the beatings I've been taking lately but on the other hand, god she looks fucking amazing the bigger she gets. I wish I could just….

But I should probably get my mind off of her for a while. I could be pathetic and call Fleur to see if he was staying in and I know I could call Mel and Sid, to check up on them, they're always telling me I'm welcome any time but after that…I think I might just stay in tonight and pine after my wife like the love sick fool that I am.


	44. Chapter 44

C44

"You _have_ to come back," I screech into the phone, trying to make myself heard over the din.

"_Ummm…eight months pregnant over here_," she sighs on the other end of the line, an unhappy tone in her voice that tells me she's far from just tired and bloated.

"Find a way Trix, beg your doctor, take a private plane, but you can't let him go into the final round without you here!" I feel a strong pair of hands settle on my shoulders almost making me want to jump out of my skin.

"_I don't know, I'm so tired Mel, I can't imagine doing that flight again right now_."

"You have to Trix, they're going to win and if you're not here to see him lift the cup, you'll hate yourself forever, I promise," I continue, trying to ignore those big hands as they dig into my shoulders.

"_I don't know, the doctor says it's a risk and I'm just so tired, and anyway I'd just be in the way_," she sighs again, but I can almost detect the wheels turning in her brain, and I know that it will only take a little bit of a push to get her over the edge.

"Tell her Fleur. Tell her she has to come," I hiss, handing him the phone over my shoulder and giving him a sharp glance meant to get him to take his mitts off of me.

"Oui Trix, merci de nous aider quand nous sommes de la gene," he drawls, using his most affected Parisian accent and grinning at me at the same time. I can hear her laughing as he hands the phone back to me.

"Poor Fleur, he needs your healing hands, they all do, but Ruuts most of all. He's taking a beating for the team Trix. He could really do with your support right now, not to mention your stress relieving abilities," I add, rolling my eyes at Sid as he emerges from the changing rooms and strides towards us, looking at me quizzically. "Say you'll come Trix, _please_."

"_I think he's playing better without me_."

"You don't seriously think that, do you?" I ask incredulously.

"_If he really needed me, he'd ask me himself_," Trix mumbles, but I can already tell she's giving in to us.

"Oh that is so bullshit and you know it. He doesn't want to ask because he doesn't want to disturb your happy little nest. Seriously, you two need some time to get to know one another better," I laugh, shaking my head. "Get here. Call me when you know your flight number. I'll pick you up. We are so kicking some Zetterberg ASS!" I shout, and both Sid and Fleur holler along with me which sets of a chorus of 'hell yeahs' from the dressing room.

"_Okay, fuck. I'll call you back later. Fuck you're demanding you know that_?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, just get here," I laugh, clicking my phone closed before she has a chance to argue with me some more. I slide my hand quickly over Sid's, giving his hand a squeeze before I have to let it go when a reporter turns his camera on us and then make a hasty exit as the microphone appears. I've gotten used to staying out of the way, to not being seen and to hiding around corners and leaving in separate cars.

As I glance back at him, I can see him making an unhappy face, scrunching his forehead and pursing his soft pink lips, but just as quickly as the expression appears, his face is quickly rearranged into the blank professional look he uses, and then it's just like I've ceased to exist.

"Will you wait? Come out with us?" Fleur asks, reappearing around the other side of the crowd.

"No," I sigh, stretching out my tense limbs. "I think I'll go home and sit in the hot tub and wait for him to come home."

"Looks like he'll be a while," he chuckles, glancing over my shoulder at what I can hear has become quite a scrum.

"I know, but I'm used to it now," I shrug, knowing that it's actually true as I say it. "I've got a bottle of red at home calling my name."

"I wish Veronique was as good as you are about all that crap," Fleur says with a sigh, resting his arm around the back of my shoulders and leading me down the hall.

"Yeah well, with a little luck she'll grow up, _eventually_," I grin up at him and we both laugh and I can't help but think it's good to have friends who understand.

* * *

"Better?" she asks, her hands working their magic as she digs the pads of her thumbs into my calf, easing out the stiffness as she works her way gingerly down to my swollen ankle. I nod, tipping my head back and closing my eyes. The trainer, Scott, already worked on my leg after the game, but somehow his hands just don't have the same effect. "Excited?" she asks, prodding the swelling with careful fingers, easing the ice pack over the top of my foot as she slides her hands back up to my calf.

"Excited, worried, anxious," I reply with a sigh, closing my eyes in bliss as her hands knead at my knee, working out the little aches and pains that have set in and there's still another round to go.

"I just know you're going to take Detroit," she chuckles, "and I bet Ruuts is looking forward to four rounds with Zetterberg."

"Mmmm, I bet Zetterberg's not looking forward to it," I mumble, feeling sleep begin to steal my consciousness as her hands move up to my thigh, digging into the big muscle.

"I think I've managed to talk Trix into coming back. I know he's been missing her," she adds, finding one of those tight spots and really pressing into it, working it out slowly and thoroughly.

"Mmmhm, that's good," I mutter, leaning back into the pillows, thinking how sore I am, and how tired, and how I'd love to not have to go to practice in the morning.

"I don't even know why I talk to you after a game," she sighs, giving my thigh a hard slap, waking me up, momentarily anyway. "You're a hundred miles away." I glance up at her, to see if she really means it, if she's really upset or just stating the obvious, and my gaze seizes on the way one of my ratty old t-shirts hugs her chest, the way her nipples poke at the thin fabric, the way it hugs her hips, and the way her red lacey panties peek out the bottom.

"I'm not," I grumble, grabbing her arm before she slides off of our bed. "I'm not anywhere. I'm here. I'm just…tired." I give her my best pouty look, hoping she'll just give in to me, that I won't have to do more than that, I don't have the energy right now.

"I know," she sighs, peeling my hand off of her arm and curling her hand around mine, giving it a quick squeeze. "I'm not really complaining. I'm proud of you, we all are," she says giving me that understanding, dare I say it, motherly smile. "You get some rest, I have some editing to do," she gives my hand a pat and pushes herself up off the bed, but not fast enough, not before I grab a hold of her arm again.

"Where do you think you're going?" I smile up at her, and she returns my smile with a sly one of her own.

"I told you. I have _work_ to do. Besides, I thought you just said you were tired," she adds, raising her eyebrow at me, but not before her gaze sweeps over my bare chest and her pink tongue sweeps over her red lips.

"Not _that_ tired," I reply, tugging her towards me, pulling her back onto the bed. I watch her kneel on the edge of the bed, her gaze searching mine and I know that she's looking to see if I'm just doing this for her, or if this is something I really want. So I let her see how I see her reflected in my gaze, let her see how much I want her as I give into my body's carnal demands.

"You're not going to fall asleep again are you?" she asks quietly, a grin tugging at the corners of her full lips as she crawls across the mattress towards me.

"That was _one_ time," I reply defensively as she straddles my hips and begins to slowly pull off my old Rimouski t-shirt, revealing her ample chest by inches to my greedy eyes, "and I was really, _really_ tired." She chuckles as she tosses the t-shirt onto the floor in the corner, shaking her head at me as she slides her arms around my neck.

"You're not the only one with an ego around here you know," she reminds me, her lips almost touching mine. "I do take pride in my work and I do have feelings you know," she adds, nipping at my bottom lip as I press my growing erection up against her.

"I said I was sorry when you woke me up," I complain, grabbing her ass with both hands and tilting her body towards me until her bare chest is pressed against mine and the lace of her panties rubs against my shorts. "But I'd still prefer it if you don't bite me that hard next time," I sigh as her lips move down my neck.

"I think you like it when I bite," she replies, her voice muffled as her lips stretch over my carotid, her teeth grazing the thin skin. I wince, pleasure mixed with pain sending a shudder right through me, curling my toes and making my dick even harder than before.

"Marks, marks," I hiss, a reminder that's getting harder and harder to give and I know is getting harder and harder for her to hear or obey.

"Damn, damn, damn," she hisses, pushing me down into the pillows to give her better access at skin more likely to be hidden in pre and post game interviews. I watch her long dark waves spread over my chest as she nibbles her way down over my ribs, and can't help but think I'll never get tired of this, of being with her, of watching her move over me, of having her to come home to. Mario's wrong. This is _so_ not a phase I'm going through.

My eyes roll back in my head as she peels away my shorts and slowly slides her red lips down my shaft. I dig my fingers into the sheets and both feel and hear her chuckle, a vibration that nearly sends me over the edge, but she expertly moves onto things lower, things that bring me a little way back, so I'm not teetering at the edge, until she works her way back, her hot little tongue bringing me sliding back towards the abyss. Just as I think I won't be able to hold back any longer, she slides her lips off of me, and when I open my eyes to see what she's going to do next, I see her peeling those lacey panties off, tossing them towards the headboard, testing my reflexes I suppose as I reach up to grab them out of the air. I watch her straddle me, watch her gently guide me towards her hot wet tunnel, and I flinch.

"Is it…okay?" I ask, to which she nods, her eyes already glazing over as her body takes mine in.

"It's fine. I swear," she moans, tightening her muscles around mine. "I'll let you know if it's not."

I take her at her word, or maybe I just can't think that clearly anymore as she begins to move over me, her breasts gently swaying, her full red lips parting in a feral smile as I push up into her, my hands digging into the soft flesh at her hips, urging her on and holding her at the same time, moving with her, against her, and feeling the tug of the abyss as she begins to moan softly.

I love watching her like this, above me, the little grin of hers' looking down at me, the way her eyelashes flutter when she's just about to cum. Maybe I love that she's in control; that she can speed up or slow down the descent into the abyss. I didn't think I would want to give anyone else that much control over me, but for her, I'm glad to give her reigns and let her lead me around. I told her I wanted to look after her, and I do, but I realize that she looks after me even more.

I feel her shudder, feel her body clench around mine and I let go, pouring myself into her as she calls out my name, her entire body drawing taught as the orgasm takes us both hurtling into the abyss together. Then I watch her relax, her entire body softening again as she curls into my arms like a contented cat, her cheek resting on my shoulder as I run my fingers through her long dark curls.

"I want to tell everyone," I mumble, sleep beginning to pull at my consciousness again.

"There's time for that later. After," she sighs, her hand stroking my rib cage as she hums softly. "After the cup."

"You seem so sure we're going to win," I whisper, winding her hair around my finger.

"I am," she chuckles. "It will make this year perfect. Cherry…on…top," she giggles, walking her fingers down over my thigh before giving my ass a hearty swat. "Now, go to sleep Mr. Crosby, you've got a long week ahead of you."

"Whatever you say Mrs. Crosby," I sigh, pulling her warm languid body closer and letting sleep finally pull me into the darkness.


	45. Chapter 45

_I don't want to hear it. It's called artistic license. Besides...it's the way it should have happened, and maybe, Carolina willing, it will!  
_

C45

"Oh my god, oh my god, did you fucking see that?" I jump up out of my seat, screeching loud enough for the entire Igloo to hear as I turn to Trix, clapping my hands like a little girl. "In your _face_ Zetterberg!" I howl, pumping my fist as I celebrate yet another goal against Detroit. "Do you need a hand up?" I ask, realizing that Trix is just looking up at me, not even making an attempt to haul her now _very_ oversized body up and out of the chair again. She shakes her head, blinking and wrinkling her nose. "C'mon, your honey bunny just scored in game six, we're getting the cup tonight at home, get up and cheer your man," I encourage her, holding out both hands to haul her up.

"Uh…I would but either I just got so excited that I peed my pants or my water just broke. I'm not really sure," she replies, looking down between her feet at the pool of liquid beginning to darken on the concrete under her seat.

"Oh fuck!" I shriek, trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. Our men are one period away from taking home the Stanley fucking Cup and _now_ she goes into labour? "We need to get you to the hospital."

"The fuck we do," she shakes her head at me. "Just, help me get cleaned up, get this," she waves her hand at the sticky pool between her feet, "cleaned up and get me something else to wear and I'll be fucking fine until after the game. My contractions are not _that_ close together."

"Trix…Jarkko would not be very happy with me if you have your kid here in the family box," I hiss, glancing over to see Veronique and some of the other ladies looking sideways at us. "I'm pretty sure the networks would not be thrilled either."

"Well he doesn't have to know if we wait until afterwards and I don't know about you but I'm fucking not leaving so get some clean up on aisle six and get me some new pants and I'll be fine." I give her a quick salute and head off to get help, finding Natalie heading my direction as I do.

"I was just telling them to get some Champagne on ice." I'm almost shocked to see her smiling at me, but I'm glad because she's been pretty cool with me ever since she found out about Sidney and I.

"Oh…well good. We can use it to wet the baby's head," I grin up at her, watching alarm make her eyes go wide. "Trixie's water just broke," I add, grinning. "I'm just going to see what I can find for her to wear in the Team Store if you want to go hold her hand and pace her contractions while I'm gone?" She nods, beetling off quickly to join the girls while I head into the hall with my purse in my hand, wondering what size boxers will fit a nine month pregnant Trix?

* * *

"Ok, all cleaned up now." I pull a face as I glance down at the floor where Veronique and a couple of the other girls have dumped the world's biggest pile of paper towels, before looking up to see Mel is finally back, laughing waving an oversized jersey and boxers at me like some kind of flag.

"I think the boxers will fit, but I'm worried that the jersey might be a bit small for your…."

"Whale like stature?" I sigh as Natalie comes back with some more paper towels for me to cover the seat with.

"I wasn't going to say it that way…," Mel pouts as Natalie helps me up and gives me a pat me on the back as she guides me to the bathroom.

"You should have heard what Mario said about _me_ when _I_ was pregnant. I made him sleep on the couch for a week after he said that I was… what is the word in English? Shamu? I believe that's the whale from Marineland?" I laugh as I go into the bathroom. It's nice to know Mario has that kind of sense of humor in him. I easily slip the boxers on and luckily the jersey turns out to be loose enough to be comfortable. Looking in the mirror I pull a face as I see the number eleven and Staal on the back.

"Hardy har har Mel. Very fucking funny. Like that kid doesn't have the wrong idea in his twisted little brain already." Mel laughs and shrugs as she pushes the door back open so I can waddle back to my seat.

"What can I say? Your man is very popular these days, ll the extra larges were gone. Besudes I knew you'd be even more ticked if I came back with a Mad Max one and if you think for one minute I'm putting you in Sidney's jersey…," she laughs as she I struggle to get myself lowered back into my seat, wincing as another jolt hits my ribs like someone's trying to pull my legs apart with a jack hammer.

"You're not going to l'hôpital?" I see Vero look over and down at me.

"Over my dead fucking body!" Mel gives me a playful slap before grabbing one of the drink trays and knocking on wood.

"Hush Trix! Don't even say shit like that until you deliver that baby and Ruuts lets you kiss that Cup!" I laugh but that soon turns into a flinch as yet another contraction hits; this one literally sucking the breath from my lungs.

"_Fuck_ that hurt!"

"The contractions are getting closer together Trix. I think we should at least get an ambulance on stand-by for you." Mel pulls out her cell phone before Natalie places her hand out to stop her.

"There is one already outside on stand-by. They usually have one during games, but I already called ahead to the hospital if the contractions get really close, but that was what…fifteen minutes? Twenty? It's her first. She's got plenty of time. Now, let's focus on your men."

We all turn our attention back out onto the ice as the boys come out of the dressing room and I'm sure it isn't my imagination that Jarkko glances up and smiles towards the box and I can't help but be relieved that he doesn't know what kind of state I'm in. I wouldn't have him worrying about me on top of everything else.

* * *

We hold our collective breath as Malkin feeds Sid a lead pass, crossing the Detroit blue-line where he deeks and then sends a drop pass back to Staal who lets one rip but even as I watch the mesh ripple, I hold my breath until I hear that buzzer go off.

"3-1 Trix!!! Two more fucking minutes and our men will be holding that cup!! Hold onto that kid and don't let her squeeze out!" I look down as another contraction hits me, making me pull another face as I try those breathing exercises I read about in one of those books I bought way back when I wasn't the size of a whale, wishing now that I'd read at least one of them all the way through.

As I watch the guys celebrate, Jarkko bouncing up and down on the bench, I can't help but wish I could be doing the same. He looks so handsome with his entire face lit up with the excitement of it all and I can't help but grin, that is, until I feel that searing pain roaring down my spine.

"Fuck Mel, I don't think I can hold on any longer," I moan as I reach out and grab her hand. "These fucking contractions are coming even faster and ooooh shit," I lose all ability to even speak as yet another pain leaves me feeling certain I'm being cleaved in half, from the inside.

"They _are_ coming quick now," Mel glances down at her watch, or maybe at her hand which I am currently crushing. "I think we need to get you down to that ambulance, like right now." Both Mel and Natalie begin to gently pull me up to my feet, but just as they begin to turn me towards the exit, I look over my shoulder to see 30 seconds left on the clock.

"Fuck it. There's only 30 seconds left, I'll deliver this child here if I have to!" I scream as another sweeping wave of pain hits me, making my legs buckle. It's a good thing both of them have a pretty good hold on me, otherwise I'd probably have hit the deck.

"Trixie, we need to get your ass down to the ambulance right now! You're so not having that kid here! I can't even imagine what disgusting things you could catch from this old building." I hear Mel shout over the dull roar that's spread throughout the entire arena. Either we've won or the pain in my head is making me hear things.

"No! I want…to go…to the locker… room… _now_!" I screech. Opening one eye I catch Mel looking around me at Natalie with that 'let's just tell her we did' look on their faces and shake my head, breathing heavily through the contraction. "I mean it, I'll shoot this thing out on the fucking floor unless you take me to my fucking husband."

The pain has me panting and trying very hard not to push as we try to get to the guys before we leave, but even though it seems like it takes forever to get down to ice level, once we do, they're all still on the ice making their victory laps and celebrating loudly. Once we get near the tunnel, Natalie and Mel are looking at me again like they're worried I'm going to try and go out and join them in my condition but just as I open my mouth to tell them that I've changed my mind, that I don't want to drag my husband away from the best night of his life, Scott jogs past us, probably intending to join the party, but my reflexes aren't that slow yet.

"Trixie? What are you doing here?" Scott wheels around as I grab onto the sleeve of his warm up jacket with all my might.

"Please… get… Ruuts… tell him…oh fuck!" I grab onto Mel's hand hard and she squeal's in pain, her knees literally giving out beneath her.

"Tell Jarkko that Trixie is in labour, and I don't mean like he has hours, I mean her contractions are really close and he needs to meet us at the hospital." Natalie takes full control as she pulls me back into the bowels of the rat warren beneath the stands and away from the ice. I only just see Jarkko look up, his eyes filled with alarm, as the girls are basically carrying me away.

"I hope he gets to do his lap?" I smile weakly as the ambulance attendees take over and loads me onto a waiting gurney like a stuffed turkey going into the oven on thanksgiving day.

"Stop worrying about him and start worrying about the baby will you?" Mel grumbles, climbing into the back of the ambulance with me. "Natalie, can go back and tell them which hospital we're going to? And for god's sake tell them to hurry the hell up!"

* * *

"Jarkko!!" I can hear my name being called but it's sort of hard to tell if Jordy's just impatient for his lap or someone in the crowd is calling out, but I couldn't care less about either. I have The Cup and I'm going to be a dad sometime in the next few days. This might just turn out to be the best week of my entire fucking life.

"Hey Ruuts, Scott's calling for you." I feel a tug on my jersey and turn to follow the direction Gary is pointing to see Scott running across the ice with a look of panic clear on his face.

"What? What did I do now?" I stop and Staalsy reaches for The Cup. I'm not really ready to let go of the little beauty but the look on Scott's face tells me now isn't the time to argue so I let him take the three foot thirty-five pound silver cup out of my hands and turn all my attention to our trainer.

"It's Trix," he begins breathlessly, and before he can get anything else out I'm speeding for the exit to the dressing room, scanning the crowd anxiously.

"What happened? She didn't fall again did she?" I ask, thinking she escaped unharmed once but we couldn't possibly get that lucky twice.

"No,no nothing like that, but she is in labor. She and Mel are heading to the hospital right now and they told me to tell you that she wants you there, as in she wants you there _yesterday_." I stop, in the middle of the ice, my happy grin returning as I stare at him.

"Trix is having the baby? _Now_?" I ask, thinking this is just too good to be true. The two most amazing things that I've wanted for so long, and they're both happening now? Scott laughs and shakes his head at me.

"Yeah, now, so move damn you. I will not have that wife of yours chasing me around with her paint ball gun and your kid in a sling on her back. Move!" Giving me a push towards the exit, Scott just laughs as I keep staring around me in disbelief.

"Dude! Where are you going? You've got to come to the rippers! We're going to drink champagne out of the Cup and some stripper's belly buttons!" Mad Max goes streaking my me in nothing but his skate pants, his jersey long gone. I should laugh, I know, but I find myself feeling torn between celebrating with the guys, and watching my child be born.

"I can't," I grin at him as my feet hit the rubber mat, "but I'll text you how much she weighs and stuff when she's born!" I hear the questions behind me but I'm already in my own world, already forgetting all about the Cup and thinking about what my daughter is going to look like.

Ignoring the flying champagne but accepting the Stanley Cup Champions t-shirt, I slip into my jeans, leaving my suit and tie behind. It would just take too long to get into. As I'm rushing back out into the hall I nearly bowl over Natalie Lemieux as she's rushing towards me.

"She's at the hospital, I'll take you." Mario's wife smiles warmly at me as she turns to head towards the exit and I find myself watching her, curious, just for a moment. I know I've met her, but can't think just when, but having her take me to meet Trix at the hospital just seems too surreal.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Lemieux and not to be disrespectful, but I think we'll get there faster if I'm driving," I tell her, brushing by her as I head out into the parking lot but when I reach for my keys, she takes them away from me.

"I don't think so," she smiles as she makes a move towards the driver's door. "I just don't think your head could possibly be on the road and…well let's just say your wife was very clear that you make it to the hospital in one piece." Shaking my head, knowing full well what kind of threats my wife would have made, I slide into the passenger seat and hope that she doesn't drive like an old woman because I know Trix will already be giving the doctor's hell and they're going to need all the help they can get.

* * *

"Sir, you're going to have to slow down. Are you injured?" I watch an intern try and get a hold of Jarkko as he charges right past triage and pushes his way past a group of med students milling in the hallway between where we are and where he's still bouncing up and down trying to see over and around them.

"No, my wife is here having my baby somewhere." I can hear the panic in his voice and it makes me smile and helps to ease my concerns about his missing out on all the celebrating.

"You're going to have to try and be a little more specific…," a nurse intercedes before the intern gets a knuckle sandwich.

"Asian, tall, large."

"Hey! I take fucking offence to that!" I yell, struggling to get out of the wheelchair they've forced me into so he can see me.

"Sit, I'll get him," Mel promises, pushing me back down into the chair with her free hand, just as another one of these debilitating contractions hits and I crush her other hand in mine, letting out a howl of pain that mixes with hers'.

"There you are," he grins, strolling to my side as if we're out on a Sunday fucking picnic and leaning down to kiss my forehead. "How are you doing babe? You got this under control?" he asks nonchalantly, but the corners of his full lips tilt up, giving away the fact that he's pretending to be all calm just to get under my skin.

"No this is not under control," I growl, grabbing a handful of his fancy new t-shirt and tugging him down until the tip of his nose touches mine. "You know what I'd like to do right now? Kick you right in the nuts and sew up my vagina so you can't ever get into it again." With a shake of his head and a grin that says he doesn't believe me even a little, he places a tender kiss on the top of my head and then turns to Mel.

"So are they making her have our daughter in the hall or what?" he asks, carefully peeling my fingers from around her hand, which I notice she quickly clutches to her stomach, rubbing it to get the circulation going again.

"I think they sent an orderly or an intern for a gurney," she replies, looking down the hall to find two scrub nurses headed our way. "Looks like it's time for me to go," she adds with a quick smile in my direction as she mops her brow with the edge of her sleeve, "the smell of this place is kinda getting to me anyway. I could do with some fresh air right about now. But good luck you two, we'll be outside, okay?"

"Well…thanks for getting her here and looking after her," Jarkko pulls her into his arms and she looks sheepishly around his shoulder at me.

"Anytime, as long as you know it was all her idea to stay," she laughs, giving him a quick peck on the cheek before she turns back to me. "Don't give me that look your hormone crazed woman, I'm going, don't worry. He's all yours." She gives me a hug and gives my squirming baby bump a soft pat before turning on her heel and heading down the hall.

"Time to go," one of the nurses smiles, hip checking Jarkko out of the way and leaning in to help me to my feet. "Up you go, up here," she adds, patting the gurney, which I eye suspiciously, wondering just how in the hell I'm going to get myself up there when I can barely stand.

"C'mon babe, this is the easy part," Jarkko grins, holding his arms out to me.

"Easy for you to say. You're not shoving a human out of your penis!" I snap, pushing his arms away and sort of rolling onto the gurney with a groan. "Just get me to where the drugs are and I'll be fine."

"Oh it's too late for that," the nurse smiles at me as she pushes the gurney into the delivery room where the OBGYN is waiting in booties and full mask, snapping the gloves on before handing Jarkko his own scrubs.

"What do you mean too late? I'm in fucking pain here," I howl as another, stronger, contraction hits, and I swear I can hear bone crunching under my fingertips as I squeeze Jarkko's hand. "When this baby comes out you are _so_ doing _all_ the nappy's till she's potty trained."

"Anything that will get me out of the dog house honey, but just remember I'm going to have to go back to training camp in September. I love you." He adds with a chuckle as I bear my teeth at him.

"If I wasn't in so much pain I'd…," my voice trails off into a long high pitched scream as something roughly the size of a bowling ball splits me in two and another uncomfortable wet gush spills from between my thighs. "What the fuck? What the _fuck_ was that?"

"You're crowning," the doctor smiles up at me as he settles between my thighs on a little stool and gives my foot a pat as he helps me put it in the stirrup. "You're doing great, keep pushing."

"You must be kidding. I don't want to do that again…ah!" Jarkko takes his place behind me, helping me bend forward, as I scream and push and pant and scream some more.

* * *

"Ok the head is out, now keep pushing, the shoulders will follow and then it's one final push Mrs. Ruutu." Trix's screech blends with the wailing of our little baby girl and then she slumps back into my arms, her eyes closed, a fine film of sweat covering her face. Bending, I press my lips to her closed eyelids and she smiles.

"Go, tell me if she's beautiful or not." She smiles weakly as I look over at the nurses who are cleaning her off, rubbing her new pink skin with soft towels until she starts to cry.

"Of course she is, she's our daughter," I whisper down to her as Trix just chuckles weakly, shaking her head at me.

"Go count the fingers and toes, please, for me," she sighs, giving my hand a half hearted squeeze. Nodding, I press my lips to her forehead again as I straighten and hold my arms out for our new daughter, until my attention is distracted by the doctor holding his hand up over her abdomen, pushing down on it, making Trix gasp. I look back at my wife in concern, and then back at our daughter, not sure where I should be.

"Ok Mrs. Ruutu, enough rest, we've got another one coming." I look over at Trix to see her staring at me as if she can't believe what she just heard.

"What do you mean _another one_ coming? Jarkko?!" I move towards her, my arms still outstretched, but now I've got nothing in my arms, not my wife, not my child and I don't know what to is screaming again as she's bearing down without me there to help her, but this time she's staring straight at me, her face covered in perspiration and red as a beet.

"YOU DID THIS TO ME, YOU ASSHOLE!"

"Sweetie, I don't think you should swear in front of the kids," I whisper, looking down at our daughter as she's placed in my arms, counting all her little toes and fingers carefully.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU SON OF A …."

"Did you go to the clinic when you were in Helsinki honey?" I ask, smiling over our daughter's perfectly round head at he mother who is still staring at me like she wants to rip me limb from limb.

"No I had other things to do and I didn't want to go with your mother and…I…am going to… hurt...you…severely…," she growls at me as she gives one final push and then with another high pitched scream and another rush of blood and placenta the doctor is holding another squirming, screaming life in his hands.

"Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Ruutu. You have twins, one girl and one boy!" I look down at Trix, as she slumps back on the gurney, her head lolling as the her skin pales, looking like she's about to pass out.

"We've got a boy? Really?" I hand our daughter to one nurse while turning to the one cleaning him, wanting to hold onto him as soon as I can.

"Favorites already?" Trixie yawns from the bed where the nurses are piling pillows behind her to prop her up. "You know that's going to lead to years of therapy. _Expensive_ therapy."

"I'm not playing favorites," I object with a grin as our son is put into my arms. "I'm just going to bring Jarkko junior over to you and then I'll be holding onto our little girl myself. After all, there's no man she can trust in her life, aside from me." Trixie finally laughs as both of her little bundles of joy are placed in her arms.

"Excuse me. EXCUSE ME. You are not allowed in there only family and… I don't care if you're the Stanley Cup champions. Security!" The sound of stampeding wild elephants fills the halls as all the guys barge into the delivery room, carrying the Cup of all things.

"We brought champagne! AND THE CUP!" Mad Max yells as Trix rolls her dark eyes but waves her hand weakly, telling them to come in even as she gives them her best evil glare, albeit an exhausted one.

"Are you serious… you're kidding me right? My legs are up on stirrups and I just delivered twins."

"Twins?" The word rings out and a cheer erupts, to which our little bundles of joy add their sharp and very loud objection.

"Guys, love the gesture, but _so_ not the place," Trixie places a kiss on both little round heads to shush them and then looks up at the doctor who is still hanging around the edge of the bed, probably monitoring something I'm not seeing but he doesn't seem to be concerned about anything but the sudden arrival of a bunch of freshly washed if champagne covered young men. "Doctor, please explain to me… before I kill my husband… why it is that we have twins? Don't get me wrong, I love them both. But how did this happen, exactly?" Trix has her mean interrogation face on and I can't help but think that doctor is _so_ lucky she hasn't got her paint ball gun on her right now.

"Well I'm guessing there were 2 heartbeats but they were taken as one being yours and one from one baby. It's not unheard of due to the heartbeats being so in-sync with the mother's that we only hear the 2. That and you did say you didn't attend your regular check ups," he adds, narrowing his eyes at Trix who quickly looks away, her cheeks colouring. I'm sorry for the surprise, but I hope it was a good one." The doctor smiles and heads back out as the nurses clean Trixie up a bit.

"Can we see the babies?" Mel and Sid walk in behind Fleur, Staal and Max who are already crowing the bed. Trix smiles and nods and waves Mel closer. Mel's hands shake as she scoops our little pink swaddled bundle of joy into her arms and her eyes go all misty as she runs her finger carefully down the little line of our daughter's perfect nose.

"I hope you guys both know that we'll be expecting you to spoil them rotten. I mean that's what our little prince and princess need, to be spoiled by their god-parents." Mel smiles down at our little princess with tears in her eyes.

"You mean I get to be a god-father?" I groan as Staal goes over and hugs Trixie. "I knew you had a thing for me! I saw you wearing my jersey too!"

"Mel. I'm going to kill you, after I finish disposing of my husband's body…." We all laugh as Trix shoves Jordy away from her with one hand as she holds onto our baby boy for dear life with the other.

"I love you." I look down at her and she smiles up at me.

"I know. I love you too."

"So, shall we christen the twins?" Max laughs, dragging the cup in and tilting a bottle of champagne into it.

"You're kidding right?" Trix growls, protectively holding our son closer to her chest.

"It probably can't hurt, just a little dunk?" I ask, giving her my best 'please, please, please' pouty look.

"Oh alright, but be fucking careful" she sighs, holding my son out to me, sliding him into my arms as Mel and Sid get up and carefully move our daughter towards the cup. Everyone gathers around and it gets strangely silent as we all watch the two little ones dangle their tiny toes in the bubbly, and then a cheer goes up, and the twins start to cry, in unison.

"Oh it's going to be such a long night," I mutter, bundling my daughter back in her swaddling and back to her mother.

"One night?" Trix laughs, shaking her head. "We've got a few months of midnight feeds ahead of us dear, and with two…well, guess who's not getting to sleep in anymore?"

"I did say I loved you right?" I whisper hopefully, leaning in to kiss her even as the guys keep celebrating loudly and jubilantly around us.

"You did," Trix sighs, gazing down at her son and daughter nuzzling at her chest, "and I love you, all of you," she adds, placing a tender kiss on both the naked little heads before offering her lips back up to mine.


	46. Chapter 46

_Well this is it. The end of this story. Hope you liked it. I think it's one of my favorites. So all I have to say no is GO PENS GO_

C46

"Mmmm, what time is it?" she asks, her voice soft with sleep as she snuggles back into me, her body warm and relaxed as I wrap my arms around her. Burying my face in her hair, I savor the sweet clean smell of her, letting her scent and the feel of her curves, her smooth skin helps me unwind, help to ease the buzz in my head.

"Late, or…I guess early," I grumble, brushing her hair aside and brushing the curve of her neck with my lips, tasting her skin, and feeling her shiver as I bite down on the curve her shoulder.

"Did you and the boys have fun?" she mumbles, reaching for my hand on her hip and leading it up underneath her t-shirt, letting out a happy sigh when give her nipple a soft tug. Pushing back into me, she gives me a suggestive nudge, which I wish I could ignore but my body responds, even though my mind doesn't want to, at least not yet.

"You weren't there," I grumble, withdrawing my hand as if I could punish _her_ by withholding sex. "I looked up to share it with you Mel, and you weren't there."

"I'm sorry," she yawns, rolling over and reaching up to touch my cheek, smiling up at me. "I was there, I did see you win, but Trix's contractions were really close together and I had to be there for her babe. She would do the same for me." Leaning into her hand, I close my eyes try to let go of the disappointment.

"I've been picturing it, almost ever since we met. I wanted to hold the cup up and see you up there smiling...," my voice trails off as she strokes my cheek, as her lips brush mine.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, resting her head beneath my chin and wrapping her arm around me, resting the other flat against my chest, over my heart. "It's just that she needed me, and you had your parents and your sister and Mario and…," her voice trails off as I let out a long sigh.

"It's not the same," I mumble, staring into the darkness and wishing I didn't feel so mixed up right now. Reaching down, I lay my hand over hers', spinning her wedding ring between my thumb and finger. "I wanted to share it with you." I feel like some kind of whiny little kid but at the same time, I feel sort of hurt that my big moment has sort of been side stepped by Trixie and the twins, which makes me feel even smaller if anything.

"I _was_ there," she insists, running her hand up my back and digging her fingers into the knots at my shoulder blades. "I saw you do some amazing things out there. I saw you win babe, and it was great, but that other stuff…that's more important to your parents who sacrificed to get you there and Mario and your team mates. _This_ is more important to me," she adds, lifting her chin up and searching my face with her dark eyes, "you and me here, together. I know you're amazing out there and I am so proud of you, but what we do here, what we are _here_, that's what's important to me, to us." She leans her cheek back against my shoulder and lets out a sigh that sounds so contented it makes me smile too. "I mean, didn't you find…y'know when you were watching Trix and Ruuts together and seeing those babies…it just sort of put things in perspective for me you know what I mean? It's like years and years from now, you can tell this story to our kids, and you'll be like, 'your mom didn't even care' and the kids will laugh and you'll look up at me and I'll be looking at you just like I am now," she smiles up at me, her eyes full of that light that has nothing to do with whether I win or lose a hockey game and it makes me feel ashamed of how petty I've been. "I'm glad you won, and I _am_ proud of you, but I love _you_ Sidney, not just Sid the hockey player, not anymore."

"I know," I sigh, shaking my head more at myself than at her, pulling her close and gazing into those deep dark eyes. "I'm sorry, I was just…disappointed."

"Jealous more like," she grins, wrinkling her nose at me. "Twins, can you imagine?" she adds, rolling her eyes.

"I can, actually, yeah," I laugh, pulling her under me and kissing her, long and hard, until I feel her smile fade at the edges, and her heart begin to pound under my hand. "What are you wearing anyway?" I whisper, peeling the sheet away so I can look down at my wife, only to find her grinning up at me, one of the Stanley Cup Champions t-shirts now crumpled up around her waist.

"I told you, I am proud," she giggles, her laughter only getting louder as I look down at her Penguins boxers. "What? I was getting Trudy some so I thought why not?"

"I hate them," I grumble, pulling at them until she squirms and lets me pull them off, and then I do give in to the warmth and softness of her body, mine hardening more and more at each of her gentle touches, her soft kisses, her hot kisses.

"Mmmm they should call you the Stanley Stud," she grins up at me as I slide into her, and I just shake my head. I may have won the Stanley Cup and it may be every little boy's dream but this, right here, right now, is more real than that Cup will ever be. I may have won the Cup, but right now, she means more to me than any Cup ever will.

* * *

"Look at you mama," I grin over at Trix as I put the pink and blue teddy bears on the end of the hospital bed, watching her making faces at her daughter, as Jarkko proudly struts around the room talking to his little blue bundle of joy.

"One for each huh?" Sidney adds, sliding his arm around my shoulders, his gaze following Jarkko back and forth beside the bed.

"He wishes," Trix yawns, turning her tired eyes up to meet mine. "You want a turn?"

"Only if you're sure," I smile, happily taking the little pink bundle in my arms and rocking her slowly, looking down at her little pink cheeks and all that dark fuzz on the top of her head. Leaning in, I take in her new born baby smell and my heart flutters in my chest. "Have you picked out names for these two yet?"

"She's been fighting with me all night about it," Jarkko chuckles, looking over his son's head at his wife and raising his eyebrows at her, "haven't you darling?"

"I wouldn't call it fighting," Trix glares over at him as she pulls the covers up to her chin, "we were debating, and yes, _we_ decided."

"And…?" both Sidney and I look from one to the other.

"Kimmo and Kaarina," Trix answers, her gaze softening as she looks over at her son snuggled in her husband's arms.

"That sounds almost like you let Ruuts win Trix and I know that can't be true, can it?" I ask, raising my eyebrow at her as she rolls her eyes and crosses her arms defensively in front of her chest.

"Nobody _won_," Jarkko says quietly, moving over to sit on the side of the bed and gently laying Kimmo into Trix's arms. "I'm just very persuasive and she's very tired," he adds with a grin.

"Well they're both beautiful and have beautiful names," Sidney grins, looking over my shoulder at Kaarina. "But we should get going huh Ruuts? You don't want to miss the big parade and press conference thing," he says, turning to look at Jarkko who's slid his arm around Trix's shoulder, making a perfect circle around his wife and son reminding me that I have my camera with me. Slipping Kaarina into Sid's arms, I pull out my camera and take a couple quick shots before Jarkko finally looks up at us both.

"I think I'll skip it," he smiles gently at his little family before holding out his arms to take Kaarina from me.

"Skip it?" Sid blinks, looking incredulously at me and then back at Jarkko. "Dude you were like…the fucking king of the playoffs, you have to come. The people need to sing your song. Ruuuuuuuutuuuuu," he howls up at the ceiling like a demented coyote.

"Nah," Jarkko smiles and he and Trixie share a secretive sort of smile. "The whole press thing isn't my thing anyway and Talbie doesn't want the competition for camera time today anyway," he adds with a chuckle. "Besides, I'd rather be here."

"It must be catching," Sid sighs, shaking his head as he slides his hand down my arms and laces his fingers in mine. "Suddenly no one around here cares about the Cup but me."

"It's not that I don't care," Jarkko and I say at the same time and then we both start laughing.

"Yeah I know, there's more important things to think about," Sid shakes his head and chuckles. "Well it's still important to me, so I guess we should get going."

"I'll see you in Finland," Jarkko smiles up at us both.

"Oh god yeah," I sigh, feeling a full blown pout coming on. "They'll be so much bigger the next time we see them."

"Psht, right like I'm not going to send you pictures like everyday," Trix laughs at me. "Get over here, give me a hug." I walk over, Sid's hand still in mine, and we all hug around the babies, and then we turn to go, with one last longing look over my shoulder to see Jarkko and Trix with their heads touching, looking down at their new little treasures and I can't help but wonder, will we be like that?

* * *

The boys fidget while Therrien and Mario take turns at the mic, whispering and laughing amongst them selves. The whole team is here. All but Ruuts and I can't help but admire his testicular fortitude at this point for blowing off this particular event. Blinking into the TV lights and the camera flashes, I can suddenly think of all kinds of places I'd rather be than here. Still, as I look from one face to the next, I see that all of the guys are smiling the same big goofy grins and I realize that no one else seems to mind. They all look like kids today, even old man Roberts just can't seem to stop grinning as he looks over at the big shiny Cup sitting beside the podium.

The members of the media sit patiently, but I know who they're waiting to hear from, and as I glance around at my teammates I get this sinking feeling and I know that it's because I'm not looking forward to stepping up to the mic. This is when being the small town boy is hard for me. It feels like if I get up there, I'm taking credit. Credit I don't deserve. Fleur, Geno, and yes, Ruuts are far more deserving than I am of the spotlight today but when Mario turns with a grin and holds his arms out to me, I get up, put a smile on my face and walk up to him, accepting his warm congratulatory hug, because he means it and because it helps to shake off some of the nerves to know that he believes in me.

I let my eyes roam the crowd as the ovation erupts, a roar that sends a chill through me, raising goose bumps on my arms that remind me of the first time I stepped out in front of this crowd and helps me realize that I would not have missed this for the world. It's not the same as the moment that buzzer sounded and I knew we won, but then there had been so many confusing emotions in that moment, that somehow this is just as sweet but in a way more so, because I can look out at them and drink it in, my team mates aren't yelling and I'm not having to look around for my parents, for Mario and the kids. But I _can_ look over at Mel.

She smiles warmly, winking as I step up to the mic, and that too sends a shiver down my spine. It's good to have her here, not least of all because she helped me write the speech I'm now setting out on the podium in case I lose my way, but because she's become part of me, and it feels good to have her near by. That position used to belong to my father, and as I glance in his direction now, I hope that someday he'll understand why he's been 'replaced' as he puts it. I hope that day will be soon.

"First I want to say thank you to all the fans," I begin, letting the roar wash over me, feeling a genuine warmth towards the people who accepted me as their own, who make me feel like a giant instead of a boy who could have been too small to play in this league. "Thank you for coming every night, and thank you for making us all feel like we are your team." I glance back at the guys to see them all looking around at this full to the rafters stadium, and I know that I've said the right thing. "And I want to say thank you to my team mates. To Fleur, to Geno, and to Conks and everyone here and also to missing friends, Jarkko who's with his wife and brand new twins," I take a breath to let the crowd go into their now familiar chant of Ruuuuuuutuuuu, stepping back from the mic and thinking how proud Trixie would be to hear that, and that makes me think of all that we've been through this year, on and off the ice, and I shake my head, laughing. "I don't want to forget friends who helped us get here this year either, and so I'd like to send a shout out to those boys in Blue, Mark the wrecking ball Recchi, Eric the Crusher Christianson and of course Army, my friend Colby Armstrong." I glance up to see Army's Army signs dotting the arena and I can't help but wish he was here, wish that he'd been able to savor this moment with me. "This has been a dream for me, and I'm glad to share it with all of you." Stepping back from the mic, I listen to the roar going up again, and I wish I could leave it like that, but already I see the members of the media jumping up like Mexican jumping beans to ask their questions, and with a deep breath, I step back up to the mic and nod to the first familiar face.

"What will you do with your time with the Cup? Will you take it home to Coal Harbour?"

"Home…," I shrug, glancing around the arena. "This is home for me now, but yeah I will take it to Coal Harbour. There are a lot of people there that helped me get here and I'm looking forward to sharing it with them." I feel a warm tingle run through me as the Pittsburgh crowd cheers my sentiments as I nod to the Shawna Richer steps up to ask the next question, and I can't help but think how appropriate that is.

"How is your injury? Will the time off help and what will you be doing with your summer?" I feel my heart flutter in my chest as I smile down at her, nerves making every millimeter of my skin feel like it's on fire. This is it. This was the question I knew was coming.

"Yeah, I hope some time off the ice will help, but I've got a lot to do this summer. I want to spend time with my wife. We've got a nursery to build and a lot of planning to do for our son who should be arriving just in time for training camp." The sound in the arena is like a million bees buzzing in a jar as I lift my hand to run it through my hair, a pre-determined move that works exactly as planned as the lights and flashbulbs make my wedding ring glimmer. The flashbulbs are blinding, but I don't need to see the crowd reaction. I only have eyes for Mel as she stands at the side of the stage, her hands resting protectively over her just beginning to show baby bump, her full red lips turned up into a mischievous smile as she leans back into Mario's chest, his big hands resting paternally on her shoulders. Life is good. Life is very good.


End file.
